How to learn to appreciate and love yourself: practical advice. Advice from a psychologist: how to start loving and respecting yourself

Where to start or how to learn to love yourself is the first thing a new happy life begins with.Increased self-esteem. At the end of the article there is something to keep in mind for yourself.

Welcome friends to the site, today is about self-love. Loving yourself turns out to be not so easy at all; this article only gives directions on where to look and what you should pay attention to. Self-love is where any person needs to start. This is the beginning of relationships with people and in life itself and within the family.

Success or failure in life largely depends directly on how much we love ourselves, our internal state cannot be harmonious without accepting oneself as the present, and it is impossible to have a full-fledged development person's personality, without love and respect for yourself.

A simple example: a person’s self-esteem changes throughout life, at some point, for some of his actions or having learned to value himself, a person somewhere consciously, somewhere not, begins to think about quitting smoking (and he smoked all his life). Growing self-esteem begins to influence him, push him and help him in his actions. The opposite option, quitting smoking in order to gain self-respect, often does not give results.

But you really need to learn this, especially if you understand that you are not satisfied with your life, and here, first of all, you need to start with self-love. Many reasons influence our respect and love for ourselves and the world around us. One of these
, this is criticism directed at oneself and self-examination. After all, many simply engage in self-flagellation, scolding them for every little thing, blaming them for trifles, but in order to praise themselves, a lot of problems arise with this.

It seems to a person that if he had achieved something else, then he could say to himself “well done” and rejoice at it. But why prohibit yourself from enjoying yourself already? Now?

Many people realize that their feelings of self-pleasure, joy and enjoyment of life are hampered by shortcomings on which all attention is concentrated and, as a consequence, a lack of self-love.

Think for yourself where love will come from if your entire inner space is filled with self-criticism and self-analysis of dissatisfaction with yourself and not only with yourself, but also with those around you. If you are determined to search within yourself, you will only look for the bad in other people. Where then does trust, positivity and love, which are so important in relationships, come from?

So how to learn to love yourself, where to start

It is very important, having answered the question, to understand for yourself and as early as possible what is more profitable - to praise and support yourself internally or to scold and engage in self-flagellation? Do you feel good when you look for and actively nurture your shortcomings? Does this help you in life?

Many people love to look back at their past, looking for negative thoughts about themselves, which were often formed in childhood or appeared in adulthood. This negative experience of the past certainly puts pressure on a person and affects his present and future.

So should you contact him if you want another, more happy life? By the way, you can read about this and other things in the article "". You need to accept the experience in order to use it in the future to avoid similar mistakes, but you cannot blame yourself for it.

Right from today stop looking back, what happened was. Get started gradually fill yourself and your life with something new - positive views, self-confidence and love. Love first of all for YOURSELF. Eat simple words things you need to tell yourself every day:

• Great, I can do this, I’m not bad at it
• I don't look bad at all, I just look great no matter what
• What a great time I had with my friends yesterday, we had a good chat
• It's cold and rainy outside, and now I'm drinking hot delicious coffee, - you need to learn to enjoy any little things and feel them well.

Look for other words of encouragement and support for yourself, find the pleasant little things in life, they are in everything, you just need to look closely. And stop when you catch yourself thinking, “I’m doing something wrong,” “there’s something bad with me,” get used to a different way of thinking, tell yourself, “everything is fine with me, everything is fine.” At first, such a thought will calm you down, and after a while it will give you pleasant emotions, joy, and along with them, the necessary energy.

Some may say, this is all clear, but it’s much more difficult to do - Yes, it’s more difficult to do, but very often a person is mistaken only in what he is looking for difficult decisions, he is tuned in to obstacles, it seems to him that any achievement is necessarily associated with many difficulties and problems, this is a delusion.

As long as you think so, We are sure of this, your life will be accompanied by numerous obstacles. Often everything is much simpler than it seems, and a lot is achieved simple solutions and actions, do not complicate life for yourself, it is not easy anyway. You found out something, decided, and just do it without straining yourself. It's very important not to extra effort, don’t try, you just need to take it and do it.

This is a simple example: These are our actions, the actions of adults, they are not like the actions of a child. When an adult does something, he is pursuing some kind of specific goal, all his actions are accompanied by the thought of a goal.

The child does not just pursue the goal itself, the child is primarily interested in the process itself, his actions are not accompanied by the thought of doing something complete, he is interested in the very pleasure that he receives in the process - this is what he needs to start from, without thinking about the final goals. It will be achieved, but without unnecessary hassle and difficulties. Good luck!

And in order to begin to deeply understand yourself and solve your internal problems which so prevent us from loving ourselves, I recommend the article. There will be very important points about your attitude towards yourself and life in general.

What is self-love?

Often we all understand that loving ourselves is incredibly important. And at the same time incredibly difficult.

And probably the first thing we must do in our lives is to truly love ourselves, learn to truly respect and accept ourselves.

But when it comes to practice, the big question arises: “What does it mean to love yourself?”

Questions that you will find answers to by reading this article.

• How to truly love yourself?
• How to develop self-love?
• Is it possible to force yourself to love yourself?
• How to learn to accept yourself for who you are?
• What ways are there to do this?

The main thing is not to expect this to happen quickly. The process of accepting yourself and developing feelings of love will take some time. Understand that if you have lived long enough without self-love, then expecting it to happen overnight or a week would be naive.

However, you will be able to notice the results of working on yourself from the very first days. Once you make this decision - that you want to love yourself, that you want to learn how to love yourself, and take concrete action - you will notice incredible changes. These will be changes in your life, in the people around you, these will be.

Self-love is a path that everyone should take.

This is the most important path in our life. Because without self-love, without a feeling of unity with yourself, without deep and sincere respect for yourself and your actions, without complete acceptance of yourself as an individual, you will not have anything worthwhile in this life - it will not work out personal life, success will not come and there will be no happiness.

Self-love is the foundation, it is solid foundation, on which the building of our whole life is built. And so that it never collapses or even tilts, we need to learn to experience this divine feeling towards ourselves.

Loving yourself does not mean being selfish. Also, do not confuse self-love with narcissism, these are completely different things. In the first case, we are talking about deep acceptance of oneself as an individual, in the other - empty narcissism and putting one’s Ego on display.

How to love yourself. 5 steps towards yourself

The proposed methods for developing a positive attitude towards oneself are time-tested and very effective. By doing this step by step instructions, you can regain this feeling you once lost. Feelings of love, self-respect and self-acceptance.

Step 1: Be kind to yourself.

This means not reproaching yourself for no reason, not scolding over trifles, not giving yourself negative epithets - “you’re so ugly, you weigh too much, you have crooked legs, you’re stupid,” etc.

Be kind to yourself! Never reproach yourself for your past mistakes. They are not done by those who do nothing at all. The very fact of admitting and understanding that you were wrong is already a huge plus in your favor! Many never admit their mistakes. Just forgive yourself and move on, don't dwell on it. Learn from your mistakes, and don't use them as a whip to beat yourself up with.

Sometimes we don’t forgive ourselves for such stupid things that it’s hard to even believe it. We cannot forgive ourselves for protruding ears, extra pounds, freckles on our face, or too thin or thick hair.

This is all complete nonsense! From now on we say only good words to ourselves!

Our subconscious does not have a sense of humor; it does not understand when we are joking and when we are serious. It is designed in such a way that it takes everything at face value.

Remember that when you say “bad words” to yourself like “I’m scary, I’m clumsy, I’m lazy, I’m fat,” even if you don’t really think so, then the unconscious in you writes all this down and stores it in memory cells and will act accordingly.

The word is not a sparrow, if it flies out you won’t catch it

Train yourself to say “STOP!” whenever you catch yourself with negative thoughts or words addressed to you. We often scold ourselves in front of other people, unconsciously humiliating ourselves in other people's eyes. Give up this bad habit once and for all! - thereby you will take a huge step towards yourself, towards the ideal and loving relationships with himself.

Be kind to yourself! Become yourself best friend! Become your most valuable person. You are your treasure! You are the best thing in your life. Go to the mirror more often, talk to yourself, call yourself by name, as well as in kind words, praise and encourage yourself!

Step 2: Do some spring cleaning in your relationship.

Free your world from negative people. Clear your social circle of those with whom you are uncomfortable and who evoke negative emotions in you.

It doesn't happen overnight and it's not easy to do. But just set this goal for yourself, and you will definitely achieve it.

For example, you were invited to a party. You don’t like to sit alone at home, but at the same time, you don’t want to communicate with other people. Don't force yourself! Refuse to meet those with whom communication destroys you, who does not bring joy into your life, who takes away your strength and vital energy, who sets you up for negativity.

It's like slow suicide! It is much more valuable to be in the company of yourself than to spend time in such an environment. It is better to remain alone all your life than to communicate with such specimens.

There are always people around us who suppress us and there are those around whom we literally blossom and are filled with energy. The choice is always yours.

Don’t be afraid to change your social circle, remember that a holy place is never empty. And instead of “unnecessary ballast”, those with whom you have common views, interests and the same worldview will come into your life. Yes, this will not happen immediately, but it will DEFINITELY happen. Gradually, living and open people will gather around you “without a stone in their bosom”, without hidden envy or anger.

Try to follow one golden rule when communicating with people:

If you don’t like someone with all your heart, refuse to communicate with him, no matter what benefits or advantages this promises you.

Step 3. Don't do what you're not passionate about

You say, why not do it if necessary? You have to get up early for work, you have to do the cleaning, laundry and cooking. We need to take our son to kindergarten and check your daughter’s lessons. And I don’t really want to do all this.

Here we are talking about something completely different. All these are everyday, routine tasks and responsibilities from which we cannot escape. And there are things that go against our inner beliefs, contrary to our worldview and mentality. These are the circumstances under which we are forced to compromise our principles.

It is these actions and deeds that lower our self-esteem and self-respect and destroy our authority in our own eyes. They are the reason for self-dislike and loss of friendly relations with one’s personality.

All of these situations are basically related to the fact that we do something we don’t like out of fear of upsetting or offending the person.

We go where we don’t want so as not to offend the person who invited us, we buy things we don’t need so as not to upset the seller, we accept offers that we cannot refuse because we do not want to spoil the relationship.

It is very important to remember that every time you overstep yourself and literally force yourself to do something that you do not like, you are causing irreparable harm to yourself and your relationships. Thus, you show deep disrespect and dislike for yourself, for your Inner Self.

You must put an end to this. You need to learn to say NO. You need to learn how to refuse tactfully. Calmly, without feeling guilty, say: “I’m sorry, but I have other plans for today.”

Give yourself the luxury of doing what you want! And over time, this will become your good habit and norm of behavior.

Don't be afraid to offend other people. If they are offended, you have absolutely nothing to do with it, it is their problem.

Your job is to respect your personal boundaries and stay TRUE TO YOURSELF.

Step 4: Love your body

Think about how much you accept your body? How able are you to love and 100% accept yourself for who you are? Accept and love your age, your shape, your figure, your weight, your habits and your character.

Loving your body is especially important for women. Most of us grew up with the idea that our body is something imperfect and unfinished. This is something we need to improve, fix, something we need to constantly work on and bring to perfection.

And this, in fact, is not the end. As soon as we get rid of extra pounds, they are replaced by cellulite, wrinkles or gray hair.

In the process of endless improvement, we forget one fundamental thing - our body is given to us for pleasure. This is a gift and a gift from the Almighty! You need to take care of your body and love it.

Very soon you will be able to see for yourself that if you love your body, if you completely trust it (that is, do not perceive it as a traitor who betrays your age, gets sick at the wrong time and secretly puts on kilograms), when you consider the body your ally and most close creature for you, you will see that your body comes to meet you halfway and begins to reciprocate.

Your health will change before your eyes, the problem is excess weight either it will disappear completely, or it will cease to be an eternal thorn for you.

We must learn to calmly accept the fact that inevitable changes occur to our body over the years. We are all born to go through the stages of youth, maturity and decay. And by looking for signs of aging, we steal our moments of happiness.

Changes in our body are inevitable, and we have a choice - either to suffer endlessly about this with each passing year, or to choose to enjoy the moments that we have now.

Love your wrinkles - they are a sign that your body is ALIVE!

You won't believe how much our body craves love! How much gratitude and care it expects from you!

Love your body, take care of it, be grateful to it and it will definitely reciprocate your feelings!

Step 5. Learn to respect yourself

Until we begin to love ourselves, until we live in comfort with ourselves, until we learn to respect ourselves, we will not be able to truly open up and enjoy life. It is impossible to love yourself without self-esteem.

The ability to respect yourself as an individual, the ability to stand up for yourself and show that you are worthy of respect is very important condition on the path to self-love. Self-esteem is an integral part of a harmonious sense of self. No one will ever treat us with respect until we learn to do the same to ourselves.

There are situations when you were rude or treated rudely and impolitely. And many people do not feel they have the right to stand up for themselves with dignity. Without snapping back, without making a fuss or starting a scandal.

We are simply not taught this. We are accustomed to silently swallowing our offense, and then suffering for a long time and torturing ourselves with remorse over the fact that we were unable to respond adequately.

It’s just that no one taught us this. "Who are you? Don’t you dare contradict me!” - we hear from our parents since childhood. Often at school, teachers treat us disrespectfully, shifting their rejection of themselves onto us. While we are little, we get used to the fact that we are not allowed to rebuff adults.

Then we ourselves become adults, but our psyche remains in the same age category - at the level of small children.

And every time we have to stand up for ourselves and show self-esteem, the same fear from our childhood creeps to the surface of our consciousness. And the internal program, which psychologists call “chew, swallow and digest,” comes into play. This is especially true for those who were youngest child in a family or grew up in an authoritarian family.

We are simply accustomed to experiencing emotions of pain, humiliation, inner anger, aggression and resentment from the inability to stand up for ourselves. And yet, we ourselves unconsciously create situations in our lives where these negative emotions we could experience again.

How to deal with this? How can you learn to respect yourself and stop attracting these kinds of situations into your life?

The answer is to refuse to experience such emotions. Give them up once and for all. This is not easy to do, but you need to go through it in order to begin to truly love yourself.

And in Once again When you find yourself in a situation where you are treated with disrespect, insulted or humiliated, track this emotion, consciously feel this aggression or irritation and transform it. There is no need to keep them inside and not accumulate them, this is fraught with disorders nervous system and respiratory diseases.

You have two ways out of this situation - from yourself to the person who hurt you, or to answer him.

But answer with dignity. Without stooping to the level of your abuser, without speaking his language. Nothing good will come of this and it is unlikely to increase your self-respect.

He who respects himself always respects others

You need to learn to respond to aggression directed at you without retaliatory aggression and anger. Express your attitude towards this in a calm and even tone of a confident person. It is not necessary to experience negative emotions in order to stand up for yourself and show what is acceptable for us and what is not, and that you deserve better treatment.

Don’t be silent if you don’t like something - state it calmly and kindly - and in most cases the conflict will be resolved immediately.

Ignore people who are negative in your way a short time- in a queue or in transport, for example. There are a lot of inadequate individuals around. Learn not to notice them, make them invisible to yourself, and gradually such people will appear less and less in your life.

Give up negative emotions and start a new chapter in your life. One in which you can say: “I respect myself!” Your new image is an image that deserves to be treated with respect.

I also recommend not to be lazy, but to take on board 5 more useful tips About, how can you love yourself and from tomorrow say “Hello!” new "I"!

Practical examples of self-love

Self-love shows in the little things. The way we treat ourselves in our daily actions speaks volumes about how much we love or dislike ourselves. This short video (08:23) shows practical examples and advice on how to treat ourselves even in small moments of our lives.

How to love yourself? Practical psychology

In that interesting video Popular psychologist and presenter of Cognitive TV Ekaterina Prokhorova will share her secrets on the topic of self-love with you. After viewing this short video(09:16), you will be able to understand that the person closest to you is yourself.

How to make you love yourself?

Making yourself fall in love is impossible. This is an absolutely pointless and hopeless endeavor. But convincing your subconscious of the sincerity of your feelings towards yourself is possible and very necessary.

In addition to the theme of self-love and to consolidate this feeling in the depths of your subconscious, I recommend using modern psi technologies and going through a wonderful audio-visual hypno-course “THE HEALING POWER OF LOVE”

This wonderful hypnosession, which I recently completed myself and can confirm its effectiveness, is aimed at developing true love towards yourself and accepting yourself as an individual.

Having gone through it, you will be able to love yourself more deeply, and when filled with this love, you will feel an irresistible desire to give it to others and will begin to receive love in return in abundance!

Friends, I sincerely hope that the tips given here will help you, at least a little, to truly love yourself, get closer to yourself and become your own best friend.

And to the question “How to love yourself?” you will be able to find your own answers, which your own life will dictate to you.

Love yourself and be happy!

Alena Golovina

Interesting

Psychologists talk a lot and often about the need to love yourself. Experts are convinced that this is necessary for the correct formation of a full-fledged personality. But what is self-love? Perhaps in ensuring a comfortable existence for yourself? But won't this become a manifestation of selfishness towards loved ones? There are many different questions that need to be answered.

So how can a woman love herself and increase her self-esteem? Why do complexes appear? Are they objective? So, let's figure out how to love yourself this way and what are the ways to normalize self-esteem?

Why you need to love yourself

Statistics say that almost half of women are dissatisfied with themselves, their appearance, certain character traits or quality of life, which causes many complexes and depression. They do not know how to love and value themselves. How then can a woman expect recognition and understanding from others?

Self-love does not mean neglecting loved ones at all. This is the desire to be better, smarter, more beautiful, to achieve success in life. It will fill you with self-confidence and confidence in a bright future.

Often women do not understand this and continue to suffer in silence, considering themselves unlucky and unhappy. However, the ability to love yourself must be learned. This is daily work that requires patience and perseverance, which will reward you with harmony and peace in your own soul. Many people do not understand how to love themselves, but the advice of a psychologist will help them cope with this difficult task.

How to learn to love yourself

• First of all, you should allow yourself to be imperfect.

No one is able to know and be able to do everything, even the most beautiful, rich and famous. Every person makes mistakes in life, perhaps irreparable ones. He forgives them to other people, why can’t he forgive himself? You should learn from them so as not to commit them in the future, but do not be tormented by the thought that nothing can be corrected. You must be able to let go of the past by drawing the necessary conclusions.

• There is no need to feel sorry for yourself by creating the image of a victim.

Pity gives rise to a feeling of helplessness and hopelessness. Even a person deprived of nature, a disabled person, can find himself in this life if he has sufficient willpower. Why should a healthy, pretty and full of strength woman feel sorry for herself?

• Bring everything to completion - necessary condition

Unfinished business indicates weakness, defeat, and inability to deal with difficulties.

• Don't make comparisons with other people

Every woman is unique in her own way. It is better to compare yourself today with yesterday and celebrate positive changes. You should praise yourself more often for achievements achieved, even the smallest ones. It's even more useful to write them down. Every day they will increase, and with this there will be confidence in own strength. You only need to celebrate your strengths. Everyone has shortcomings, so don't dwell on them.

• Happy people are those who spend their entire lives doing what they love.

By choosing an activity to her liking, a woman achieves much greater success. They inspire, add confidence in their abilities, and relieve negative emotions.

Exercises

How to accept yourself this way and what is the technique that helps you love the real you? There are several simple exercises that should be performed daily:

• going to the mirror, you need to praise yourself; initially during training there will be internal tension, however, it will disappear over time;
• Slouching is a sign of low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence, so every day you need to work on your posture and gait in order to learn to keep your back straight and your head high.

A woman receives from the world around her mirror reflection those emotions and the attitude that she feels and sends to him. And self-love fills her with joyful, positive feelings. At the same time, one should not confuse self-respect with pity or selfishness. After all, there are two types of such feelings.

• The most common form of self-admiration is when a person thinks that he is better than everyone else.
• The second is based on self-pity and the belief that all life is pure bad luck and injustice.

Both types of self-esteem contradict reality. In order to make it adequate, first of all, we need to recognize this contradiction. How can you love yourself while being selfish or insecure?! Of course this is impossible.

Methods for increasing self-esteem

Psychology has various methods for increasing self-esteem. One of them suggests looking at yourself from the outside, as stranger, and find real features, respectful. To do this, the following steps are required.

• You need to sit in silence and remember the pleasant moments of life that evoke a feeling of pride in your actions. You should write them down on paper.
• On next stage you need to write down memories that left you feeling embarrassed and ashamed of your behavior. These events should be analyzed and their causes identified. Then you need to forgive yourself for your mistakes and not return to them again.
• Having compared the results of two exercises, you need to find a middle ground, your real qualities.
• It is necessary to make two more lists: the first will include objects and events that you like and evoke positive emotions, and the second will contain those that provoke a feeling of irritation.
• You should think about how to remove from your life those phenomena that cause negativity. If this is not possible, you need to change your attitude towards them and not get irritated by their presence. It is better to accept these things as inevitable, like rain or snow, which will end someday.
• The first list should be used as an antidepressant, helping to improve mood and restore interest in life.

These simple exercises They will help you love yourself, and in the future they will improve not only mental, but also physical health.

Reverse action

What is important is the attitude towards the surrounding world, that is, towards those events, people, things and circumstances among which a woman lives. This is a reality that gives joy and sorrow, and we must be grateful for life. After all, there is no other world and there never will be. You cannot judge other people: acquaintances, relatives, colleagues. They must be responsible for their decisions and their actions.

If something in others irritates you, you need to analyze your behavior. It is believed that those character traits that a person condemns in others are present in himself, which is why they offend him. You must try to correct them in yourself, or you will have to put up with them in others. By accepting your shortcomings and stopping constantly criticizing yourself, it is easier to cope with your complexes and raise your self-esteem.

• smile in response to an insult;
• if money is lost, donate a certain amount to charity;
• You can get rid of the feeling of fear with the help of laughter.

Thus, by giving kindness and love to the world around you, you can receive more of the same in return.

Relationships with parents

If you look for the origins of self-dislike, you often have to go back to your childhood. Usually the reasons lie in the relationship between parents and daughters and sons. Trying to see their dreams come true through their children, many mothers and fathers put undue pressure on them. Resentment toward parents sometimes goes away over many years.

To get rid of this destructive emotion, you need to learn to forgive - both your parents, and yourself, and other people. How to learn to accept yourself, your mom and dad for who everyone is? Psychologists suggest doing the following for this.

• If you remember how your mother scolded you in childhood, you need to say kind and affectionate words to her, even if it is difficult at first.
• We need to take care of old relatives. Help will respond with gratitude, and she, in turn, will return vital energy.
• There is no need to try to please everyone, including parents and relatives. It's still impossible.
• Help must be selfless. At the same time, you should not allow anyone to manipulate you. A person himself must determine the amount of his assistance.

In your relationship with your parents, you should try to form a positive common memory; it will help you forget and forgive childhood grievances. It's worth trying to open your emotions without blaming anyone. Discussing old grievances together will help. If your parents are no longer alive, you must try to reproduce this conversation in your imagination and forgive them.

Think positively

How to love yourself? To do this, you need to learn to be grateful both to yourself and to this world. It is important to find a small reason for joy every day. Phrases of gratitude can be written down and read at any convenient time. Thoughts are material, so they should always be positive.

Often women try to push away, drive away those memories that cause pain. They want to get rid of their worries, but sadness and melancholy return with even greater force. But these feelings cannot be ignored, they must be experienced in order to then be forced out of the head.

There are some more useful tips that will help you understand how a woman can love herself:

• good deeds will not only cause an increase in vital energy - this could be charity or volunteering;
• there is no need to restrain and hide your emotions, but you should not allow them to control you;
• there is no need to transfer an outbreak of negative emotion to others - it is better to retire and calm down, let go of the situation;
• we need to learn love from others, to live life to the fullest, rejoice interesting book or a movie, laugh at a good joke, give gifts, and soon the world will reciprocate;
• you need to try to let yourself go and do what you always wanted, for example, go on a trip, or jump with a parachute.

Knowing how to accept yourself, you will be able to learn to love, forgive and see yourself and the world as they are. As a result, you can confidently look to the future. It will be beautiful and will give kindness and recognition in return.