Bad statuses. New funny quotes
No matter how much bad things they say about me, I always have something to add. 30
Nothing limits your actions like the phrase “do what you want”... 49
Guys get jealous when they love you. Girls are jealous even when they don't love you. 40
Can't find an approach to me? Go around! 63 - cool statuses
Comrade, let’s go check out the cash... 17
Nothing strengthens faith in a person more than 100% prepayment. 23
If you know exactly who is to blame, don’t give yourself away. 33
I walk with my eyes closed and a smile from ear to ear, towards my future happiness, through a field of rakes... 34
From the statement: “How do I feel…” Crossed out. “How I did you all...” Crossed out. “Yes, you all should go to...” Crossed out. “Please grant me another vacation.” 23
Dear Money! I miss you very much. I promise to buy you a new wallet. If you want, you can invite your relatives from Europe or America - I won’t object. I will accept everyone! 26
I want chronic health, progressive happiness, recurring success, a hypertensive salary, and an eternally pregnant wallet without the threat of miscarriage!))) 29
The best way to test a guy’s fidelity is to ask the sleeping person in the morning the question: “Will you go to yours or will you stay with me?” 30
According to statistics, the phrase “How huge he is!” Most often heard by a spider. 41
Briefly about yourself: Year of manufacture 1991, Mileage 20, Light color, Height 162, Lights blue, Documents on hand, Tuning present, Body not damaged, not rusty, Roof in place, but no brakes. All options, I start with half a turn. 4
You can't look in the mirror when you eat - you'll eat away your happiness. And when you drink, you drink. And it’s better not to hang a mirror in the toilet at all... 34
Sex is when he wants, erotica is when she wants, porn is when both want. 32
If you don't have the money to change your wardrobe, change your job! For the new team, all your old clothes are new. 41
Flowers should be for no reason... Happiness should be unique... The house should be warm... The weather - and it doesn’t matter what the weather is! But love must be mutual. 19
All people bring happiness - some by their presence, others by their absence) 33
What would I give to a person who has everything? I would punch him in the jaw. 7
If men knew what women were thinking, they would court twenty times more boldly. 28
Only nesting dolls can live soul to soul. 42
I need to call my mom and tell her where I am. - Hello, mom? Where I am? 23
The little boy was watching porn. I didn’t understand the movie, but I was sweating a lot. 22
The main thing is that they are waiting for you at home, and not waiting for you 16
Chocolate tastes twice as good if you can’t have it) 30
The Lord protects us all. But the shelf life is different for everyone. 18
The great one protects me ancient egyptian god peace and tranquility - DANUNAH. 24
Every day those around me prove to me that life without a brain is real. 25
No one will die a virgin: life will fuck us all. 27
- I study and work - combining the unpleasant and the useless!
- I’ll blow your mind, drink some blood, shake your nerves, throw you off balance. In short, I will free your body from excess burden!
- There's nothing more invigorating in the morning than your phone slipping out of your hands and falling on your face just as you're setting the alarm for another 5 minutes.
- A husband without a wife is like an oak tree without a woodpecker.
- Excellent students! Always let your C students cheat! And then, perhaps years later, they will hire you!
- Help from a psychologist is, of course, good! But just yelling obscenities is much cheaper.
- It's good to be a sock. You lie somewhere, people are always looking for you, no one goes anywhere without you. Plus, you have a second half. Bliss.
- Everything that is not done before 30 must be done after!
- If you are considered a camel, spit on everyone!
- Some have cute dimples on their cheeks, others have a sexy mole above their lip. And I have mind-blowing bags under my eyes.
- My ex asked me to give him farewell sex. I had to remind him that the best gift is a gift made with his own hands.
- The water cycle in nature is when you wash your car, the water evaporates from it, turns into a cloud and the next day, bitch, it rains!
- If you're nervous, pull yourself together... or give it to a good one!
- As Russian scientists have found, fasting helps not only normalize weight, but also pay off your mortgage.
- I’m one of those people who will post a photo of myself, look at it for two minutes, find all the flaws and delete it to hell.
Cool statuses 2019
- That we are all about me, yes about me. Let's talk about you! How do you like me?
- You can't tell a boring person that he is boring, otherwise he will start to find out why, and this is so boring.
- If you don’t take a photo of yourself, no one will take a photo.
- Dear Money!!! I really miss you. I promise to buy you a new wallet. If you want, you can invite your relatives from Europe or America. I won’t object - I’ll accept everyone!!!
- My cat is like a Hachiko. And also zhratiko, sratiko and ssatiko, spatiko, oratiko, and it’s impossible to sleep at night.
The coolest statuses
I I kiss better than I cook...
D Baby, be simpler... straighten my crown...
WITH tell me I'm wrong and I'll tell you who you are!
R got dressed yourself, help someone else...
T theoretically, every sperm could become president in the future
TO Concern "Tampax" is draining swamps...
TO I loved the cut-to-length dress, tried it on today - it’s too tight! Maybe the breasts have grown?))
M A young Eskimo dreams of meeting an elderly Ethiopian to create a precedent
M Youth comes only once. Then you need to look for some other justification for nonsense.
A what should you do if you see an animal listed in the Red Book eating a plant listed in the Red Book?
A lol, is this phone number 444-44-44? - Yes. - Please call 03 - my finger is stuck...
WITH judging by the number of valentines from my school years, the peak of my personal life was in 6th grade.
N Don’t tell me that everything is fine with you - it makes me feel bad.
T Iho fucked up and left, it’s called “found”.
AND It’s interesting, is the shark even aware that its fin is sticking out?
P Have some milk, children - the toilet is not far away.
I I love myself, I love myself, I love me - and we are happy together.
I I've never seen a man cry until I formatted my hard drive.
P ri correct selection literature in the toilet you can get a good education.
WITH Tell me, what should I do when the Internet suddenly goes off? Where to go? Where can you relax? Are there people at all there on the street?
TO When I said that clothes should be provocative, this does not mean arousing compassion!
C The gypsy girl guessed that luck would fall out... so far only her teeth have fallen out...
D Girl, you should straighten your skirt. It’s warmer for you, and it doesn’t make me feel hot.
B Most deaths begin with the words: “Look what I can do!!..
M the man said it, the man did it! The man didn't do it - the man was joking!
IN pharmacy: -Give me a pack of condoms. -18 is there? -I don’t know, I didn’t measure.
D and we women are stupid, but we have breasts and we can touch them whenever we want
M My mom says if I behave badly, she will send me home2
E If the birth rate increases sharply, then there is something behind it.
I I type 1200 characters per minute. This is such nonsense...
ABOUT advertisement in the newspaper: I am renting, damaging
M You don’t have to pay a salary, I’ll fuck you for free.
T Only in Russia, in addition to friends and acquaintances, there is also such a type of dating as “drinking together”
WITH The biggest student lie: “List of used literature.”
I I’ll soon grow old and die, but Khryusha and Stepashka are still young and have new women.
U Scientists suggest that the main reason for the increase in child cruelty is 2000-piece puzzles.
D Note to children: a condom slipped into dad's pocket distracts parents from stupid questions about school.
N what could happen while I'm around??? Maximum... nervous breakdown...
I I know that sometimes I'm late. But you must admit, it’s worth waiting for me!
U smile at a stranger - let him dream!
N Don’t put off until tomorrow what you put off yesterday until today.
L If you love life, he’ll fuck you anyway, even if it’s for love...
E If your last name starts with "X", ends with "Y" and contains a "Y", no one will think that your last name is Hemingway.
M It's not too early to have children. I'm not mentally ready to buy a kinder surprise and give it to someone.
AND I wish you decent personal cash for various personal expenses!
AND True happiness is when someone who doesn't suit you doesn't come to you.
IN The Lord protects us all. But the shelf life is different for everyone.
I responsible for those I tamed, but not for those who became attached to me...
I I will never let my friends do something stupid...alone.
P Treat people the way you want them to treat you. Give your boyfriend a teddy bear.
N You don’t need to be important, it’s important to be needed!
M I’m not interested in your Lexus, I’m in a hurry, my beloved is waiting for me at the bus stop. Strong words, not everyone can do this.
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