The pain of unrequited love for a girl. unrequited love

Unrequited love can happen to anyone. No one is immune from this feeling. How many troubles it brought, how many people it killed. The lack of reciprocity can move mountains in order to achieve love from the object of adoration, and can turn a person into a psychologically dependent person, in whose thoughts there is nothing but despair. We will discuss in detail what to do in this situation in this article.

According to psychologists, unanswered love is not a truly sublime feeling. It’s difficult to say whether this is true, but many agree on one thing: the lack of reciprocity indicates the emergence of a strong dependence. True love requires constant nourishment - meetings, hugs, care and other manifestations of tenderness. Without all this, feelings fade and gradually pass. I described in detail what love is in the article about the 7 stages of love.

Unrequited love is more difficult. How does she live if feelings are not warmed up? She is fed only by the thoughts constantly spinning in the girl’s head. True love won't last long. So it turns out that there is nothing but addiction. It can occur for several reasons:

• lack of self-confidence - the lack of reciprocity from the object of adoration seems to confirm the girl’s low self-esteem;
• the position of the victim - the desire to sacrifice oneself for the sake of mythical love - is a very convenient state, because you don’t need to do anything except suffer sweetly;
• the need for feelings - like an energy vampire, a person can also be charged from emotional experiences;
• loneliness - boredom and a rich imagination can give rise to anything.

You can insist for a long time that the feeling is real. Excuses and all sorts of coincidences of situations are very convenient for simply refusing to work on yourself and your feelings.

Can unrequited love become mutual?

Unrequited love is not always a death sentence. After all, there can be several options for events:

The young man is unaware of his lover's feelings

In this situation, unrequited love can become mutual, and the chance is very good. There are two options for the development of events: either confess your love to him with the hope of mutual sympathy, or fight your feelings (if the chosen one is not free).

If your lover does not know about your feelings and he is free, then I advise you not to confess your feelings to him directly, but simply start communicating with him more often as friends. This way you will immediately feel if he is interested in you. A man who likes a girl always takes actions to get closer to her. He himself will strive to spend as much time as possible with you. If there is no action on his part, then it means he doesn’t like you. Then you need to make every effort to get rid of the unrequited feeling, otherwise you can get bogged down in sheer suffering.

The girl dated a guy, but he left her

The most destructive and humiliating thing in this situation is to wait for the return of feelings and do crazy things in the hope of “fixing everything.” Intrusive calls, attempts to attract attention, pressure, blackmail will only lead to greater hostility on the part of the man.

Hysteria is a bad helper, so it’s better to calm down and leave everything as it is. The chance of getting your loved one back is negligible, so you shouldn’t waste time and effort on this.

The couple was together, but the girl left her lover

The already established couple had to separate. This happens and there are several reasons for it:

• difficult character of the chosen one;
• bad habits (alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling addiction);
• cruel treatment;
• dangerous lifestyle;
• problems with law.

It's all about the man. If the girl has already left him, having made her own choice, then why suffer? It's easy to return, but is it necessary? People change, but this happens extremely rarely, and then under the pressure of some circumstances. Therefore, it is worth deciding: if you want to continue to endure a difficult relationship, then go ahead to your loved one! But maybe it’s worth thinking about the fact that healthy feelings exist and they are somewhere ahead.

The chances of building a relationship with a person who has already been disrespectful once are almost zero. You shouldn't waste your life on someone who couldn't appreciate you. He is not focused on your happiness, so you will not build a normal relationship with him. Here you have to choose either to be with your lover or to be happy. It's wise to choose the latter. Over time, the attachment to him will pass, and you will be able to meet a man with whom you will be truly happy. And an unworthy man can easily chew your life and spit it out in the trash. Therefore, there is no need to contact him.

Pros of the situation

Unrequited love is not the end of the world. On the contrary, it gives chances to open new horizons. Therefore, you should put aside the blues and depression (they have no place in life!) and take the springboard, which gives you the opportunity to make a serious leap into a happy future.

Here are the benefits available to you:

• Self improvement. Girls are gorgeous not only because of mutual feelings. Unrequited love is the strongest impetus to reboot. You can change your image, pay attention to physical or spiritual self-development. Climb the career ladder? No problem, because there is plenty of time for this! Study new books? Right! Educational literature has never hurt anyone in life. A gym, a swimming pool - all this will not only strengthen your fortitude and get rid of sad thoughts, but will also help you acquire a beautiful body. Difficult character? No problem! The time has come to take care of yourself and eradicate all the bad things in order to become new and interesting. These changes will help you find inner harmony and happiness in future relationships.
• New life. Unrequited love is not a reason to close your heart. A free and independent girl is always the center of attention and attracts men. The main thing is not to dwell on unsuccessful relationships, but to open up to the world, and then everything around you will sparkle in a new way. It is important not to get carried away by suffering, otherwise you can acquire serious illnesses. And an exhausted, tear-stained appearance has never given charm to any lady.
• Creation. Strong emotions help to reveal creative skills in a person. There is no need to restrain yourself, maybe somewhere inside there is a luminary of world art or poetry dormant. After all, a large number of famous masterpieces were created under the influence of feelings of unrequited love.
• Liberty. The absence of a partner gives a chance for a free life. You can safely go to any place, spend time with friends, attend events, without adapting to a man.
• New acquaintances. Failure with one man should not ruin relationships with others. There are so many of them! Meetings, acquaintances, flirting bring a lot of positive emotions for a woman. Now you can choose the right one among new fans (or old friends), the one who will find the key to your heart.

Unrequited love is a chance to discover new knowledge in yourself. You shouldn’t isolate yourself from the world, because the lack of reciprocity is not a death sentence, and there is a lot of interesting things ahead. The main thing is not to sit still, but to start moving towards a happy life.

How to get rid of unrequited love?

Recognition and acceptance of the situation

It's the most important. It is impossible to get rid of feelings until the realization comes that there is no reciprocity and there never will be. Never. And it’s not about your beauty, character or figure, but simply no love.

Symbolically breaking the connection also works well. To do this, you should write on paper about all your experiences. Put the pain and bitterness of unhappy love on a piece of paper, but why burn it? The flame engulfing the paper will cleanse your thoughts and soul. You can also tear a piece of paper into small pieces, imagining that this is how an unrequited feeling crumbles, and then scatter the pieces in the wind, freeing your thoughts from a heavy burden.

The most important thing to remember is that the problem of unrequited love is as old as the world. She's not special at all. Millions experience this all the time. Every person has had their love hopes dashed at least once in their life. It is important to understand that there are many men, and if one disappeared, it means that he made room for another, more reliable, attentive and responsible.

Understanding the reasons

It is very important to understand why the relationship did not work out. If the reason for everything is misunderstanding, then you should be glad that nothing happened, because it is unknown what it would have led to in the future. If unrequited love is a consequence of existing serious shortcomings, then you should think about getting rid of them.

Remove from life

It is impossible to get rid of the feeling if you are in constant contact with the object of adoration or his things. To successfully defeat unrequited love, you should break off all relationships with your loved one (one-night stands, friendship, conversations, etc.). Delete contacts, get rid of things that remind you of him, ignore places and meetings of mutual friends where you can see this man.

If your loved one is a colleague, then if possible, it is better to quit in order to quickly cope with the current situation. Otherwise, you should not behave inappropriately, shy away or refuse to say hello on principle. You should minimize communication, trying to resolve only business issues. The same applies to the case if the object of adoration is a neighbor. The fewer reminders of him, the faster the tormenting feelings will pass.

Expectation

And then all that remains is to wait. No one knows how long this will last. Sometimes feelings will return, enveloping you with renewed vigor and reminding you of past experiences. It is important not to stray from the intended goal and not to give up. Gradually everything will get better, life will open in a new color, and periods of sadness and suffering will go away forever.

Quite often, young girls find it difficult to get rid of attachment, and they begin to live in hope or simply put up with the situation, hopelessly burying their future in a heap of suffering and pain. But this destroys a person, deprives him of the chance to find a new, real and mutual feeling. Coping with emotions is not easy, but it is quite possible, the main thing is to want to.

Valeria Protasova

Reading time: 7 minutes

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Unrequited love is a dangerous feeling. It can drive a weak-spirited person into a corner and lead to suicide. Depression, constant thoughts about the object of adoration, the desire to call, write, meet, although you know for sure that this is not mutual at all - this is what causes unrequited love.

Drive away negative thoughts and listen to the advice of psychologists if you suffer from unrequited love .

How to get rid of unrequited love in 12 steps - instructions for finding happiness

• Get rid of internal conflict with yourself : Realize that there can be no future with your crush, you will never be able to be close.
  
  
  Understand that your feeling is not mutual and mentally let go of your loved one.
• Plunge into study, work . Come up with a new hobby: dancing, cycling, yoga, English, French or Chinese courses. Try to make sure that you simply have no time left for sad thoughts.
• Try changing your social circle. If possible, meet less often with friends who, even by their presence, remind you of your loved one.
• Change your image. Get a new haircut, buy a few new fashion items.
• Help solve problems for your loved ones and friends. You can sign up as a volunteer for a charity or help workers at an animal shelter.
• Do not accumulate negative emotions and thoughts in yourself, let them come out. The best remedy for negativity is sports.
  
  
  Visit the gym and throw off all the burden of your pessimistic thoughts on exercise machines and punching bags.
• Get your inner world in order. A broken heart needs to be healed by reading educational literature about self-knowledge and self-improvement. This will help you look at the world around you in a new way, make you rethink your life values ​​and set your priorities correctly. Read also:
• Mentally put an end to the past and start making plans for the future. Set new goals for yourself and strive to achieve them.
• Increase your self-esteem. There are many affirmations and meditations on this topic. Don't focus on the one person who didn't appreciate you. Don't forget that you are a person created by God for joy and love. You have many positive qualities that you can easily identify in yourself, but everyone has shortcomings. Work on yourself, get rid of bad habits, improve yourself.
• You probably remember the proverb “they knock out a wedge with a wedge”? Don't sit at home! Visit exhibitions, cinemas, theaters.
  
  
  Who knows, maybe your destiny is already very close and, perhaps, you will soon meet true mutual love, which will bring not suffering, but a sea of ​​happy days. Read also:
• If you feel like you can’t cope on your own, then it is better to consult with specialists . Contact a psychologist who can individually help you solve this problem.
• Value yourself and know that your mutual love and destiny will definitely find you soon!

Advice from psychologists on how to survive unrequited love and never return to it again

Unrequited love is familiar to many. Here are the types of requests and questions specialists receive, and what do psychologists advise? :

Marina: Hello, I'm 13 years old. For two years now I have liked a guy from my school, who is now 15 years old. I see him at school every day, but I don’t dare approach him. What to do? I suffer from unrequited love.

In this situation psychologists advise find this person on social networks and chat with him. From this virtual dialogue it will be possible to understand what actions can be taken in real life.

Vladimir: Help! I think I'm starting to go crazy! I love a girl who simply doesn't pay any attention to me. I have nightmares at night, I’ve lost my appetite, and I’ve completely given up on studying. How to deal with unrequited love?

Psychologists recommend doing the following: Imagine looking at the current situation from the future, with a time interval of two years. After such a time, this problem will not matter in the slightest.

You can travel in your fantasies into the future, several years, months ahead, and into the past. Tell yourself that this time was not very successful, but next time you will definitely be lucky. By moving mentally through time, you can discover and develop a productive attitude towards the situation.

Even these negative situations will bring positivity to the future: by experiencing not very good events now, you will be able to better assess the components of your future life and gain experience.

Svetlana: I am in the 10th grade and unrequitedly love a 17-year-old guy from the 11th grade of our school. We met with him in general company four times. Then he started dating a girl from his class, and I continued to wait, hope and believe that he would soon be mine. But recently he broke up with his ex-girlfriend and began showing signs of attention to me. I should be happy, but for some reason my soul felt even heavier than before. And if he asks me to date, I will most likely refuse - I’m not going to be an alternate airfield. But I also really want to be with this guy. What to do, how to forget unrequited love? I do my homework, go to bed, think about him and torment myself. Please give me some advice!

Psychologist's advice: Svetlana, if the guy you like couldn’t take a step towards meeting you, then take the initiative into your own hands. Perhaps he is shy, or thinks he is not your type.

Try to be the first to start a dialogue. Find him on social networks and write to him first. This way you can establish initial contact and find common ground in interests and other topics.

Take action. Otherwise, you will continue to experience unrequited love. Who knows - maybe he is in love with you too?

Sofia: How to get rid of unrequited love? I love without reciprocity and understand that there is no prospect, no hope for a future together, but only emotional experiences and suffering. They say that you need to thank Life for what gives you the opportunity to love. After all, if you love, it means you live. But why is it very difficult to let go of a person and forget unrequited love?

Psychologist's advice: Unrequited love is a mirage. A person draws an image in his imagination and falls in love with this ideal, and not with a real person with his shortcomings and merits. If love is unrequited, then there is no relationship as such. Love is always two people, and if one of them does not want to take part in the relationship, then it is not a love relationship.

Love for a person is the most beautiful thing that can happen to any of us. However, when the person we have feelings for does not reciprocate our feelings, we feel deep emotional pain. Although unrequited love is painful, it can still be dealt with. To prevent your condition from getting worse, learn to react correctly to the current situation. Limit your interactions with this person. Take care of your emotional needs. Finally, take steps to help you move on with your life. Consider starting a new romantic relationship.

Steps

Show yourself compassion

Allow yourself to grieve. Unrequited feelings are always associated with mental pain. Therefore, you have every right to grieve. You were hoping that you could build a relationship with the person you liked. But that did not happen. Your hopes are dashed. Therefore, sadness in your case is a normal reaction to the current situation.

• Allow yourself to experience the full range of emotions and feelings. Anger, humiliation, sadness - you can go through all this if you love a person unrequitedly.
• Feel sorry for yourself. You should not force yourself to get rid of these painful feelings and experiences. Allow yourself to grieve for a few days.

EXPERT ADVICE

Know that you are not alone.“When we are in love with someone, it is completely normal for us to become overly focused on that person.”

Jessica Ingle is a relationship coach and psychotherapist based in the San Francisco Bay Area. She founded Bay Area Dating Coach in 2009 after receiving her master's degree in counseling psychology. She is a licensed marriage and family therapist and registered drama therapist with over 10 years of experience.

Dating and Relationship Specialist

Accept the person's choice. Most likely, the worst thing you can do in this situation is ask the person to change their mind. Such actions will only humiliate yourself. Show yourself respect. Accept the person's decision with courage.

• Note that if the person you like doesn't like you, you shouldn't ask him to do it. You will achieve nothing with such actions. Your self-esteem will suffer greatly.
• If a person agrees with you only because he wants to appease you, you will not be able to build a healthy relationship.

1. Imagine that a similar situation happened to your friend. This way you won't take rejection personally, thinking that you're the problem. If a person does not love you, this does not mean that there is something wrong with you. Most likely, the person's inability to respond to your feelings has absolutely nothing to do with you and your actions.

   • Imagine that everything that happened to you happened to your friend. How would you explain to him why this happened to him? Perhaps the person who does not reciprocate your friend is at a stage in life where he does not have a goal to build a relationship. Also, he may like other personality types. None of these reasons have anything to do with your importance and the value of your personality.

2. Acknowledge his pain. When a person is faced with unrequited feelings, he is entirely focused on his feelings, which means that he cannot objectively assess how the current situation affects the other person. In fact, this person may also be experiencing mental pain.

   • Think about it: telling someone that you don't have feelings for them is very difficult. Also, if you are friends, the person is likely worried about losing their friendship with you.
   • It takes a lot of courage to say no to someone if they are not the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. There may be many reasons why a person does not reciprocate your feelings. So accept his decision. This will show that you are a mature person.

Restore your emotional state

1. Keep your distance. To quickly cope with painful feelings, try to stay as far away from the person who does not reciprocate your feelings. If you face him every day, you will find it difficult to cope with the pain.

2. Take the person off the pedestal. As a rule, people idolize those they love. Unfortunately, this attitude prevents us from seeing the true essence of a person. Perhaps your heart is broken because you were rejected by the person you thought was perfect. Have you ever thought that this person is far from perfect?

   • It will be easier for you if you understand that this person has his own shortcomings.
   • Make a list of this person's negative qualities. For example, you may be annoyed by the way this person laughs or by his unkind attitude towards certain students who are not popular.

3. Get support. Talk to a close friend or family member. Tell them what happened. Then listen carefully and accept the words of encouragement they give you. Your loved ones will sincerely tell you what a good person you are.

   • It will be easier for your loved ones to help you if you are specific about what you want. For example, you can ask a friend to go to the movies with you on your day off. You can ask your mother or sibling to help you remove things that remind you of this person.
   • You can also ask your loved ones to name the negative traits of this person.

Move forward

1. Keep yourself busy . If you're trying to get over someone who doesn't reciprocate your feelings, try filling your schedule to capacity. This will help you avoid thinking about that person.

   • Fill your schedule with positive activities - studying, hanging out with friends, hobbies, and completing necessary projects.

2. Channel your feelings in a creative direction. At this stage, you are overwhelmed with feelings. Try to channel these feelings into a creative direction to create something new. Write a book or lyrics for a song that you can sing with your guitar. Also, paint a picture for your parents.

   • Creativity allows you to express your emotions in a positive way.

3. Set goals for yourself. Focusing on your development as a person will help you move forward. Set worthwhile goals and achieve them.

   • Think about what you would like to achieve in the next six months to a year. Set SMART goals that will help you achieve success.
   • For example, you decide to find a part-time job. The money you earn will allow you to spend your holidays in your desired vacation spot. You can set two goals for yourself in this case: find a job and save money.

Endless quotes in literature (“Love is the desire to give a person what he doesn’t need”) and statuses on social networks, songs about unrequited love, melodramas... Everyone has had unrequited feelings, and for many they inspire creativity.

It would seem that everything is simple: the object of your feelings has a soul mate, you have different goals, he doesn’t like your range of interests, you’re just not his person, there’s no chemical reaction or anything else that we don’t quite understand. In fact, everything is harder.

We often confuse the infringed instinct of ownership with unrequited feelings: the child was not bought a toy, so he wants it more and more, throws hysterics, and beats himself up. And the child doesn’t even think about the fact that this toy is essentially uninteresting, can break and is simply “not his thing.” The desire to possess and be the owner of something beautiful is not love, but complexes and beliefs that “I am not worthy of a good person and love” can create a lot. As a result, we have a negative scenario, and unrequited feelings will arise often.

The negative scenario among girls also shapes the universal worship of this misfortune: songs about unrequited love, quotes and statuses, films and TV series. Over time, the girl understands that this is just art, sometimes applied, and unrequited love no longer arises.

Unrequited love can repeat itself with enviable regularity for another reason. Once upon a time there lived a girl, ugly, downtrodden and simply persecuted in the children's group: unpopular, unfashionable, did not shine in her studies either, did not participate in amateur performances, no one wanted to be friends with her... And in adolescence, her first love happened. Naturally, unrequited: the main bully of the school, a handsome guy, a musician or just an activist won’t even look at her. And in the girl’s subconscious it was deposited: I am not worthy of love. But this is also particular. Psychology thinks completely differently.

Reasons for unrequited love

One of the main reasons for unrequited feelings is dislike for oneself. On the surface, we all love ourselves: we go to beauty salons and buy fashionable clothes. What about inside? If you were not loved as a child, then you definitely weren’t taught to love yourself and your neighbors. If the vessel is not filled, then there is nothing to give, and this is a permanent hunger for love. Looking for love outside, we hope that someone will fill this vessel, satisfy this hunger. You can only fill yourself with love yourself.

Low self-esteem. You never know what we pretend to be, but if the inner “I am bad” lives inside, then it will always be noticeable. Were you constantly criticized by teachers and parents, humiliated by your peers? Now you criticize and humiliate yourself. Hence our attitudes regarding the fact that love must be won. This means feelings for someone who obviously will not respond to them. The position of the victim is also expressed in unrequited feelings.

Parents' dislike. In fact, parents can hardly help but love. But sometimes dad or mom are simply not very emotional by nature and cannot fill us with their feelings. Or love is expressed by constant teasing, criticism, and sometimes shouting and punishment, constantly suggesting that the child is bad. With the best of intentions. Whether this makes anyone better is another question. It’s just that previously it was believed that you had to constantly shout at a child, criticize, compare with other children, and this is love. (How can you not remember the quote from Andrei Voznesensky: “Dislike is in our legal codes.”) Parents are not to blame, neither are you, so fill yourself you need love yourself. No, don’t suffer from star fever, but simply understand that all people are worth something, and you too.

The psychology of exit

You have a long time to work on your attitudes, and there is no single algorithm, but you need to continue life, otherwise unrequited love will turn into addiction and mania. How to proceed?

Take a sober look.

Look at the object of feelings from the outside. What kind of person is he? Is it really yours and will it be okay? Can you come to terms with its shortcomings? There was such a story in life. Two sisters fell in love with the same young man; he preferred the younger one, laughing at the feelings of the older one. The youngest suffered seriously from him and was depressed for a long time: in appearance, the prince turned out to be a monster. And one could have noticed this even when he ridiculed the girl in love.

Don't feel sorry for yourself.

Don't obsess over it either. It’s difficult, yes, but sometimes a new hobby or at least helping someone who is worse off can save the day. If you don’t want anything, then there is work or abandoned studies. Need to catch up!

The best films about unrequited love

Unrequited feelings are not only tragic, but sometimes they turn into comedy.

"The Story of Adele G." Victor Hugo had a daughter, Adele: a talented writer and musician, a beauty. It would seem that! And the girl was used by a ruthless officer, and she went crazy due to unrequited feelings. For many years she pursued him and traveled for him to the islands, Canada and Europe, wrote letters every day and even hired a hypnotist, trying to marry her...

"Best Friend's Wedding" They had an affair, then they became best friends, but when the main character found out that her bosom friend was getting married, she suddenly decided that she loved him and had to stop this wedding.

Legendary melodrama. The catch is that Scarlett Ohara, because of her fixation, lost her friends, her reputation, and “her” person, and then she realized that she never loved Ashley, and in general, he is not her match.

"Unkissed." Quiet Josie never dated and was not flamboyant. Having become a journalist, the girl received an assignment to write an article about a local school, pretended to be a schoolgirl and... fell in love with the teacher.

"Unrequited Love" (2010). After leaving the orphanage, Ben meets his childhood friend and realizes that he is in love with her. But she didn’t answer and is dating someone else. A desperate guy has kidnapped his beloved and is holding her hostage. The ransom is mutual feelings.

Reading time: 3 min

Unrequited love is a form of deep affection and sympathy accompanied by emotional and physical attraction to a person without a reciprocal response at the same level of depth or intensity of feelings experienced. Unrequited love for a girl has contributed to many achievements and feats, since an unrealized feeling requires release and manifestation, stimulates creative activity as a mechanism of sublimation. It is unrequited love that is a particular motive of the works; this is justified by the fact that, under a favorable set of circumstances, a person enjoys his partner and relationships, he does not have time for creativity.

Despite the romanticization of a noble feeling and the elevation of unrequited love to the level of the purest and most sincere, it often causes the development of severe depressive states accompanied by somatic disorders, and also leads to or latent manifestation of the desire for thanatos in the form of life-destroying habits (alcoholism, unreasonably risky actions, challenging behavior, sleep and nutrition).

The reasons for the occurrence of unrequited love are different and can include both manipulation on the part of the object of adoration and maintaining false hope, and a person’s reluctance to see the true picture of the discrepancy between his personality and the chosen one.

Unrequited love is most often a companion of adolescence, when hormones are playing, maximalism is off the charts, the feeling is the first and it seems that this is the other half and this is for life. At the same time, there is still no clear understanding of oneself, an idea of ​​\u200b\u200ba partner and about desires in living together and matching each other (how many lovers of stars and teachers, boys from other cities and girls, objectively from a different reality). But whatever the factors that contribute to the development of this feeling, there is a need to resolve negative emotions and work through those issues associated with impossible relationships that cause suffering.

Unrequited love - what to do?

The feeling of falling in love inspires and gives a new world, a more subtle feeling and the ability to notice details. With mutual attraction, such specific changes give even more joy, state, and energy literally out of thin air. But the situation is reversed when it turns out that the feelings of emotional attraction are not mutual. Then the emerging sensitivity makes a person more vulnerable, aspirations for realization run into a wall of uselessness, suffering and the whole world takes on gloomy tones. And this is a normal reaction to dashed hopes, unfulfilled expectations.

But before you fall into a pessimistic mood, claiming that you have unrequited love for a guy, based on the fact that you have already winked three times and he has not come to you with a ring, turn on the rationality of whether your feelings are really unrequited. Naturally, if he shows every possible attention to the other, hugs tenderly in front of everyone, then you are right. Men usually hide their feelings, so there are situations when, after the first step taken by a girl, it turns out that he has been liking her for a long time. If you don’t have the courage to make a direct confession, then find out his attitude towards you and other girls with the help of friends or a leading conversation with the guy himself. It is better to first make sure that your romance is hopeless than to put an end to the possibility of reciprocity in advance. The same applies to guys, because girls are all waiting for the first step from a man and may not show that she likes you, or not even think about your role as a companion, because you have not given any reason for such reasoning. If you were told about non-reciprocity directly and transparently, then you can safely begin choosing variations on the theme “what to do about non-reciprocity.”

Unrequited love for a girl can turn on the excitement in guys and with a sense of energy and unwillingness to give up, you can achieve her, despite the initial refusal. Correlate your behavior with your principles and your capabilities, think about whether you will regret it (for example, when pursuing a married woman, whether you can trust her after she leaves the family to join you).

Unrequited love for a guy can also turn on a girl's hunting spirit, but there should be a difference in achieving the goal. A girl who decides to pursue a guy should do it unobtrusively, gently, in a feminine way, giving the guy opportunities for initiative and manifestation of his strength, because with obvious persistence the effect will be the opposite and instead of achieving sympathy you will get someone who avoids and breaks off all contacts with you person.

If you do not yet agree to fully accept the futility of a future together, then you can choose to wait. But not the waiting where you sit by the window with a sad look, but where you continue to be friends, communicate with the object of your feelings, while not moving forward, but even developing your life. You need to wait actively, agreeing to all events, even if it is not your lover who calls, participating in all kinds of events and trips, taking care of your own appearance and image. Your task is to fill your life with the maximum amount of happiness, which does not in any way depend on the presence of the necessary person nearby. There are usually two ways of development from this behavior, and both are positive - either something inside your beloved will switch and he will look at you and fall in love, or you will be so captivated by the new life (and new people) that you simply will not have time for mental anguish about failed love (when you have a scientific thesis defense, river rafting, three parties and participation in the presentation of a new exhibition ahead of you, and a new acquaintance dedicated a song to you and invited you to the dacha, it becomes quite difficult to suffer for an indifferent person).

Crisis situations of rejection are a very high-quality impetus on the path and. Look at your life - if everything revolves around the object of passion, if life without him is unthinkable and you are ready to do anything if only they promise you that you will be together, then this is not love. Dependence, the desire to receive the unattainable, the desire to prove, a way to get away from the real problems of your life, in a word, anything but love. Turn to what makes you stay in the story and start exploring your world. Literature about your place in life will help, as well as about relationships with people, trainings aimed at understanding your needs, values ​​and ability to interact, communication with close friends who know you well, people who have been in a situation similar to yours.

Unrequited love, what to do? You shouldn’t close yourself off from the world; if someone gets to know you, then don’t interfere with it. No one is forcing you to find a replacement or date at least someone, but new people will help you endure negative emotions, expand your views, give you support and a much-needed feeling of significance and need after rejection. Isolating yourself and sitting and looking at photographs of unrequited love is a direct path to a dead end.

How to get rid of unrequited love?

The feeling of unrequited love is quite difficult, so people look for ways to forget unrequited love. The trap of wanting to forget quickly is that the more you try to forcefully get out of your head, the stronger it sits there and reminds you of itself more often. By trying to isolate yourself and forcefully throw out the feeling, you doom yourself to the fact that the entire surrounding space will remind you of what you experienced. On TV, all the films will be about your story, people in transport will be wearing the same shirt, and friends will invite you exclusively to places associated with the object of love.

It is possible to free yourself from the power of unrequited feelings, and the first step is to acknowledge and accept them. You can realize this alone, write it down on paper, or share it with trusted people, but the first step is to acknowledge the existence of such feelings. The next step will be to accept those facts because of which this relationship did not work out (if you objectively do not find understanding, then be glad that nothing worked out, and if the reason is your real shortcomings, then think about eradicating it).

Feelings have the ability to pass and no pain lasts forever unless it is artificially prolonged. To quickly get rid of unrequited attachment, it makes sense to move away from the object, because many attachments are strong due to the large amount of time spent together. There is no need to shy away from a person and walk around him without saying hello on principle, which would go beyond the limits of adequacy. Your task is to minimize contacts; if you work together, then choose another company for snacks and smoke breaks, but communicate on business issues, and if you are neighbors, then stop running to this apartment for a screwdriver or salt, buy your own. Stop engaging in masochism that tears apart an emotional wound when you monitor your lover’s page on social networks, tracking all the changes and likes, and switch to your life. Moving away will inevitably lead to a change in your social structure and circle of friends, because space and time will be freed up. You can fill in the gaps with your own activities for which you previously did not have enough time or with new acquaintances that satisfy your interests and needs at the moment.

Keep yourself busy to avoid the temptation to construct in your head various options for your impossible future together. Finish the project, clean the apartment, rearrange, alter old dresses, take care of your development, your appearance, sign up for courses.

No one knows how to forget unrequited love in one day; this process will require time and patience. Sometimes feelings will return with renewed vigor, memories will fly like a hurricane into an already settled life, and such relapses are considered the norm. Each time, the periods of calm will become longer, and the number of tears will decrease, and the time will come when you remember about your failed love only after someone’s question and nothing will tremble inside, yes it was, but it is past. Most likely, over time, you will be able to adequately and without embellishment examine the person and understand that he is not suitable for you. Falling in love, which blurs the eyes and intensifies in the absence of reciprocity, usually embellishes a person, fills him with the desired qualities and does not correlate well with reality.

Do not arrange provocations for yourself in the form of meetings in order to check whether feelings have passed or something remains. Treat this condition like any addiction (after all, in essence, a painful infatuation with a person who is indifferent to you is emotional addiction). Trying to communicate, being alone, calling each other at night is at the same level of risk as inviting a coded alcoholic to a bar. Of course, there is a chance that he will drink only milk, but why conduct such experiments?

Give vent to your feelings - pain, sadness, frustration. The faster these emotions burn out, the faster you will free yourself from difficult experiences. Beware of the rapid emergence of new relationships, there is a high probability that you will transfer feelings that are not addressed to him to the new person, or he will simply be a plug for the hole that has formed in your chest. Spend time with people, flirt, establish easy relationships, but start building something serious when the pain inside has subsided, when rapprochement occurs gradually and with someone you notice and who accepts you.

If you don’t cope well on your own, then psychologists can tell you how to survive unrequited love. It’s better, of course, to choose personal therapy, then you won’t have to experiment on your own soul with all the advice from articles and forums, but textual options for elaboration may well be suitable as an option for ideas that can prompt reflection and search for a way out.

The chances of experiencing unrequited love decrease with experience. Going through the stages of initiation and disappointment with youthful unrequited love, a person learns to hear and understand his own desires, to find ways to realize them when he knows what he wants. Who you are and who is opposite you, it becomes clear what is possible between such people right away, and what can be achieved (the methods of achievement also become clear). Therefore, the question of how to survive unrequited love is rarely heard in adulthood, but there are exceptions. Typically, such cases are associated with previous traumatization and an unconscious unwillingness to build viable relationships, i.e. a person, as it were, intentionally, but subconsciously chooses someone with whom reciprocity is impossible. This behavior is driven by trauma (abandonment, betrayal, loneliness, violence - cases are individual) and a person is unlikely to be able to get out of such a situation on his own. And there are people who carry irresponsibility through the years, not paying attention to real options for being happy, remaining faithful to that one unattainable image.

Each problem has factors that contribute to its development and secondary psychological benefits. Among the factors that provide a tendency towards unrequited feelings, one can highlight a person’s inability to move from one stage of a relationship to another, which is the reason for getting stuck, and then rolling back instead of developing. Irresponsibility is accompanied by uncertainty, low self-esteem and fear of the real world, its unpredictability and variability. Children who do not see examples of trusting long-term and loving relationships in their parents' family subconsciously repeat the model learned from childhood and choose, out of all people, the one who is not able to give them a full-fledged relationship. And just like adolescents, people with an infantile personality organization, a lack of understanding of their own inner life, and an orientation towards society have difficulties in choosing an object of attachment, or rather, a failure in the guidelines for establishing quality relationships occurs.

From such a suffering situation, a person can receive indirect psychological benefit, which justifies the suffering. For example, with non-reciprocal love, a partner can be completely idealized and there is no need to interact with the real one (the one who wears dirty socks, sniffles and places accents incorrectly). It is much easier to love an ideal, even if distant and fantasized, than a real person who is in close proximity. And this way you can not notice your own shortcomings, which usually gain volume when interacting with people. Unrequited love also gives the illusion of fullness and an emotionally rich life, although in reality everything happens only in the head of the lover.

Changing the perspective of perception from the feeling of torment and the end of life to finding a resource in what is happening will help you survive such a feeling. In addition to the fact that love makes you change for the better, non-reciprocal love also directs a person to deeper self-knowledge and better changes. This is a chance to open up to the world and gain new strength to overcome difficulties. Trying to live a full life and have more contact with reality, without renouncing or denying the presence of feelings for a person, significantly expands your capabilities as an individual.

Advice from psychologists on how to survive unrequited love aims to take care of your life. Love gives strength, even unhappy love motivates people to be creative. You can start by doing an audit and throwing out everything unnecessary and unpleasant (from paper wrappers in your bag to outdated interests). Start putting in order the areas of your life that are not related to love. You can start from the physical level and arrange your home, change your image - make external manifestations in tune with your inner world. You can start with your leisure time by signing up for courses that interest you and viewing the program of events. Look for something that will light you up and delight you, avoid grabbing the first thing you come across.

How to forget unrequited love? You will need to take care of your emotional sphere. If you already feel that not everything is so simple in the reasons for your dependence on an indifferent person, then you can contact a specialist. And if it’s just a matter of damaged self-esteem, then arrange rehabilitation measures to restore it. Working on your appearance and communicating with people, visiting new places, possibly charity events (usually there is so much support and gratitude for those who take part) can be done as quickly and easily as possible here.

Provide yourself with a constant influx of new emotions and impressions, positive and unrelated feelings, but avoid alcohol and drugs - a rebound after a temporary improvement can push you into depression. Go in for sports, because with physical activity our body more easily processes negative emotions and produces endorphins, which are responsible for the level of happiness. In general, pay extra attention to taking care of your health. Good sleep, fresh air and a balanced diet will help your feelings much more than cake and midnight conversations over a bottle of wine.

Speaker of the Medical and Psychological Center "PsychoMed"