A child of 8 years old does not obey Komarovsky's parents. Parental involvement in the development of an eight-year-old child

A child's frankly bad behavior is usually a veiled call to parents: "I need attention!" If the child simply ignores your requests and instructions, then everything is not so bad, but the contact with him has clearly become weaker. What can be done to make the child obey?

Evelyn, a single mother, came to my seminar asking what she should do with her eleven-year-old twin boys. “They don’t do anything that I ask: be it a request to turn down the volume of the TV when I’m on the phone, or go to wash on time. I absolutely cannot agree with them about anything, because the most important thing for them is always their own desire. I have already tried threats, bribery, behavior schedules ... which just was not. Nothing helps at all or helps for two days. And then we go back to bad, defiant behavior. "

Throughout the workshop, I noticed Evelyn nodding her head repeatedly when it came to attachment. She made a couple of remarks, from which it was clear that her contact with the children had a slight crack.

“I can see that my affection for the boys has become weaker. Matthew often complains that I always take his brother's side, and perhaps he is right. His motto is: “This is unfair!”. And I also feel that because of my discontent and frustration with his behavior, I too rarely let him feel how much I love him.

As for Eddie, I spend so much time solving Matthew's problems with school and his homework, that I have almost no time for him. And it seems to me that in most cases I do not listen to my children when they talk about their problems, but immediately start giving them advice or criticism.

They must have accumulated so much resentment and anger inside them. When I listen to your explanations that children never follow directions and requests from people with whom they have no strong attachment, it becomes clear to me why my sons do not do what I ask. "

Evelyn has discovered several new ways to revitalize her relationship with her children and regain her role as a confident parent.

Before you ask your child about something: 3 steps

Make requests and give directions from an attachment point of view. Your child will react in completely different ways to a request when you just shout to him throughout the house or address him after even the shortest contact. If you sit next to your child for a few minutes, showing a keen interest in the model he is constructing or the program he is watching, before you call him to dinner, you will get a more supportive reaction.

Visual contact. As another additional technique, you can always say, “Look at me,” and then ask the child to ask. This will help you make sure that the child has shifted his attention away from what he was doing and is already halfway ready to listen to whatever you have to say.

Then start nodding as you talk, "It's time to go to the bath." By nodding your head slightly, you transmit a subconscious signal to the child to interact.

Consent programming. Children with particularly oppositional behavior (which almost all are) are better off asking if they have already said yes to you. In other words, it is necessary for the child or adolescent to already nod his head (literally and figuratively) so that you understand that following your instructions is no longer unnatural for him.

As a rule, I ask the parents to try to get the child to nod and / or say yes three times before asking him for something. It helps him to feel heard, gives a feeling of affection and opens up for further interaction. Below is just such an example.

5 "yes" - and then a request or direction

Mama. It sounds like you absolutely love playing this video game.

Joseph. And how.

Mama. Is this guy in the yellow and purple suit a goodie, or is he one of the people you're trying to escape from?

Joseph. He's extremely positive. It is he who has all the stones of power that need to be collected in order to pass through the Mountain of Villains!

Mama. Wow! And is it difficult to get to it?

Joseph. Very difficult. I only did it once.

Mama. Wow. Probably it was great when you were able to get to him.

Joseph. Yes, it was just super!

Mama. It looks like this is an interesting challenge for you - not very easy, but also not very difficult.

Joseph. Yes, that is right!

Mama. Thank you for showing me all this, dear. Now let's go to supper. And don't forget to wash your hands.

Joseph. I'll be there in ten minutes. I need to finish the game.

Mama. I know, bunny, how difficult it is to stop. But I'm afraid everyone is already very hungry, so we need to go to the table right now.

Joseph. That's it! OK. What do we have for dinner?

When parents encounter resistance from their children despite using these approaches, I advise them to understand the undercurrent. This can mean the need to strengthen attachment. Or helping children cope with chronic depression, frustration, or other problems that make them refuse to comply with our requests, no matter how gently we asked them to.

Make children feel needed

One of the easiest ways to encourage a child to interact is to make him feel good about these times. Try to make it a rule to do at least three positive comments a day about what your child has done.

This has nothing to do with praise. As strange as it sounds, I am not a big supporter of praises like, "What a good boy you are!" This automatically puts the parent in the position of a judge who has the power to decide what is good and what is bad. This makes our ultimate goal unattainable: to get the child to behave correctly, since it is this behavior that gives him good inner feelings.

If a child came and sat down at the table at the first invitation, you can let him know how good you feel at the same time: “I am so pleased when you sit down at the table as soon as I call you, dear. Thanks!". If your child walks down the stairs carefully, without stomping or bouncing on each step, as he usually does, you can say, "Thank you for remembering how important it is to remain quiet while the baby sleeps."

By expressing sincere gratitude, you show attention and open up to contact. This is one of the main and right ways to instill in children positive and thoughtful attitudes and wean them from bad behavior, which they often resort to only in order to get a piece of parental attention.

How communication with children has changed

About a week after attending my workshop, Evelyn revealed that using just a few new strategies had dramatically improved the behavior of her boys.

“I started making sure to spend a few minutes a day listening to music with Eddie, and refrain from giving him any advice when he's angry. Of course, it is still far from perfect, even very far. But I cannot fail to note the changes that have taken place. "

Evelyn paused, trying to find the right words. “He became much softer ... More open towards me. He no longer offers the same resistance as before, when I ask him to help me. "

Evelyn continued her monologue by talking about the changes in her relationship with her second son. “Things got so much better when I started looking at things from Matthew’s perspective and stopped attacking him. I try to avoid any situations that might provoke a reaction of resistance in him.

It's amazing how quickly things changed for the better in our home, once I stopped controlling their behavior and focused all my attention on my own approach to what was happening and on strengthening the relationship with my sons. "

Ekaterina turned to me, she has a son Denis, 8 years old, the child does not obey, and my mother asks for help.

What to do if children do not obey their parents is, alas, a popular problem. According to his mother, the boy does not fulfill what is asked of him, shouts, insists on his own, does his homework from under a stick, at school he is inattentive, argues with teachers.

To my question: "How are you trying to cope with it?" - the answer: "We punish and beat." About the beatings, my mother answered calmly, as about a familiar event. And she added: “My parents beat me too. This is how I bring up. "

Upon further questioning, it turned out that a month ago the boy had enuresis for the first time, and then repeated several times. That is, psychosomatics from the genitourinary sphere has already begun (if nothing is done, then in practice, stool incontinence usually begins soon, in young children and adolescents with the same probability). The consequences of blows to the head are childish distraction, inattention, learning impairment, visual and sleep disturbances ... the list is long. It may seem that I am describing morally depressed adult fiends - far from it! Parents are quite normal people, in good standing among friends and colleagues.

Why don't children obey?

Parents see the reason in the fact that several years ago they were on the verge of divorce, did not live together for about a year, and these difficult circumstances influenced their son. Perhaps. But there are always several reasons for any consequence! The main ones are often deeply hidden, and are not immediately announced! Which was confirmed at the end of our conversation with my mother.

Here is an excerpt from the conversation:
Mom: - The child is rude and does not obey anyone. How to be?
Psychologist: - And how is this expressed?
- He argues, shouts, insists on his own, to the point of hoarseness defends his point of view! Well, he gets it for it.
- Who else does that?
Mom hesitated, and then in a whisper guiltily replied: "I ..."

What's happening? In a family that creates a dangerous environment for children, they subconsciously assume the role of a stronger, morally or physically, parent and play it, like on stage, at first occasionally when they are in danger, and then sit in this “image” all the time.

In our case, it turns out - the son adopted the behavior of the dominant mother, but not on purpose, but intuitively, in order to survive!

(continued conversation):
- Does your husband beat you too every time you stand your ground?
- Of course not…
- Why such selectivity? ..
- there was no answer from her.

How to make a child obey?

I hear this stupid question quite often. Dear parents, when will you finally understand that your role is key in the psychology of relationships with children!

Take care of yourself, and soon the long-awaited peace will come in the family.

And by the way, what happens to an adult if forced? Sooner or later he will revolt! He will resist, shout, defend himself - why in the case of children it is called “the child does not obey at all”, and with adults - “I do not intend to do what others need! Who am I mistaken for! " Double standards, not otherwise.

Here's another part of our conversation with Ekaterina:
- Who is Denis for you?
- Son, who else ?!
- And yet - who is he to you?
- I would like to see him as a friend and helper.
- Do they beat friends? Shout at them and close your mouth?
- ... no ... I didn't think about it, - my mother was obviously upset by the answer.

What to do if children do not obey their parents? - ask yourself the question "who are your children for you?" Subordinates, enemies, rivals, or relatives and loved ones?

The child does not obey. What to do?

So where we come to:

at the insistence of the psychologist, the parents stopped regularly beating the boy,
agreed that he would be a full-fledged owner in his private room: he cleans when he wants, puts things where he pleases, his parents do not insist on cleaning. Why such a step? Any living soul should have its own personal space, giving a feeling of comfort, safety and, most importantly, responsibility! By constantly forcing children to act, they will never begin to take responsibility for themselves,
I managed (which I sincerely hope) to convey to the parents that the child is an adult (!) person, temporarily with a small body. Therefore, it is advisable to behave and talk to him as equals as possible. Show him at least respect if you are not yet capable of love.

Over time, when the environment in the family goes from dangerous to safe, and the threat to survival goes away, children will less unconsciously copy a strong parent ... and will probably try to be themselves.

A week has passed. Denis is a little confused: he does not understand why the beatings stopped. I study with him individually, - he thanked for the opportunity to speak.

What to do if children do not obey their parents? - ask questions to yourself, not to children.

This is what my mother began to do. In addition, she expressed a desire to study with a psychologist. I sincerely wish them to understand and accept each other.

The editorial board of Montessori.Children was asked:

Is it possible to re-educate a child of eight years old or is it too late? He is spoiled, reluctantly fulfills the requests of his parents, he must always be forced to do the elementary things: do not forget to brush your teeth, take a bath, learn lessons, etc. The boy is 8 years old. We bring up the second child, daughter, according to Montessori articles - at 2 years old, already independent. Thank you in advance!

Olga Seletskaya - Montessori teacher at the Otrada MMC (AMI 6–12) answers the question of how to teach a child to be independent.

"Is it possible to re-educate a child of eight years old or is it too late?"

Education is an ongoing process that lasts a lifetime. Even adults change over the course of life. We are influenced by the people around us, circumstances, life challenges. Therefore, it is never too late to have a positive impact on the child.

How to raise a child of 8 years old

High self-esteem is the main condition for the development of a sense of responsibility and independence in a child.
How to raise self-esteem in an eight-year-old child? Children feel significant when adults take the time to talk to them. Frequent communication and discussion of different topics helps in developing self-confidence.

Ask about his friends and the activities he enjoys. Share the best and worst episodes of your life. Ask what he liked the most about today? What were the difficult moments? Let your child feel that it is possible and necessary to share negative feelings and moments of life. This makes it clear that there are positive and negative situations in life. Open, friendly and honest communication with the child creates a close, long-term bond between parents and children.

How to raise responsibility in a child

Responsibility is the ability to make the right choices and be aware of the consequences of your actions. A responsible person cares about the well-being of others and understands that everyone plays a significant role in the arrangement of the world around them.

Responsible behavior for an eight-year-old child is expressed in the following:
- independently prepare for school;
- keep your things in order;
- help adults around the house;
- be an assistant in school affairs;
- keep order in your house and yard;
- take care of plants and animals;
- to help younger children and the elderly;
- report to the appropriate authorities about emergency or dangerous situations on the street.

To foster responsibility in a child of 8 years old, responsibilities must correspond to his age. Self-care habits develop gradually and under the guidance of parents. If the child is disorganized, reproaches and categorical instructions will not lead to success.

The reason for the child's failure to fulfill his duties may be too generalized parental requirements: "put your things away", "get ready for school tomorrow." Break these requirements down into more specific ones: "pack your backpack - what do you need tomorrow?"

The mode of the day and the responsibilities that the child is endowed with in the family give him clarity on what to expect at any given time of the day. In the morning he takes a shower, brushes his teeth, dresses and has breakfast. In the evening, he collects a school backpack for tomorrow, prepares a uniform for training or other circles after school, takes a shower, brushes his teeth, reads before bed.

The family should be allowed a certain amount of time to watch television or use the computer. The total time spent in front of a TV or computer should not exceed two hours a day.

Responsibility and independence means that the child knows the boundaries of what is permitted. If the child breaks the rules, explain simply and concisely what the child did wrong and what the consequences could be if these rules are not followed.

Tell us about what happens in his body, if he does not brush his teeth, show pictures of teeth affected by caries. Tell us how pathogenic bacteria get from the cavity of an unclean mouth into the body, spread through the blood, and affect the functioning of the heart, liver, and kidneys. Awareness of oral and body hygiene motivates the student to practice hygiene.

Talk to your child about the hormone melatonin, which is released during sleep. Why is it important to go to bed on time, since the activity of the hormone melatonin begins at 9 pm. Why is it important not to sit out, not to miss this moment, so that the sleep is of high quality. It is necessary to cultivate a healthy lifestyle, to explain to children the importance of hygiene of sleep, work and their own body.

Assign your son certain household chores:

Set the table for a family dinner;

Tidy up on your desk and keep your belongings in order;

Feed pets;

Throw dirty clothes in the laundry basket.

Praise your child. Praise the effort, not the result. You will see how his self-esteem grows as these responsibilities become a habit for him.

Responsibility of the student in learning

The most common complaint from parents is that the child cannot bring himself to sit down to do his homework. Establish rules to help your 8-year-old child fulfill his school responsibilities.

Start by organizing the student's classroom. It should be away from TVs and other distractions. When your child needs to start doing homework, turn off the TV. Eight years is not yet the age when one can expect independent, concentrated homework from a schoolchild. Parents play a great role in eliminating distractions. Therefore, it is permissible for a child to do their homework at the kitchen table, in the presence of an adult who prepares food.

Establish a rule regarding smartphones: when a student is engaged, the signals of the phones switch to silent mode. Modeling such behavior is extremely important for a child - he feels the support of others and their respect for learning activities.

Together with the student, prepare his desk for work: there should be no unnecessary items on it, the table should be well lit, and all the necessary items should be at hand so that the child does not need to be distracted and get up from the table.

Schedule home activities with your son. Set up fifteen-minute breaks every 30 minutes. Make sure the room is well ventilated. Hang a large calendar on the wall of your son's room, along with a list of household chores. Children get satisfaction when they can check or put a sticker in front of a completed task.

While the child is doing his homework, it is better to sit next to him and do his own thing: the family budget, pay bills online, etc. This will make the child feel that he is not alone with his responsibilities. In addition, you simulate a focused and attentive attitude towards the tasks at hand.

What to do if the child does not obey the parents

"He is spoiled, unwillingly fulfills the requests of his parents, you should always force him to do the elementary things: do not forget to brush your teeth, take a bath, learn your homework, etc."

Why does an 8-year-old child not obey? Here we are dealing with "ignoring" behavior - the child "does not hear" from the first time what the adults tell him.

First you need to understand the reasons for this behavior. Most likely this happens because adults repeat the requirements several times and the child is simply used to not reacting to words.

Establish a rule - you need to ask to do something once.

In your case, when you see that the child is not responding, use the technique of "involved leadership". Don't let your child ignore your request and go about their business. Approach him, kindly say that you understand his feelings: he wants to play a little more and it's a pity to part with toys. By expressing an understanding of the child's feelings, you thereby put yourself on his side, tune in to his wave.

Then kindly explain to the boy why it is necessary to stop doing what is required (time to go to bed or time to sit down for homework). In a friendly tone, discuss what the consequences of not meeting the request (unlearned lessons, sleepy child) could be. Then offer to participate in the fulfillment of the requirement: "Let's go together and see what needs to be cleaned on the table to start working on your homework" or "Let's go choose which book you would like to read before bed."

“Ignoring” behavior is common and requires wisdom and great patience from an adult to correct it. It is important to make the boy feel that you are not in confrontation with him, but support him in the need to cope with his duties.

Remember that the development of the independence and responsibility of a child at the age of eight is not an isolated process, but only part of an integrated approach to the upbringing of a personality, a system of values and habits.

Illustration: ru.p

Difficult children are an eternal headache for parents and teachers. 99% of moms and dads face child disobedience one way or another. And no matter how paradoxical it may seem, in most cases the bad behavior of children can be overcome by first of all fundamentally revising the behavioral reactions of the parents themselves!

Most often, parents begin to complain to doctors and teachers that the child has become disobedient, "got out of hand" and behaves badly, at the moment when this child has been "knocked" for 5-7 years and has already managed with his antics and tantrums " bake "all their relatives - both close and distant. But the methods of upbringing that help to raise an adequate and obedient child, you need to start practicing much earlier - as soon as the baby is one year old. Moreover, these techniques are, in essence, nothing at all ...

The main law of pedagogy of all times and peoples: a small bird does not control a flock

Perhaps the majority of child psychologists and teachers around the world, no matter what concepts of upbringing they advocate, agree in one opinion: a child in a family should always take the place of a subordinate (follower), and not a subordinate (leader).

The main law of pedagogy says: a small bird cannot control a flock. In other words: a child cannot subdue (with the help of his cries, hysterics and whims) the will of adults. Otherwise, this obvious and terrible assumption on the part of parents and other household members can harm the whole family in the future, causing significant damage to the psyche of the child himself.

However, parents should understand that "submission to the will of adults" is not violence against the personality of the baby or the constant compulsion of his will to the wishes of adult family members. No! But a child must understand from a very young age that all decisions in the family are made by the parents, and that any prohibition must be obeyed unquestioningly - primarily because it ensures the safety of the child himself.

As soon as this family law is turned upside down and the child's voice becomes dominant in the family (in other words: adults “dance to the tune” of the little one) - at this very moment a naughty child appears in the family ...

Where Do Difficult Children Come From?

Before learning how to deal with children's whims and tantrums, it is worth finding out how and when generally cute crumbs turn into "difficult" naughty children. In fact, the behavior of the child in the family (as well as the behavioral reactions of the cub in the flock) primarily and closely depend on the behavior of adults. There are several typical and most common situations when children-"angels" turn into "monsters", sitting on their parents' necks. Children become moody, disobedient, and hysterical when:

There are no pedagogical principles in the family. For example: a parent communicates with a child solely against the background of his own mood - today dad is kind and allowed to watch cartoons until midnight, tomorrow dad is out of sorts and already at 21:00 drove the child to sleep.
When the pedagogical principles of adult family members differ dramatically. For example: to a child's request to watch cartoons after 21 pm, dad says "no way," and mom gives the go-ahead. It is important that parents (and preferably all other household members) are united in their positions.
When parents or other household members are "led" by children's whims and tantrums. Young children build their behavior on the level of instincts and conditioned reflexes, which they catch instantly. If a baby with the help of hysteria, yelling and crying can get from adults what he wants, he will use this technique always and as long as it works. And only when the screams and tantrums stop leading him to the desired result, the child will finally stop yelling.

Please note that children are never capricious, do not shout, do not cry or throw tantrums in front of the TV, furniture, toys or a completely stranger. No matter how small the child is, he always clearly distinguishes - who reacts to his “concert”, and whose nerves it is useless to “shake” with the help of screaming and scandal. If you "give slack" and give in to children's whims - you will live with them side by side all the time while the child shares one space with you.

How to stop childish tantrums: one or two!

Most parents believe that turning a "difficult" naughty and hysterical child into an "angel" is akin to a miracle. But in reality, this pedagogical "maneuver" is not at all difficult, but it requires special moral efforts, endurance and will from the parents. And it's worth it! Moreover, the sooner you start practicing this technique, the more calm and obedient your child will grow up. So:

Old scheme (this is what most parents usually do): as soon as your baby burst into crying and screaming, stamping his feet and hitting his head on the floor - you “flew up” to him and were ready to do anything to calm him down. Including - they agreed to fulfill his desire. In a word, you behaved according to the principle "I will do anything, so long as the child does not cry ...".

New scheme (this should be done by those who want to "re-educate" a naughty child): as soon as the baby began to scream and "scandal", you calmly smile at him and leave the room. But the child needs to know that you continue to hear him. And while he screams, you do not return to his field of vision. But as soon as (even for a second!) The child stopped yelling and crying, you again return to him with a smile, demonstrating all your parental tenderness and love. Seeing you, the baby will start yelling again - you just calmly leave the room again. And again return to him with hugs, a smile and all your parental adoration exactly at the moment when he stops yelling again.

However, feel the difference: it’s one thing if a baby bumped, something hurts him, he was offended by other children, or he was scared by a neighbor's dog ... In this case, his crying and screaming is completely normal and understandable - the baby needs your support and protection. But rushing to console, hug and kiss a child who just threw a tantrum, who is capricious and tries to get what he wants with tears and screams is a completely different matter. In this case, the parents must be adamant and not give in to "provocations."

Thus, sooner or a little later, the child will "figure out" (at the level of reflexes): when he is hysterical, he is left alone, he is not listened to or obeyed. But as soon as he stops shouting and "scandalizing" - they return to him again, they love him and are ready to listen to him.

A well-known popular children's doctor, Dr. E.O. Komarovsky: “As a rule, it takes 2-3 days for a child to form a persistent reflex“ When I yell, nobody needs me, and when I am silent, everyone loves me ”. If the parents last this time, they will get an obedient baby, if not, they will continue to face childish tantrums, whims and disobedience. "

The magic word "No": who needs bans and why

No parenting is possible without prohibitions. And the behavior of the child depends to a greater extent on how correctly you use prohibitive words (such as "no", "no", etc.). The so-called "difficult" children are most often found in families in which adults pronounce the prohibitions "no, you can not" either too often (with or without reason), or do not pronounce them at all - that is, the child grows up in a regime of complete permissiveness.

Meanwhile, parents should correctly and as carefully as possible use prohibitions when raising children. First of all, because the safety of the child himself and his environment often depends on this.

The child's safety depends first of all on how adequately (and therefore - quickly and systemically) the child reacts to the prohibition. If the baby is rolling on a scooter, carried away by the process, and immediately stops in front of a stream of cars, clearly and obediently responding to his mother's cry "Stop, no further!" - it will save his life. And if a child is not accustomed to react "ironically" to prohibitions, you will not be able to save him from an accident: without reacting to "no", he will climb into the fire with his hands, jump out onto the roadway, overturn a pot of boiling water on himself, etc.

In a certain sense, the forbidden word "No" has a protective property for the baby. Your parental task is to teach your child to instantly respond to a signal and obediently follow it.

Precisely because prohibitions play such an important role in the upbringing of obedient children, parents should be able to use them correctly. There are several rules that will help them with this:

It is necessary to use the word "not" itself rarely and only on business (most often - either if the prohibition concerns the safety of the child and other people, or in order to comply with the generally accepted social norm - you must not throw garbage anywhere, you must not call names and fight, etc.). NS.)
The child must clearly understand that if something is forbidden to him, this prohibition always applies. For example: if a child has a severe allergy to milk protein and is not allowed ice cream, then even if he brings 15 "fives" from school at once, ice cream will still not be allowed.
Bans like "no" or "no" are never discussed. Of course, parents should explain to the child in the most detailed and intelligible way why they forbid him this or that, but the very fact of the ban should never become a subject of discussion.
It is unacceptable that parents' positions on the subject of any prohibition diverge. For example, dad said “no,” and mom said, “okay, you can just once”;
Any "no" must be observed everywhere: in Africa after 5 years - it will also be "no". To a greater extent, this rule applies not even to children and parents, but to more distant relatives - grandparents, aunts and uncles, and so on. Often, after all, such a situation happens: for example, you cannot eat sweets at home after 5 pm (it spoils your teeth), but at your grandmother's vacation you can as much as you like and whenever you want ... There is nothing good in the fact that in different places the child lives in different ways rules.

If all else fails

In 99% of cases of bad behavior in children, this problem is purely pedagogical. As soon as the parents begin to properly build their relationship with the baby (learn to adequately use the prohibitions and stop responding to children's cries and tears), the child's whims and tantrums will come to naught ...

Dr. E. O. Komarovsky: “If parents behave correctly and unbendingly, consistently and in principle, if they keep the spirit in front of children's whims and tantrums and their willpower is enough not to give up, then any, even the most powerful and noisy , the child's tantrums will pass one hundred percent and literally in a few days. Mom and Dad, remember: if a child does not achieve his goal with the help of tantrums, he just stops yelling. "

But if you do everything correctly, do not react to whims and tantrums, strictly follow the aforementioned rules, and have not achieved the effect - and the baby still screams loudly, demanding his own, and continues to hysteria - with a high degree of probability you need to show such a child specialists (neurologist, psychologist, etc.), because the reason in this case may not be pedagogical, but medical.

The most important principles of parenting

The topic of child education is immense, multifaceted, multi-layered and generally difficult for ordinary people to perceive. Tons of clever parenting books are published annually, but just like a hundred years ago, most parents now and then face the challenges of disobeying their children. And these parents, when solving problems, need some support, some basic principles on which they should be guided. These principles include:

Always praise your child generously when they are doing the right thing. Alas, most parents “sin” by taking the baby's good deeds for granted, and the bad ones as out of the ordinary. In fact, the child is still only building his behavioral reactions and models, for him often there are no assessments of "good" and "bad", and he is guided by the assessment of people close to him. Praise and reward his obedience and good behavior, and he will happily try to do exactly as you approve as often as possible.
If the kid is capricious and does not behave correctly - do not judge the child as a person! And judge only his behavior at a particular moment. For example: let's say the boy Petya behaves badly on the playground - he pushes, offends other children and takes scoops and buckets from them. Adults are tempted to scold Petya: "You are a bad boy, you are a mean and greedy!" This is an example of condemning Petya as a person. If such promises become systemic, at some point Petya will really turn into a bad boy. Scold Petya correctly: “Why are you behaving so badly? Why push and hurt others? Only bad guys hurt others, but you're a good boy! And if you behave like a bad person today, I will have to punish you ... ”. So the child will understand that he himself is good, he is loved and respected, but his behavior today is wrong ...
Always take your child's age and development into account.
The demands you make on your child must be reasonable.
Punishments for misconduct should be consistent in time (you cannot deprive a three-year-old kid of evening cartoons for spitting porridge in the morning - a small child will not be able to understand the misdemeanor-punishment connection).
When punishing a child, you yourself should be calm.

Any psychologist will confirm to you: every interlocutor, including a child (no matter how small he is), hears you much better when you do not shout, but speak calmly.

When talking with a child (especially in situations when he does not obey, is capricious, hysterical, and you are irritated and angry), always focus on your tone and manner of speaking - would you yourself be able to talk to you in this way?
You should always be sure that your child understands you.
Personal example always works much better than telling you how to do the right thing or not. In other words, the principle: "Doing as I do" brings up a child many times more effectively than the principle "Do as I say." Be an example for your kids, remember that consciously or not, they are in many ways your copy.
As a parent, as an adult, you must always be ready to rethink your decisions. This is especially true for parents of children 10 and older, when the child is already able to enter into discussions, give arguments and arguments, etc. He must understand that the decision is always yours, but that you are ready to listen to him and under certain circumstances you can change your decisions in favor of the child.
Strive to convey to the child what the result of his actions will be (especially if he does the wrong thing). If the baby throws toys out of the crib, do not pick them up, and the baby will quickly learn that as a result of this behavior, he loses his toys. With older children and in more serious situations, you can simply say what will happen if the baby does this and that ...

Raising an obedient and adequate child is not as difficult as it might seem at first glance. Parents only need to analyze and control their own behavioral reactions - to be a worthy example for the child, not to "follow the lead" of children's tantrums and whims, willingly talk to the child, calmly explaining to him certain decisions.

As for the psychology of an 8-year-old child, there are significant features at this age as well. For the first time, the psyche of a child very clearly manifests itself at the age of eight. Eight-year-olds are beginning to understand the difference between the sexes. Girls begin to get accustomed to order better and become more tidy. Boys are more often distracted, become less attentive in class.

Some aspects

An interesting aspect can be noted in the psychology of children 8-9 years old: eight-year-old children begin to doubt the correctness of the actions of adults. In a family, conflicts can often occur due to the fact that the child read something in the book, and the parents provided him with other information, and this information differs from the information in the book. At this age, the opinions of teachers and parents may not coincide. As a result, the child's disobedience is observed. At eight years old, the child's psyche is disturbed. Eight-year-olds are very emotional and quite unrestrained. Very often they find it difficult to solve a problem that seems very simple. To make it easier for children, teach them to be independent. However, this should be done slowly and very unobtrusively in relation to the baby.

Child motivation

Seven to eight years is a period of crisis. At the age of eight, the baby loses its childish naivety and spontaneity. In relation to those around him, he is no longer so direct. This process is very emotional. At the age of eight, there is a differentiation of the internal and external sides of the preschooler's personality.
It is very important to draw the child's attention to motivation. At the age of eight, new behavioral motives appear. The cognitive motive takes the leading role, it is he who prompts the students to go to school. At this age, schoolchildren have a motive in getting good grades, in social and public recognition. The cognitive motive is more developed in schoolchildren than in children who have not yet reached the age of six.

Boys and girls. What is the difference?

With regard to the psychology of children of eight or nine years of age, we can say that an eight-year-old child begins to distinguish between his two "I" - the ideal and the real. He has an understanding of who he wants to become and who he is at the moment. Eight-year-olds assess themselves quite adequately, there is no overestimated self-esteem at this age. You can see that children at eight to nine years old have become slower to do their homework. It will be interesting to know that it is easier to make a girl think in class than a boy. Boys are more restless, it is more difficult for them to endure the static load in the classroom - as a result, they make incredible noise during breaks, they can break discipline in the lesson. If the child has not been taught to be in order before, then at the age of eight or nine it becomes a little more difficult to do it. Boys are less likely to pay attention to the condition of their clothes. They are more likely to relate to the fact that their clothes are dirty or torn. Girls are very concerned about the state of their clothes.
As for the psychology of children aged 8-9 years, it can be noted that nine-year-old boys have a lack of responsibility. Unfortunately, they are not very interested in doing homework - they can simply forget about them. Also, not much importance is attached to the grades received at school. It often happens that parents have to find out about their son's homework. Nine-year-olds have less developed accuracy, patience, perseverance and diligence.
This period is difficult in a child's life. There is some stability in the mood among girls. Boys experience mood swings, ranging from overconfidence to complete loss of self-confidence.
In terms of vocabulary, boys are in the lead. They have much more.
This is due to the fact that there are more subject-evaluative words in the vocabulary of girls, and there are more words in the vocabulary of the boy that convey actions.

Parents pay attention

Nine-year-old boys devote their free time to outdoor games and sports. The girls are beginning to like playing musical instruments and reading more. At the age of eight to nine years, the baby can be taken to skiing, acrobatics or gymnastics. At this age, the baby needs his own assessments of his personal "I". When the child does something - do not rush to give marks or express your own opinion. To begin with, the child must learn to independently perform as many actions as possible.
Parents will sometimes need to be prompted, but, by and large, you need to teach the child self-esteem.
Talking with parents about their actions, the child begins to understand the essence of his inner "I".
The analysis of actions together with his child will lead to the fact that the baby will learn to first decompose the situation into its components, he will learn to understand the consequences of his actions or inaction. Analyzing actions, the child will move from impulsive actions to conscious behavior, to self-education.
A nine-year-old may become taciturn, may become distant from parents, and may become secretive. The child gets older and may feel embarrassed about picking him up from school. It is at the age of nine that the child should be shown the importance of values.
Focus on the transmission of spiritual, moral values. When a student communicates with his peers - he hears a lot, and he just needs to filter information - it is the parents who should become the source that will help to understand various, sometimes contradictory, information, situations, and actions.
At this age, there is still an opportunity to make some changes in the upbringing of a student.
The child has grown older, he no longer goes to kindergarten, he is considered an adult, set some framework and conditions for his behavior - this causes difficulties at the age of eight or nine years. In addition, the child is constantly trying to understand how he needs to behave on the street, with relatives, at school, with friends. Often this period passes more calmly than other crisis years of the child.

School adaptation

Not always certain skills, such as the ability to count, read and write, make a child absolutely ready for school. It is very important to be psychologically adapted to the fact that now the child's life has changed radically. Try to make the child happy to go to school, ask him not only about his grades, but also about his actions, friends, and what he has read. A child is not only a schoolboy, it is, first of all, a constantly changing personality. If something does not go well with the child's objects, help him to solve problems, solve examples. Explain how to do them and supervise the implementation. A child will always need such help. A child can study poorly, become more withdrawn only because he is afraid to make a mistake or is unsure of the correctness of his behavior at school. When a child is constantly criticized for poor grades, he becomes even more isolated in his failure. Help your child with those subjects where it is more difficult for him to understand, and praise him for success in those subjects that he knows with brilliance. Praise plays a very powerful role in further successful learning. Even when faced with seemingly insoluble difficulties, the baby will internally know that he can cope with them, because the parents believe in him and will always help.