A child is heard at 10 years old. What to do if your child constantly snaps? Can disobedience be considered a mental disorder?

Even the most obedient children can periodically change their behavior dramatically. Most often these turning points occur during psychophysiological restructuring of the body. One of the most difficult periods for parents is adolescence. And if before mom and dad with minimal nerves could calm the child down, then few know what to do if a child is nervous and disobedient at 10 years old.

This period is marked by the beginning of the manifestation of teenage maximalism, both in boys and girls. At this age, children's ideas about the world and themselves are destroyed and radically changed. At the same time, everything around them is represented by extremes: if someone is good, then he is elevated to an idol, hostility or a bad attitude can be met with absolute aggression.

In addition, children aged 10 are in dire need of the following social phenomena, at least at the family level:

sincerity of relationships;
respect for your interests;
a clear perception by loved ones of the child as an individual;
sufficient level of attention and demonstration of genuine love from parents.

At this stage, both girls and boys show a lot of aggression. This is peculiar universal method protection from psychological and physical violence, as well as a desperate attempt to attract attention. In addition, it is at this time that early puberty and showing some interest in gender differences. At the same time, curiosity is more of a general educational nature and practically excludes deep sexual overtones.

Due to the emergence of interest in the opposite sex, in both boys and girls, defiant and aggressive behavior is a way of attracting the necessary level of attention. Nervousness manifests itself especially often and uncontrollably in the case of an acute lack of it, both at home and at school. To understand their importance, children need to feel love and care. But, at the same time, it is important for both boys and girls to assert their “I” and achieve the perception of themselves by adults as having the right to a voice and opinion.

The main reasons for the occurrence of bright outbursts of aggression and the implementation of deliberate meanness is the feeling of one’s uselessness to parents and others. The child feels unloved and deeply lonely. Even with acute aggressive reactions, their main meaning is to attract attention and seek support and some understanding of deep problems.

Quite often, children of this age experience not only aggression, but also frequent crying, turning into hysterics. The phenomenon occurs not only in girls, but also in boys. At the same time, the child himself is often unable to explain the reasons for such behavior. All this is a consequence of hormonal changes in the body, coupled with the urgent need for self-realization.

Very often, attacks of nervousness and crying occur when there is a desire to demonstrate independence and attempts to eliminate a number of existing prohibitions or restrictions, as well as to reduce the area of parental control. It is important for children to have the opportunity to exercise independent choice in elementary things, express your opinion and feel your importance and usefulness.

Methods for eliminating aggressive behavior in children aged 10 years

For efficient work To eliminate nervousness and disobedience in boys and girls aged 10 years, it is important for parents to understand, first of all, that even the most reckless hooligans and hysterical kids are in dire need of love, understanding and support. The very principle of eliminating aggression is based precisely on these needs of children.

Initially, any child needs to be helped to throw out accumulated emotions. However, it is important to teach him to do this not in public and animate objects. Let the baby beat the pillow, draw his mood, and talk about the problem. It is important not to show this moment aggression and talk to the child in a normal voice.

If hysterics and whims do not occur due to the child’s poor health, they should be ignored as much as possible. In no case should you indulge such whims or respond with aggression; as a result of the parents’ peace of mind, the baby will understand that such “concerts” make no sense

It is worth noting that during disputes, it is important for adults and children to find a compromise, and not to crush the child with your authority. Any conversation, especially an educational one, should be conducted as equals. To do this, mom or dad needs to sit down so that the child is almost at the same height and does not feel pinched.

Most often, attempts at self-affirmation occur at home with the mother, or in the circle of closest relatives. However, if a child is nervous and disobedient not only at home, but also at school and on the street, first of all you need to find out the real reason such behavior. Perhaps she is hiding in the presence of some fears or unpleasant subjects who periodically cause offense.

What to do if a child is nervous and disobedient at 10 years old everywhere? Manifestations of acute and uncontrolled aggression are everywhere, often of a deep nature and can be manifestations of hidden disturbances in the work of the central nervous system. Therefore, systematic nervous behavior often requires the help of a child psychologist. At the same time, often the main problem lies in intra-family relationships and the principles of communication and mutual respect. Therefore, a family consultant may be required to eliminate negative factors.

Source: detskoerazvitie.info

Parents often complain that a 9-year-old child does not obey, not wanting to admit that it is primarily their fault. Children can behave capriciously at 2 years old, 6 years old, and 9 years old, but each age has its own reasons, and you need to figure them out among your family. It is the parents, as the most loving and understanding people for the child, who must help him overcome this barrier and get rid of his disobedience. But not everyone has enough knowledge and patience, so such families often become patients of a psychologist. There's nothing wrong with that. Moreover, it is a specialist who will help you quickly and correctly understand a difficult situation.

If a baby does not listen to his parents at the age of 2-3, this phenomenon is considered quite normal. Age allows such behavior, but it needs to be gradually corrected, otherwise it will be difficult for everyone later.

Parents sometimes do not understand that disobedient children suffer greatly. This is especially true for those for whom such behavior is a method of expressing protest. These children, after another unpleasant situation, will be in severe stress, and a whole series of quarrels drives them into depression. At the age of 9-10 years it can leave a strong psychological trauma, which then develops into severe psychological trauma, which will certainly affect the person’s future life.

Therefore, you must definitely look for solutions, and there can be a lot of them. But the main thing is to determine the essence of the problem. There are reasons why a child may behave disobediently, ignore requests, avoid communication and simply throw tantrums. great amount. Each situation has its own method of solving the problem.

All children react differently to certain psychological situations. And a lot depends not on character, but on acquired skills that are transmitted through parenting style.

Parents can make different demands on their child. Some people in the family don’t have them at all. But the result of upbringing can sometimes be very surprising when, at a certain point, adults begin to notice that their nine-year-old child has become simply uncontrollable.

Families that use an authoritarian parenting style often face the problem of disobedience. Mostly fathers resort to this method, but in Lately Psychologists often encounter excessive maternal authority in a child’s life. In this case, there is too much pressure on the fragile child’s psyche. The child is not raised, but trained. At the same time, he becomes not obedient, but depressed, without the opportunity to express his will. But one day such pressure must find a way out. And this can be expressed in the form of disobedience, hysterics, and most often simply ignoring members of your family.

It is much easier to raise your child in a democratic style. This means that all issues in the family that relate to behavior, learning and other important issues for the child will be related not to orders, but to a meeting. Here is a great method for building relationships with anyone, at any age. However, some parents give in here, which results in disobedience in the future. Some children use it too openly good attitude towards them, considering it permissiveness. But correcting this situation will be quite simple, because with a child who grows up in a democratic environment, it is always possible to reach an agreement. He will not withdraw into himself, like those children who were raised by authoritative parents.

The third parenting style, which experts identify in separate category, is called mixed. This is enough controversial situation, which can be either ideal solution, or a complete failure. In this case, parents behave quite democratically, they always consult with their child on everything, but if the rules are violated, they begin to act harshly. In this case, the child either adapts to the situation and always tries to behave well, or tempts fate and lives only from one spanking to the next.

Each age has its own standards of behavior. But this does not mean at all that a child with early years everything should be allowed only because he is still too small. The rules need to be explained right away. In this case, by the age of 9, parents will not have to deal with the whims of their precious child.

As for upbringing at an older age, that is, about 9-10 years, then everything is complicated. Much depends on the model of parental behavior that was used earlier. Families where an authoritarian style was used should somewhat reconsider their attitude to parenting. If a preschooler can still come to terms with the fact that he is constantly being ordered to do something, then by the third grade the child may no longer tolerate such an attitude towards himself. It is better to change the commanding tone to a discussion or request. There is nothing wrong with a parent asking their child for something. There is no need to be afraid that your authority will drop to zero; it is possible that it will even increase in the eyes of the child. In turn, a rude tone and orders are unpleasant for everyone, even those who have been accustomed to such treatment since childhood.

Parents who raise their children this way must be prepared for the fact that one day the cup of patience will be overflowing and then this will certainly result in a lot of troubles, and primarily in capriciousness. A child can begin to express his protest as early as 9 years old, but in adolescence the situation can become critical.

Another problem is ignoring the child’s requests and needs. This is very important point. When parents do not hear their child or deliberately ignore his wishes, believing that they know better what the child needs now, a feeling of uselessness begins to form. One of the forms of expression of such a state will necessarily be capriciousness. IN school age such situations are very dangerous. A child’s life can be quite difficult due to academic stress and preparation for adolescence. If added to this is the feeling that even his parents do not love him, this can become a very serious trauma.

One cannot help but consider a very typical situation when everything in a family is resolved from an early age. There are no barriers for a child either in communication or in actions. Such children will be very sociable and active, but uncontrollable. When a child is at a certain age, there must be people and norms of behavior that could influence him. Otherwise, the situation may get out of control and become critical. Such children, for whom there were no restrictions and laws in the family, may become criminals in the future, since generally accepted rules will not be important to them.

Parents who indulge their child in everything, just to make him happy, risk the fact that their 9-year-old child will grow up to be a real manipulator. In this case, any refusal of the child’s demands will be expressed in the form of disobedience and hysterics.

All this suggests that the main reasons for children's disobedience depend on the parents. There is no need to let the situation get out of control at an early age, then you won’t have to worry about the child’s capriciousness by the age of 10. If it was not possible to avoid problems, you need to learn to deal with whims, but do it correctly. Do not forget that the most difficult period, namely adolescence, is just around the corner. If by this time parents do not establish normal contact with their child, they will have to solve much bigger problems.

If bad behavior, rude conversations with parents, teachers and just adults on the street have become the norm for a child by the age of 9, you need to understand the problem in detail. To begin with, you should pay attention to your own behavior model. Children follow the example of adults in everything. Therefore, it is very important to behave correctly ourselves. Without fulfilling this point, you should not count on success. If children see that their parents constantly quarrel, talk rudely to each other and have a negative attitude towards others, it is worth expecting that on the child’s part this will certainly manifest itself in the form of capriciousness and disobedience.

If parents are used to authoritarian style, it is necessary to make some adjustments in communication, since 9-10 years is already a fairly old age. The child will not simply tolerate orders; he needs respect, especially from his parents. If he constantly hears only instructions, a protest may arise. Therefore, adults need to explain their words so that it looks not like an order, but like a recommendation. For example, you can replace the phrase: “Clean your room immediately” with: “Please do the cleaning so that the room becomes more spacious and comfortable.”

If parents constantly talk, but do not hear their child’s answer, this is very bad. The child may not find another way to convey his words to adults and will simply begin to be capricious. The solution to the issue lies in ordinary dialogue.

Most of the reasons for disobedience and methods of dealing with them are in parents. Excessive prohibitions or unlimited freedom - all this has a bad effect on education. In such a delicate moment, everything must be balanced. And it is important not to miss contact with the child at the stage when everything can still be corrected. If by the age of 9 a quiet and obedient child suddenly began to show his character, there is no need to be surprised, you need to find the reason and eliminate it. Many parents forget about the feelings of their children, simply acting according to the rules or according to a previously outlined plan. But every family and every situation is different. Therefore, it cannot be said that in a specific situation it is possible to solve a problem in one way or another without knowing its essence and all the details.

Thus, if a child has stopped obeying and the parents are unable to establish contact with him, there is no need to be embarrassed to talk about your problem. But the listeners should not be friends and relatives, but professionals.

Can disobedience be considered a mental disorder?

Many parents who carefully monitor not only the physical, but also the emotional state their children often become worried when they notice suspicious behavior. For example, some families have children who can be absent-minded, take a long time to get ready, sometimes even ignore the requests of adults or simply refuse contact with people. Adults sometimes perceive this situation as a serious deviation from the norm and the height of disobedience.

But in reality everything is much simpler. This is exactly how children often behave high intelligence. They're just bored talking to ordinary people, and they cannot always listen to an adult’s request, since their brain at this moment may be busy solving other issues that are important in their opinion. In this case, parents have only one choice - to come to terms with the genius in the family. There is no need to put pressure on the child, as this can disrupt his psyche and have an extremely negative impact in the future.

A child who is overly obedient but has an unhappy look is a cause for concern. This is a sure sign that parents have gone overboard with educational measures.

Source: roditeliz.ru

Children are increasingly declaring their own “I” and independence; they may often have difficulties with their parents and in communicating with peers. This is how the crisis period characteristic of 10 years old manifests itself, when the child again tests the boundaries of what is permitted and tests the strength of his parents’ nerves. At this time, they may appear different shapes behavior, from tearfulness and whims, to aggression and dangerous, aggressive behavior.

Unlike aggression in children, which manifests itself at the physical level, at this age it is a manifestation of aggression at the behavioral level. Children change their behavior towards vindictiveness, premeditation of actions, they can enter into aggressive arguments and bickering, they can angrily tease and insult younger ones, intimidate and even show cruelty and cause harm. At the same time, the child may not react to random provocations from peers, but intentional provocations can result in attacks of aggression. At the same time, aggression can be expressed verbally in the form of name-calling, humiliation and ridicule, affective reactions with screams and fits of anger.

The reasons for such aggression, as well as many other manifestations (hysterics, uncontrollability, disobedience) are the feeling that the child is not loved, he feels insignificant, feels disgusted with himself, feels useless to his parents and many other negative feelings. With the help of such behavior, the child subconsciously attracts the attention of others and parents, seeks support and understanding.

At this age, hysterics are also common; they arise for the same reasons as attacks of aggression. A child can express his dissatisfaction with screams, tears, and emotional outbursts. Parents often worry why a 10-year-old child constantly cries? Sometimes a child cannot understand why he behaves this way and what is really happening to him. On the one hand, he strives for independence, to limit many of the prohibitions. But, on the other hand, it is important for him to establish a special relationship with his parents, to define new boundaries of the danger of the world and the control of his parents. If tantrums occur, how to calm a 10-year-old child? First of all, you need to let the child express his emotions, speak out and talk about his problems. It is important not to scream, not to break down, but to show care and participation. Even the most hysterical children need understanding, care and the feeling that they are ready to help them at any time.

During a crisis period, a calm and affectionate child suddenly grows into a naughty 10-year-old child, what to do in such a situation. As with hysterics and aggression, it is important to be patient and develop a uniform tactic for dealing with the baby’s behavior. You should not be fooled by hysterics and provocations; you need to remain calm, regardless of behavior. If there is no reaction he needs, psychos and hysterics lose their meaning. Set clear boundaries of what is permitted and strictly follow them without breaking your words. In disputes and conflicts, do not push with authority, negotiate, look for a compromise, distract from whims.

Sometimes a child's nervousness can be a consequence of illness or internal problems. It’s worth talking to him, spending more time. With constant nervousness, communication with a psychologist, frank conversations, and rest help. In consultation with your doctor, mild sedatives, herbal teas and sedatives can be used.

Often children's lies indicate deeper psychological problems. First of all, children lie out of fear of being punished, especially if parents use a harsh education system. Children try to delay punishment or avoid it by lying. Children also try to increase their self-esteem by lying, presenting themselves as a hero in the eyes of others. Lying can be a way of protesting against the actions of parents, an attempt to establish personal boundaries, or constant lying indicates problems in the family. It is especially bad if lies are also combined with attempts to steal - this is a child’s cry for help.

Almost all children go through this stage between the ages of seven and 10-12 years. This occurs when there is a lack of attention on the part of parents to the needs of the child, when there is a need to assert oneself, and a desire to be no worse than others. It also adds awareness of the impunity of the act, as well as incitement to theft due to extortion of elders at school.

It is important to find out the reasons and understand what happened; shouting, shaming a child and threatening him with a criminal future is unproductive. We need to solve the problem in the family.

Source: detstrana.ru

Why does the child not listen and what to do about it?

All children demonstrate undesirable forms of behavior from time to time. But if some behave badly occasionally, others regularly try to harass adults with hysterics and unwillingness to fulfill requests. Before you do anything, you need to understand why the child does not obey.

The question of what to do when a child does not listen at all is not uncommon. And you cannot leave the situation to chance, because often bad behavior takes extreme forms, when a child or teenager practically fights off. Let's figure it out.

The list of situations when a child behaves inappropriately is very long.

Below are 5 typical examples of child disobedience, each of which has its own prerequisites and age limits:

Child exhibits dangerous behavior. It often happens that after repeated warnings, a two-year-old baby breaks out of his mother’s arms during a walk, grabs sharp objects, etc. Naturally, such actions are exhausting.
The child protests. The child responds to any mother’s demand or request with resistance, protest, and hysteria. He doesn’t want to get dressed, sit down at the table, or return from a walk. This behavior often occurs in children as young as 3 years old and even as young as 4 years old.
The child disturbs others. Even at 5 years old, children can behave simply unbearably: screaming and running around in public places, pushing and kicking. As a result, the mother is very ashamed of the dissatisfied looks and comments of people around her. Most often, by the age of 7, this problem completely disappears.
Child ignores parents. When asked by adults to get dressed and clean their room, children respond with silence and ignoring words addressed to them. This behavior is especially typical at the age of 10 and older, when teenage rebellion begins.
The child demands to buy him something. Such actions are more typical for the younger preschool age. At 4 years old, children can loudly demand and insist on purchasing an expensive toy or some kind of sweet.

The sources of “wrong” behavior are sometimes very easy to establish simply by analyzing the baby’s actions and your reaction to them. In other situations, the provoking factors are hidden, so the analysis should be more in-depth.

Below are the most common reasons for disobedience in children of different ages:

Crisis period. Psychology identifies several main crisis stages: 1 year, 3 years, 5, 7 years, 10 - 12 years (beginning of adolescence). Naturally, the boundaries are quite conditional; something else is more important - during these periods there are significant changes in the child’s personality and abilities. Both the psyche and behavior change.
Excessive number of prohibitions. Rebellion is a natural reaction of children of any age to restrictions. When the word “impossible” is constantly heard, a child sometimes deliberately breaks prohibitions in order to prove his independence and “annoy” his parents.
Inconsistency of parents. For various reasons, parents impose sanctions against the child for something that yesterday, if not encouraged, was not condemned. Naturally, he is confused and disoriented, which is expressed in disobedience.
Permissiveness. In such a situation, on the contrary, there are practically no restrictions. The child is allowed literally everything, since parents confuse the concepts of “happy childhood” and “carefree childhood.” The result of indulging any whims is spoilage;
Disagreements in matters of education. Different requirements for a child are not uncommon. For example, fathers usually demand more from their children, while mothers show sympathy and pity. Or a conflict may arise between parents and the older generation. In any case, disobedience is a consequence of the child’s disorientation.
Disrespect for children's personality. Often adults are convinced that a child of 8 or 9 years old is just as “disenfranchised” as a one-year-old. They do not want to listen to his opinion, so it is not surprising that protest behavior eventually arises.
Conflicts in the family. Adults, figuring out their own relationships, forget about the child. And he tries to attract attention through pranks or even serious offenses. Subsequently, this turns into a habit.

ABOUT typical problems and the reasons for children's insubordination have already been said. Now you need to understand what parents should do if the child does not obey.

It is worth noting that we will talk about actions that still remain within the normal range. That is, we will consider disobedience, and not deviant behavior.

A useful and relevant article in which a psychologist explains why you should not yell at a child and how parental yelling affects his future life.

Another important article that is devoted to the topic of physical punishment. The psychologist will clearly explain why you should not hit children.

What to do with a child if he behaves so thoughtlessly that it threatens his health or even life? It is necessary to introduce a system of rigid boundaries that are prohibited from crossing.

A 3-year-old child, actively exploring the world, simply has no idea how dangerous it is. However, due to age characteristics and does not understand lengthy explanations, so the system of restrictions is based on conditioned reflexive behavior.

For this whole structure to work, need to:

pick up a signal word, which would mean a categorical ban. It is best not to use the word “impossible” for this purpose, since the child hears it all the time. The signals “stop”, “danger”, “prohibit” are suitable;
demonstrate the relationship between the signal word and negative consequence . Of course, the situation should not pose a serious danger to the child. For example, if a child pulls his finger towards a needle, you can allow him to feel the pain from the sharp one. In truly dangerous situations, you need to repeatedly pronounce the signal expression: “It is dangerous to take a knife.”, “It is dangerous to touch the stove.”;
remove emotions. Sometimes a child of 5 years of age deliberately provokes danger so that his mother is afraid for him, and he is saturated with her emotions. That's why you shouldn't show your strong feelings when your baby behaves like this.

As already noted, children go through several crises, which are characterized by protest sentiments. A growing person strives for autonomy, but rarely is a parent ready to provide it at 5, 8 or 9 years old.

What should parents do in this case? Allow the child to be more independent and make decisions. Agree, you can give him the opportunity to decide what he will have for breakfast or what he will wear to school.

Such things may seem trivial to parents, but for a growing child it is a kind of pass into the adult world. He also feels that he can benefit his loved ones.

If the child insists on completing a task that is obviously “losing”, allow him to do it (unless, of course, this will harm the child himself). However, after an unsatisfactory result, there is no need to say, they say, I warned you, etc.

If the protest turns into hysteria, the adult should remain calm, otherwise the emotional outburst will only intensify. You need to save the child from the audience, hold him close to you or, on the contrary, move away a little, without letting him out of sight. It all depends on the circumstances.

In this case, it is necessary to make it clear that there are general behavioral principles that must be observed. Naturally, if a child does not obey at the age of 4, then he may simply not understand the importance of fulfilling these requirements.

If it doesn’t work out now, then by the age of 8 the child will have learned the rules of behavior that mom or dad so often repeat. And the more accessible it is to explain, the sooner this moment will come.

Children do not want to listen to a parent who lectures them, for two reasons:

the child is busy, lost in his thoughts, so he doesn’t even hear what the parent is saying;
This is another version of protest behavior.

In the first case, children who exhibit autistic traits behave this way. However, similar behavior can also manifest itself in gifted children, since they constantly scroll through many different ideas in their heads.

It is necessary to figure out exactly why the child cannot or does not want to listen in order to correct the situation in time or try to improve relationships. A qualified psychologist will tell you what to do in this case.

Protest behavior is typical for children over 9 years of age and especially for teenagers. They want more independence, so they get angry with their parents and refuse to listen to them, thus resisting their demands.

It doesn’t matter whether a rebellious teenager or a three-year-old child doesn’t listen to his parents, the methods for solving the problem will be similar. Children need to be given more independence, if this does not harm their safety, and more love and support.

There is no need to wait for demands and capriciousness to develop into a hysterical attack. It is best to immediately leave the store and, under a plausible pretext, pick up the child. For example, explain that you forgot the money.

The failed “buyer” must be distracted by another action. Pay attention to the cat running by, count the birds on the branch, repeat the poem you learned. Usually kids quickly forget about an unfinished purchase.

Then you should promise to add the missing amount for your birthday or New Year and buy the item you like. Naturally, the promise must be kept.

We looked at what needs to be done if a child does not listen in typical situations. However, there are general recommendations which will be useful to all parents. And it doesn’t matter how old the child is - 3, 5, 8 or 9 years old.

Reduce the number of prohibitions, leaving them for really serious situations. In this case, the number of punishments will immediately decrease.
If an 8-year-old child does not listen, and you are used to solving problems by shouting, try to calm down and make comments in a calm tone.
If your child does not listen because he is engrossed, try to attract his attention not by shouting, but, on the contrary, by whispering, facial expressions or gestures. The interlocutor will have to listen, willy-nilly.
Don't voice your demands over and over again. First, simply warn the child to stop playing around, then a disciplinary measure follows. And after the punishment, the reason for such strict measures is explained.
Try not to use the particle “NOT” in your speech. This advice is based on the idea that children do not perceive a negative particle, literally taking the request as a guide to action.
If children are hysterical, there is no need to appeal to their reason at this moment. Calm down yourself, confirm your demand again without raising your voice. This happens more at 8 or 9 years old, but with young children a distraction maneuver will work.
Be consistent in your actions, demands and promises. Also enlist the support of your spouse and grandparents. Consistency will not allow you to disorient the child, who will have no reason to behave provocatively.
Try to spend more time communicating with your children. Moreover, it is not the number of minutes that is important, but the quality of interaction.
Prepare yourself mentally for the inevitable growing up. The child grows, he needs more independence to realize his desires and plans. Ensure this independence whenever possible.
Show genuine interest. Find out what your grown-up child is doing. Perhaps his favorite films are not so superficial, and the music is quite melodic.

In order for a child to obey or at least adequately respond to the demands of adults, it is necessary to restore the most trusting child-parent relationship and establish an emotional connection.

Ways to establish trust:

It is important for a child to understand that he can tell his parents about a situation that is disturbing him. Also little man he needs to know that he can ask adults questions without fear that they will get angry. At the same time, parents should feel free to ask and clarify, talking about several ways to solve the problem.
If you need to convey some important news or ask for something urgent, it is better not to shout, but to come up and hug – that is, create physical contact. Such an action will show your high interest in this situation, and the child will have less reason to refuse you.
When communicating, you need to maintain eye contact, but your gaze should be soft. If the parent looks angry, then the child subconsciously feels a threat, a desire to put pressure on him, so he perceives every request as an order.
Education implies not only demands, but also gratitude. Praise and words of approval are the best incentive for children, because they hear them from their parents. By the way, financial incentive is not as valuable for a child as mother’s or father’s sincere gratitude.
You should not forget that you are a parent, that is, older and more experienced than your child. Excessively friendly relationships often lead to the fact that the child ceases to perceive you as a protector, the main person in the family. That is, you need to be more flexible.

Children do not always respond well to a simple explanation of why they should behave one way or another. It is better to educate by personal example, because this method is much more effective than numerous words and wishes.

At one not so wonderful moment, almost every parent may face the problem of disobedience. However, you should not despair and resolve the issue by force; it is better to build a relationship with your child so that conflicts do not reach the point of no return.

In addition, think about whether an obedient child is such a good thing. After all, some manifestations of insubordination are associated with the normal passage age crises, and if children never object, perhaps they lack independence and desire for self-development.

And finally, adults themselves should serve as models of constructive behavior. Agree that it is stupid to demand that a child listen and hear if parents do not always keep promises, change demands without proper basis and do not want to give in on small things.

Reading time: 9 minutes.

At a certain stage, many parents are faced with a situation where children stop obeying and do the opposite. They dictate their terms all the time and want to become sole owners. Any attempt to improve relations leads to a scandal and a showdown. If not resolved in a timely manner this problem, then it subsequently rolls up like a snowball, and at this time the children do not listen to adults at all. This article is not intended to teach how to raise your child. Its task is based on making parents think about why the child does not obey, why adults have a desire to punish him, and what results can be obtained if different approaches to education.

Childhood disobedience is a common family problem.

Reasons for children's disobedience

Psychologists have identified the main reasons for children’s disobedience and why they do not want to comply with their parents’ demands.

Attention deficit. The modern rhythm of life often leads to children experiencing a lack of attention from adults. They always don’t have enough time to talk with them, play, or study. But they will always find time to scold and punish their child. A striking example to when a mother walks with her toddler on the playground and meets her friend. Naturally, mommy switches to her, and the baby, left alone, tries in every possible way to attract attention to himself. He runs up and throws sand at the mother, who raises her voice at him in bewilderment. As a result, the crying baby and the irritated mother go home.

What does mom see? She is offended that other parents paid attention to them and concluded that she is raising her child poorly if he allows such liberties. What does the toddler see? He invited his mother to play together, in the end they paid attention to him to yell at him, they don’t like me, they’re not interested in me

The struggle for self-affirmation - manifestations

Baby's self-affirmation. In this case, children show disobedience when their parents overprotect them; they try to “put a straw” under every child’s step.

The decision to take revenge. Sometimes adults don't notice when they do something reckless that undermines trust and relationships. They promised to take me to the circus and stayed at home, keeping the secret, and then immediately told my grandmother on the phone and punished me without finding out the motive. And immediately the child’s principle comes into play: “You are so, well, I’ll take revenge on you.”

The reason for children's revenge

Disbelief in own strength . There are times when guys often hear words such as “dumb”, “stupid”, “crooked”. Their actions confirm the prevailing opinion. It’s not for nothing that child psychologists say: “If you tell a child 10 times that he’s a pig, by the 11th he’ll grunt.”

The most common adult mistakes

When a child does not want to obey, the blame often falls on adults because they make mistakes when communicating with children. The most common ones are:

There is no eye contact in communication between an adult and a child. If you want children to hear what you want to convey to them, then look them in the eyes and say what is necessary.
The adult bets too much complex tasks. If you tell a 5-6 year old child something that is too long, he will most likely get confused and not understand anything. You need to divide the request into several simple actions.
A vaguely formulated thought. If you find a baby in the mud, you don’t need to ask how long he plans to stay there. The request should be clearly formulated: “Get out of the puddle!” Otherwise, he will take everything literally and stay there for a while longer.
Raising the tone will not help resolve the issue; as a result, the little one will be afraid, but the actions that irritate the adult so much will be carried out on the sly. In any situation, it is necessary to maintain a measured and calm tone.

Lack of contact is one of the reasons for disobedience

Waiting for quick action. Children under 10 years old need some time in order to fulfill the request. State the requirement and give time to respond to it.
A request and a simultaneous denial. Here you need to remember: “No” is not perceived by a child! He doesn’t hear “No”, he ignores it. Negatives should be replaced, for example, “Don’t get into the mud” with an analogy in another version: “Let’s walk around on the grass.”

Disobedience at 2 years old

When a child at 2 years old does not obey, sometimes the parents do not understand what is happening and how to act, because a moment passes, and from an angel the baby turns into an obnoxious child. First of all, there is no need to panic, because when babies exhibit bad behavior, this is a normal phenomenon. This is an indicator that they are growing up and developing correctly, it’s just that the parents did not have time to grow up with the child.

There is no need to scream, screaming will only aggravate the situation, the little one will throw even more hysterics.

When a 2-year-old child does not obey, then it is worth trying to get on the same level with him, to acknowledge his demands, unless, of course, they threaten life and health. Parents must be consistent; if a 2-year-old toddler is hysterical because he was not given chocolate, then you should not follow his lead. Otherwise, the child will subsequently use whims and hysterics to achieve the intended goal.

Disobedience at 2-3 years of age is the result of a crisis of self-affirmation

You should give your toddler the right to choose; of course, at 2 years old he cannot eat chocolate, but you can offer him an apple or a banana. He must feel that he is taken into account and that he is the master of life. During a hysteria, you should try to switch the baby’s attention to some important matter, ask him to feed the cat, or water the flowers. At this age they love to help around the house.

One more an important condition Have a good mood baby is considered good dream. A well-rested child usually does not throw tantrums, knows how to behave well and copes well with his emotions.

Parents often wonder what to do if a child of 4-5 years old does not obey. A five-year-old child understands everything much better than an adult thinks; he absorbs everything like a sponge.

A simple “no” is no longer enough for him; he demands an explanation of why he can’t, and when he can, and what will happen if he violates the parental ban.

Disobedience at 5 years old manifests itself in antics

If a parent threatens a child with anything, then he must certainly do it. You can’t promise and not do otherwise, then you can lose your authority; it’s easier for a child to see obliging people around who know what they want. Cowardice, for example, promised that he would not watch a fairy tale for bad behavior, but then regretted it and gave it, harming the relationship between an adult and a child.
If your child continues to behave badly no matter what, then it’s worth looking around to see what caused this behavior. The problem can only be solved by eliminating the roots of misunderstanding.
There is no need to resort to threats, the child already understands everything perfectly, you should choose the right tone and wording of the request. Instead of: “Don’t force me to take action if I see you on your feet again,” you can say: “I expect to rest, so I believe that you will go to bed and are not going to walk around the apartment.”
When a child feels a friendly relationship with a parent, he will not throw tantrums, he will want to come to an agreement and reveal to them what worries him.

A child at the age of 7 does not obey because he recognizes himself as an adult, thus he shows that he can be quite independent and does not need excessive care. The baby already understands his social significance and understands perfectly well that in some moments he can have own opinion.

Disobedience at 7 years old - the child considers himself already an adult

In order for a student to hear his parents, he must address him respectfully. At the age of 7 it will no longer be possible to say “because”, since he needs to know “why not”. If the baby is heard, then he will begin to listen to adults. At this age, he still needs prohibitions, as they help shape his behavior and develop discipline and responsibility.

Children are great manipulators who understand perfectly how to get what they need from adults. And, if parents understand that their child is trying to get what they want in this way, then they should not support such behavior.

If a 10-year-old child does not obey his parents, then this indicates the beginning of a transition period when he does not want to study and listen to anyone. Naturally, many parents who are not indifferent to their children’s fate literally find no place for themselves. Psychologists recommend putting yourself in his place. Teenagers need freedom from parental care, their orders, endless advice, and morality.

What should parents do? No matter how paradoxical it may sound, you need to limit them from your care, you can let them feel freedom, deprived of parental advice, decrees and moral reading.

At 10 years old, friends have more authority than parents

In fact, adults should not let the situation take its course, but keep everything under their strict control. Believe me, a little time will pass and the 10-year-old son will come for advice, he will need advice and talk about his experiences.

So what to do?

This age needs minimum quantity prohibitions. Children should be prohibited only from things that really pose a danger to them. Parents should try to be friends, know their friends, what kind of music they prefer to listen to, what interests them. This age indicates a limitation of parental power; for them, the neighboring 10-year-old Petka has more authority than his professor dad.

The main thing is not to panic, try to understand your offspring, gradually everything will return to normal.

No matter how paradoxical it may sound, children feel calmer when they are punished. Because it is easier for them to grow up in a stable environment, and not when their parents change their minds at the first opportunity. If a child does not obey, then psychologists give some recommendations on how to punish him.

Physical punishment must be abandoned

You cannot punish in a fit of anger, you need to calm down, and then apply educational measures.
The child must understand why he is being punished.
You cannot punish for the same offense several times.
Punishment should only occur if the child is truly at fault.
Disassembly must not be carried out in the presence of strangers.
During punishment, the child must understand that he is punished for an offense, but they have not stopped loving him.
If a child is punished unfairly, then the parent must muster courage and apologize to him.

Many psychologists advise not to raise children, but to educate yourself, since children will still be like us.

Parents often complain that a 9-year-old child does not obey, not wanting to admit that it is primarily their fault. Children can behave capriciously at 2 years old, 6 years old, and 9 years old, but each age has its own reasons, and you need to figure them out. It is the parents, as the most loving and understanding people for the child, who must help him overcome this barrier and get rid of his disobedience. But not everyone has enough knowledge and patience, so such families often become patients of a psychologist. There's nothing wrong with that. Moreover, it is a specialist who will help you quickly and correctly understand a difficult situation.

Parents sometimes do not understand that disobedient children suffer greatly. This is especially true for those for whom such behavior is a method of expressing protest. After another unpleasant situation, these children will be under severe stress, and a whole series of quarrels will drive them into depression. At the age of 9-10 years, this can leave a strong psychological trauma, which then develops into severe psychological trauma, which will certainly affect the person’s future life.

Therefore, you must definitely look for solutions, and there can be a lot of them. But the main thing is to determine the essence of the problem. There are a huge number of reasons why a child may behave disobediently, ignore requests, avoid communication and simply throw tantrums. Each situation has its own method of solving the problem.

Parenting style

All children react differently to certain psychological situations. And a lot depends not on character, but on acquired skills that are transmitted through.

Families that use an authoritarian parenting style often face the problem of disobedience. Mostly fathers resort to this method, but lately psychologists have often encountered excessive maternal authority in a child’s life. In this case, there is too much pressure on the fragile child’s psyche. The child is not raised, but trained. At the same time, he becomes not obedient, but depressed, without the opportunity to express his will. But one day such pressure must find a way out. And this can be expressed in the form of disobedience, and most often simply ignoring members of your family.

It is much easier to raise your child in a democratic style. This means that all issues in the family that relate to behavior, learning and other important issues for the child will be related not to orders, but to a meeting. Here is a great method for building relationships with anyone, at any age. However, some parents give in here, which results in disobedience in the future. Some children too openly take advantage of a good attitude towards them, considering it permissiveness. But correcting this situation will be quite simple, because with a child who grows up in a democratic environment, it is always possible to reach an agreement. He will not withdraw into himself, like those children who were raised by authoritative parents.

The third parenting style, which experts identify as a separate category, is called mixed. This is a rather controversial situation that can either be an ideal solution or a complete failure. In this case, parents behave quite democratically, they always consult with their child on everything, but if the rules are violated, they begin to act harshly. In this case, the child either adapts to the situation and always tries to behave well, or tempts fate and lives only from one spanking to the next.

Reasons for disobedience

Each age has its own standards of behavior. But this does not mean that a child should be allowed everything from an early age just because he is still too young. The rules need to be explained right away. In this case, by the age of 9, parents will no longer have their precious child.

Another problem is ignoring the child’s requests and needs. This is a very important point. When parents do not hear their child or deliberately ignore his wishes, believing that they know better what the child needs now, a feeling of uselessness begins to form. One of the forms of expression of such a state will necessarily be capriciousness. At school age, such situations are very dangerous. A child’s life can be quite difficult due to academic stress and preparation for adolescence. If added to this is the feeling that even his parents do not love him, this can become a very serious trauma.

All this suggests that the main reasons for children's disobedience depend on the parents. There is no need to let the situation get out of control at an early age, then you won’t have to worry about the child’s capriciousness by the age of 10. If it was not possible to avoid problems, you need to learn to deal with whims, but do it correctly. Do not forget that the most difficult period is just around the corner, namely. If by this time parents do not establish normal contact with their child, they will have to solve much bigger problems.

How to overcome disobedience?

If parents are accustomed to an authoritarian style, it is necessary to make some adjustments in communication, since 9-10 years is already a fairly old age. The child will not simply tolerate orders; he needs respect, especially from his parents. If he constantly hears only instructions, a protest may arise. Therefore, adults need to explain their words so that it looks not like an order, but like a recommendation. For example, you can replace the phrase: “Clean your room immediately” with: “Please do the cleaning so that the room becomes more spacious and comfortable.”

Most of the reasons for disobedience and methods of dealing with them lie in parents. Excessive prohibitions or unlimited freedom - all this has a bad effect on education. In such a delicate moment, everything must be balanced. And it is important not to miss contact with the child at the stage when everything can still be corrected. If by the age of 9 a quiet and obedient child suddenly began to show his character, there is no need to be surprised, you need to find the reason and eliminate it. Many parents forget about the feelings of their children, simply acting according to the rules or according to a previously outlined plan. But every family and every situation is different. Therefore, it cannot be said that in a specific situation it is possible to solve a problem in one way or another without knowing its essence and all the details.

Can disobedience be considered a mental disorder?

Many parents who carefully monitor not only the physical but also the emotional state of their children often begin to worry when they notice suspicious behavior. For example, some families have children who can be absent-minded, take a long time to get ready, sometimes even ignore the requests of adults or simply refuse contact with people. Adults sometimes perceive this situation as a serious deviation from the norm and the height of disobedience.

But in reality everything is much simpler. This is exactly how children with high intelligence often behave. They are simply bored of having conversations with ordinary people, and they cannot always listen to an adult’s request, since their brain at this moment may be busy solving other issues that are important in their opinion. In this case, parents have only one choice - to come to terms with the genius in the family. There is no need to put pressure on the child, as this can disrupt his psyche and have an extremely negative impact in the future.

A child who is overly obedient but has an unhappy look is a cause for concern. This is a sure sign that parents have gone overboard with educational measures.

Even the most obedient children can periodically change their behavior dramatically. Most often, such turning points occur during the psychophysiological restructuring of the body. One of the most difficult periods for parents is adolescence. And if earlier mothers and fathers could calm a child down with minimal nerves, then few know what to do if a child is nervous and disobedient at 10 years old.

Psychological characteristics of children at 10 years old

In addition, children aged 10 are in dire need of the following social phenomena, at least at the family level:

sincerity of relationships;
respect for your interests;
a clear perception by loved ones of the child as an individual;
sufficient level of attention and demonstration of genuine love from parents.

At this stage, both girls show a lot of aggression. This is a kind of universal way of protection from psychological and physical violence, as well as a desperate attempt to attract attention. In addition, it is at this time that early puberty begins and some interest in gender differences begins. At the same time, curiosity is more of a general educational nature and practically excludes deep sexual overtones.

Due to the emergence of interest in the opposite sex, both in girls and women, defiant and aggressive behavior is a way of attracting the necessary level of attention. Nervousness manifests itself especially often and uncontrollably in the case of an acute lack of it, both at home and at school. To understand their importance, children need to feel love and care. But, at the same time, it is important for both boys and girls to assert their “I” and achieve the perception of themselves by adults as having the right to a voice and opinion.

The main reasons for disobedience at 10 years old

Very often, attacks of nervousness and crying occur when there is a desire to demonstrate independence and attempts to eliminate a number of existing prohibitions or restrictions, as well as to reduce the area of parental control. It is important for children to have the opportunity to make independent choices in basic things, to express their opinions and to feel their importance and usefulness.

Methods for eliminating aggressive behavior in children aged 10 years

To effectively work to eliminate nervousness and disobedience in boys and girls aged 10 years, it is important for parents to understand first of all that even the most reckless hooligans and hysterical kids are in dire need of love, understanding and support. The very principle of eliminating aggression is based precisely on these needs of children.

Initially, any child needs to be helped to throw out accumulated emotions. However, it is important to teach him to do this not on people or animate objects. Let the baby beat the pillow and talk about the problem. It is important not to show aggression at the moment and talk to the child in a normal voice.

If the child behaves badly everywhere

Most often, attempts at self-affirmation occur, or in the circle of closest relatives. However, if a child is nervous and disobedient not only at home, but also, first of all it is necessary to find out the true reason for this behavior. Perhaps she is hiding in the presence of some fears or unpleasant subjects who periodically cause offense.

What to do if a child is nervous and disobedient at 10 years old everywhere? Manifestations of acute and uncontrolled aggression are everywhere, often of a deep nature and can be manifestations of hidden disorders in the functioning of the central nervous system. Therefore, systematic nervous behavior often requires the help of a child psychologist. At the same time, often the main problem lies in intra-family relationships and the principles of communication and mutual respect. Therefore, a family consultant may be required to eliminate negative factors.

A child is heard at 10 years old. What to do if your child constantly snaps? Can disobedience be considered a mental disorder?

Methods for eliminating aggressive behavior in children aged 10 years

Can disobedience be considered a mental disorder?

Why does the child not listen and what to do about it?

Reasons for children's disobedience

The most common adult mistakes

Disobedience at 2 years old

Parenting style

Reasons for disobedience

How to overcome disobedience?

Can disobedience be considered a mental disorder?

Psychological characteristics of children at 10 years old

The main reasons for disobedience at 10 years old

Methods for eliminating aggressive behavior in children aged 10 years

If the child behaves badly everywhere

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