Nonverbal means of communication. Magic in everyday life

Who among us has not encountered a feeling of vague anxiety when communicating with a person when he claimed one thing, but subconsciously you felt his falsehood. You will say that this is intuition and good for those who have it. In fact, it is easy to develop intuition by observing your interlocutor and, knowing the specific meaning of gestures, draw the right conclusions.

Example nonverbal communication

At one university, an experiment was conducted in psychology classes. The audience, which consisted of married couples, was divided into two groups by gender and was given video recordings of different versions of babies crying. Then they were asked to explain their meaning. Most women who had children accurately deciphered them (hunger, wet diapers, pain, etc.), while men did not see much difference in the crying options. This led to the conclusion that women, being more sensitive and observant, interpret non-verbal gestures more easily. It’s more difficult for men to do this; they need specifics, and not all sorts of sentimental experiences. Of course, there are exceptions. This case also explains why it can be difficult for the stronger sex to tell a lie to his wife, who seems to read the real state of affairs in her eyes.

Nonverbal means of communication

So, let's look at nonverbal means of communication. To clearly understand their diverse structure, we present their classification: 1. Expressive movements (body posture, facial expressions, gestures, gait). 2. Tactile movements (handshake, pat on the back or shoulder, touching, kissing). 3. Visual contact gaze (direction of gaze, its duration, frequency of contact). 4. Spatial movements (orientation, distance, placement at the table). In this article we will dwell in detail on the first two groups of means of nonverbal communication and try to characterize their meaning. It should be remembered that interpreting a single gesture without the totality of other body signals means misleading yourself. Therefore, before drawing specific conclusions, you need to take into account all the nuances of the interlocutor’s behavior, as well as his physical and psychological state.

Expressive movements

Open gestures and body postures

Openness The interlocutor's hands are turned palms up and spread wide to the sides. The head is straight, the shoulders are straightened. The look is direct. Facial expressions are natural, without tension or stiffness. This pose of friendliness, as a means of non-verbal communication, speaks of openness and sincerity. It is also indicated by shaking hands and clasping them with both hands. Men may unbutton their shirt or jacket while talking. When communicating with such a person, you involuntarily relax and feel trust in him. This technique is recommended to be used when communicating with people who are significant to you. Combined with a sincere tone, you will quickly win your favor. Sympathy In nonverbal communication, there is the concept of mental contact, which is expressed in the involuntary copying of each other’s gestures or entire behavior. A signal is sent to each other: “I understand you perfectly.” And indeed, if you take a look at a couple peacefully talking at a table, you will see similar poses, the same placement of hands, even mirroring. If you want to convince another person to unconditionally share his opinion, simply copy his body position. If you observe the gait of a happy man in love, we will notice a flying gait, which is very noticeable. It is also typical for self-confident, energetic people. It seems that they don’t care about all the problems.

Closed gestures and postures (defense, suspicion, secrecy)

Deception Have you probably seen someone hiding their hands during a conversation? It is likely that he is telling a lie, since the person’s brain subconsciously sends signals to the body and when a lie is told, a strong desire arises to put his hands in his pocket, scratch his nose, and rub his eyes. All these are typical signs, however, as MirSovetov has already said, the meaning of non-verbal gestures must be explained together. A person suffering from a runny nose can scratch their nose, a child who has just woken up can rub their eyes, etc. Defense Arms crossed on the chest, legs crossed in standing and sitting positions - a classic gesture of closedness and inaccessibility. Frequent blinking is a sign of protection and confusion. A person’s emotional status does not allow him to feel free and at ease. If you try to negotiate something with such an interlocutor, it is likely that you will receive a refusal. To “melt the ice,” MirSovetov advises using the means of nonverbal communication already described above, try to take an open pose with your palms up.

Gestures of reflection and evaluation

Concentration Expressed in pinching the bridge of the nose with closed eyes. When the person you are communicating with is deciding what to do or what to do, or generally thinking about solving a certain issue, he may be rubbing his chin at this time. Criticality If a person holds his hand at his chin, stretching index finger along his cheek, and with the other hand he supports his elbow, his left eyebrow is lowered - you will understand that he has matured a negative assessment of what is happening. Positivity Interpreted as a slight tilt of the head forward and a light touch of the hand to the cheek. The body is tilted forward. Here is a person who is interested in what is happening and has a positive attitude towards information.

Gestures of doubt and uncertainty

Mistrust Have you probably noticed how some students cover their mouths with their palms while listening to a speaker? This gesture indicates disagreement with the lecturer's opinion. They seem to hold back their statements, suppress true feelings and experiences. If during a conversation your friend unexpectedly made a gesture of distrust, stop and think about what words caused such a reaction? By observing the behavior of the boss, the subordinate will understand what needs to be said and what it is better to remain silent about. Distrust quickly turns into rejection and then into refusal. Uncertainty A nonverbal gesture such as scratching or rubbing the back of the ear or neck may indicate that the person does not fully understand what you want from him or what you mean in the conversation. How to interpret such a gesture if you were told of complete understanding? Here preference should be given to the non-verbal body signal. In this case, the person did not understand anything. A hand clasping another’s elbow from behind also speaks of uncertainty; its owner is probably in unfamiliar company.

Gestures and postures indicating reluctance to listen

Boredom The interlocutor props his head with his hand. It is clear that he is indifferent to what is happening. If he is sitting in the audience, we can say with confidence: the material presented by the lecturer is completely uninteresting. In such cases, MirSovetov recommends changing the topic of conversation to something that worries him or “shake him up” with an unexpected question. Be sure that he will wake up, and this is exactly what you need. Disapproval Shaking off non-existent lint, straightening the folds of clothing, tugging at your skirt in non-verbal communication is a sign of your opponent’s disagreement with the point of view being expressed. You will quickly realize the need to switch to neutral topics. However, if a thread actually sticks to the sleeve of a jacket, or the clothing is wrinkled, this should not be regarded as a gesture of disapproval. Willingness to leave It can be identified by such signs as drooping of the eyelids (loss of interest), scratching the ear (blocking out the flow of speech), pulling on the earlobe (does not want to speak), turning the whole body towards the door or pointing the leg in this direction. The gesture of removing glasses also gives a signal to end the conversation. Irritation When a person tells an obvious lie and realizes that you have seen through him, he will experience irritation from your rightness, which can manifest itself in an involuntary loosening of his tie or collar. In non-verbal communication, this can also manifest itself in rubbing the neck, unnecessary movements of the hands, pinching a lady’s purse, or mechanically drawing on paper.

Gestures of dominance

Superiority The so-called “director pose” or “boss pose” in a sitting position. Hands lie behind the head, one leg on the other. If the eyelids are barely closed or the corners of the eyes are slightly squinted, the gaze is directed downward - you see arrogance, disdain. This body position as a means of non-verbal communication is often adopted by bosses, people leadership positions. They are confident in themselves and demonstratively express their importance to others. An attempt to copy this gesture threatens immediate dismissal from work. Equality Almost all men use this gesture, much less women. The nature of the handshake can say a lot, first of all it will reveal the intentions of the other person. If, at the moment of joining two hands, one turns out to be higher with the back side, its owner demonstrates his leading position. You can check how firmly he defends his status as a leader in a simple way: turn your hand up. If you feel resistance, it means that you will not be able to convince him to take equality between you. Sexual gestures When a man likes a woman, he shows thumbs tucked into a belt, places his hands on his hips or spreads his legs wide apart. The look at a woman is usually intimate, and can linger for a long time on selected parts of the body. A man may involuntarily straighten his tie or collar with his hand. If a woman tries to interest her, she unconsciously raises her head, straightens her hair, straightens her blouse. The more subtle art of seduction through non-verbal communication involves exposing your wrists and spreading your legs while sitting or standing. If a woman shows an intimate look in combination with an accidentally slipped strap on her shoulder, a half-dressed shoe on a crossed leg, be sure of her desire to start flirting. An open mouth and wet lips are typical sexual calls.

Tactile movements

These include hugs, handshakes, pats on the shoulder or back, touching, and kissing. Embrace The nature of the hug, its strength, and duration determine the meaning of the feelings expressed by a person. Bosom friends who have been separated for a long time almost strangle each other in a tight embrace when they meet. Lovers linger in a tender embrace long time. Hugs between distant relatives, depending on previously maintained contacts, can be either restrained, cold, or passionate. Between close people they have a soft, heartfelt meaning. At wrestling competitions, for example, the participants briefly hug and disperse. Such a means of non-verbal communication as hugs is more common among representatives of the stronger half of humanity; among women they are slightly less common. Nowadays you can see two teenage girls on the streets running towards each other with open arms. At this age, the frequency of such contacts, both between boys and girls, is expressive in nature, when you want to throw out an excess of joy, delight and admiration for the meeting. If you see same-sex couples slowly strolling along the sidewalk in entwined arms, this may involuntarily suggest a gay person. Handshakes Handshakes, as one of the means of non-verbal communication, also differ in the way they are performed, strength and duration. A strong, energetic shaking of the interlocutor’s hand, coupled with a joyful exclamation, speaks of the partner’s sincerity and his desire to continue the conversation. Wrapping your hands in the form of a “glove” also speaks of friendliness. But if they hold out a lifeless hand to you, like a dead fish, they don’t want to contact you. A cold hand in a handshake can signal that its owner is either cold or very worried. Steamy palms indicate a nervous experience. A hand that is palm down in a handshake indicates a desire to dominate the other person. If, on the contrary, it is turned palm up, its owner unconsciously recognizes himself as subordinate to the interlocutor. Patting on the back or shoulder Patting on the back or shoulder is mainly characteristic of men. These nonverbal gestures are often interpreted as signs of friendship, concern, or encouragement. They can be seen in almost all age categories. Patting, as it were, demonstrates masculine strength and the willingness of its owner to come to the rescue. By the way, this gesture should not be confused with that used in medical practice. They slap a newborn child on the back to make him scream and expand his lungs; they slap a choking person from behind. Patting is a type of technique in massage practice. That is, the specific meaning of this gesture depends on the current situation. Touch Touch is common in the world of nonverbal communication. IN educational activities it helps to stop a mischievous person, in the case of a deaf person, to attract his attention; in medical practice, this gesture is used to diagnose health conditions; the massage technique is based on a combination of ways of touching the body; in the intimate sphere between spouses, they serve as a prelude to union. Different types of touch are an indicator of the partner’s unexpressed feelings. They can be gentle, affectionate, light, strong, rough, wounding, etc. Kisses Kissing, as a type of tactile gesture, is widely used in all aspects of human life. In relation to a specific object, the nature of kissing changes. The mother kisses the child tenderly and lovingly, between loving people they can range from a light touch of lips to a passionate kiss. MirSovetov, in a separate article, reveals the whole gamut of this type of gesture in courting the opposite sex. Here we note that kisses can be both sincere manifestations of feelings and formal, cold, traditional. They kiss when meeting and goodbye, kiss at birth.

Visual contact gaze

Eye contact is an undeniably important communication process. As you already know, a person receives about 80% of impressions from all senses through vision. With the help of the eyes, we can convey a wide variety of expressions; thanks to them, we can control the course of the conversation and provide feedback on human behavior. The gaze helps in the exchange of remarks, since most statements without the participation of the eyes would be meaningless. Remember how urgently interlocutors on the Internet need a variety of emoticons, which are a replacement for such means of non-verbal communication as the exchange of glances and facial expressions. After all, without seeing each other, it is much more difficult to convey the feelings experienced. Developers of instant messaging programs, improving their software characteristics, are trying to include and expand the function of eye expression, general facial expressions and various hand gestures. And, as practice shows, the demand for such programs like ICQ is very high. People crave meaningful communication on the Internet. And the appearance of the video calling function in cell phones and installing video equipment on a computer that allows you to communicate interactively, contemplating each other, is precisely the answer to the need for live communication at a remote distance.

The gaze also takes part in the expression of intimacy and frankness. With it, you can set the degree of proximity to a person.

In communication, the gaze, as a rule, carries out an information search, for example, the listener looks at the speaker, and if he pauses, silently awaits continuation without breaking eye contact; gives a signal about a free communication channel, for example, the speaker indicates with an eye sign that the conversation is over; helps establish and maintain social relations when we look for a person's gaze to enter into a conversation. In psychology, there are several types of looks, each of which carries very significant information about a person’s thoughts: 1. Business look - when we look at the forehead and eyes of the interlocutor. We often behave this way when meeting unfamiliar people, managers and bosses. 2. Social gaze – when we direct our eyes to the area of a person’s face in the area of the mouth, nose and eyes. It is typical in situations of casual communication with friends and acquaintances. 3. Intimate gaze - passes through the line of the interlocutor’s eyes and drops to a level below the chin, neck and other parts of the body. There may be dilation of the pupils, as an anticipation of pleasure. We have already mentioned the fact that it is more difficult for men to deceive their wives and girlfriends, since women can expose a lie much faster by reading their eyes. How do they do this? First of all, by characteristic changes in the eyes due to contraction of the eye muscles. When trying to deceive, it is difficult for a person to withstand the gaze; he blinks and looks away. These signs may also be present with sadness, shame, and disgust. If he experiences suffering, tears flow from his eyes, but they also appear with laughter and joy. In any case, to correctly interpret nonverbal gestures, we take into account the surrounding environment and the context of circumstances. One thing is definitely certain: the dilation or constriction of the pupils, which occurs as a response to excitement, occurs involuntarily, without taking into account consciousness, and the autonomic nervous system is involved in this. If the direction of gaze can still be controlled somehow, then changing the pupils is beyond our control. When we talk about a person: “he has expressive eyes”, “she has an evil look”, “she cast the evil eye on me”, we mean precisely the information obtained through non-verbal communication when observing a person’s pupils. Children abandoned by their parents have a dry, distant look, filled with the pain of loneliness, which gives them an adult expression. On the contrary, loved and caressed babies look at the world completely differently. The length of the gaze may indicate the degree of interest. A close, persistent person will tell you about his intention to extract some information from you or force you to obey. For couples in love, such a look serves as a signal to begin active courtship. If you look closely at a sleeping person, he may subconsciously experience anxiety and even wake up. It is interesting that in the animal world, a gaze serves as a signal for an impending attack, so it is not surprising when, sensing a similar signal from an unfamiliar person, you experience anxiety and a desire to hide. With peripheral (lateral) vision, we are able to see objects and the situation around us and analyze the degree of danger. Serial killers and maniacs have very different looks ordinary person. All previous behavior of a person up to a given point in time, the situations that he solves and the methods he uses to eliminate problems - everything leaves an imprint on the expression of his eyes. Tired mother after a sleepless night with infant, a pensioner living on crumbs, a student who did not receive the scholarship he was counting on - everyone has a peculiar expression in their eyes. If, for example, you are in close relationships with such people, you will definitely understand the reason for this look.

Spatial movements

This or that distance in contacts between individuals is determined by the social status of those communicating, their national characteristics, age, gender, as well as the nature of the relationship between the partners. And this is also one of the forms of non-verbal communication that is useful to know. By the way, this knowledge about spatial orientation according to a specific situation is actively used by psychologists, sociologists, and political scientists. By the location of two people at the table one can judge the nature of their communication. 1. Position angular location- most favorable for communication between a student and a teacher, a leader with subordinates, since both have sufficient scope for exchanging views and gesticulating. The corner of the table serves as a calming barrier, protecting against unexpected attacks. Their views do not cross, and when difficult moments of discussion are touched on, you can always direct your eyes to a stationary object and concentrate on formulating an answer. 2. Competitive-defensive position - used in heated discussions, disputes, discussions. The interlocutors sit opposite each other, which allows them to clearly see their facial expressions and gestures, which can change every second depending on the severity of the issues being discussed. A barrier in the form of a table between them gives a chance of relative safety in case a peaceful discussion suddenly turns into a phase of waving arms and a desire to grab the opponent by the chest. In this case, positioning opposite each other helps not to miss the non-verbal signals of the interlocutor and respond to them in time. 3. Independent position - indicates a reluctance to communicate. The interlocutors sit at different corners of the table, which negatively affects the communication process. If you try to change your position and sit closer, the other person may demonstratively stand up and leave the room. This is the most negative form of communication at the table and a form of nonverbal communication in general. 4. Position of directed cooperation - there are no physical barriers between the participants in the conversation, they sit next to each other. Communication is confidential and intimate. In this position, almost all issues and topics can be discussed, since the interlocutors completely accept each other. Based on the position of two people talking and their degree of proximity to each other, types of personal spaces are distinguished: - public (the distance between them is more than 3.5 meters); - social (from 3.5 to 1.5 meters); - personal (from 1.5 meters to 40 cm); - intimate and super-intimate (from 40 cm and closer). If a stranger tries to cross your personal distance, you will instinctively step back or extend your arms to prevent the invasion of your personal space. You may feel anger, heart rate increase, and adrenaline rush. If you find yourself in a situation where an intrusion is inevitable (elevator, crowded transport), we recommend trying to remain calm, not talking to him, it is better to refuse even non-verbal contact with him (do not look the person in the eyes). Regarding the preservation of its territorial space, a interesting experiment. After the instructions, the girl was asked to sit next to the person studying at a table in the library. She quietly tried to sit as close as possible, and with each attempt her neighbor instinctively moved to the edge. Each of you has experienced a similar desire in such a situation to maintain your territory with the help of various non-verbal gestures, for example, moving your elbow, blocking your shoulder from an annoying neighbor, retracting your head. Maintaining personal distance can also be seen in transport. It has been noticed that people sit in empty vehicles alone in paired seats. If they are not there, they take a place next to a trustworthy neighbor, turning in the other direction.

Another example of nonverbal communication. In the park, people love to take up all the space on the benches. If another person approaches a person sitting alone and asks permission to sit, as a rule, he receives consent. But very soon the first one leaves, looking for a free bench.

In rural areas, the concept of personal space is much broader than in the city. The interlocutors can talk at a distance of 2-5 meters, and this is not a problem or inconvenience. In a city where the population density is quite high, personal territorial space is reduced to a minimum and, again, this does not interfere with free communication. Rural residents experience the greatest discomfort when they are in the city. He will literally physically feel the lack of air and space. There is evidence of how many adaptation problems they had when moving to the city, how they experienced a painful longing for the open spaces of fields and meadows, the silence and freshness of the air, saturated with the peculiar aromas of earth and grass. What can we say about psychological suffering in dealing with a large number of absolutely indifferent people, always rushing about important matters. An intimate distance is secretly established between close people, in which everyone feels comfortable. A change in previously established boundaries of personal space may indicate the emergence of a different type of relationship. A striking example such nonverbal communication: a guy and a girl who have just met each other establish a social distance. As the relationship deepens and develops, the distance is replaced by personal and intimate. By the spatial arrangement of several people in a room, you can determine who sympathizes with whom, even if they do not advertise their feelings. One’s friendly attitude towards one’s neighbor is expressed by turning the body and head towards him and pointing the toes of shoes at him. If you come across a boring person and want to talk to interesting girl, the toes point in her direction, although the body continues to remain turned towards the bore. Once in a certain room, people often break into small groups and begin their discussions within them. It is interesting to trace the means of non-verbal communication in such a situation. For example, when an outsider tries to join the group. He comes closer first. The group looks back at him and if he has caused antipathy, the circle of those talking imperceptibly closes, so that he finds himself on the sidelines. If he has attracted the attention of his interlocutors, a small passage is formed, into which a new participant wedges. If they lose interest in the newcomer, the circle quietly pushes him out, forming a chain of active group members. Concluding this review, MirSovetov will allow itself to note that the above classification of non-verbal means of communication is by no means holistic and complete. It reflects only one side of the diversity of ways a person enters society. After all, no matter how long a person lives, he constantly introduces new and new communication options that are the most relevant in specific circumstances. The ability to correctly interpret non-verbal signals will greatly facilitate attempts to integrate into any sphere of human relationships and will serve you well more than once in critical situations.

Hugs, caresses, pats on the shoulder, slaps (real or comic). All this can say more than words...

Through physical contact, sympathy can be expressed, or vice versa, hostility. It can be used to attract attention or convey some emotion.

Also, there are touches associated with professional activity(for example, a visit to the doctor or hairdresser), sports contacts, dance, etc. In general, mutual physical contact is normal and very common, whatever it is, it has a profound impact on our perception, so it is important to understand the meaning of touch .

Touch is important in every phase of life. Caressing a baby in the first months of his life, when verbal language is not yet available, lays the foundation for the perception of the world of relationships in his mind. Then, over the years, the role of this nonverbal form of communication begins to unfold across its entire spectrum. Firstly, the division of physical contacts into positive and negative becomes noticeable. On the one hand, touch can mean connection, such as holding a hand or holding an arm. On the other hand, it may express a desire to keep a distance, for example, a push.

As for positive touches, according to their meanings, the English anthropologist Desmont Morris divided them into 14 main types.

Basic Types of Positive Touch

A formal greeting indicating predisposition. The signal of predisposition is enhanced if the usual shaking of the right hands is supplemented by the application of the left hand, or by touching the partner’s shoulder with the left hand.	A signal indicating an intimate relationship between partners (sometimes the process of courtship). A heterosexual gesture, as the man's hand is close to the woman's genitals.
A gesture “reserved” for couples in love. Young people often practice it in public, others in a more intimate setting, or also in public, but in especially “pathetic” moments (for example, after a long separation).	It means unconditional trust, as it involves hand access to one of the most vulnerable parts of the body. Thus, even the slightest hand-head contact signals a close connection.
A gesture similar in meaning to a kiss on the lips. Practiced mainly by young couples. Signals an absolute desire to be in constant contact, isolated from the environment.	The sexual side of the relationship between partners, since caresses are part of erotic foreplay. In public, the weasel conveys a signal of close connection to others.
The parents are holding the child in their arms, or the girl is sitting in the arms of the guy. A gesture of support. In adults, it is practiced only when it is necessary to help.	Fake Attack Pushes, blows, kicks, performed in a humorous manner that does not provoke pain. They do not mean aggression, but friendship. Sometimes this is the only way to demonstrate the “cordiality” of relationships among guys and men.
Accompanying contact One leads the other with a light hug around the shoulders, or supporting the hand. A controlling and patronizing gesture.	A common gesture meaning praise, friendship, support.. Sometimes it has a humorous meaning: “Hmm.. What a great fellow you are!”
The most common gesture signifying a connection between partners. Has a symbolic meaning of protection and possession. It is performed in public to convey its meaning to everyone.	Common among children with parents and among lovers. In adults, this is a gesture of sexual connection or a ritual symbol of “break-reunion.”
A predominantly masculine gesture. Almost the only one, socially accepted method physical contact to express a friendly bond between men.	In childhood, this type of touch is needed to support the child learning to walk, as well as to protect him. In adults, the meaning of mutual connection acquires.

There are also friendly touches, sometimes perhaps unconscious. Various studies show that it is most pleasant for us to remember those meetings during which we were touched, and as little consciously as possible.

Touching can be an expression of dominance: two people are talking, and one, from time to time, pokes a finger in the other's chest. Or one put his hand on the other's shoulder, thus expressing his higher status. Indeed, usually a person of higher rank initiates physical contact: a boss puts a protective hand on a subordinate's shoulder, an old man may pat a child on the cheek, and more often than not, men (as the dominant sex) touch women first.

Women show more trust in relationships with each other than men. Quite often you can see girls holding each other's hands, or one woman straightening another's hair.

Men also touch each other, but according to their own strict rules. These are greeting handshakes, friendly fights. If touching goes beyond certain limits, this may be a sign of homosexuality.

But touch is needed not only for communication. Research shows that physical contact is the key to normal mental development. For example, infant primates raised in isolation, not touched or licked by their mother, remained sexually immature, and some did not even attempt mating. If a newborn kitten closes one eye for several weeks, it will never learn to see with it. For many organs, it is not enough just to be healthy; they must also learn to function.

The same thing happens with human children. The child who received sufficient quantity maternal and paternal affection, will grow more mature mentally and sexually. All sexual contacts of adults are based somewhere in their depth on the experience of physical contact with parents acquired in early childhood.

The meaning of touch is also manifested in the function of consolation. With their help, we want to strengthen relationships that are sometimes severely tested. Therefore, we touch each other more at the moment of any grief, after a dangerous situation has passed, before and after a long separation. In such situations, we especially feel the need for connection and through gestures of touch we exalt the moment.

Our tendency in difficult moments to touch “our own kind” is also dictated by physiological reasons. Stimulated skin plays a major role in creating a feeling of well-being. Some receptors, stimulated in a certain way, send a signal to the pituitary gland, where after a series chemical reactions so-called endogenous morphines are released, which cause us pleasant sensations. These same substances are also released during emergency situations, for example, during childbirth or some kind of injury, to reduce pain.

The language of touch

Every day we have physical contacts, desirable and not so desirable. The language of touch has its own meaning. Check out short dictionary this complex language...

Girl, may I touch you?!

The diagram shows parts of the body that have different “availability coefficients” for others.

Unpainted body parts are at the disposal of almost everyone around this girl. Hands are available for contact when greeting or for friendly “pats”, etc. The face is available when kissing on the cheek, for example.
Green indicates parts of the body that can only be touched in public by people from her immediate circle - these are her partner or parents (hair, neck, area near the chest, sides, knees).
"Forbidden" body parts are indicated in blue. Available only to a partner in an intimate setting.

Sometimes these laws can be broken. At an appointment with a doctor, a massage therapist, etc. Or, for example, a shoe seller has the right to touch the feet of customers.

Nonverbal signals when communicating

Hold on! I'm attacking!!!

Light punches, grabs by the throat, generally comic aggression. This type of communication is common among guys. Usually accompanied by signals received in a friendly environment - laughter, jokes, active movements. However, if friendly signals are delayed, or actions are too aggressive, then the reaction may be negative.

Example of nonverbal communication

At one university, an experiment was conducted in psychology classes. The audience, which consisted of married couples, was divided into two groups by gender and allowed to watch videos various options crying babies. Then they were asked to explain their meaning. Most women who had children accurately deciphered them (hunger, wet diapers, pain, etc.), while men did not see much difference in the crying options. This led to the conclusion that women, being more sensitive and observant, interpret non-verbal gestures more easily. It’s more difficult for men to do this; they need specifics, and not all sorts of sentimental experiences. Of course, there are exceptions.

This case also explains why it can be difficult for the stronger sex to tell a lie to his wife, who seems to read the real state of affairs in her eyes.

Nonverbal means of communication

In this article we will dwell in detail on the first two groups of means of nonverbal communication and try to characterize their meaning. It should be remembered that interpreting a single gesture without the totality of other body signals means misleading yourself. Therefore, before drawing specific conclusions, you need to take into account all the nuances of the interlocutor’s behavior, as well as his physical and psychological state.

Expressive movements

Open gestures and body postures

Openness

The interlocutor's hands are turned palms up and spread wide to the sides. The head is straight, the shoulders are straightened. The look is direct. Facial expressions are natural, without tension or stiffness. This pose of friendliness, as a means of non-verbal communication, speaks of openness and sincerity. It is also indicated by shaking hands and clasping them with both hands. Men may unbutton their shirt or jacket while talking. When communicating with such a person, you involuntarily relax and feel trust in him.

Sympathy

In nonverbal communication, there is the concept of mental contact, which is expressed in the involuntary copying of each other’s gestures or entire behavior. A signal is sent to each other: “I understand you perfectly.” And indeed, if you take a look at a couple peacefully talking at a table, you will see similar poses, the same placement of hands, even mirroring. If you want to convince another person to unconditionally share his opinion, simply copy his body position.

If you observe the gait of a happy man in love, we will notice a flying gait, which is very noticeable. It is also typical for self-confident, energetic people. It seems that they don’t care about all the problems.

Closed gestures and postures (defense, suspicion, secrecy)

Deception

Have you probably seen someone hiding their hands during a conversation? It is likely that he is telling a lie, since subconsciously the human brain sends signals to the body and when a lie is told, a desire put your hands in your pocket, scratch your nose, rub your eyes. All these are typical signs, however, as MirSovetov has already said, the meaning of non-verbal gestures must be explained together. A person suffering from a runny nose can scratch their nose, a child who has just woken up can rub their eyes, etc.

Defense

Arms crossed on the chest, legs crossed in standing and sitting positions - a classic gesture of closedness and inaccessibility. Frequent blinking is a sign of protection and confusion. A person’s emotional status does not allow him to feel free and at ease. If you try to negotiate something with such an interlocutor, it is likely that you will receive a refusal. To “melt the ice,” MirSovetov advises using the means of nonverbal communication already described above, try to accept open posture with palms up.

Gestures of reflection and evaluation

Concentration

Expressed in pinching the bridge of the nose with closed eyes. When the person you are communicating with is deciding what to do or what to do, or generally thinking about solving a certain issue, he may be rubbing his chin at this time.

Criticality

If a person holds his hand to his chin, with his index finger stretched along his cheek, and with the other hand supports his elbow, his left eyebrow is lowered - you will understand that he has a negative assessment of what is happening.

Positivity

Interpreted as a slight tilt of the head forward and a light touch of the hand to the cheek. The body is tilted forward. Here is a person who is interested in what is happening and has a positive attitude towards information.

Gestures of doubt and uncertainty

Mistrust

Have you probably noticed how some students cover their mouths with their palms while listening to a speaker? This gesture indicates disagreement with the lecturer's opinion. They seem to hold back their statements, suppress true feelings and experiences. If during a conversation your friend unexpectedly made a gesture of distrust, stop and think about what words caused such a reaction? By observing the behavior of the boss, the subordinate will understand what needs to be said and what it is better to remain silent about. Distrust quickly turns into rejection and then into refusal.

Uncertainty

A nonverbal gesture such as scratching or rubbing the back of the ear or neck may indicate that the person does not fully understand what you want from him or what you mean in the conversation. How to interpret such a gesture if you were told of complete understanding? Here preference should be given nonverbal signal bodies. In this case, the person did not understand anything. A hand clasping another’s elbow from behind also speaks of uncertainty; its owner is probably in unfamiliar company.

Gestures and postures indicating reluctance to listen

Boredom

The interlocutor props his head with his hand. It is clear that he is indifferent to what is happening. If he is sitting in the audience, we can say with confidence: the material presented by the lecturer is completely uninteresting. In such cases, MirSovetov recommends changing the topic of conversation to something that worries him or “shake him up” with an unexpected question. Be sure that he will wake up, and this is exactly what you need.

Disapproval

Shaking off non-existent lint, straightening the folds of clothing, tugging at your skirt in non-verbal communication is a sign of your opponent’s disagreement with the point of view being expressed. You will quickly realize the need to switch to neutral topics. However, if a thread actually sticks to the sleeve of a jacket, or the clothing is wrinkled, this should not be regarded as a gesture of disapproval.

Willingness to leave

It can be identified by such signs as drooping of the eyelids (loss of interest), scratching the ear (blocking out the flow of speech), pulling on the earlobe (does not want to speak), turning the whole body towards the door or pointing the leg in this direction. The gesture of removing glasses also gives a signal to end the conversation.

Irritation

When a person tells an obvious lie and realizes that you have seen through him, he will experience irritation from your rightness, which can manifest itself in an involuntary loosening of his tie or collar. In non-verbal communication, this can also manifest itself in rubbing the neck, unnecessary movements of the hands, pinching a lady’s purse, or mechanically drawing on paper.

Gestures of dominance

Superiority

The so-called “director pose” or “boss pose” in a sitting position. Hands lie behind the head, one leg on the other. If the eyelids are barely closed or the corners of the eyes are slightly squinted, the gaze is directed downward - you see arrogance, disdain. This body position is often adopted by bosses and people in leadership positions as a means of nonverbal communication. They are confident in themselves and demonstratively express their importance to others. An attempt to copy this gesture threatens immediate dismissal from work.

Equality

Almost all men use this gesture, much less women. The nature of the handshake can say a lot, first of all it will reveal the intentions of the other person. If at the moment of joining two hands one is higher back side, its owner demonstrates his leading position. You can check how firmly he defends his status as a leader in a simple way: turn your hand up. If you feel resistance, it means that you will not be able to convince him to take equality between you.

Sexual gestures

When a man likes a woman, he shows his thumbs tucked into his belt, places his hands on his hips, or spreads his legs wide apart. The look at a woman is usually intimate, and can linger for a long time on selected parts of the body. A man may involuntarily straighten his tie or collar with his hand.
If a woman tries to interest her, she unconsciously raises her head, straightens her hair, straightens her blouse. The more subtle art of seduction through non-verbal communication involves exposing your wrists and spreading your legs while sitting or standing. If a woman shows an intimate look in combination with an accidentally slipped strap on her shoulder, a half-dressed shoe on a crossed leg, be sure of her desire to start flirting. An open mouth and wet lips are typical sexual calls.

Tactile movements

These include hugs, handshakes, pats on the shoulder or back, touching, and kissing.

Embrace

The nature of the hug, its strength, and duration determine the meaning of the feelings expressed by a person.
Bosom friends who have been separated for a long time almost strangle each other in a tight embrace when they meet. The lovers linger in a tender embrace for a long time. Hugs between distant relatives, depending on previously maintained contacts, can be either restrained, cold, or passionate. Between close people they have a soft, heartfelt meaning. At wrestling competitions, for example, the participants briefly hug and disperse.

Such a means of non-verbal communication as hugs is more common among representatives of the stronger half of humanity; among women they are slightly less common. Nowadays you can see two teenage girls on the streets running towards each other with open arms. At this age, the frequency of such contacts, both between boys and girls, is expressive in nature, when you want to throw out an excess of joy, delight and admiration for the meeting. If you see same-sex couples slowly strolling along the sidewalk in entwined arms, this may involuntarily suggest a gay person.

Handshakes

Handshakes, as one of the means of non-verbal communication, also differ in the way they are performed, strength and duration. A strong, energetic shaking of the interlocutor’s hand, coupled with a joyful exclamation, speaks of the partner’s sincerity and his desire to continue the conversation. Wrapping your hands in the form of a “glove” also speaks of friendliness. But if they hold out a lifeless hand to you, like a dead fish, they don’t want to contact you.

A cold hand in a handshake can signal that its owner is either cold or very worried. Steamy palms indicate a nervous experience. A hand that is palm down in a handshake indicates a desire to dominate the other person. If, on the contrary, it is turned palm up, its owner unconsciously recognizes himself as subordinate to the interlocutor.

Patting on the back or shoulder

Patting on the back or shoulder is mainly characteristic of men. These nonverbal gestures are often interpreted as signs of friendship, concern, or encouragement. They can be seen in almost all age categories. Patting, as it were, demonstrates masculine strength and the willingness of its owner to come to the rescue.

By the way, this gesture should not be confused with that used in medical practice. They slap a newborn child on the back to make him scream and expand his lungs; they slap a choking person from behind. Patting is a type of technique in massage practice. That is, the specific meaning of this gesture depends on the current situation.

Touch

Touch is common in the world of nonverbal communication. In educational activities, it helps to stop a mischievous person, in the case of a deaf person, to attract his attention; in medical practice, this gesture is used to diagnose a health condition; the massage technique is based on a combination of ways of touching the body; in the intimate sphere between spouses, they serve as foreplay to the connection. Different types of touch are an indicator of the partner’s unexpressed feelings. They can be gentle, affectionate, light, strong, rough, wounding, etc.

Kisses

Kissing, as a type of tactile gesture, is widely used in all aspects of human life. In relation to a specific object, the nature of kissing changes. The mother kisses the child tenderly and lovingly, between loving people they can vary from a light touch of lips to a passionate kiss. MirSovetov, in a separate article, reveals the whole gamut of this type of gesture in courting the opposite sex. Here we note that kisses can be both sincere manifestations of feelings and formal, cold, traditional. They kiss when meeting and goodbye, kiss at birth.

Visual contact gaze

Remember how urgently interlocutors on the Internet need a variety of emoticons, which are a replacement for such means of non-verbal communication as the exchange of glances and facial expressions. After all, without seeing each other, it is much more difficult to convey the feelings experienced. Developers of instant messaging programs, improving their software characteristics, are trying to include and expand the function of eye expression, general facial expressions and various hand gestures. And, as practice shows, the demand for such programs like ICQ is very high. People crave meaningful communication on the Internet. And the emergence of the video calling function in cell phones and the installation of video equipment on the computer, which allows you to communicate interactively, contemplating each other, is precisely the answer to the need for live communication at a remote distance.

The gaze also takes part in the expression of intimacy and frankness. With it, you can set the degree of proximity to a person.

In psychology, there are several types of views, each of which carries very significant information about a person’s thoughts:
1. Business look - when we look at the forehead and eyes of the interlocutor. We often behave this way when meeting unfamiliar people, managers and bosses.
2. Social gaze – when we direct our eyes to the area of a person’s face in the area of the mouth, nose and eyes. It is typical in situations of casual communication with friends and acquaintances.
3. Intimate gaze - passes through the line of the interlocutor’s eyes and drops to a level below the chin, neck and other parts of the body. There may be dilation of the pupils, as an anticipation of pleasure.

We have already mentioned the fact that it is more difficult for men to deceive their wives and girlfriends, since women can expose a lie much faster by reading their eyes. How do they do this? First of all, by characteristic changes in the eyes due to contraction of the eye muscles. When trying to deceive, it is difficult for a person to withstand the gaze; he blinks and looks away. These signs may also be present with sadness, shame, and disgust. If he experiences suffering, tears flow from his eyes, but they also appear with laughter and joy.
In any case, to correctly interpret nonverbal gestures, we take into account the surrounding environment and the context of circumstances. One thing can definitely be stated for sure: the dilation or constriction of the pupils, which occurs as a response to excitement, occurs involuntarily, without taking into account consciousness; the autonomic system is involved in this nervous system. If the direction of gaze can still be controlled somehow, then changing the pupils is beyond our control. When we talk about a person: “he has expressive eyes”, “she has an evil look”, “she cast the evil eye on me”, we mean precisely the information obtained through non-verbal communication when observing a person’s pupils. Children abandoned by their parents have a dry, distant look, filled with the pain of loneliness, which gives them an adult expression. On the contrary, loved and caressed babies look at the world completely differently.

The length of the gaze may indicate the degree of interest. A close, persistent person will tell you about his intention to extract some information from you or force you to obey. For couples in love, such a look serves as a signal to begin active courtship. If you look closely at a sleeping person, he may subconsciously experience anxiety and even wake up. It is interesting that in the animal world, a gaze serves as a signal for an impending attack, so it is not surprising when, sensing a similar signal from an unfamiliar person, you experience anxiety and a desire to hide. With peripheral (lateral) vision, we are able to see objects and the situation around us and analyze the degree of danger.
Serial killers and maniacs have a very different view from the view of an ordinary person. All previous behavior of a person up to a given point in time, the situations that he solves and the methods he uses to eliminate problems - everything leaves an imprint on the expression of his eyes. A tired mother after a sleepless night with a baby, a pensioner living on crumbs, a student who did not receive the scholarship he was counting on - everyone has a peculiar expression in their eyes. If, for example, you are in close relationships with such people, you will definitely understand the reason for this look.

Spatial movements

By the location of two people at the table one can judge the nature of their communication.

1. The corner position is the most favorable for communication between a student and a teacher, a leader with subordinates, since both have sufficient space for exchanging views and gesticulating. The corner of the table serves as a calming barrier, protecting against unexpected attacks. Their views do not cross, and when difficult moments of discussion are touched on, you can always direct your eyes to a stationary object and concentrate on formulating an answer.

2. Competitive-defensive position - used in heated discussions, disputes, discussions. The interlocutors sit opposite each other, which allows them to clearly see their facial expressions and gestures, which can change every second depending on the severity of the issues being discussed. A barrier in the form of a table between them gives a chance of relative safety in case a peaceful discussion suddenly turns into a phase of waving arms and a desire to grab the opponent by the chest. In this case, positioning opposite each other helps not to miss the non-verbal signals of the interlocutor and respond to them in time.

3. Independent position - indicates a reluctance to communicate. The interlocutors sit at different corners of the table, which negatively affects the communication process. If you try to change your position and sit closer, the other person may demonstratively stand up and leave the room. This is the most negative form of communication at the table and a form of nonverbal communication in general.

4. Position of directed cooperation - there are no physical barriers between the participants in the conversation, they sit next to each other. Communication is confidential and intimate. In this position, almost all issues and topics can be discussed, since the interlocutors completely accept each other.

Based on the position of two people talking and their degree of proximity to each other, types of personal spaces are distinguished:
- public (the distance between them is more than 3.5 meters);
- social (from 3.5 to 1.5 meters);
- personal (from 1.5 meters to 40 cm);
- intimate and super-intimate (from 40 cm and closer).

If a stranger tries to cross your personal distance, you will instinctively step back or extend your arms to prevent the invasion of your personal space. You may feel anger, heart rate increase, and adrenaline rush. If you find yourself in a situation where an intrusion is inevitable (elevator, crowded transport), we recommend trying to remain calm, not talking to him, it is better to refuse even non-verbal contact with him (do not look the person in the eyes).

An interesting experiment was conducted regarding the preservation of one’s territorial space. After the instructions, the girl was asked to sit next to the person studying at a table in the library. She quietly tried to sit as close as possible, and with each attempt her neighbor instinctively moved to the edge. Each of you has experienced a similar desire in such a situation to maintain your territory with the help of various non-verbal gestures, for example, moving your elbow, blocking your shoulder from an annoying neighbor, retracting your head.

Maintaining personal distance can also be seen in transport. It has been noticed that people sit in empty vehicles alone in paired seats. If they are not there, they take a place next to a trustworthy neighbor, turning in the other direction.

An intimate distance is secretly established between close people, in which everyone feels comfortable. A change in previously established boundaries of personal space may indicate the emergence of a different type of relationship. A striking example of such nonverbal communication: a guy and a girl who have just met each other establish a social distance. As the relationship deepens and develops, the distance is replaced by personal and intimate.

By the spatial arrangement of several people in a room, you can determine who sympathizes with whom, even if they do not advertise their feelings. One’s friendly attitude towards one’s neighbor is expressed by turning the body and head towards him and pointing the toes of shoes at him. If you meet a boring person in a conversation, but you want to talk with an interesting girl, the toes of your feet point in her direction, although the body continues to remain turned towards the boring person.

Once in a certain room, people often break into small groups and begin their discussions within them. It is interesting to trace the means of non-verbal communication in such a situation. For example, when an outsider tries to join the group. He comes closer first. The group looks back at him and if he has caused antipathy, the circle of those talking imperceptibly closes, so that he finds himself on the sidelines. If he has attracted the attention of his interlocutors, a small passage is formed, into which a new participant wedges. If they lose interest in the newcomer, the circle quietly pushes him out, forming a chain of active group members.

Concluding this review, MirSovetov will allow itself to note that the above classification of non-verbal means of communication is by no means holistic and complete. It reflects only one side of the diversity of ways a person enters society. After all, no matter how long a person lives, he constantly introduces new and new communication options that are the most relevant in specific circumstances.

The ability to correctly interpret non-verbal signals will greatly facilitate attempts to integrate into any sphere of human relationships and will serve you well more than once in critical situations.

1. Don't pick up pins on the road, as well as needles and small change - this means troubles and losses.

2. If someone tapped you on the shoulder, then, in order to protect yourself from the transfer of negative information, reciprocally pat your interlocutor on the shoulder, mentally saying: “What’s mine is with me, and what’s mine is with you. So ordered! Amen!"

3. If someone takes a speck of dust off you, then repeat the same action, mentally saying: “Lord, my God, Jesus Christ! Forgive this man, for he does not know what he is doing! Amen!"

4. If someone pesters you annoyingly with a request to buy goods from him on the street, especially at an intersection, then leave, mentally saying: “The street is not a bazaar! I don't need your product! Let it be so! Amen!"

5. If they refuse to collect your debt, motivating moral principles, then you risk getting a bunch of problems. You need to pay off this debt, and then go to church and light a candle there for your health and the health of the lender.

6. A spell to avoid falling into ice. To avoid falling in the icy conditions, before leaving the house, whisper, looking, without blinking, at the toes of your shoes: “Snow, ice, the bucket is not for me, but in the ear of my enemy. I’m walking as I walked, but you didn’t get there.” Of course, you still need to be prudent, but you will still receive support from above. As for your enemy, don’t be surprised if you soon find out that he slipped and fell hard. This method will also help in cases where you are unsteady on your feet, say, after a feast.

7. When crossing a ditch.“The top touches, the bottom doesn’t touch,” whisper this phrase all the time while you are crossing the ditch. Then no negative program will enter you at this time.

8. If a button comes off. Before sewing on a torn button, symbolically spit on it three times and say out loud: “Ugh, ugh, ugh. Three times. The infection is not from me, but from the evil eye. Now stop howling: the evil eye, away! That’s how it’s done.” After such a spell, the button will hold, and someone, most likely your envy (rival), will have serious problems.

9. If you tripped. In this case, immediately whisper: “Cheers, me.” Chur." Or: “I am a man of God, it is not good for me (my name) to stumble. Amen!"

10. If they showed you nothing. In this case, you need to turn to the side and whisper: “As full as I am, you are empty!” Let it be so! Amen!" And continue to do what was planned.

11. Weapon conspiracy. If you know that you will be attacked with a weapon, then read the following conspiracy: “Protect me, Lord, from the evil of a person, for every hour, for every year! Amen (three times)."

12. A conspiracy against trouble. Using the spell is simple. When entering and leaving the house, you need to quietly, drawing out slightly vowel sounds, say: In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. It's crazy from me. Amen". You can cross yourself, but this is not necessary.

13. When you come down from the porch. Whisper twice: “Amen to amen, get away from me.” In this way, it is claimed, you will not take with you “dirty” energy, which usually readily accumulates on the porch, especially in a multi-story building.

14. When you go up the porch. When traveling on a train, stand on a step with your left foot, but on an airplane with your right foot. Then you will not have any problems along the way.

15. If you live in own home , then you should open the gate with your left hand, and close it with your right. At the same time say: “Lord, protect!”

Our body language, compared to other verbal (speech) means of communication, is unique. If you imagine that it is he who carries from 60 to 80 percent of the information transmitted to the interlocutor, it is easy to understand the need to interpret this method of contact. If we want to be sure that we accurately understand a person, we must combine information from the body and verbal expressions into one overall picture.
Who among us has not encountered a feeling of vague anxiety when he asserted one thing, but subconsciously you felt his falsehood. You will say that this is intuition and good for those who have it. In fact, it is easy to develop intuition by observing your interlocutor and, knowing the specific meaning of gestures, draw the right conclusions.

Example of nonverbal communication

At one university, an experiment was conducted in psychology classes. The audience, which consisted of married couples, was divided into two groups by gender and was given video recordings of different versions of babies crying. Then they were asked to explain their meaning. Most women who had children accurately deciphered them (hunger, wet diapers, pain, etc.), while men did not see much difference in the crying options. This led to the conclusion that women, being more sensitive and observant, interpret non-verbal gestures more easily. It’s more difficult for men to do this; they need specifics, and not all sorts of sentimental experiences. Of course, there are exceptions.
This case also explains why it can be difficult for the stronger sex to tell a lie to his wife, who seems to read the real state of affairs in her eyes.

Nonverbal means of communication

On the MirSovetov website you will find interesting materials and answers to vital questions regarding the psychology of relationships, including the ability to read a person like a book.
So, let's look at nonverbal means of communication. To clearly understand their diverse structure, we present their classification:

Expressive movements (body posture, facial expressions, gestures, gait).
Tactile movements (handshake, pat on the back or shoulder, touching, etc.).
The gaze is visually contact (direction of gaze, its duration, frequency of contact).
Spatial movements (orientation, distance, placement at the table).

In this part of the article, we will dwell in detail on the first two groups of means of nonverbal communication and try to characterize their meaning. It should be remembered that interpreting a single gesture without the totality of other body signals means misleading yourself. Therefore, before drawing specific conclusions, you need to take into account all the nuances of the interlocutor’s behavior, as well as his physical and psychological state.

Expressive movements

Open gestures and body postures

The interlocutor's hands are turned palms up and spread wide to the sides. The head is straight, the shoulders are straightened. The look is direct. The facial expression is natural, without tension or stiffness. This pose of friendliness, as a means of non-verbal communication, speaks of openness and sincerity. It is also indicated by shaking hands and clasping them with both hands. Men may unbutton their shirt or jacket while talking. When communicating with such a person, you involuntarily relax and feel trust in him.
MirSovetov recommends using this technique when communicating with people who are significant to you. Combined with a sincere tone, you will quickly win your favor.
Sympathy
In nonverbal communication, there is the concept of mental contact, which is expressed in the involuntary copying of each other’s gestures or entire behavior. A signal is sent to each other: “I understand you perfectly.” And indeed, if you take a look at a couple peacefully talking at a table, you will see similar poses, the same placement of hands, even mirroring. If you want to convince another person to unconditionally share his opinion, simply copy his body position.
If you observe the gait of a happy man in love, we will notice a flying gait, which is very noticeable. It is also typical for energetic people. It seems that they don’t care about all the problems.

Closed gestures and postures (defense, suspicion, secrecy)
Deception
Have you probably seen someone hiding their hands during a conversation? It is likely that he is telling a lie, since the person’s brain subconsciously sends signals to the body and when a lie is told, a strong desire arises to put his hands in his pocket, scratch his nose, and rub his eyes. All these are typical signs, however, as MirSovetov has already said, the meaning of non-verbal gestures must be explained together. A person suffering from a runny nose can scratch their nose, a child who has just woken up can rub their eyes, etc.

Arms crossed on the chest, legs crossed in standing and sitting positions - a classic gesture of closedness and inaccessibility. Frequent blinking is a sign of protection and confusion. A person’s emotional status does not allow him to feel free and at ease. If you try to negotiate something with such an interlocutor, it is likely that you will receive a refusal. To “melt the ice,” MirSovetov advises using the means of nonverbal communication already described above, try to take an open pose with your palms up.

Gestures of reflection and evaluation

Expressed in pinching the bridge of the nose with closed eyes. When the person you are communicating with is deciding what to do or what to do, or generally thinking about solving a certain issue, he may be rubbing his chin at this time.
Criticality
If a person holds his hand to his chin, with his index finger extended along his cheek, and with the other hand supports his elbow, his left hand is lowered - you will understand that he has developed a negative assessment of what is happening.
Positivity
Interpreted as a slight tilt of the head forward and a light touch of the hand to the cheek. The body is tilted forward. Here is a person who is interested in what is happening and has a positive attitude towards information.

Gestures of doubt and uncertainty
Mistrust
Have you probably noticed how some students cover their mouths with their palms while listening to a speaker? This gesture indicates disagreement with the lecturer's opinion. They seem to hold back their statements, suppress true feelings and experiences. If during a conversation your friend unexpectedly made a gesture of distrust, stop and think about what words caused such a reaction? By observing the behavior of the boss, the subordinate will understand what needs to be said and what it is better to remain silent about. Distrust quickly turns into rejection and then into refusal.
Uncertainty
A nonverbal gesture such as scratching or rubbing the back of the ear or neck may indicate that the person does not fully understand what you want from him or what you mean in the conversation. How to interpret such a gesture if you were told of complete understanding? Here preference should be given to the non-verbal body signal. In this case, the person did not understand anything. A hand clasping another’s elbow from behind also speaks of uncertainty; its owner is probably in unfamiliar company.

Gestures and postures indicating reluctance to listen

The interlocutor props his head with his hand. It is clear that he is indifferent to what is happening. If he is sitting in the audience, we can say with confidence: the material presented by the lecturer is completely uninteresting. In such cases, MirSovetov recommends changing it to something that worries him or “shake him up” with an unexpected question. Be sure that he will wake up, and this is exactly what you need.
Disapproval
Shaking off non-existent lint, straightening the folds of clothing, tugging at your skirt in non-verbal communication is a sign of your opponent’s disagreement with the point of view being expressed. You will quickly realize the need to switch to neutral topics. However, if a thread actually sticks to the sleeve of a jacket, or the clothing is wrinkled, this should not be regarded as a gesture of disapproval.
Willingness to leave
It can be identified by such signs as drooping of the eyelids (loss of interest), scratching the ear (blocking out the flow of speech), pulling on the earlobe (does not want to speak), turning the whole body towards the door or pointing the leg in this direction. The gesture of removing glasses also gives a signal to end the conversation.
Irritation
When a person tells an obvious lie and realizes that you have seen through him, he will experience irritation from your rightness, which can manifest itself in an involuntary loosening of his tie or collar. In non-verbal communication, this can also manifest itself in rubbing the neck, unnecessary movements of the hands, pinching a lady’s purse, or mechanically drawing on paper.

Gestures of dominance

The so-called “director pose” or “boss pose” in a sitting position. Hands lie behind the head, one leg on the other. If the eyelids are barely closed or the corners of the eyes are slightly squinted, the gaze is directed downward - you see arrogance, disdain. This body position is often adopted by bosses and people in leadership positions as a means of nonverbal communication. They are confident in themselves and demonstratively express their importance to others. An attempt to copy this gesture could lead to serious injury.
Equality
Almost all men use this gesture, much less women. The nature of the handshake can say a lot, first of all it will reveal the intentions of the other person. If, at the moment of joining two hands, one is higher with the back side, its owner demonstrates his leading position. You can check how firmly he defends his status as a leader in a simple way: turn your hand up. If you feel resistance, it means that you will not be able to convince him to take equality between you.

Sexual gestures
When man he likes some woman, he shows his thumbs tucked into his belt, places his hands on his hips or spreads his legs wide. The look at a woman is usually intimate, and can linger for a long time on selected parts of the body. A man may involuntarily straighten his tie or collar with his hand.
If woman strives to interest, she unconsciously raises her head, straightens her hair, straightens her blouse. The more subtle art of seduction through non-verbal communication involves exposing your wrists and spreading your legs while sitting or standing. If a woman shows an intimate look in combination with an accidentally slipped strap on her shoulder, a half-dressed shoe on a crossed leg, be sure of her desire to start flirting. An open mouth and wet lips are typical sexual calls.

Tactile movements
These include hugs, handshakes, pats on the shoulder or back, touching, and kissing.

The nature of the hug, its strength, and duration determine the meaning of the feelings expressed by a person.
Bosom friends who have been separated for a long time almost strangle each other in a tight embrace when they meet. The lovers linger in a tender embrace for a long time. Hugs between distant relatives, depending on previously maintained contacts, can be either restrained, cold, or passionate. Between close people they have a soft, heartfelt meaning. At wrestling competitions, for example, the participants briefly hug and disperse.
Such a means of non-verbal communication as hugs is more common among representatives of the stronger half of humanity; among women they are slightly less common. Nowadays you can see two teenage girls on the streets running towards each other with open arms. At this age, the frequency of such contacts, both between boys and girls, is expressive, when you want to throw out an excess of joy, delight and admiration for the meeting. If you see same-sex couples slowly strolling along the sidewalk in entwined arms, this may involuntarily suggest a gay person.
Handshakes
Handshakes, as one of the means of non-verbal communication, also differ in the way they are performed, strength and duration. A strong, energetic shaking of the interlocutor’s hand, coupled with a joyful exclamation, speaks of the partner’s sincerity and his desire to continue the conversation. Wrapping your hands in the form of a “glove” also speaks of friendliness. But if they hold out a lifeless hand to you, like a dead fish, they don’t want to contact you.
A cold hand in a handshake can signal that its owner is either cold or very worried. Steamy palms indicate a nervous experience. A hand that is palm down in a handshake indicates a desire to dominate the other person. If, on the contrary, it is turned palm up, its owner unconsciously recognizes himself as subordinate to the interlocutor.
Patting on the back or shoulder
Patting on the back or shoulder is mainly characteristic of men. These nonverbal gestures are often interpreted as signs of friendship, concern, or encouragement. They can be seen in almost all age categories. Patting, as it were, demonstrates masculine strength and the willingness of its owner to come to the rescue.
By the way, this gesture should not be confused with that used in medical practice. They slap a newborn child on the back to make him scream and expand his lungs; they slap a choking person from behind. Patting is a type of technique in massage practice. That is, the specific meaning of this gesture depends on the current situation.
Touch
Touch is common in the world of nonverbal communication. In educational activities, it helps to stop a mischievous person, in the case of a deaf person, to attract his attention; in medical practice, this gesture is used to diagnose a health condition; the massage technique is based on a combination of ways of touching the body; in the intimate sphere between spouses, they serve as foreplay to the connection. Different types of touch are an indicator of the partner’s unexpressed feelings. They can be gentle, affectionate, light, strong, rough, wounding, etc.

Kissing, as a type of tactile gesture, is widely used in all aspects of human life. In relation to a specific object, the nature of kissing changes. The mother kisses the child tenderly and lovingly, between loving people they can vary from a light touch of lips to a passionate kiss. MirSovetov, in a separate article, reveals the whole gamut of this type of gesture in courting the opposite sex. Here we note that kisses can be both sincere manifestations of feelings and formal, cold, traditional. They kiss when meeting and goodbye, kiss at birth.

You have become acquainted with the variety of non-verbal gestures of the first two groups. I am sure that they will undoubtedly be useful to you in trying to analyze a person’s behavior based on the sum of the signals sent, and will help you correctly assess the intentions of a particular interlocutor, even if his speech conflicts with them. In the next article “” we will focus on non-verbal means of communication of other groups. Welcome!

Nonverbal means of communication. Magic in everyday life

Basic Types of Positive Touch

Fake Attack

Accompanying contact

The language of touch

Girl, may I touch you?!

Nonverbal signals when communicating

Hold on! I'm attacking!!!

Example of nonverbal communication

Nonverbal means of communication

Expressive movements

Open gestures and body postures

Closed gestures and postures (defense, suspicion, secrecy)

Gestures of reflection and evaluation

Gestures of doubt and uncertainty

Gestures and postures indicating reluctance to listen

Gestures of dominance

Tactile movements

Visual contact gaze

Spatial movements

Example of nonverbal communication

Nonverbal means of communication

Expressive movements

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