Features of sex education for children. Age-related characteristics of sex education for children or everything about psychosexual development

Psychosexual identification begins from the moment of birth, when the sex of the newborn is determined and then raised at the appropriate age. However, even the awareness of one’s belonging does not remove the question for a teenager: “to what extent am I a full-fledged boy / or a girl?” This question arises in a child under the influence of the adults and peers around him. This issue is especially acute for those children whose appearance does not correspond to the stereotype. The maturation period and the years immediately following it are especially important in this regard. To become an adult means, in particular, to become a man or a woman. Differentiation of secondary sexual characteristics is complemented by a parallel process of psychological differentiation (abilities, interests, style of behavior, etc.). At no other age are the psychological differences between the sexes emphasized as sharply and persistently as in adolescence and youth. A teenager is very concerned about how much his character, his appearance and behavior correspond to stereotypical ideas about “masculinity” and “femininity” accepted in society as a whole or in his immediate environment. Changes in body structure and secondary sexual characteristics play the role of an extremely important social symbol: they signify both adulthood and gender. Hence – the teenager’s increased sensitivity and interest in his own body and in the body of his peers, and at the same time shyness and bashfulness.

The process of puberty itself is also an exciting experience. Teenagers and young men are real slaves of the “norm”. They are convinced that there are or should be universal rules for all situations in life, and they are very afraid of falling behind their peers in some way. But their ideas about “sexually appropriate” appearance are often unrealistic and exaggerated. Comparing themselves with famous athletes and film actresses, they often tend to underestimate their own appearance.

Puberty accounts for the largest number of cases of the so-called body dysmorphic syndrome (fear of physical handicap), which usually goes away with age, but can leave psychological consequences such as shyness. lack of self-confidence, etc.

In girls, the relationship between the pace of puberty and emotional stability is more complex. Early maturation often causes them psychological difficulties and involuntary separation from their peers (unlike boys, for whom it increases their chances of leadership). Hence - increased shyness, lack of self-confidence, sometimes the desire to “disguise” too obvious signs of gender, to preserve the childish simplicity of companionship with boys, etc. But this is by no means a general rule. The latest data suggests that accelerated girls, like boys, quickly pass the tests of the “difficult age”.

A natural companion and consequence of puberty is the emergence of sexual desire, sexual fantasies and interests. This process is not entirely the same for boys and girls. The former are characterized by the so-called phase of youthful hypersexuality, which begins in adolescence and continues 2-3 years after puberty. This phase is characterized by increased sexual excitability and rapid development of corresponding interests and fantasies. But all this is very individual.

An important feature of teenage sexuality is its “experimental” nature. Developing healthy adult sexuality is a complex and controversial process. Discovering his sexual abilities, a teenager explores them from different sides. At no other age is there such a large number of cases of deviations in sexual behavior as at 13-16 years old. Adults require great knowledge and tact in order to distinguish truly alarming symptoms that require medical intervention from outwardly similar and yet widespread and natural forms of sexual “experimentation” for this age (various types of genital games), which should not be to fix attention so as not to inadvertently cause mental trauma to the teenager by instilling in him the idea that “something is wrong” with him.

Teenage and young adult masturbation is statistically the most widespread. According to modern ideas, masturbation (masturbation) in adolescence usually has the character of self-regulation of sexual function. It helps reduce increased sexual excitability and is harmless.

Of course, we must avoid factors that cause sexual arousal in adolescents, but only those cases when masturbation becomes obsessive and negatively affects the teenager’s well-being and behavior should be alarmed. Moreover, in this case, masturbation is not so much the cause of poor social adaptation as its symptom and consequence. Previously, when masturbation was considered the cause of a teenager’s unsociability and isolation, all efforts were directed towards weaning him from this habit. The results were, as a rule, insignificant and even negative. Now they are doing things differently, trying to tactfully improve a teenager’s communication skills, help him take an acceptable position in the society of his peers, and captivate him with an interesting group game. Experience has shown that this positive pedagogy is much more effective.

The main psychological problem of teenage sexuality is bridging the gap between its sensual-erotic and romantically sublime aspects. The youthful dream of love and the very image of the ideal beloved lover are often desexualized, expressing primarily the need for an emotional type. at the same time, the teenager experiences exciting erotic experiences. for which he is not psychologically prepared and which he tries to “ground”, “lower” with the help of dirty talk and greasy jokes. At the same time, “dirty” sex and the “sublime” ideal of a beautiful beloved can coexist in the minds of the same person.

Teenage cynicism cannot but worry adults. But the teacher should worry not only about those who engage in “dirty talk,” but also about those who silently listen: these children, unable to express the vague experiences that concern them, sometimes turn out to be the most impressionable and vulnerable. What others throw out in cynical words is cast into deep-lying, stable fantastic images. In this case, asceticism can serve as a psychological defense - a pointedly contemptuous and hostile attitude towards any sensitivity that seems base and dirty to a teenager. The ideal of such a teenager is not just control over his feelings, but their complete suppression. Another typical defensive attitude of a young man is intellectualism: if the “ascetic” wants to get rid of sensuality because it is “dirty,” then the “intellectual” finds it “uninteresting.” The requirements of moral purity and self-discipline in themselves, of course. are positive. but their hypertrophy entails artificial self-isolation from others, arrogance, intolerance, which is based on fear of life. Erotic experiences and love confront young people with many issues - from the simple ritual of courtship to the deepest problems of moral self-discipline and responsibility. In solving these problems, they need the help and experience of their elders.

Psychology of sex education at various age stages

The effectiveness of sex education depends on taking into account the gender-related characteristics of the child’s development at all age stages, starting from the earliest. In the first years of life, the differentiated attitude of parents towards the child is of particular importance, i.e. treating him exactly like a boy or girl.

Psychological observations have established that the same features of a baby’s appearance and behavior, depending on its gender, cause diametrically opposed reactions in adults. Parents of girls consider many behavioral traits they find in their daughters to be feminine (feminine), and parents of boys consider the same traits to be muscular (masculine). With newborn girls, mothers talk more, and boys get more physical exercise; fathers talk more with their newborn son than with their daughter. These differences, especially striking in the behavior of parents with their first-born, show that practically from the beginning of life, the child and parents determine each other’s behavior: gender manifests itself and is formed not only as developing traits, but also as a system of relationships.

A man and a woman are biologically and psychologically different in their place and role in the most complex natural system of prolongation of the human race. The psychophysiological constitution of men predetermines their higher readiness for extreme, risky situations, the need for risk, changes in themselves and others, and the achievement of various goals. Situations in which complete mobilization is required, with a lack of time to make a decision, with several dynamic objects for attention, are precisely these situations that allow a man to mobilize and show potential energy. A woman, having a weaker type of nervous system, tends to avoid rather than strive for such conditions and situations of life. But on the other hand, it is more adapted to delicate, painstaking and monotonous work, which requires focusing all attention on one object (for example, on an infant). Such differences objectively determined the emergence of historically male and female roles and professions.

Differentiated, individual education of boys and girls in accordance with the ideals of masculinity and femininity is based on the division of family roles between mother and father. The basis of sex education is the personal example of parents, their actions and statements observed by the child day after day. If the ideal of masculinity and femininity is formulated only in words (and this is what school teachers most often have to confine themselves to), and in reality neither the mother nor the father comes close to the standards of masculinity and femininity, the child in most cases practically does not assimilate the required models.

Correct sex education is based on emphasizing the positive and compensating for the negative features of the male or female psychophysiological constitution and natural temperament. At the same time, it is absolutely unacceptable to contrast the sexes and to emphasize apparent advantages.

The formation of gender stereotypes is not only due to the influence of adults; in this sense, children early become “teachers” for each other. In kindergarten, those children whose behavior does not correspond to their gender role deserve the greatest number of reactions of rejection from their peers.

Sex education for a preschooler should include familiarization with basic information about sexual differences and childbirth. But even more important is the experience of “non-sexual” love for parents and peers - the key to morality in adulthood.

A child's awareness of his gender begins with the fact that he learns to distinguish the gender of other people.

Knowledge of one's own gender develops fully by the age of three, as the child becomes aware of his “I” (you are a boy, I am a girl).

At 2–4 years of age, a child’s “sexual curiosity” is especially active, i.e., the desire to look at and feel his genitals. The fact is that awareness of one’s own “I” necessarily includes, as a rule, awareness of one’s own gender. And gender is the most important core of personality formation, and therefore the formation in children of the standards of a real man and woman. And at each certain age, a child should have an idea about the essence of sexual differences that corresponds to his level of understanding. A child must consciously understand the meaning of his own gender and respect the opposite gender. So already in a little boy it is necessary to develop respect for a woman, and a girl must be taught to behave in accordance with her gender.

Entering school marks the beginning of a new, important stage in sex education. Relationships with peers of the opposite sex become more intense. The teacher acquires a special role as an authoritative bearer of knowledge and behavior patterns. In modern schools, the majority of teachers are women, which largely determines the specifics of school requirements, which are practically oriented towards a feminine style of behavior. Girls therefore find themselves in a more advantageous position. They come to school somewhat more emotionally mature, with better developed fine movements of their fingers, more inclined to be guided by the opinions and attitudes of adults towards them, more careful and quiet, less critical and aggressive than boys. Thus, they meet the requirements for an ideal student much more than boys. In addition, their style of behavior is closer and more understandable to the teacher. As a result, with the unspoken division of the class into strong and weak students, the latter, as a rule, are represented almost exclusively by boys, which may not be related to their mental abilities. This situation is not good for girls either, who from the first steps acquire a feeling of unjustified superiority over boys.

The role of sex education increases when a child reaches adolescence, the central point of which is puberty. The tasks of sex education at this stage include the correct response to behavioral characteristics associated with gender, preparing boys for wet dreams, and girls for menstruation. Puberty is associated with the formation of erotic feelings, sexual needs, and sexual self-esteem. A teenager is characterized by a discrepancy between falling in love and erotic sensations, and fears about his sexual inferiority. Sex education during this period solves the problems of general personal development and preparation for life in one’s own family, and includes sex education. Silencing gender issues essentially undermines the idea of harmonious education, which is alien to the preaching of asceticism. A teenager, of course, should be protected from manifestations of immorality in the sphere of sexual relations (in particular, all types of pornography), but not so much with the help of prohibitions and punishments, but by bringing to his senses and consciousness that it is not sexuality itself that is bad, but its reduction to physiological functions and their savoring. The guarantee against early and casual sexual relations is not a ban, but the formation of social responsibility, which involves a person foreseeing the consequences of his actions and perceiving gender relations primarily as personal.

An important aspect of sex education is sex education. The experience of countries where it is widely practiced shows that tactful and timely information about gender relations problems does not, in principle, entail negative changes in the sexual behavior of adolescents and young men. This fact refutes existing fears that awareness in matters of sex leads to promiscuity. Sexual education, begun in the early stages of personality development, precedes children’s natural interest in these problems and relieves them of many misconceptions and traumas. It helps prevent various deviations in psychosexual development, fraught with subsequent sexual disorders and disharmony in family relationships.

A child is a sexual being from birth. He gets special pleasure from sucking the breast and physical contact with his parents, he explores his body and finds erogenous zones. In many ways, a child’s attitude towards the body, bodily pleasure, sex and procreation will depend on what kind of response pattern adults present to him to all these phenomena. A lot of information is transmitted non-verbally and by silence itself - after all, any silence is very full. Children are great at feeling how certain things make their parents tense. They absorb the parental attitude towards the body through touch - from the time they were carried in their arms, stroked, bathed, hugged. They read parental reactions by microgestures, facial expressions, as well as microodors of hormonal origin, which reflect our emotional states and are perceived unconsciously. And if a kissing mother and father tremble nervously at the sudden appearance of a child, if they ignore specific questions and are in a hurry to switch the child’s attention from two funny dogs to a lyrical landscape, then most likely, at an older age, during random bed scenes on TV, the child will run around to the kitchen to “drink some water.” And in the future he will have to make efforts to perceive the sexual sphere more freely and joyfully.

According to the observations of psychologists, if parents do not have any special sexual complexes, then children also perceive this area very naturally and calmly.

It is very important to introduce children to physiology, the “science of the body.” Maybe they will never have sexual intercourse, but they will always have a body that needs to be taken care of, and sexual hygiene is no worse than food hygiene. Telling children that conception occurs through intercourse is not the same as teaching them to have sex. Sex and sexual intercourse are activities for adults only. And many children are very happy to hear this and answer: “I will never do that.”

To better understand the child and so that the child can understand you, let him try a drop of wine “for general development” or slightly pepper the food in his spoon. The child will frown: what disgusting! And how do you, adults, eat and drink this? And do you still like it? Just some kind of aliens,” the little man could have summed up. This is approximately the same attitude he takes to information that adults “connect with pussies.” It's unhygienic... and stupid. Although I want to giggle from this information, adults do this. And if they consider this normal and do not feel any particular shame or guilt when informing the child about it (and the child easily recognizes parental stress), then it can be taken into account. Don't understand - it's so easy to remember

The first time a child learns about sex is not when he begins to ask questions “where did I come from,” but when mother and father stand over the baby’s crib, hugging each other. When they are not shy about their tenderness and affection, their attraction to each other. As they say, the best thing a father can give to his children is to love their mother. At a certain time, the child begins to perceive gender-role relationships, identify himself as a certain gender, and in connection with this asks questions.

As a rule, at 1.5 - 2 years the baby begins to study his body and “gets” to the intimate areas, begins to touch, fiddle with, stroke them, which greatly irritates his parents. For a child, an interest in sex and everything connected with it is quite natural. They do not differentiate between their own arms, legs, butts and genitals. And while studying himself, a child cannot ignore the delicate parts of his body. Do not prevent your child from satisfying his interest and do not focus attention on it. If you don’t get hung up, then, having studied the features of your body, the baby will transfer his interest to something else, for example, to the structure of the bodies of peers of the opposite sex.

A child begins to think about what precedes birth and how everything happens at the age of 3-4, at the age of “why”. If your 3-year-old son is wondering why he goes to the toilet differently than a girl, you can rest assured that he is developing appropriately for his age and is moderately inquisitive. From about this age, children begin to distinguish each other by gender. You should take advantage of the moment when your baby asks about the mystery of birth. Otherwise, he will try to get the answer from other sources - from films to "experimental games" with other children.

When a child asks: how did I come to be, how and where did my brother, kittens, fish come from, this is a question not so much about sexual gametes, fertilization and the birth canal, but about the mystery of life, about the soul. “Where did I come from? - after all, at first I was not there. At all. What allowed me to appear?” And when we start telling stories about how a son or daughter grew up from a little tiny thing in a mother’s warm tummy, maybe it’s worth first of all remembering and trying to talk about the force that allowed this tiny little thing to take hold in the belly and begin to grow . So that the baby knows that first there was love, the desire to live and give life, the desire to grow and care. And why? - and because this is our human way of living on earth, it won’t work any other way. Only you can explain to your child that the mystery of the origin of human life is wonderful. That all life is built on love. And that there are issues that are better discussed not in a circle of friends, but with you, the parents. Because you gave birth to him, which means you have Experience and can tell about everything reliably... Stories: I remember when I was 5 years old I asked my mother: “Maaam, where did you get me from?” - Mom rolled her eyes and answered: “I bought you at the store!” - "How?? - I say, - I went and bought it?? Are there such special stores?? Something I’ve never seen...” - “And these are shops only for adults,” - “Ahh...” - and I thought to myself: wow, I bought it in a store. And Lesha, my brother? Like some kind of sausage. Did she choose it herself or together with dad? And why me... I was lucky - someone in the store remained sitting on the shelf. Was she at least happy with me? Or she immediately put it in her bag in a businesslike manner.

Bodily pleasure is available to a child from birth. And when he masters speech, he tries to talk about it. He talks about what excites him in his own way, pointing to those areas of the body that are associated with vague pleasure. Of course, a three-year-old baby cannot stop thoughtfully and say: “It’s a strange thing - I feel a surge of strength, a pleasant itch and tickling in the penis area when I play with it, and in the anus area when my mother washes my butt...” But the child gives it away, for example, in the form of joyful teases, drawings or crafts.

Vague sexual fantasies excite a child from an early age, they are an important part of growing up, helping to discover and develop their own sexual identification, a vital part of their “I”. And already in kindergarten, children are capable of “subtle erotic feelings.” So let children fantasize - after all, fantasies related to the genitals take up very little space in them. And when a child understands that adults also have some kind of strange pleasure associated with these zones, he calms down from the realization - not necessarily a clear awareness - that he “has everything like adults,” that is, everything is in order.

When a child pronounces or depicts an object of his specific curiosity, he finds an outlet for his childish sexual energy. Therefore, you should not strictly scold him for using “anal-genital” vocabulary and showing interest in this area. Otherwise, you can suppress and distort the flow of child sexuality - and then it will have difficulty finding a way out for itself, perhaps resorting to various forms of cruelty, including those directed at oneself. It is best to gently but persistently explain that throwing “poop” and “pissies” is indecent, not accepted, and ugly. Just like walking naked in front of strangers, or performing your needs in public, or picking your nose in front of everyone. There is nothing bad or bad in all this, but these are intimate things, they do not concern strangers.

For younger schoolchildren and teenagers, unlike kindergarteners, this topic is already clearly defined and takes up much more attention. Therefore, be prepared for new interesting age-related phenomena. Erotic folklore, borrowed mainly from older or more “enlightened” children at school, in the yard, at a summer camp, teaches children the theoretical foundations of sexual life, which, when recited, are perceived in childhood as the erotic practice itself or approaches to it. Many children find this funny and brave; through recitation they “let off steam”, find an outlet for joyless languor and a form for their protest. Therefore, it makes no sense to take away a child’s “last joy” and morally beat him on the lips for such verses, obscene jokes or the use of obscenities if you accidentally hear all this from him. But in any case, children's erotic folklore is an age-related phenomenon, and therefore temporary.

Some children avoid obscene songs, jokes and obscenities, or at least do not stick to them. But at the same time, many adolescents develop a special interest in erotic images. We are not talking about pornography, but about photographs or drawings that embody the image of an erotic-romantic hero (who is designed to gradually replace parents and in a pair with whom the child finds himself) or erotic situations, exciting the feelings and imagination of the child. This is how posters and magazine clippings with new heroes and heroines appear on the walls of children's rooms. Looking at erotic images essentially replaces practice. Therefore, a poster with some group “Roots” on the wall is “sacred” and is not subject to criticism.

Some children, with a desire for systematicity, prefer to get acquainted with the topic of sex using the material of all sorts of encyclopedias, medical diagrams and photographs. By studying special books, they understand what is happening to them, what opportunities are opening up to them, how their genitals are structured and what needs to be done so as not to..., and where to run if... . Such reading is also perceived as preparation for practice and is very calming, removing the natural teenage erotic itch. And although not every child will enthusiastically take on the third volume of a textbook for universities with sections on reproduction (or better yet, put on a cassette with Swedish porn while no one is at home), but in any case, the “Encyclopedia of Sexual Life for Teenagers” is absolutely in your home definitely won't be superfluous.

As for pornography, at the tender age of adolescence it still does not arouse special interest in the child, and if it comes into contact with the eyes, it is used more as an interesting information sheet (like: “this also happens”) than an erotic stimulant. But as they mature, pornography attracts more and more attention, and 13-14-year-old teenagers may already be interested in visiting porn sites - in particular, in order to form an understanding of the structure of the organs of the opposite sex and the technical diversity of sexual intercourse. As for watching erotic tapes, the most ideal option is not to hide films of this kind from them, not to forbid talking about them and not to shame teenagers for it. The craving for erotic information during the period of teenage hypersexuality is natural, and if you impose your parental veto, the children will watch the film at their friends’ place - and even with their not always successful comments. So the best thing in this sense is for growing children to watch such films TOGETHER with their PARENTS. Abroad, on cassettes of this kind they often write exactly this: “Teenagers are prohibited from viewing in the absence of their parents.” However, watching such films together with teenage children can only be recommended to those parents who are confident in the adequacy of their reaction. After all, this is precisely why parents are needed at this screening, to give a healthy assessment of everything that is happening and to answer any questions that have arisen.

Adolescence is one of the most difficult stages of life: it is a time of hormonal storms that entail emotional storms, a time of constant change and attempts to understand this new self. During this period, the child already clearly begins to realize that mom and dad are not gods at all. It is at this age that a person often sinks to such depths of despair and loneliness that he has not reached before and will not reach subsequently: it happens that a child lives many months of puberty as if in a dream, but then he may simply not remember these horrors of growing up. And it is during this period that his sexual desire takes shape, and also, due to natural growth, obvious opportunities arise for its implementation.

And in order to prepare a child for this difficult period, it is very important to instill in him the idea of the complete naturalness and desirableness of age-related changes, physical and psychological. For some reason, children consistently rejoice at their growth, noticeable by the marks on the room stadiometer; later, at the encouragement of their parents, they are proud of the loss of baby teeth, but when it comes to understanding their sexual development and the appearance of new hairs and bulges, as well as more obvious, inviting desires - the child is often left alone with his embarrassment. And sometimes with fear or protest. That is why when you talk to your children about the peculiarities of their growing up, reassure them that this is good and correct, although strange for them. So that the child perceives changes with a certain readiness, and not as an inevitable evil. Awareness and acceptance of change can remove a certain psychological burden from a teenager’s shoulders, and for a teenager such relief is worth a lot.

Teens want you to be respectful of their stories and that you "listen to the end of the story before you start nagging." If the story is about a friend who did something stupid or dangerous, be empathetic before you judge; Something like: “Oh, poor thing, how could this happen? And what will happen to him now?” Remember that if your teen allows you into their life, that is the biggest compliment they can give you. Many teenagers suffer from the absence of a respected adult in their life who is always there for them and can listen to them.

There is an admirable quality about teenagers - those who have been properly taught and who have not been sexually exploited or have been able to overcome its consequences, are so optimistic and joyful about their future love relationships and marriages that it is wonderful to see. They are confident in themselves and are not afraid to ask questions; Everything they do is imbued with a healthy curiosity, and their optimism rubs off on those around them. They are inspiring.

Psychologists believe that intrusive interference of parents in the sexual life of a child is fraught with unkind consequences, because when a child grows up and wants to go out into the big world, to live his own life, for this he needs to psychologically separate from his parents. And one of the main mechanisms of such separation is sex. The sexuality of a grown child is part of his personal strength, with the help of which he finds himself among people, finds a partner with whom he will build his life and continue his family.

If in childhood parents penetrated into the sexual life of a child dependent on them and managed to rudely imprint themselves on it, carrying out “moral sexual violence”: for example, they severely punish for masturbation, criticize or ridicule the child’s crushes, disparage or negatively speak about his genitals or sexual development , talk extensively about their sexual experiences or fears and anxieties about sexuality. Then later, parents can be invisibly present in the sexual life of an already grown child, as if standing over his shoulder, not allowing him to feel big and independent. And this is vital for him. And then an adult child can begin to fight and cut to the quick: either at parents, or at sex, perhaps at himself, and more often - at everything at once.

Little toddlers run around naked without any embarrassment and ask their parents any questions that interest them. But the older children get, the less they can afford, and the more secrets appear in their lives. What are the features of sex education for children? - this is not an easy thing, and sometimes parents make mistakes, because of which children withdraw into themselves and move away, instead of having an open dialogue with adults.

I suggest you discuss the most common mistakes parents make that you should try to avoid in order to make sex education in the family more natural and trusting.

First of all, it is important to note that sex education is not just about talking about where babies come from and how women differ from men. It is also a matter of respecting the personal space and feelings of each family member. You must learn to respect your child's thoughts and feelings by allowing him to have his own experiences and openly providing him with all the information that interests him. But at the same time, you must teach your child to respect your intimate space and at least knock before entering the parents’ room.

Sex education for preschoolers

Sex education for preschoolers includes several main points. Let's talk about them.

At the age of 2-3 years, children begin to actively explore their own bodies and show interest in their genitals. Even if you did not do this as a child or do not remember, you should be prepared for the fact that your child may be faced with a similar experience. In preschool age, boys, and sometimes girls, begin to touch their own genitals, experiencing discomfort or, conversely, a certain pleasure. And such experiments by children sometimes end with the kids simply masturbating. For adults this sounds unpleasant, but children do not understand all the obscene interpretations of this activity. They just know that swinging while sitting on your butt or touching yourself feels good. And parents who are faced with this problem sometimes react very rudely and harshly to the child’s actions. Screams and twitches from adults can deeply traumatize the child’s psyche. Therefore, under no circumstances should you focus on this. Just try to switch the child's actions to something else. And then calmly explain that it is unnecessary to do this, it is bad for your health. Although in fact, in this way the baby’s reproductive system most likely signals its normal functioning, it’s just too early.

We have already understood that the reaction of parents to any actions of the child should always be calm. Now we need to figure out how adults should respond to various questions from children. Under no circumstances should you avoid answering. After all, children’s questions are always very natural, so embarrassment is inappropriate here. We boldly explain everything as it is, of course, taking into account the age and intellectual abilities of the child. To make things easier for yourself, try to share responsibilities. The mother can take on sex education for girls, because it is much easier for a woman to explain to her daughter all the features of her body, as well as the reasons for all the future transformations of her body. But sex education for boys is a purely male job. Moreover, if a woman is raising her son alone, it is better to entrust the conversation about the boy’s puberty to a family friend or relative. Even if this is not your own father, such a conversation will still come out much calmer and more natural than between mother and son.

There is one common mistake of adults who think that if a child is silent and does not ask questions, then he already knows everything himself. This is wrong. If your child doesn’t start a conversation on his own, and you see that it’s time, start talking first. Be sure to make sure that the child has all the necessary information appropriate to his age and period of sexual development.

Sex education for schoolchildren

During adolescence, topics of conversation become more frank. But this absolutely does not mean that you should initiate your child into all the nuances of intimate life. Sex education for schoolchildren must be structured very carefully. Try to avoid unpleasant details. For example, you should not describe to your daughter all the details of the birth or retell to your son a scene of violence that you heard about in the news. Always take care of the child’s psyche.

Definitely about all aspects of the relationship between a man and a woman. Talk about love and mutual respect. This is no less important than contraceptives and unwanted pregnancy. Sex education for teenagers is an art. It is very important to teach a child how to build harmonious relationships, create a happy family and give birth to healthy children.

Talk constantly. There is no need to organize serious conversations. It is enough to be aware of events and daily take an interest in the feelings and experiences of your children. Try to keep every conversation you have on any topic open and confidential. Never shy away from answers and don’t say that it’s too early for your child to know about it. If he asks, it means the time has already come. No moralizing is required from you, only truthful information in an accessible presentation.

And one more very important point. Many parents, fearing the unintended consequences of unprotected sexual intercourse, very actively try to hammer into the heads of their children the idea that this is sacred, and that pregnancy is something terrible and humiliating. Of course, getting pregnant at too early an age is a difficult ordeal for a girl. But still, try to speak more gently with your children so that the stereotype about an unwanted pregnancy is not imprinted in their minds, and the fear of having children is not formed in the future. When talking about any intimate topics, try to be delicate and attentive. And then your child will definitely hear and understand you.

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Text content of presentation slides: Features of sex education for an adopted child What is sex education? Sex education is a system of medical and pedagogical measures to instill in parents, children, adolescents and youth the correct attitude towards gender issues. Age-related patterns and characteristics of a child’s psychosexual development (according to Freud) Stages of psychosexual development: oral stage - from birth to one and a half years; anal stage - from one and a half to three years; phallic stage - from three to 6-7 years; latent stage - from 6 to 12-13 years; genital stage - from the beginning of puberty until approximately 18 years of age. Oral stage The baby’s main sense organ during this period is the mouth. A sense of safety, confidence and security. Natural feeding is important. Two types of mother’s behavior: excessive strictness of the mother, ignoring the needs of the child. excessive overprotection on the part of the mother, when she is ready to predict any desire of the child and satisfy it earlier , than he himself realizes it. Oral-passive personality type - a feeling of dependence, self-doubt - a person will constantly expect a “motherly” attitude from others, and feel the need for approval and support. A person of this type is often very trusting and dependent. Anal stage Great pleasure from the act of defecation. The child's interest in his own bowel movements at this stage is natural. The attitude of the parents is strictly and persistently monitoring compliance with the new rules. One of the two types of character: anal-pushing. The child may have the feeling that only by going to the potty can he receive the love and approval of his parents; Traits: destructiveness, restlessness, impulsiveness, anal-retentive. The actions of parents can cause protest on the part of the child, hence the problem of constipation, greed, frugality, perseverance, punctuality, stubbornness. They cannot stand disorder and uncertainty. Phallic stage - interest in one's own genitals; they ask the sacramental question: “Where do children come from?” THIS IS NORMAL! They are experiencing an Oedipus complex - for boys or an Electra complex - for girls. The Oedipus complex is the unconscious erotic attraction of a child to a parent of the opposite sex. For a boy, this is the desire to take the place of his father next to his mother, the desire to possess her. “Mom, I want to marry you!” The Electra complex - a version of the Oedipus complex for girls - proceeds somewhat differently. The first object of love for a daughter, as well as for a son, is the mother, then the father. Traumas during the period of the Oedipus complex can become a source of neuroses, impotence and frigidity in the future. Latent stage Hidden, quiet Ideas about oneself are formed, the conscious part of the personality, which obeys the principle of reality. Genital stage Begins at puberty, when appropriate hormonal and physiological changes occur in the adolescent’s body, and develops until approximately 18 years of age. Symbolizes the formation of mature, adult sexuality, which remains with a person until the end of life. Conversations1. Treat any questions kindly. You cannot cut the child off, make fun of him, or use shouts, threats or punishment.2. You can’t avoid the conversation (they say he’s still young) and brush the child off.3. The confidentiality of the conversation must be maintained; the child must be sure that his question will not become known to other children or adults.4. Give specific answers to all questions, go from simple to complex, but remain truthful at all stages.5. The sex education program must be agreed upon between teachers, parents and doctors. “Sexualized behavior of children” Sexualized behavior is not sexual: that is, similar, like, looking like this - but not like that. Reasons: lack of love and affection, anxiety and defenselessness; negative experience. What can you do? Don't be embarrassed. Show an alternative. Contact a specialist. Do not give in to fear. Be very careful if the child has experienced violence. A child’s sexualized behavior is always the result of trauma. Naturally, no truly “sexual” needs can arise as a result of trauma. How I met my love

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The term “sex education” implies a system of medical and pedagogical measures aimed at instilling in children, adolescents and young people a reasonable, healthy attitude towards issues of gender and sexuality. “Formation of respect, friendship between boys and girls, instilling in them appropriate norms and ideas, nurturing friendly and positive relationships” (L.P. Bochkareva) “Nurturing the relationship of a person of one sex to another and the associated complex and subtle skills of behavior and self-control” (Z.G. Kostyashkina)

Responsible Parenting Website Forum My daughter fell in love with a girl. Help! My daughter began to be interested in boys. My 7-year-old daughter asked an intimate question about my sexual relationship with my husband, how should I respond? A 3-year-old child has an interest in the genitals. My 4-year-old son inserts the word “sex” everywhere. I found condoms on my son. My son saw my husband and I having sex.

Types of parental attitudes towards sex education The repressive type of attitude covers cases when parents strictly instill in their children that sex is evil and obscene. Usually in such a family it is forbidden to utter indecent words, make ambiguous jokes, or walk around the house in underwear. Sex education boils down to a few phrases: “it’s indecent,” “it’s dangerous,” and “wait until you’re married.” With the avoidant type, parents show a more reasonable and tolerant attitude towards sexuality. They view this phenomenon as beneficial rather than harmful, but they are completely lost when it comes to specific sexual issues. Such parents avoid discussing this topic directly with their children or turn such discussion into a boring lecture. Without knowing it, they emasculate the idea of warmth, humanity and love, which is integral to the concept of sexuality. Parents who have an expressive attitude toward sexuality view sex as natural, discuss the topic openly when necessary, but set reasonable boundaries for their children's sexual activity (just as they do for all other behaviors). They try to instill in children that sexuality is a positive and healthy phenomenon, but does not deserve to focus all their attention on it.

Stages of sex education 1. Stage (preschool age): instill basic hygiene skills and rules of behavior; harden the child’s body; to form the consciousness of belonging to a certain gender. The family influences the formation of the psychological gender of the child. In the first three years of life, this influence is decisive; it is in the family that the irreversible process of gender typing takes place, thanks to which the child assimilates the attributes of the gender assigned to him: a set of personal characteristics, characteristics of emotional reactions, various attitudes, tastes, behavioral patterns. The family continues to play a significant role in this process at subsequent age stages, helping or hindering the formation of the psychological gender of a teenager or young man.

M. Hiegling M. “How to talk to a child about sex” A preschooler, according to the author, should know: the names of the genital organs - penis (penis), testicles, scrotum, anus (anus), vulva, labia, vagina, clitoris , uterus, ovaries; that conception occurs when a man's sperm (sperm) unites with a woman's egg as a result of sexual intercourse; that the baby is growing in the womb; that a child is born through the vagina; basic information about menstruation and nocturnal emissions as clean and healthy processes; that you can't pick up condoms. "...know that the best place to talk to children from 10 to 20 years old is in the car, where your listeners have nowhere to go." Be wise in your choice of sex education literature! Remember, the child not only has the right to know, but also the right not to know!

Interest in the genitals It first appears when a 7-9 month old baby, left without a diaper, suddenly begins to take an interest in his body. The navel, belly, genitals - all this is examined and felt with great attention. Later, enjoying the touch, the child can repeat these actions. The task of parents is not to scold the child, forming a negative attitude towards everything related to the genitals (and in the future, sexual relations), but to try to divert his attention to something else.

Memo to parents WHAT TO DO: Distract the child from the action or habit. If a child is nervous or stressed, then hug more often, be nearby, and try to direct the child’s attention to games and communication. UNDER NO EVENT: Do not scold or prohibit. The words “don’t do that” imply that the child must control his actions, which he may not yet be able to do. Do not ridicule the habit, do not joke about it - this can not only aggravate the problem, but also cause the child to distrust adults, distrust in their help, support and love.

Stages of sex education 2. Stage (junior school age): take into account the physiological and psychological characteristics of age and gender (stereotypes of raising boys and girls). 3. Stage (puberty): sex education should be extremely sensitive, taking into account, first of all, the changes occurring in the body at this time, as well as the personal qualities of the teenager.

“There are 2 months left before the exams, and my son has fallen in love. What to do?" (from the parent forum) Adoptive parents should know that as boys and girls get older, they become extremely amorous. Boys begin to study worse and become disobedient and irritable. When educating boys and young men about sex, we must not forget about the need to maintain male authority.

How should a parent respond? Regardless of age, the feelings of a child (as well as any person) should be treated with care and tact. You should not ask or torture a child or teenager about his experiences, even if partly curiosity and anxiety interfere with your restful sleep. Also, you should not be interested in this issue, involving friends, classmates, and acquaintances in the conversation. Such behavior is perceived by the teenager as an interference in his personal life; in this case, he will strive to protect it.

How should a parent respond? The best thing a foster parent can do is to share the child's feelings. To begin with, you can unobtrusively notice his changed state: “You look happy,” “Your eyes are shining”; “How nice it is to see you in such a mood!” Devaluing the choice of the object of love, attempts to open your eyes will give the exact opposite result: the teenager, defining your position as hostile, will try to maintain a relationship with the person he likes, despite your efforts.

It is important for a parent to: express their opinion neutrally, emphasizing the strengths (required!) and weaknesses of the object of sympathy; do not give any assessments; emphasize that the right to choose remains with the teenager. Being responsible for his own choices, the teenager will assess the situation much more realistically. If the teenager’s object of affection simply poses a threat, for example, actively uses alcohol or drugs, then before taking any action, the parent should find out what attracts your child to this person.

Issues of sex education for an adopted child are associated with solving a number of problems: 1. Issues of gender in a foster family should be considered in unity with issues of hygiene, and sex and hygiene education - in unity with moral education. 2. Sex education and education of an adopted child must be organically woven into the system of social knowledge. 3. It is necessary to develop a system of ideas in the adoptive family about what is proper and what is possible, not only about the right to know something, but also the right not to know something, based on the traditions of attitudes towards gender issues and the identity of our culture. 4. Determine to the adoptive parents what to talk about together with the adopted child, and what to talk about in private.

About 40% of Russian teenagers regularly encounter sexually explicit images on the Internet According to a study by the Internet Development Foundation, 40% of Russians aged 9 to 16 years old have encountered sexually explicit images on the Internet. At the same time, 6% saw them daily, and 7.6% saw them once or twice a week. The study also indicates that 33% of teenagers are exposed to sexual images on social networking sites. Children in boarding schools begin to use the Internet later than their peers and are not prepared for such dangers.

It is believed that the most important and closest person for a growing teenager is the mother, and the role of the father in the sexual education of children is still greatly underestimated. (the father is considered only as a criterion for the “completeness” of the family or a source of family financing). Study of the role of the father in the formation of the sexual behavior of adolescents: The results of the analysis showed that the influence of the father plays a huge role in the formation of the sexual behavior of a teenager, in parallel with the influence of the mother. Confidential conversations with fathers about sex life had the most noticeable impact on maturing adolescents, while the father's personal attitude towards sex education had a lesser influence. In general, under the influence of their father's advice, adolescents initiate sexual activity later and become more selective in their sexual relationships. These children are also less likely to experience teenage pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. Moreover, this dependence is true for adolescents of both sexes.

Every second teenager recognizes their parents as an example of behavior in their sexual life. Every second teenager recognizes their parents as an example of behavior in their sexual life. The example of behavior in intimate life for children is not their peers, but their parents, say scientists from Canada. “78% of mothers believe that their children gain their knowledge about sex from the experiences of friends. Lack of attention from the father, in their opinion, is a negative factor in the sexual education of adolescents.” According to a national survey, 45% of teenagers recognize their parents as role models in their sexual behavior. Only 32% consider their friends to be authorities in this area, and 15% learn from the examples of celebrities and stars.

Most teenagers for whom their parents are their authority on sexual matters live in families where sexual issues are discussed openly. Also, adolescents from such families are more informed about the risks associated with unprotected sex and the consequences of contracting sexually transmitted diseases. “Good family communication, and particularly sexual communication, is associated with more responsible behavior in adolescents,” note researchers from the University of Montreal.

Be an example for your child - the kind of relationship between parents in the family can become a prototype for the behavior model of an adopted child. Based on family experience, he will build relationships with the opposite sex. If parents love each other, and also know how to express their feelings openly, without embarrassment (hug and kiss goodbye, give each other compliments), then the child will also feel free and at ease.