How to remember a person after death. What prayer should we use to remember the dead? How often do we remember the dead? What happens to the soul after a person dies
Commemorating the deceased is a kind of mission. This is necessary, but it is important that the person commemorates without coercion, according to at will. They do this in memory of a loved one who is no longer around. But he forever remains in the hearts of people who remember him.
The 3rd, 9th and 40th days are especially emphasized in the conduct of memorial events, taking the day of death as the 1st day of counting. These days, the commemoration of the deceased is considered sanctified by church customs and corresponds to Christian teachings about the state of the soul beyond the threshold of death.
Funeral service on the 3rd day after death
The funeral takes place in memory of the miraculous resurrection of Jesus Christ on the third day and in honor of the image of the Holy Trinity. It is believed that for the first two days the soul remains on earth, is close to its relatives, visits places dear to it, accompanied by an Angel, and on the third day it ascends to heaven and appears before God.
Funeral for 9 days
The funeral on this day is held in honor of the nine angelic ranks, who can petition for pardon of the deceased. When a soul, accompanied by an Angel, enters heaven, it is shown the afterlife until the ninth day. And on the ninth day, with fear and trembling, the soul again appears before the Lord for worship. Prayers and remembrance on day 9 will help her pass this test with dignity.
Funeral for 40 days
On this day the soul ascends to worship the Lord for the third time. In the period from the ninth to the fortieth day, she recognizes the sins she has committed and goes through ordeals. Angels accompany the soul to Hell, where it can see the suffering and torment of unrepentant sinners.
On the fortieth day, her fate should be decided: in accordance with the spiritual state of the deceased and his earthly affairs. Prayers and remembrance on this day can atone for the sins of the deceased. To choose the fortieth day for special commemoration It also had a significant impact that Jesus Christ, after his resurrection, ascended to Heaven precisely on the fortieth day.
It is advisable to order a memorial service in the church on each of these memorial days.
Features of commemorating the dead:
- You can invite everyone present at the funeral to the wake on the third day. On this day, the funeral meal is traditionally held immediately after.
- Friends and close relatives of the deceased are often invited to the wake on the ninth day.
- On the fortieth day, everyone comes to remember the deceased. The funeral does not have to be held in the home of the deceased. The place is chosen by relatives at will.
Commemoration on the anniversary of death
The mourning date should be reported only to those people whom the family of the deceased wishes to see at the funeral. The closest people should come - relatives and friends of the deceased. On the anniversary of your death, it is advisable to go to the cemetery. After visiting the grave, all those present are invited to a memorial lunch.
Memorial days are held at the discretion of the family of the deceased. It is inappropriate to discuss the correct organization of a wake.
Do I need to go to church for a funeral?
Funerals for 3, 9, 40 days, as well as for a year after death Orthodox Christians involve holding church services. Coming to the temple, relatives and friends of the deceased light candles, organize memorial services and read prayers.
If you wish, you can do all this not only on memorial days, but also on ordinary days. You can visit church, light a candle and pray if feelings about the deceased come over you. You can also visit the temple and pray on the birthday of the deceased .
If in memorial days If you don’t have the opportunity to go to church, you can pray at home.
On memorial days you need to be in a good mood. Don't hold a grudge against anyone, especially the dead. These days, it is customary to treat funeral dishes to the people around you - colleagues, neighbors, friends. And also give alms.
Memorial days after the funeral (video)
REMEMBRANCE OF THE DEAD
P why do people die?
- “God did not create death and does not rejoice in the destruction of the living, for He created everything for existence” (Wis. 1:13-14). Death appeared as a result of the fall of the first people. “Righteousness is immortal, but unrighteousness causes death: the wicked attracted her with hands and words, considered her a friend and wasted away, and made a covenant with her, for they are worthy to be her lot” (Wis. 1:15-16).
To understand the issue of mortality, it is necessary to distinguish between spiritual and physical death. Spiritual death is the separation of the soul from God, Who for the soul is the Source of eternal joyful existence. This death is the most terrible consequence of the Fall of man. A person gets rid of it in Baptism.
Although physical death after Baptism remains in a person, it takes on a different meaning. From punishment, it becomes the door to heaven (for people who were not only baptized, but also lived in a manner pleasing to God) and it is already called the “dormition.”
What happens to the soul after death?
According to Church Tradition, based on the words of Christ, the souls of the righteous are carried by angels to the threshold of paradise, where they remain until the Last Judgment, expecting eternal bliss: “The beggar died and was carried by the angels to Abraham’s bosom” (Luke 16:22). The souls of sinners fall into the hands of demons and are “in hell, in torment” (see Luke 16:23). The final division into the saved and the condemned will occur at the Last Judgment, when “many of those sleeping in the dust of the earth will awaken, some to eternal life, others to eternal reproach and shame” (Dan. 12:2). In the parable of the Last Judgment, Christ speaks in detail about the fact that sinners who did not do deeds of mercy will be condemned, and the righteous who did such deeds will be justified: “And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life” (Matthew 25). :46).
What do the 3rd, 9th, 40th days after the death of a person mean? What should you do these days?
Holy Tradition preaches to us from the words of holy ascetics of faith and piety about the mystery of testing the soul after its departure from the body. For the first two days, the soul of a deceased person remains on earth and, with the Angel accompanying it, walks through those places that attract it with memories of earthly joys and sorrows, good and evil deeds. This is how the soul spends the first two days, but on the third day the Lord, in the image of His three-day Resurrection, commands the soul to ascend to heaven to worship Him - the God of all. On this day, the church commemoration of the soul of the deceased, who appeared before God, is timely.
Then the soul, accompanied by an Angel, enters the heavenly abodes and contemplates their indescribable beauty. The soul remains in this state for six days - from the third to the ninth. On the ninth day, the Lord commands the Angels to again present the soul to Him for worship. The soul stands before the Throne of the Most High with fear and trembling. But even at this time, the Holy Church again prays for the deceased, asking the Merciful Judge to place the soul of the deceased with the saints.
After the second worship of the Lord, the Angels take the soul to hell, and it contemplates the cruel torment of unrepentant sinners. On the fortieth day after death, the soul ascends for the third time to the Throne of God. Now her fate is being decided - she is assigned a certain place, which she has been awarded due to her deeds. That is why church prayers and commemorations on this day are so timely. They ask for forgiveness of sins and the placement of the soul of the deceased in paradise with the saints. On these days, the Church celebrates memorial services and litias.
The Church commemorates the deceased on the 3rd day after his death in honor of the three-day Resurrection of Jesus Christ and in the image of the Holy Trinity. Commemoration on the 9th day is performed in honor of the nine ranks of angels, who, as servants of the Heavenly King and representatives to Him, petition for pardon for the deceased. The commemoration on the 40th day, according to the tradition of the apostles, is based on the forty-day cry of the Israelis about the death of Moses. In addition, it is known that the forty-day period is very significant in the history and Tradition of the Church as the time necessary for preparing and receiving a special Divine gift, for receiving the gracious help of the Heavenly Father. Thus, the prophet Moses was honored to talk with God on Mount Sinai and receive the tablets of the Law from Him only after a forty-day fast. The prophet Elijah reached Mount Horeb after forty days. The Israelites reached the promised land after forty years of wandering in the desert. Our Lord Jesus Christ Himself ascended into heaven on the fortieth day after His Resurrection. Taking all this as a basis, the Church established the commemoration of the departed on the 40th day after their death, so that the soul of the deceased would ascend the holy mountain of Heavenly Sinai, be rewarded with the sight of God, achieve the bliss promised to it and settle in the heavenly villages with the righteous.
On all these days, it is very important to order the commemoration of the deceased in the Church, submitting notes for commemoration at the Liturgy and memorial service.
What soul does not go through ordeals after death?
From Sacred Tradition it is known that even Mother of God Having received notification from the Archangel Gabriel about the approaching hour of Her relocation to heaven, prostrating herself before the Lord, she humbly begged Him, so that, at the hour of the departure of Her soul, She would not see the prince of darkness and hellish monsters, but that the Lord Himself would accept Her soul into His Divine embrace. It is all the more useful for the sinful human race to think not about who does not go through ordeals, but about how to go through them, and do everything to cleanse the conscience and correct life according to the commandments of God. “The essence of everything: fear God and keep His commandments, because this is everything for man; For God will bring every work into judgment, even every secret thing, whether it is good or evil” (Eccl. 12:13-14).
What concept of heaven should you have?
Heaven is not so much a place as it is a state of mind; just as hell is suffering stemming from the inability to love and non-participation in the Divine light, so heaven is the bliss of the soul stemming from the excess of love and light, to which the one who has united with Christ fully and completely participates. This is not contradicted by the fact that heaven is described as a place with various “abodes” and “chambers”; all descriptions of paradise are only attempts to express in human language that which is inexpressible and surpasses the human mind.
In the Bible, "paradise" is the garden where God placed man; The same word in the ancient church tradition was used to describe the future bliss of people redeemed and saved by Christ. It is also called the “Kingdom of Heaven,” “the life of the age to come,” “the eighth day,” “the new heaven,” “the heavenly Jerusalem.” The Holy Apostle John the Theologian says: “I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I, John, saw the holy city Jerusalem, new, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from heaven, saying: Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them; they will be His people, and God Himself with them will be their God. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death; There will be no more crying, no crying, no pain, for the former things have passed away. And He who sat on the throne said: Behold, I am creating all things new... I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end; to the thirsty I will give freely from the source of living water... And the angel took me up in spirit to a great and high mountain, and showed me great city, holy Jerusalem, which came down from heaven from God. It has the glory of God... But I did not see a temple in it, for the Lord God Almighty is its temple, and the Lamb. And the city has no need of either the sun or the moon for its illumination; for the glory of God has illuminated it, and its lamp is the Lamb. The saved nations will walk in its light...And nothing unclean will enter into it, nor anyone who practices abomination and lies, but only those who are written in the Lamb’s book of life” (Rev. 21:1-6,10,22-24 ,27). This is the earliest description of heaven in Christian literature.
When reading descriptions of paradise found in theological literature, it is necessary to keep in mind that many Church Fathers talk about the paradise that they saw, into which they were caught up by the power of the Holy Spirit. In all descriptions of paradise, it is emphasized that earthly words can only to a small extent depict heavenly beauty, since it is “inexpressible” and surpasses human comprehension. It also speaks of the “many mansions” of paradise (John 14:2), that is, of different degrees of bliss. “God will honor some with great honors, others with less,” says St. Basil the Great, “because “star differs from star in glory” (1 Cor. 15:41). And since the Father “has many mansions,” He will rest some in a more excellent and higher state, and others in a lower state.” However, for everyone, his “abode” will be the highest fullness of bliss available to him - in accordance with how close he is to God in earthly life. “All the saints who are in paradise will see and know one another, and Christ will see and fill everyone,” says St. Simeon the New Theologian.
What concept should you have of hell?
There is no person deprived of the love of God, and there is no place that is not involved in this love; however, everyone who has made a choice in favor of evil voluntarily deprives himself of God's mercy. Love, which for the righteous in heaven is a source of bliss and consolation, for sinners in hell becomes a source of torment, since they recognize themselves as not participating in love. According to Saint Isaac, “the torment of Gehenna is repentance.”
According to the teachings of St. Simeon the New Theologian, the main reason for a person’s torment in hell is an acute sense of separation from God: “None of the people who believe in You, Master,” writes St. Simeon, “none of those who were baptized in your name will not endure this great and terrible burden of separation from You, Merciful One, because this is a terrible sorrow, unbearable, terrible and eternal sadness.” If on earth, says the Monk Simeon, those who are not involved in God have bodily pleasures, then there, outside the body, they will experience one incessant torment. And all the images of hellish torment that exist in world literature - fire, cold, thirst, red-hot ovens, lakes of fire, etc. - are only symbols of suffering, which comes from the fact that a person feels not involved in God.
For an Orthodox Christian, the thought of hell and eternal torment is inextricably linked with the mystery that is revealed in the services of Holy Week and Easter - the mystery of Christ’s descent into hell and the deliverance of those there from the dominion of evil and death. The Church believes that after His death, Christ descended into the abysses of hell in order to abolish hell and death, to destroy the terrible kingdom of the devil. Just as by entering the waters of the Jordan at the moment of His Baptism, Christ sanctifies these waters, filled with human sin, so by descending into hell, He illuminates it with the light of His presence to the last depths and limits, so that hell can no longer tolerate the power of God and perishes. Saint John Chrysostom in the Easter Catechetical Sermon says: “Hell was upset when it met You; he was grieved because he was abolished; he was upset because he was ridiculed; he was grieved because he was killed; I was upset because I was deposed.” This does not mean that hell no longer exists at all after the Resurrection of Christ: it exists, but the death sentence has already been passed on it.
Every Sunday, Orthodox Christians hear hymns dedicated to the victory of Christ over death: “The council of angels was surprised, in vain you were imputed to the dead, but the mortal fortress, O Savior, was destroyed... and freed all from hell” (from hell, who freed everyone). Deliverance from hell, however, should not be understood as some kind of magical action performed by Christ against the will of man: for one who consciously rejects Christ and eternal life, hell continues to exist as suffering and the torment of abandonment by God.
How to cope with grief when a loved one dies?
The grief of separation from the deceased can be satisfied only by prayer for him. Christianity does not perceive death as the end. Death is the beginning of a new life, and earthly life is only a preparation for it. Man was created for eternity; in paradise he fed from the “tree of life” (Gen. 2:9) and was immortal. But after the Fall, the path to the tree of life was blocked and man became mortal and corruptible.
But life does not end with death, the death of the body is not the death of the soul, the soul is immortal. Therefore, it is necessary to see off the soul of the deceased with prayer. “Do not give up your heart to sorrow; move her away from you, remembering the end. Do not forget this, for there is no return; and you will not bring him any benefit, but will harm yourself... With the repose of the deceased, soothe his memory, and be comforted about him after the outcome of his soul” (Sir. 38:20-21,23).
What should you do if, after the death of a loved one, you are tormented by your conscience about the wrong attitude towards him during life?
The voice of conscience denouncing guilt subsides and ceases after sincere heartfelt repentance and confession to God to the priest of one’s sinfulness towards the deceased. It is important to remember that with God everyone is alive and the commandment of love also applies to the dead. The deceased are in great need of the prayerful help of the living and alms given for them. The one who loves will pray, give alms, give church notes about the repose of the departed, strives to live in a manner pleasing to God, so that God will show His mercy on them.
If you constantly remain in active concern for others and do good to them, then not only peace will be established in your soul, but deep satisfaction and joy.
What to do if you dream of a dead person?
You don't need to pay attention to dreams. However, we should not forget that the eternally living soul of the deceased experiences a great need for constant prayer for it, because it itself can no longer do good deeds with which it would be able to appease God. Therefore, prayer in church and at home for deceased loved ones is the duty of every Orthodox Christian.
How many days do people mourn for the deceased?
There is a tradition of mourning for forty days for a deceased loved one. According to the Tradition of the Church, on the fortieth day the soul of the deceased receives a certain place in which it will remain until the time of the Last Judgment of God. That is why, until the fortieth day, intense prayer is required for the forgiveness of the sins of the deceased, and the external wearing of mourning is intended to promote internal concentration and attention to prayer, and to prevent active involvement in previous everyday affairs. But you can have a prayerful attitude without wearing black clothes. The internal is more important than the external.
Who is the newly deceased and ever-memorable?
In church tradition, a deceased person is called newly deceased within forty days after death. The day of death is considered first, even if death occurred a few minutes before midnight. On the 40th day of the Church, God (at the private judgment of the soul) determines its afterlife fate until the general Last Judgment prophetically promised by the Savior (see Matt. 25:31-46).
A person is usually called eternally remembered after forty days after his death. Ever-memorable - the word “ever-memorable” means always. And the ever-memorable one is always remembered, that is, the one for whom they always remember and pray. In funeral notes, they sometimes write “of everlasting memory” before the name when the next anniversary of the death of the deceased(s) is celebrated.
How is the last kiss of the deceased performed? Do I need to be baptized at the same time?
The farewell kiss of the deceased occurs after his funeral service in the temple. They kiss the aureole placed on the forehead of the deceased, or apply it to the icon in his hands. At the same time, they are baptized on the icon.
What to do with the icon that was in the hands of the deceased during the funeral service?
After the funeral service for the deceased, the icon can be taken home or left in the church.
What can be done for the deceased if he was buried without a funeral service?
If he was baptized in the Orthodox Church, then you need to come to the church and order an absentee funeral service, as well as order magpies, memorial services and pray for him at home.
How to help the deceased?
It is possible to alleviate the fate of the deceased if you perform frequent prayers for him and give alms. It is good to work for the Church in memory of the deceased, for example, in a monastery.
Why is the remembrance of the dead performed?
Prayer for those who have passed from temporary life to eternal life is ancient tradition Church, sanctified by centuries. Leaving the body, a person leaves the visible world, but he does not leave the Church, but remains its member, and it is the duty of those remaining on earth to pray for him. The Church believes that prayer eases a person’s posthumous fate. While a person is alive, he is able to repent of sins and do good. But after death this possibility disappears, only hope remains in the prayers of the living. After the death of the body and private judgment, the soul is on the threshold of eternal bliss or eternal torment. It depends on how the short earthly life was lived. But much depends on prayer for the deceased. The lives of the holy saints of God contain many examples of how, through the prayer of the righteous, the posthumous fate of sinners was eased - right up to their complete justification.
Is it possible to cremate the deceased?
Cremation is a custom alien to Orthodoxy, borrowed from Eastern cults and spread as the norm in a secular (non-religious) society during the Soviet period. Therefore, the relatives of the deceased, if possible to avoid cremation, should prefer burying the deceased in the ground. There is no prohibition in the sacred books to burn the bodies of the dead, but there are positive indications from Christian doctrine of another way of burying bodies - this is burying them in the earth (see: Gen. 3:19; John 5:28; Matt. 27:59-60). This method of burial, accepted by the Church from the very beginning of its existence and sanctified by it with a special rite, stands in connection with the entire Christian worldview and with its very essence - the belief in the resurrection of the dead. According to the strength of this faith, burial in the ground is an image of the temporary euthanization of the deceased, for whom the grave in the bowels of the earth is a natural bed of repose and who is therefore called by the Church the deceased (and in worldly terms, the deceased) until the resurrection. And if the burial of the bodies of the dead instills and strengthens the Christian faith in the resurrection, then the burning of the dead is easily related to the anti-Christian doctrine of non-existence.
The Gospel describes the burial order of the Lord Jesus Christ, which consisted of washing His Most Pure Body, dressing in special funeral clothes and placing in the grave (Matthew 27:59-60; Mark 15:46; 16:1; Luke 23:53 ; 24:1; John 19:39-42). The same actions are supposed to be performed on deceased Christians in the present time.
Cremation may be permissible in exceptional cases when there is no way to bury the body of the deceased.
Is it true that on the 40th day, the commemoration of the deceased must be ordered in three churches at once, or in one, but three services in succession?
Immediately after death, it is customary to order a magpie from the Church. This is a daily intensified commemoration of the newly deceased during the first forty days - until the private trial, which determines the fate of the soul beyond the grave. After forty days, it is good to order an annual commemoration and then renew it every year. You can also order longer-term commemorations in monasteries. There is a pious custom - to order commemoration in several monasteries and churches (their number does not matter). The more prayer books there are for the deceased, the better.
What is eve?
Kanun (or kanunnik) is a special table of square or rectangular shape, on which there is a Cross with a Crucifix and holes for candles are arranged. Before the eve there are funeral services. Here you can light candles and put food to commemorate the dead.
Why do you need to bring food to the temple?
Believers bring various foods to the temple so that the ministers of the Church will remember the deceased at a meal. These offerings serve as donations, alms for those who have passed away. In former times, in the courtyard of the house where the deceased was, on the most significant days for the soul (3rd, 9th, 40th) funeral tables were set, at which the poor, homeless, and orphans were fed, so that there would be many people praying for the deceased. For prayer and, especially for alms, many sins are forgiven, and the afterlife is made easier. Then these memorial tables began to be placed in churches on the days of the universal remembrance of all Christians who have died since centuries with the same purpose - to remember the departed.
What foods can you put on the eve?
The products can be anything. It is prohibited to bring meat food into the temple.
Which commemoration of the dead is the most important?
Prayers at the Liturgy have special power. The Church prays for all the departed, including those in hell. One of the kneeling prayers read on the feast of Pentecost contains a petition “for those kept in hell” and for the Lord to rest them “in a brighter place.” The Church believes that through the prayers of the living, God can alleviate the afterlife fate of the dead, saving them from torment and worthy of salvation with the saints.
Therefore, it is necessary, in the coming days after the death, to order a magpie in the church, that is, a commemoration at forty Liturgies: the Bloodless Sacrifice is offered forty times for the deceased, a particle is taken from the prosphora and immersed in the Blood of Christ with a prayer for the forgiveness of the sins of the newly deceased. This is a feat of love from the entirety of the Orthodox Church in the person of the priest who celebrates the Liturgy for the sake of the people commemorated at the proskomedia. This is the most necessary thing that can be done for the soul of the deceased.
What is Parents' Saturday?
On certain Saturdays of the year, the Church commemorates all previously deceased Christians. The memorial services that take place on such days are called ecumenical, and the days themselves are called Ecumenical Parental Saturdays. In the morning at parents' Saturdays During the Liturgy, all previously deceased Christians are remembered. On the eve of parental Saturday, on Friday evening, parastas is served (translated from Greek as “presence”, “intercession”, “intercession”) - the continuation of the great requiem for all deceased Orthodox Christians.
When are Parents' Saturdays?
Almost all parental Saturdays do not have a fixed date, but are associated with the moving day of Easter celebration. Meat Saturday occurs eight days before the start of Lent. Parents' Saturdays occur on the 2nd, 3rd and 4th weeks of Lent. Trinity Parental Saturday - on the eve of the Holy Trinity, on the ninth day after the Ascension. On the Saturday preceding the day of remembrance of the Great Martyr Demetrius of Thessalonica (November 8, new style) there is Dimitrievskaya Parental Saturday.
Is it possible to pray for repose after parental Saturday?
Yes, you can and should pray for the repose of the deceased even after parental Saturdays. This is the duty of the living to the dead and an expression of love for them. The deceased themselves can no longer help themselves, they cannot bear the fruits of repentance or give alms. This is evidenced by the Gospel parable of the rich man and Lazarus (Luke 16:19-31). Death is not a departure into oblivion, but the continuation of the existence of the soul in eternity, with all its characteristics, weaknesses and passions. Therefore, the deceased (except for the saints glorified by the Church) need prayerful commemoration.
Saturdays (except for Great Saturday, Saturday on Bright Week and Saturdays coinciding with the twelve, great and temple holidays), in church calendar By tradition, they are considered days of special remembrance of the dead. But you can pray for the departed and submit notes in the church on any day of the year, even when, according to the charter of the Church, no memorial services are served; in this case, the names of the deceased are remembered at the altar.
What other days of remembrance of the dead are there?
Radonitsa - nine days after Easter, on Tuesday after Bright Week. On Radonitsa they share the joy of the Resurrection of the Lord with the deceased, expressing hope for their resurrection. The Savior Himself descended into hell to preach victory over death and brought from there the souls of the Old Testament righteous. Because of this great spiritual joy, the day of this commemoration is called “Rainbow”, or “Radonitsa”.
Special commemoration of all those who died during the Great Patriotic War of 1941-1945. established by the Church on May 9. Warriors killed on the battlefield are also remembered on the day of the Beheading of John the Baptist on September 11, according to the new style.
Is it necessary to go to the cemetery on the anniversary of the death of a close relative?
The main days of remembrance of the deceased are the anniversaries of death and namesake. On the anniversary of the death of the deceased, relatives close to him pray for him, thereby expressing the belief that the day of a person’s death is not a day of destruction, but of a new birth for eternal life; the day of the transition of the immortal human soul to other conditions of life, where there is no longer any place for earthly illnesses, sorrows and sighs.
On this day it is good to visit the cemetery, but first you should come to the church at the beginning of the service, submit a note with the name of the deceased for commemoration at the altar (better if it is commemorated at a proskomedia), at a memorial service and, if possible, pray during the service.
Is it necessary to go to the cemetery on Easter, Trinity, and Holy Spirit Day?
Sunday and holidays should be spent in prayer in the temple of God, and for visiting the cemetery there are special days commemoration of the deceased - parental Saturdays, Radonitsa, as well as anniversaries of death and namesake days of the deceased.
What to do when visiting a cemetery?
Arriving at the cemetery, you need to clean up the grave. You can light a candle. If possible, invite a priest to perform the litia. If this is not possible, then you can read the short rite of lithium yourself, having previously purchased or Orthodox store corresponding brochure. If you wish, you can read an akathist about the repose of the departed. Just be silent, remember the deceased.
Is it possible to have a “wake” in a cemetery?
Apart from the kutia consecrated in the temple, you should not eat or drink anything in the cemetery. It is especially unacceptable to pour vodka into a grave mound - this insults the memory of the deceased. The custom of leaving a glass of vodka and a piece of bread at the grave “for the deceased” is a relic of paganism and should not be observed by the Orthodox. There is no need to leave food on the grave - it is better to give it to the beggar or the hungry.
What should you eat at a “wake”?
According to tradition, after the burial, people gather funeral table. The funeral meal is a continuation of the service and prayer for the deceased. The funeral meal begins with eating the kutia brought from the temple. Kutia or kolivo is boiled grains of wheat or rice with honey. Also traditionally they eat pancakes and sweet jelly. On a fast day, food should be lean. The funeral meal should be distinguished from a noisy feast by reverent silence and kind words about the deceased.
Unfortunately, the bad custom of remembering the deceased with vodka and a hearty snack has taken root. The same thing is repeated on the ninth and fortieth days. This is wrong, since the newly departed soul these days craves special fervent prayer for her to God and certainly not drinking wine.
Is it possible to place a photograph of the deceased on a grave cross?
A cemetery is a special place where the bodies of those who have passed on to another life are buried. Visible evidence of this is the tombstone cross, which is erected as a sign of the redemptive victory of the Lord Jesus Christ over death. Just as the Savior of the world was resurrected, having accepted death for people on the cross, so all the dead will be resurrected physically. People come to the cemetery to pray for them in this place of rest for the dead. A photograph on a grave cross often encourages reminiscence rather than prayer.
With the adoption of Christianity in Rus', the deceased were placed either in stone sarcophagi, with a cross depicted on the lid, or in the ground. A cross was placed on the grave. After 1917, when the destruction of Orthodox traditions became systematic, columns with photographs began to be placed on graves instead of crosses. Sometimes monuments were erected and a portrait of the deceased was attached to them. After the war, monuments with a star and a photograph began to predominate as a headstone. In the last decade and a half, crosses have increasingly begun to appear in cemeteries. The practice of placing photographs on crosses has been preserved from past Soviet decades.
Is it possible to take a dog with you when visiting a cemetery?
Of course, you shouldn’t take your dog to the cemetery for walking. But if necessary, for example, a guide dog for a blind person or for the purpose of protection when visiting a remote cemetery, you can take it with you. The dog should not be allowed to run over the graves.
If a person died on Bright Week (from the day of Holy Easter to Saturday of Bright Week inclusive), then the Easter Canon is read. Instead of the Psalter, on Bright Week the Acts of the Holy Apostles are read.
Is it necessary to serve a memorial service for a baby?
Dead babies are buried and memorial services are served for them, but in prayers they do not ask for forgiveness of sins, since babies do not consciously commit sins, but they ask the Lord to vouchsafe them the Kingdom of Heaven.
Is it possible to perform a funeral service in absentia for someone who died during the war if the place of his burial is unknown?
If the deceased was baptized, then the funeral service can be performed in absentia, and the soil received after the funeral in absentia can be sprinkled in a cross pattern on any grave in an Orthodox cemetery.
The tradition of performing a funeral service in absentia appeared in the 20th century in Russia due to the large number of those killed in the war, and since it was often impossible to perform a funeral service over the body of the deceased due to the lack of churches and priests, due to the persecution of the Church and persecution of believers. There are also cases tragic death when it is impossible to find the body of the deceased. In such cases, a funeral service in absentia is permissible.
Is it possible to order a memorial service for an unburied deceased?
Funeral services can be ordered if the deceased was a baptized Orthodox person and not one of the suicide victims. The Church does not commemorate the unbaptized and suicides.
If it becomes known that the buried person was not buried according to the Orthodox rite, then he must be buried in absentia. During the funeral service, in contrast to the requiem service, the priest reads a special prayer for the forgiveness of the sins of the deceased.
It is important not only to “order” a memorial service and funeral service, but for the relatives and friends of the deceased to take part in them prayerfully.
Is it possible to perform a funeral service for a suicide and pray for his repose at home and in church?
In exceptional cases, after consideration of all the circumstances of suicide by the ruling bishop of the diocese, an absentee funeral service may be blessed. To do this, relevant documents and a written petition are submitted to the ruling bishop, where, with special responsibility for one’s words, all known circumstances and reasons for suicide are indicated. All cases are considered individually. When the bishop allows the funeral service in absentia, the temple prayer for repose becomes possible.
In all cases, for the prayerful consolation of the relatives and friends of a person who has committed suicide, a special prayer rite has been developed, which can be performed whenever the relatives of a person who has committed suicide turn to the priest for consolation in the grief that has befallen them.
In addition to performing this rite, relatives and friends can, with the blessing of the priest, read prayer at home venerable elder Leo of Optina: “Seek, O Lord, the lost soul of Thy servant (name): if it is possible, have mercy. Your destinies are unsearchable. Do not make this my prayer a sin, but Thy holy will be done” and give alms.
Is it true that suicides are commemorated on Radonitsa? What to do if, believing this, they regularly submitted notes to the temple commemorating suicides?
No, that's not true. If a person, out of ignorance, submitted notes to commemorate suicides (the funeral service of which was not blessed by the ruling bishop), then he must repent of this in confession and not do this again. All doubtful questions should be resolved with the priest, and not believe rumors.
Is it possible to order a memorial service for the deceased if he is Catholic?
Private, cell (home) prayer for a heterodox deceased is not prohibited - you can remember him at home, read psalms at the grave. In churches, funeral services are not performed or commemorated for those who never belonged to the Orthodox Church: non-Christians and all those who died unbaptized. The funeral service and requiem service were compiled taking into account the fact that the deceased and the funeral service were a faithful member of the Orthodox Church.
Is it possible to submit notes in church about the remembrance of the deceased who have not been baptized?
Liturgical prayer is prayer for the children of the Church. In the Orthodox Church, it is not customary to remember unbaptized Christians, as well as non-Orthodox Christians, at proskomedia (the preparatory part of the Liturgy). This, however, does not mean that you cannot pray for them at all. Cell (home) prayer for such deceased is possible. Christians believe that prayer can provide great help to the dead. True Orthodoxy breathes the spirit of love, mercy and condescension towards all people, including those outside the Orthodox Church.
The Church cannot remember the unbaptized for the reason that they lived and died outside the Church - they were not its members, were not reborn to a new, spiritual life in the Sacrament of Baptism, did not confess the Lord Jesus Christ and cannot be involved in the benefits that He promised to those who love Him.
For the relief of the fate of the souls of the dead who were not worthy of Holy Baptism, and of infants who died in the womb or during childbirth, Orthodox Christians pray at home and read the canon to the holy martyr Uar, who has the grace from God to intercede for the dead who were not worthy of Holy Baptism. From the life of the holy martyr Uar, it is known that through his intercession he delivered from eternal torment the relatives of the pious Cleopatra, who revered him, who were pagans.
They say that those who die on Bright Week receive the Kingdom of Heaven. Is it so?
The posthumous fate of the dead is known only to the Lord. “Just as you do not know the way of the wind and how the bones are formed in the womb of a pregnant woman, so you cannot know the work of God, who does all things” (Eccl. 11:5). Anyone who lived piously, did good deeds, wore a cross, repented, confessed and received communion - by the grace of God, he can be granted a blessed life in eternity, regardless of the time of death. And if a person spent his entire life in sins, did not confess or receive communion, but died on Bright Week, can it be said that he inherited the Kingdom of Heaven?
If a person died in a continuous week before Peter's Lent, does this mean anything?
Doesn't mean anything. The Lord ends the earthly life of each person in due time, providentially caring for each soul.
“Do not hasten death by the errors of your life, and do not attract destruction to yourself by the works of your hands” (Wis. 1:12). “Do not indulge in sin, and do not be foolish: why should you die at the wrong time?” (Eccl. 7:17).
Is it possible to get married in the year of your mother's death?
There is no special rule in this regard. Let your religious and moral feeling itself tell you what to do. On all significant life issues one must consult a priest.
Why is it necessary to receive communion on the days of remembrance of relatives: on the ninth, fortieth days after death?
There is no such rule. But it will be good if the relatives of the deceased get ready and partake of the Holy Mysteries of Christ, having repented, including of sins related to the deceased, forgive him all insults and ask for forgiveness themselves.
Is it necessary to cover the mirror if one of your relatives dies?
Hanging mirrors in the house is a superstition, and has nothing to do with church traditions of burying the dead. Is it necessary to cover a mirror if one of your relatives has died?
The custom of hanging mirrors in a house where a death has occurred partly stems from the belief that whoever sees his own reflection in the mirror of this house will also soon die. There are many “mirror” superstitions, some of them are associated with fortune telling on mirrors. And where there is magic and witchcraft, fear and superstition inevitably appear. Whether a mirror is hung or not has no effect on life expectancy, which depends entirely on the Lord.
There is a belief that before the fortieth day nothing of the deceased’s belongings should be given away. Is this true?
You need to plead for the defendant before the trial, not after it. Therefore, it is necessary to intercede for the soul of the deceased immediately after his death until the fortieth day and after it: pray and perform acts of mercy, distribute the things of the deceased, donate to the monastery, to the church. Before the Last Judgment, you can change the afterlife fate of the deceased through intense prayer for him and alms.
In our country it is customary to honor significant dates: for living people these are name days and birthdays, and after death - wakes. This date is extremely important for Orthodox Christians because they sincerely believe in eternal life and a meeting with the Creator. Therefore, for believers, the soul has no ending. Let’s talk in more detail about how one should remember a person who has left this world on their anniversary.
Orthodox traditions
The ancient Slavs also commemorated the dead. This action is performed at the time of burial, and then on the 9th and 40th days. It is also customary to organize a corresponding meal for a year after death. How should a deceased Christian be remembered? The main “attribute” is, of course, prayer. It is recommended to refrain from drinking alcoholic beverages. An event such as a funeral should never turn into a noisy feast, as this does not correspond to Orthodox traditions.
What do they order in church on the anniversary of death?
In addition to a private prayer service, for one year after death in the Temple of the Lord they order:
At any church ceremony, all friends and relatives of the deceased must pray. Because the priest does not have the opportunity to put into prayer those experiences that are this moment loved ones feel. The priest is only the performer of the service. Of course, his words are strong, but everything cannot be entrusted to someone else, because in this case we mean the posthumous fate of a person who was very dear during his lifetime.
In addition, the church often orders a psalter for 1 year. It is done for a long time. It all depends on the donation.
You can also buy small books in church shops: people who need to be remembered are written in them. You can take this thing with you to the temple so that you don’t miss anything when providing notes. While the note is being read by a priest or deacon, you need to pray yourself.
There are both generally accepted church holidays on which cemeteries should be visited, and ordinary private funerals. As for generally accepted events, they include “parents’ day.” The deceased should also be remembered at this time, regardless of the date of their death.
Second Tuesday of Easter - transition day. In many regions of the Russian Federation, there is a tradition of going to the cemetery directly on the Resurrection of Christ, but this is not officially approved - Easter is considered such a bright and pure day that there are no dead at this time.
Even if this is not a memorable date from the moment of death, any deceased must definitely hear the joyful “Christ is Risen.” This day even has an appropriate name- Radonitsa. For every person there is hope for eternal life with the Lord, therefore absolutely everyone should rejoice on this day - both on earth and in heaven. On this day, it is customary to bring colored chicken eggs and delicious pancakes to graves, and the remaining food should be distributed to the poor.
Dignified repose is a kind of crown of the entire existence of a true Christian. In prayers for every day there are petitions for the Almighty to ensure a shameless death. People of the Orthodox faith want to take communion and confess before meeting God. There are special rituals performed over the dying person, which are not repeated after his death.
To commemorate the anniversary of his death with dignity, commemoration must begin in church. Then you should go to the cemetery to the grave and perform a civil funeral service over it. Only after this should you turn to the meal, clean up the grave and remember things to do dead person. It is not customary to pour vodka and drink it.
It's better to bring fresh flowers to the grave. At one time, the church planned to limit the decoration of coffins with artificial wreaths, but coping with this tradition turned out to be not so easy. This custom is aimed at avoiding vandalism, which is often found in cemeteries in our state.
But from drinking alcoholic beverages It is recommended to abstain completely. The pain and sadness of the loss is enormous, but other options should be found to solve this problem. After all, such behavior will not please the deceased at all. It is better not to spend money on alcohol, but to give it to the needy poor.
What to do on the anniversary of a death at home
It also happens that there is no way to go to the cemetery for various reasons. In this case, you need to invite to your home all the people who wish to participate in this event. The customs associated with curtaining mirrors and displaying utensils for the deceased have nothing in common with Orthodoxy.
Before eating you need to pray. One of the close friends or relatives of the deceased needs to read the 17th kathisma or one of the rites of the memorial service. In this case, you should light the blessed candles. After this, the meal itself begins, during which only decent conversations should be conducted; laughter and jokes are completely inappropriate.
Meals of pagan peoples for the dead were carried out extremely pompously. Then they thought that the more magnificent and colorful the funeral feast was organized, the more beneficial it would be for the deceased person in another world. Meals were characterized not only by the abundant consumption of a wide variety of dishes, but also by songs and dances. The essence of Christian funerals and burials is completely different. These rituals should maintain the bright memory of the deceased, who is considered to have passed on to another world, and not even deceased.
Guests are given special dishes. It is mandatory to put kutia on the table, which is a sweet wheat porridge seasoned with honey, dried fruits and raisins.
- The traditional food for funerals is pancakes covered in jelly.
- The table should be set as usual. You can place fresh spruce branches on it, and trim the edges of the tablecloth with black lace.
- At each change of treats, it is necessary to read a prayer. You need to pray after finishing every meal.
After reading the prayers, you can read poems on the anniversary of death. There are no restrictions in this regard. At the same time, some merits of the deceased may be mentioned, his positive character traits, etc. It is clear that any person has shortcomings, but it is not customary to talk about them at a wake.
Anniversary of death celebrated in other countries. China, Korea and Japan have their own traditions. They also fast and avoid wine and meat for a while.
How to honor the deceased yourself
To honor the memory The Psalter is often used for the deceased. Between individual psalms, special prayers are read in which the deceased are mentioned. Akathists can also be read, but the Psalms were created much earlier.
It also happens that the charter of the Church prohibits honoring the deceased at the Liturgy and holding funeral services and requiem services for them. This applies to the deceased who were baptized, but did not attend church regularly, that is, they were not churchgoers. Only the person who participates in Communion and Confession can be considered this way. The rest of the people are called “parishioners”.
But in reality, some deviations from this rule are often made. Here everything depends on the bishop. One way or another, this point should be discussed with the clergy.
The Church definitely does not commemorate the deceased who took their own lives. If the deceased died in war, providing protection to other people, then this is not suicide. In fact, death in war is considered one of the most honorable. But death from a drug overdose is a type of suicide.
But the church teaches people hope for God's mercy and grace. Therefore, there is even a special akathist for suicides, which was developed back in the last century.
If a person has completed his journey on Earth, then he has no need for a golden coffin, a grand funeral, or a monument made of marble or bronze. The most important help that loved ones and relatives can provide is sincere prayer and warm words on the anniversary of death. This is not an ordinary tradition, it is a lifeline leading the deceased to the Kingdom of God.
How to properly remember the dead? Is it possible to submit funeral notes if it is not known for sure whether the person was baptized? The answers to these questions are in our article!
How to properly remember the dead?
Father! Help! My mother passed away... During this difficult time, my dad was in the hospital, and all the worries fell on my husband and I’s shoulders. The funeral service was good for her, and death made her even more beautiful in appearance - no matter how crazy it may sound. I feel such loss and such pain that it seems like it will never go away. And there are a lot of worries - dad needs to be helped to recover after the operation, it’s hardest for him: I fulfilled my daughter’s duty, and he lost half of himself. Before her death, mom confessed and took communion, and dad too - before he went to the hospital, he did this at mom’s request and for the first time in his life. Mom rarely confessed, but she prepared for this confession and wanted it. Her last week was sleepless and filled with pain. But my mother refused painkilling injections, leaving with the prayer “Lord, accept my soul” ... in my arms. Is it possible that our mother will remain our mother even after death and will help us and pray to God for us? I miss her very much, although I understand that everything is the will of our God and I pray for the repose of her soul. Elena.
Hello, dear Elena!
Please accept my condolences on the death of your mother. Of course, it is very difficult when someone close to us dies, especially mom. Your pain and grief are completely understandable and natural. Of course, even after death, your mother will remain your mother; very often the feeling of spiritual connection with our deceased relatives remains. But now your mother needs, first of all, your prayers for her, so it is very good that you are praying for her. I would advise you to read the Psalter about your mother, maybe you are already doing this (usually one kathisma is read per day for the first 40 days after death). We will also pray for your mother, so that the Lord will forgive her voluntary and involuntary sins and grant her the Kingdom of Heaven!
God help you!
Hello. I learned about this story not long ago. My maternal grandfather was baptized. But he committed suicide, although he was buried in a regular cemetery. How to pray for suicides, are there any rules in this regard: what prayers can be read for forgiveness and salvation of their souls, is it possible to submit notes in church, etc.? What and when can you read about the repose and salvation of the souls of deceased relatives of little faith or even non-believers? Andrey.
Hello Andrei!
You can pray for your grandfather in your own words, asking the Lord to forgive his sins; church prayer for suicides (submitting notes at Liturgy, memorial services) is impossible. It will be very good if in memory of your grandfather you do some good deeds and give alms within your power.
Regarding your second question, if your relatives have been baptized, you can and should pray for them both at home and in church, offering remembrance of them for church-wide prayer at the liturgy and memorial services. If they were not baptized, pray for them in the same way as for your grandfather.
Sincerely, priest Alexander Ilyashenko
Father, hello! Please answer this question. Grandfather died, but we don’t know whether he was baptized or not. How to pray for him? Is it possible to submit notes for his repose in the church? In the lectures of A.I. Osipov said that you can pray in church for everyone, even the unbaptized, just do not submit registered notes, and in another Orthodox program they said that you cannot pray for the unbaptized (both for health and for repose). How to proceed? Our grandfather was good, he lived like a Christian. Catherine.
Catherine!
I advise you to listen to the professor’s opinion: the temple of God is a house of prayer for everyone and for everyone. Remember him in your prayers at home and in church, and do not write in notes, since the Eucharist is celebrated only for those who have become members of the Body of Christ (Church) through Baptism.
Dear father! I would like to know about the rules Orthodox rite repose. Is it necessary for the newly deceased to spend the night before burial in the temple? Where should the coffin be nailed up (after the funeral service or in the cemetery)? Is it necessary to remember a person in a cemetery? Do they visit the grave on the second day? Should there be artificial flower wreaths? Should there be farewell music and should flowers be thrown in front of the coffin while carrying the body? Thank you in advance. Photinia.
Death and posthumous existence are determined solely by the life of the deceased - unless prayer can change something. In the vain folk rituals and their details make absolutely no sense to the deceased. That's why:
1. The point is not that the dead body will lie overnight in the church - in the old days this was done only so that as many loved ones as possible could participate in the funeral prayer, which continued over the coffin all night and ended in the morning with the funeral Liturgy and funeral service. If we are not talking about all-night prayer and Liturgy, then there is no point in keeping the body in church.
2. In ancient times, burial was carried out without a wooden coffin - the deceased, wrapped in shrouds, was carried on a board to the cemetery and lowered into the grave (which was called a “coffin”). Therefore in modern conditions It would be wiser to close the coffin in the temple, especially since justifications for a different course of action are completely meaningless - a dead body cannot “expose to the sun in last time look”, nor “say goodbye to the house”.
3. The commemoration of an Orthodox Christian is accomplished through prayer: this is why the funeral service is performed. As for public commemorations, which are in no way connected with prayer and the Church, it is better to perform them at home, since there are often cases when, after abundant remembrance, songs and dances begin at the graves.
4.Visiting the graves of loved ones is in no way limited to the Church. Want? Go and pray - as much as and when your soul asks. And it’s better not to walk without prayer, because this leads to despondency.
5. Fresh flowers are preferable because they symbolize the brevity of human life.
6. At a Christian funeral it is better to do without music.
7. What is the point in scattering flowers? It is better to spend these funds on alms or charity.
Sincerely, priest Alexy Kolosov
Good evening! I would like to know from you why it is considered paganism to bring any kind of food to a cemetery (people say that this is as if in memory of the deceased)? Alexander.
Hello, Alexander!
Meals in cemeteries are a pre-Christian pagan tradition that has nothing in common with Orthodoxy. IN Soviet time this tradition was resurrected, because it was necessary to replace the church funeral prayer with something, which should be performed on the graves of the deceased on this day. Prayer was forbidden just as belief in God was outlawed. But the people have not forgotten the Christian traditions of remembering the dead, which also include a funeral meal. True, unlike the pagan tradition, Christians never had these meals in the cemetery. Even Saint John Chrysostom, who lived in the 4th century, mentioned in his writings about funeral prayer in cemeteries on days of special commemoration of the dead. Godless authorities in the 20th century. They decided to replace the prayer with a funeral meal in the cemetery, where there was room not only for food, but also for the obligatory drink. The deceased were commemorated not with prayer, but with alcohol. Hence the traditional 3 glasses “so that the world may rest in peace” and a glass of vodka “for the deceased” at the grave. It is not surprising that such “gatherings” in cemeteries often took the form of ordinary drinking parties with all the ensuing consequences. Unfortunately, many people now take all this for granted and continue to pay tribute to pagan traditions.
Hello! 20 years ago my mother died. I was not at the funeral due to my young age, and I dreamed of my mother the whole week after her death. And only 15 years later dreams about her appeared again. She came home wearing them, asking questions about the lives of her close relatives. I enthusiastically talked about everything, after which I woke up in in a great mood- as if talking to her. When they told me that her soul was restless and I needed to light a candle for her repose, I did it. And I never saw her in my dreams again. Is this just a coincidence or not? And another situation. The day before yesterday I buried my grandmother, who raised me. I went to see her as soon as they said she was dying. But still she did not have time to say goodbye to her and call the priest to give her communion. When I was on the train, I dreamed about her. I talked to her at her house. What could this dream mean? Did she say goodbye to me or is this a figment of my fantasies? Julia.
Hello Julia!
You should not look for interpretations of your dreams. These are just dreams. In the first case, you did everything right; prayer is necessary for the deceased. Regardless of whether they are dreaming or not. Note - not just a candle, but a prayer. Pray yourself and order church services. But just don’t listen to “teachings” about the restlessness of the soul. Only the Lord knows about this. In the second case, I think that this is the fruit of your worries about your grandmother.
Sincerely, priest Dionisy Svechnikov
Hello! Soon it will be one year since he passed away close person. The date of this event falls on a working day. Is it possible to move the day of the funeral to a weekend (Saturday or Sunday) and when is the right time to organize the funeral: before or after the anniversary date? Alexander.
Hello, Alexander!
Our deceased relatives first of all need our prayer for them. Therefore, if the deceased was Orthodox Christian, try to go to the church on the eve of the anniversary and submit a note for the Liturgy for the repose of his soul, order a memorial service for the day of the anniversary. On this day, also try to pray for the deceased, for example, read the rite of lithium performed by a layman (you can find the text here: http://www.molitvoslov.com/text233.htm)
And the funeral service can be moved to the weekend after the anniversary of the death.
Sincerely, priest Alexander Ilyashenko
Please tell me what to do if you want to memorialize the repose of a deceased person without knowing his church name? I wanted to submit a memorial to the deceased in the local church, knowing only his worldly name. And here they told me that I need to know him church name. But I didn’t even know him personally. He was just a good man, and I wanted to remember the deceased. His worldly name is Ratmir. I will be very grateful to you if my question does not go unnoticed. Galina.
Hello, Galina!
The church answered you absolutely correctly: to commemorate the deceased in the church, you need to know the name that was given to him at baptism. If there is no way to find out what name Ratmir was baptized with, then remember him in home prayer, do some good deeds in his memory, give alms. Believe that the Lord hears your prayer and accepts it, seeing your sincerity.
Sincerely, priest Alexander Ilyashenko
Good afternoon I have a few questions. 1. What kind of repose services exist in the church, and what is the difference between them? 2. I have heard that prayer during the liturgy is very useful for the soul of a deceased person. To the question “How much is it necessary and possible to order such commemorations at the liturgy?” in the church they answered that it all depends on my love for this person and my financial condition. Tell me, who generally sets the “price” for various services and why they are what they are? Thank you in advance for your answers. Alexander.
Hello, Alexander!
You can pray for the repose of the departed at the Liturgy, a memorial service (or a shorter litany) can be performed for them, and the Psalter can be read.
Indeed, the most important prayer is at the Liturgy - the main service for Christians, during which we partake of the Body and Blood of the Lord.
A memorial service is a special service in which we pray only for the deceased, it is simply a joint prayer compiled according to a special rite, it is performed separately at the request of those praying or in special set days remembrance of the departed (parental Saturdays).
The reading of the Psalter can be performed by everyone (unlike the Liturgy and requiem service, which are performed only by priests), but since we do not always have the opportunity to pray for the departed ourselves, the reading of the Psalter is organized in monasteries and churches with the commemoration of everyone for whom it was ordered.
For the departed, who can no longer pray for themselves, prayer for them, both yours and the entire Church’s, is very important. But there is no set number of prayers or Liturgies, after which the souls of the departed would “automatically” go to heaven. We do not know God’s Judgment about them, and therefore we pray for them on every occasion, for example, by submitting a note with their names to the church at every Liturgy we attend.
Why do we pray for others? This is a manifestation of our love for them, isn't it? True love always shows itself in action. Our prayer for our neighbors is also a matter. But often we want to do more. That is why there is a tradition of giving alms in memory of someone, doing some good deeds, asking others to pray for our relatives and friends. This is how we show our love both to the one we help and to the deceased, sacrificing something not for ourselves, but for their sake.
Prayer is not a commodity, and there are no and cannot be any prices for prayer. In the Church we do not buy prayer for our neighbors, God’s grace, forgiveness of sins, but donate some money, try to understand the difference between these concepts. In many temples there is simply a mug where everyone puts money as they can. And somewhere the DESIRED SIZES of donations are indicated, although no one should refuse you if you don’t have money. On the issue of money in the Church, I advise you to read the article by Deacon Andrei Kuraev “Where does the Church get its money” (for example, here: http://www.pravbeseda.ru/library/index.php?page=book&id=580); It is difficult to fully cover this issue within the framework of a letter.
Sincerely, priest Alexander Ilyashenko
My son, one year and ten months old, died. I have a few questions.
1) How to pray for the repose of a baby? All the prayers I find ask for forgiveness of sins.
2) I can’t stop caring about him. What else - besides prayers - can I do for him?
3) How do Orthodox women mourn, for how long, and do all clothes have to be black?
4) I want to get pregnant again as soon as possible - are there any restrictions in this situation?
Thank you very much for your answer. Natalia.
Hello, Natalia!
Please accept our condolences for the loss that has befallen you. If you managed to baptize a child, you need to perform the rite of burial of the infant in the temple. Also, if he is baptized, you can and should pray for him not only at home, but also in church. For the laity, only one prayer has really been compiled by parents for their deceased children, containing petitions for the forgiveness of sins. There are special prayers for babies only for priests, in the rite of infant burial. You can read the existing prayer, omitting the petitions that confuse you. For a baby who has not been worthy of holy baptism, they pray to the martyr Uar. Below is the text of the prayer. Mourning these days is not as strictly regulated as it was in the past. But usually it lasts from 40 days to a year. The Church does not impose restrictions on conceiving a new child.
Sincerely, priest Mikhail Samokhin
Prayer to the holy martyr Huar
Oh, holy, venerable martyr Uare! We kindle with zeal for the Lord Christ, you confessed the Heavenly King before the tormentor, and you suffered zealously for Him, and now the Church honors you, as one who is glorified by the Lord Christ with heavenly glory, Who has given you the grace of great boldness towards Him, and now you stand before Him with the angels, and in the highest you rejoice, and clearly see the Holy Trinity, and enjoy the light of the Beginning Radiance. Remember also our relatives in languor, who died in wickedness, accept our petition, and just as Cleopatrin freed the unfaithful family from eternal torment with your prayers, so remember the people who were buried against God, who died unbaptized, trying to ask for deliverance from eternal darkness, so that all with one mouth and one Let us praise the Most Merciful Creator with our hearts forever and ever. Amen.
Have you read the article How to properly remember the dead? Read also.
Every person comes into this world to fulfill his destiny. But there comes a time when you have to leave earthly world and go to eternity. gives life, and he takes it away. In Orthodoxy there are basic customs and traditions on how to remember the deceased on the anniversary of death.
Wake. History of the ritual
A ritual such as a wake is carried out by the relatives of the deceased. It arose a long time ago on the basis of Christianity. Moreover, it combined several rituals from several religions. However, this rite can only be performed on those who have been baptized. The Church does not pray for those who have taken their own lives, the unbaptized, and people of other religions.
Orthodox Christians hold funeral services 3 times: on the 3rd, 9th and 40th day after death. The basis of this ritual is as follows:
- Relatives or friends are preparing a funeral table.
- Everyone who knew the deceased is welcome to come and take a place at the table.
- They eat and remember the deceased good words, they tell interesting cases from his life.
- The remaining food is distributed to all guests so that they still think about the deceased.
For 40 days after death, the soul is in search and ignorance. For the first 3 days, she visits all her native and familiar places, being close to those who were close during life. Until the 9th day, he gets acquainted with places called paradise. And until the 40th day he sees the suffering of people who are in hell.
On the 40th day, God’s court pronounces a verdict on where a person’s soul should find peace. The anniversary of death is considered the beginning of this eternal life.
The most invited to the anniversary Dear people. They try to call those whom the deceased would like to see during his lifetime. Preparation for the meal begins in advance.
How to prepare a funeral meal
First of all, you need to determine what day the anniversary of the death falls on. If it is a day of fasting, it is necessary to prepare meatless dishes. If it’s a normal day, you can include in the menu those dishes that the deceased loved. It is prohibited to place any alcoholic beverages on the table.
You definitely need to prepare kutya and consecrate it in the church. As a rule, Orthodox Christians prepare it from rice or wheat with raisins.
Much attention is paid to table setting. Everything should be modest; forks are not placed on the table on Memorial Day. An even number of guests are seated at the table, and the same number of cutlery is placed.
But the main point is reading prayers and good words about the deceased. You need to light a candle or lamp, put a photograph in a mourning frame.
For the deceased, a glass of water is placed on the table, which is covered with a piece of bread, a spoon and a small cup of salt are placed next to it.
Visit to the cemetery
Before sitting down to the table, you must visit the grave of the deceased. If for some reason this cannot be done on the day of the funeral, you can come to the cemetery on another day. Just be sure to arrive at the burial site before noon.
You should take a candle with you, which you need to put and light in a special glass. Flowers will not be out of place: fresh or artificial, depending on the time of year. According to pagan rituals, many people bring food with them, leaving candy or what the deceased loved on the grave: apples, cigarettes, pies.
True believers remember the deceased only with prayers and the laying of fresh flowers.
The Christian faith believes that memory can only be honored through prayer. In this case, even the most serious sins can be forgiven. Therefore, you need to order a Memorial Service in the church. You can also order Sorokoust about the deceased, which will be recited for 40 days, 6 months or a whole year.
Be sure to light a candle for the repose of your soul. You can invite a priest to the grave, who will read the akafest and perform a litia.
Is the deceased remembered on his birthday?
In some families, it is customary to remember the deceased on the day he would have had a birthday. Is it correct? According to ancient beliefs, the birthday of the deceased ceased to have any meaning, since now the date of death is the date of birth of a new life. Therefore, our ancestors did not remember this day and did not go to the cemetery.
The priests believe that they can commemorate him at any time, including on his birthday on earth. Only this remembrance should occur in prayers and thoughts about the deceased.
How to remember a deceased person on the anniversary of his death if he voluntarily passed away or was unbaptized? The answer can be found in the letter of the Apostle Paul to the Colossians, who says that for God everyone is equal. Therefore, no matter how a person died, at least close people should remember him on his anniversary. After all, only prayers will help him cleanse himself from the sins of worldly life.