When is it right to remember the deceased on the anniversary of death? Many people associate the phrase “commemoration of the dead” with the distribution of sweets, the pouring of alcoholic beverages at the funeral table, and with visiting a church where it is necessary to light a candle for the deceased

The Holy Church constantly prays for all “our departed fathers and brothers,” but she also makes a special prayerful commemoration for each deceased, if there is our pious desire and need. Such commemoration is called private; it includes thirds, nineties, sorochinas and anniversaries.

The commemoration of the dead on the third day after death is an apostolic tradition. It is accomplished because the deceased was baptized in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, the One God in the Trinity. In addition to the theological significance of commemorating the deceased on the third day, it also has a mysterious meaning concerning the afterlife state of the soul.

For the first two days, the soul still remains on earth and, with the Angel accompanying it, visits those places that attract it with memories of earthly joys and sorrows, deeds of good and evil. On the third day, the Lord commands the soul to ascend to Heaven to worship Himself.

For six days, from the third to the ninth, the soul, returning from the Face of God, accompanied by Angels, enters the heavenly abodes and contemplates their indescribable beauty. On the ninth day, the Lord commands the Angels to again present the soul to Him for worship.

After the secondary worship of God, the Angels take the soul to hell, where it contemplates the cruel torment of unrepentant sinners. On the fortieth day after death, the soul ascends for the third time to the Throne of the Lord, where its fate is decided - a place is assigned to which it will be awarded according to its deeds.

That is why we should offer especially intense prayers for the dead on the third, ninth and fortieth days after death. But these terms also have another meaning. The commemoration of the deceased on the third day is performed in honor of the three-day Resurrection of Jesus Christ and the image Holy Trinity. The prayer on the ninth day is a rendering of honor to the nine angelic ranks, who, as servants of the Heavenly King, petition for pardon for the deceased.

The days of mourning for the dead in ancient times lasted forty days. According to the establishment of the Holy Church, it is necessary to perform commemoration for the departed for forty days (Sorokoust) and especially on the fortieth day (Sorochin). Just as Christ defeated the devil, spending forty days in fasting and prayer, so the Holy Church offers prayers, alms and bloodless sacrifices for the deceased, asks the Lord for grace, helps him defeat the enemy, the airy prince of darkness, and receive the Kingdom of Heaven.

What can we do for loved ones within forty days after their death? As soon as a person has died, it is necessary to immediately take care of the magpie, i.e. daily remembrance during Divine Liturgy. If possible, it is good to book forty dinners and even in several churches.

If a person’s death occurred during Lent, then memorial services are ordered on Wednesday and Friday of each week, and masses for the repose of the soul of the deceased are ordered on Saturdays and Sundays. Sorokoust is not ordered during Lent, since the Divine Liturgy does not occur every day.

During Easter week(the first week after Easter) no funeral services are served, for Easter is an all-encompassing joy for believers in the Resurrection of our Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, during the entire week, neither masses for the dead nor memorial services are ordered. Only from Tuesday of St. Thomas Week (the second week of Easter) do churches begin to accept orders for magpies and masses of repose. This day is called Radonitsa.

The day of a Christian's death is his birthday for a new, better life. Therefore, we celebrate the memory of our loved ones after a year has passed from the day of their death, begging the mercy of God to have mercy on their souls and to grant them the coveted fatherland as an eternal inheritance.

On the third, ninth and fortieth days, as well as on the anniversary of death, a mass for the repose of the deceased must be ordered in the church. At home on these days, his relatives and friends gather for a meal in order to jointly pray for him to ask the Lord for forgiveness of sins and the repose of his soul in the Kingdom of Heaven. It is also good to send a donation to monasteries so that they can pray forever for the repose of the soul of the deceased.

The deceased should also be remembered on the days of their earthly birth, on their name days (the day of remembrance of the saint whose name they bore). On the days of their memory, you need to order a mass in church for their repose, a memorial service, pray for them at home, and remember them at your meal.

Funeral meal

The pious custom of remembering the dead at meals has been known for a very long time. It was described by the prophet Jeremiah, from which it is clear that the ancient Jews had the custom of breaking bread for them as a consolation for the dead (Jer. 16:7).

But here's how exactly dining table remember deceased relatives and friends? Unfortunately, funerals often turn into just an excuse to get together and discuss last news, eat deliciously, while Orthodox Christians should pray for their brothers in faith even at the funeral meal.

This chapter summarizes the experience of people living an Orthodox life, disparate advice and wishes are brought together.

During Lent, if the funeral service (third, ninth, fortieth day, anniversary) falls on the first, fourth and seventh week, the relatives and friends of the deceased do not invite anyone. These weeks are especially strict. Let only those closest to you be at the table: mother or father, wife or spouse, children or grandchildren.

If memorial days fall on weekdays of other weeks of Lent, they are transferred to the next (upcoming) Saturday or Sunday. This commemoration is called counter. This is done because the holidays of Great Lent are Saturdays and Sundays, when the Divine Liturgy is celebrated.

In the first eight days after Easter, prayers are not read for the departed, and memorial services are not performed for them. The Easter Canon is sung in the Church. The Holy Orthodox Church allows commemoration of the departed only from Tuesday of St. Thomas Week, Radonitsa, which was mentioned above. From this day on, in the church you can order a magpie, a mass, a proskomedia and a memorial service for the deceased. Privately, from Easter Day until Tuesday of St. Thomas Week, only the Paschal Canon is read for the deceased.

You should not remember the deceased at the table with vodka or other strong alcoholic drinks. Funerals are days of grief, days of intense prayer for the soul of the deceased, which may be experiencing a very difficult time. So will it really be easier for the soul in that world if we revel in wine here?

The memorial meal, which is arranged by the relatives and friends of the deceased, is a kind of alms for everyone who is present at it. This is where the desire of the owners comes from to treat those who come to something tastier and more satisfying. But at the same time you need to comply fast days established by the Holy Church. The dead are remembered with the food that is prescribed on the day of the funeral: on Wednesday, Friday, on days of long fasts - fasting, on meat-eating days - fasting.

Prayers are read in front of holy icons with a lit lamp or candle. At this time, a petition to have mercy on the deceased should be heard with particular force.

Immediately before eating, the Lord's Prayer is read. The first dish, which by right of kinship and closeness to the deceased is first tasted by his closest relatives and friends, is kutia. These are boiled grains of wheat (rice) mixed with honey (raisins). Grains serve as a symbol of the Resurrection, and honey (or raisins) are the sweetness that the righteous enjoy in the Kingdom of Heaven. Kutya is consecrated in the temple during a memorial service.

Then everyone present tastes it. It is served, according to custom, on the third, ninth and fortieth days of remembrance.

Pancakes and jelly are considered traditional funeral dishes in Rus'.

But the most important thing is a prayer for the repose and pardon of the soul of a deceased person. Even if it happens that there is nothing left in the house except water and crackers, the commemoration will not be any worse. If there is no prayer book in the house, then we will read those prayers that we know from memory, we will turn to God in our own words, as long as sighing for the souls of the dead comes from our hearts.

During a funeral service, it is customary to leave a place, a plate, a dinner set, or some dishes in the name of the deceased; this is a very ancient custom.

Christian invited to a funeral loved one to an unbelieving family, it is better not to decline the invitation. Since love is higher than fasting, you need to be guided by the words of the Savior: Eat what is offered to you (Luke 10:8), but observe moderation in food and conversation.

Commemoration of the deceased after burial

Special days of commemoration are the third, ninth and fortieth (in this case, the day of death itself is considered the first).

Commemoration on these days is sanctified by ancient church custom. It is consistent with the teaching of the Church about the state of the soul beyond the grave.

The third day. The commemoration of the deceased on the third day after death is performed in honor of the three-day resurrection of Jesus Christ and in the image of the Holy Trinity.

For the first two days, the soul of the deceased is still on earth, passing along with the angel accompanying it through those places that attract it with memories of earthly joys and sorrows, evil and good deeds. On the third day, the Lord commands the soul to ascend to heaven to worship Him. Therefore, the church commemoration of the soul that appeared before the Face of the Just is very timely.

Ninth day. The commemoration of the deceased on this day is in honor of the nine ranks of angels, who, as servants of the Heavenly King, petition for pardon for the deceased.

After the third day, the soul, accompanied by angels, enters the heavenly abodes and contemplates their indescribable beauty. She remains in this state for six days. On the ninth day, the Lord commands the angels to again present the soul to Him for worship.

Fortieth day. The forty-day period is very significant in the history and traditions of the Church as the time necessary for preparation, for accepting a special divine gift, the gracious help of the Heavenly Father.

The Prophet Moses was honored to talk with God on Mount Sinai and receive the tablets of the Law from Him only after a forty-day fast.

The Israelites reached the promised land after forty years of wandering.

Our Lord Jesus Christ himself ascended to heaven on the fortieth day after the Resurrection.

Taking all this as a basis, the Church established commemoration on the fortieth day after death, so that the soul of the deceased would ascend the holy mountain of heavenly Sinai, be rewarded with the sight of the Divine, achieve the bliss promised to it and settle in the heavenly villages with the righteous.

After the second worship of the Lord, the angels take the soul to hell, and it contemplates the cruel torments of unrepentant sinners. On the fortieth day, the soul ascends for the third time to worship God, and then its fate is decided - according to earthly affairs, it is assigned a place to stay until the Last Judgment.

Prayer on the fortieth day is extremely important, because it atones for the sins of the deceased. But even after it, commemoration does not stop, only now it happens on memorable days - the birthday, death, name day of the deceased.

For an Orthodox believer, the day of death of a neighbor is a birthday in a new eternal life.

How to pray on Memorial Day

For all forty days after the death of a person, his family and friends must read the Psalter. How many kathismas per day depends on the time and energy of the readers, but reading must certainly be daily. After reading the entire Psalter, it is read first. You just shouldn’t forget after each “Glory...” reading the prayer request for the remembrance of the deceased (from “Following the departure of the soul from the body”).

Many relatives and friends of the deceased, citing various circumstances, entrust this reading to others (readers) for a fee or order it from monasteries (the so-called “indestructible Psalter”). Of course, God hears such a prayer. But it will be stronger, more sincere, purer if a relative or close person to the deceased himself asks God for mercy on the deceased. And you shouldn’t waste any effort or time on this.

On the third, ninth and fortieth days, a special kathisma should be read for the deceased (it includes the 118th psalm). It is called memorial, and in liturgical books it is called “Immaculate” (according to the word found in its first verse: “Blessed are the blameless in the way that walks in the law of the Lord”).

After the kathisma, the prescribed troparia are read (they are indicated immediately after the 118th psalm in the prayer book), and after them - Psalm 50 and the troparia are blameless, or the troparia for the repose (8 in number) with the refrain for each verse from Psalm 119: “Blessed art thou, O Lord, teach me by thy justification.”

After these troparions, the canon “Following the departure of the soul from the body” is read.

Days of special remembrance of all deceased Orthodox Christians

The Holy Orthodox Church, in wise care for the spiritual salvation of its faithful children, has from ancient times ordained special days in the year, in which church prayer is offered for the departed, helping to alleviate their fate after death.

These days a year:

1) Saturday of the Meat Week,

2) Saturday of the 2nd week of Lent,

3) Saturday of the 3rd week of Lent,

4) Saturday of the 4th week of Lent,

5) Tuesday of the 2nd week of Easter,

6) Saturday of the 7th week of Easter,

Representation of all deceased persons by “parents”, i.e. already belonging to the family of the fathers to whom they went, arouses in us reverence for their memory. On some days, especially Saturdays, a universal commemoration of the dead is performed. These days are called parental Saturdays.

It is on Saturday that one is supposed to pray for the dead because it is so established by the Holy Orthodox Church: on every Saturday of the week, on the day of rest, to remember deceased relatives and friends.

How to remember? In every" Orthodox prayer book"At the end of the morning prayers there are prayers for the living and the deceased. Let us not be too lazy to read this small commemoration for our deceased relatives, naming their names, adding to them a prayer request from the “Following the departure of the soul from the body.”

The days of special (special) remembrance of the dead are the five ecumenical Saturdays.

Meat-eating parent universal Saturday celebrated two weeks before Lent. On this day, the Holy Church prays for all Orthodox Christians, including those who died a sudden death: during a flood, earthquake, war, etc.

Instead of daily commemoration of the departed during the Divine Liturgy, which does not happen during Great Lent, the Holy Church decided to perform enhanced commemoration on the next three days: parents' second, third and fourth Saturdays of Lent.

On Saturday of the 7th week of Easter, before Holy Pentecost, the commemoration of all departed Christians is performed in the thought that the event of the Descent of the Holy Spirit concluded the economy of human salvation, which extends to the living and the dead. The establishment of commemoration of the dead on Trinity Saturday dates back to the first times of Christianity. Saint Basil the Great added to his prayers read on the day of Pentecost a prayer for the brethren who have fallen asleep in the faith: “Christ our God... hear us praying to You, and give rest to the souls of Your servants, our fathers and our brethren who have fallen asleep before us, and other relatives according to the flesh and all our own in the faith, about whom we create memory now... Accept, therefore, Master, our prayers and supplications and give rest... all the souls that have previously rested... in the land of the living, in the Kingdom of Heaven, in the paradise of sweetness, bringing everything into Your Holy Abodes” (3rd half).

August 29, On the day of the Beheading of the venerable head of the holy glorious prophet, Forerunner and Baptist John, the Russian Church established in 1769 the commemoration of Orthodox soldiers who were killed in battle for their faith and fatherland.

Trinity Ecumenical parent's Saturday celebrated before the day of the Holy Trinity (on the 49th day after Easter). On this day, the memory of all deceased pious Christians is celebrated.

Private parent days.

Tuesday of St. Thomas week. The week is called Thomas because the Apostle Thomas is remembered on it. This day itself, when the living rush to the cemetery to greet their deceased parents with the joyful news of the Resurrection of the Lord, is usually called Radonitsa. The living commemorate Christ with the dead, bringing colored eggs with them to their graves. This is the ninth day after Easter (Tuesday of the second week after Easter).

11 September, on the day of the Beheading of John the Baptist (strict fasting is required), the commemoration of Orthodox soldiers is performed for their faith and fatherland on the battlefield. This commemoration was established in the Russian Church under Empress Catherine II (by decree of 1769), during the war with the Turks.

On the Saturday before October 26th, On the day of remembrance of the holy and glorious great martyr Demetrius, the myrrh-streamer of Thessalonica, the commemoration of all Orthodox Christians is celebrated who died in faith and hope. This commemoration was established by Grand Duke Dimitri Donskoy after the Battle of Kulikovo in 1380 and was initially performed only for soldiers killed in battle.

The benefits of remembering the dead, making a bloodless sacrifice for them and our prayers for them are great and indisputable. This is evidenced throughout the millennium (IV-XIV centuries) unanimously by the fathers and teachers of the Church: Saint Ephraim the Syrian, Saint Macarius of Egypt, Saint John Chrysostom, Saint Cassian, Blessed Augustine, Saint John of Damascus, Saint Simeon of Thessalonica, etc.

Dimitrievskaya Parents' Saturday takes place a week before November 8 (memory day of the Great Martyr Demetrius of Thessalonica). It was installed by Grand Duke Dmitry Ivanovich Donskoy. Having won the famous victory on the Kulikovo field on September 8 (21 according to the new style) 1380, Prince Dmitry Donskoy commemorated the fallen soldiers before the day of his Angel.

Subsequently, on the day of the Beheading of John the Baptist and on Demetrius Saturday, they began to commemorate not only Orthodox soldiers, but also all the deceased.

Finally, by the decision of the Council of Bishops of the Russian Orthodox Church in 1994 Victory Day in the Great Patriotic War(9th May) became a day of special annual commemoration of the deceased soldiers who laid down their lives for the faith, Fatherland and people, and all who died sufferingly during the Great Patriotic War.

On these days, order a mass or commemoration for your loved ones at proskomedia (translated from Greek - offering). This is a piece of paper with the heading “On Repose”, which lists the names of the deceased (baptized and those who did not commit suicide).

On such days, it is good to visit the graves of the dead, pray in church during a memorial service for their repose, and read the 17th Kathisma at home. * Don't forget to remember the dead during your meal.

Spirit, soul and body are creations of God. If the body is of a temporary nature, then the spirit and soul live forever. The task of humanity is to live like this earthly life, keeping the commandments of God in order to see the Kingdom of Heaven after death.

A wake for 9 days after death is an important ritual that helps the deceased to pass on to another world, and the living to forgive and let him go.

Where is the soul 9 days after death?

According to the canons of Orthodoxy, the soul of the newly deceased is not immediately sent to God’s destination; it remains on earth for 40 days after leaving the body.

These days, relatives and friends constantly pray for the deceased, celebrating the 3rd, 9th and 40th days in a special way.

The main thing is to understand why these days are so important in order to properly conduct the wake for 9 days after death. Nine days after death: the meaning of the wake is to pray for the deceased before God.

The number 9 is a sacred number. After death, the body rests, covered with earth, but the soul continues to be on earth. Nine days have passed since the funeral, what does this mean for the soul of the deceased?

The afterlife begins from the first day. On the third day, the soul leaves home and goes on a nine-day journey. For six days the deceased goes through a special path, preparing for a personal meeting with the Almighty. this path ends.

In addition:

Funerals for 9 days after death help the newly deceased to stand before the throne of God, the Judge, with trepidation and fear.

It is the nine-day stay on the posthumous path that ends the selection of the protective angels who will become lawyers before the King of kings at God's judgment.

Each of the angels will ask God for mercy, presenting evidence of the righteous life of the deceased person.

For three days the guardian angel stays with the soul near the living, and on the fourth day the deceased goes to heaven for acquaintance.

The verdict of God's judgment has not yet sounded; every newly deceased person goes to heaven to rest from the pain that haunted him on earth. Here the deceased person is shown all his sins.

Candles in the cemetery

Meaning 9 days

On the ninth day, angels bring the newly deceased to the throne of God, and after a conversation with the Almighty God, the soul goes to hell.

This is not God's final decision. During the hellish journey, the ordeal of the deceased begins, which consists of passing tests. Their complexity and depth depend on the sinful temptations that the deceased will encounter while traveling along the hellish path. The souls of the dead, who during this journey show that good triumphs over evil, can count on forgiveness at God's judgment.

The importance of the ninth day after the death of a person - the deceased is still not determined by God on his path. Prayers and memories of relatives and friends provide undeniable help to the departed. Their memories of the life of the newly deceased, his good deeds, forgiveness of the offended brings peace to the departing soul.

Also see:

According to Orthodox traditions, one cannot constantly shed tears for a deceased person, thus keeping his soul on earth. Finding peace, relatives and friends give peace to the departed relative, who, when leaving, no longer cares about the people he left behind.

Walking the road of hell, sinners get the opportunity to repent; the prayers of the living provide strong support for them during a difficult journey.

Important! On the ninth day, it is customary to order a prayer service, which ends with a wake. Prayers heard during commemoration help the deceased person to pass hellish trials.

The prayers of the living are filled with requests to join the deceased with the angels. If God wills, then the deceased loved one will become the guardian angel of one of the loved ones.

How to correctly calculate 9 days

When calculating this sacred day, not only the day, but the time of death matters. The funeral is held no later than the ninth day, and most often it is done a day earlier, but not later.

If a person died after lunch, then the wake should be held after 8 days. The date of death is not related to the time of the funeral. By Orthodox tradition, the body is interred on the second or third day, but there are cases that the date of burial is postponed to the sixth and seventh day.

Based on this, the date of the funeral is calculated depending on the time of death.

Funeral according to Orthodox traditions

A wake is not a simple ritual. On the ninth day, relatives and friends gather for lunch to pay tribute to the deceased, remembering the best moments of his life in their minds.

On funeral dinner It’s not customary to invite people, they come themselves. Of course, you should clarify where and when this event will take place, and warn your relatives about your desire to attend the dinner.

They begin and end the commemoration with the Lord's Prayer.

Prayer "Our Father"
Our Father who art in heaven!
hallowed be your name;
Thy kingdom come;
Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven;
Give us this day our daily bread;
and forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors;
and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever.

Few people specifically study funeral and memorial rituals and traditions, but no one can avoid the fate of burying or commemorating someone close to them.

How to properly set the table

A funeral dinner has nothing to do with celebration. There can be no fun, songs or laughter during the commemoration of the deceased.

Alcoholic beverages that cause inappropriate behavior are not recommended by the church.

And during the wake, people pray for forgiveness of the sins of the living and the dead. Indulging in drunkenness during the nine-day commemoration can harm the deceased.

After the prayer, each person present at the funeral dinner puts kutya, a specially prepared and consecrated dish in the church, on their plate.

Advice! There are situations when it is not possible to consecrate a funeral dish in the church, then you can sprinkle it three times with holy water.

Each region has its own traditions of preparing this dish. The main ingredients of kutya are honey and grain:

wheat;
corn;
millet.

The grain was not chosen by chance. It has sacred meaning. Just as a seed dies when preparing kutya, so a person dies. He can be reborn in a new form, resurrected in the Kingdom of Heaven. Honey and poppy seeds are added to kutya to wish the newly deceased a heavenly life.

Raisins and nuts are not always present in Lenten kutya, because their symbolism is a prosperous, healthy life.

Sweets such as jam, honey or sugar are added as symbols of a sweet heavenly stay.

The wake should not be turned into simple eating of food. This is a time of remembering the deceased and consoling loved ones.

Rules of conduct during a funeral dinner

The funeral dinner begins with the first dish, which is usually borscht.

The funeral menu necessarily contains porridge, often peas, served with fish, cutlets or poultry.

The choice of cold appetizers is also in the hands of the host.

Drinks on the tables include infusion or compotes. At the end of the meal, pies are served with sweet filling or thin pancakes with poppy seeds or cottage cheese.

Advice! You should not prepare an abundance of food, so as not to fall into gluttony.

Creating rituals while eating funeral food is an invention of people. A modest meal is not the main event of this day. While eating, the gathered people quietly remember the person who has passed away.

Does the type of clothing matter?

During the funeral dinner, prayers are read, so women cover their heads with scarves or scarves. On day 9, black scarves can only be worn by close relatives, as a sign of special sadness.

Men, on the contrary, take off their hats and appear before God in prayer with their heads uncovered.

Repose candles in the church

Behavior in church

For Orthodox relatives, attendance at the funeral service on the occasion of nine days is mandatory.

All people present in the temple for the repose of the deceased according to the following order:

First, you should go to the icon, near which there are candles for repose, as a rule, these are images of the crucified Jesus, and cross yourself.
A pre-purchased candle is lit from other burning candles. If there are none, then ignition from a fire from a lamp is allowed. The use of matches or lighters brought with you is prohibited.
Place a lit candle in an empty space. First, you can melt the bottom edge of the candle a little so that it stands stable.
To ask God to rest the soul of a deceased person, his full name should be given.
Cross yourself, bow and quietly move away from the lamp.

For prayer for the repose, candlesticks located along left side temple, made in rectangular shape Unlike round tables with candles for health.

The candles placed in the temple symbolize a collective request, a prayer for the newly deceased.

Praying for the repose of the soul of the person who has passed into the afterlife, requests are sent to Heaven for the great mercy of God to the sinful newly departed person. How more people prays for forgiveness, the lower the scale of forgiveness falls.

You can ask both God and the angels and saints.

Prayer for the dead on day 9
“God of spirits and all flesh, having trampled down death and abolished the devil, and given life to Thy world! O Lord, give rest to the souls of your departed servants: holy patriarchs, Your Eminence metropolitans, archbishops and bishops, who served You in the priestly, ecclesiastical and monastic ranks;
the creators of this holy temple, the Orthodox forefathers, fathers, brothers and sisters, lying here and everywhere; leaders and warriors who laid down their lives for the faith and fatherland, the faithful, who were killed in internecine warfare, drowned, burned, frozen to death, torn to pieces by beasts, suddenly died without repentance and did not have time to reconcile with the Church and with their enemies; in the frenzy of the mind of those who committed suicide, those for whom we were commanded and asked to pray, for whom there is no one to pray and the faithful, Christian burials deprived of (the name of the rivers) in a bright place, in a green place, in a place of peace, from where sickness, sadness and sighing can escape.
Every sin committed by them in word or deed or thought, as a good Lover of mankind, God forgives, as if there is no man who will live and not sin. For You are the only one besides sin, Your righteousness is truth forever, and Your word is truth. For You are the Resurrection, and the Life and Repose of Your departed servants (the name of the rivers), Christ our God, and to You we send glory with Your beginningless Father, and Your Most Holy, and Good, and Life-giving Spirit, now and ever and unto the ages of ages. Amen".

How to behave in a cemetery

After the memorial service, the people present go to the cemetery, bringing flowers.
You should light a lamp at the grave and read the prayer “Our Father” if there is no invited priest to read the litiya.
Several people talk aloud about the deceased person, the rest remember him mentally. It is not recommended to have worldly conversations while visiting a cemetery, talking about extraneous topics.
It is prohibited to have a funeral meal near the grave, especially to drink alcoholic beverages. This can harm the state of mind of the deceased.
They do not leave food at the grave of the newly deceased. They ask the poor to honor the memory of the deceased by distributing sweets, buns, pies and candies to them as mercy. It could also be money donated to the poor. The decision in this case is up to the relatives.
When leaving the cemetery, you must turn off the lamp so as not to cause a fire at the grave.

Entreaties, petitions and prayers of loved ones can beg God’s forgiveness for those who have gone to Heaven. to a loved one who appeared before the Almighty on the ninth day.

Watch the video about day nine

Since ancient times, Russia has preserved the tradition of celebrating memorable dates, and people honor not only the birthdays of living people, but also the days of departure from the other world. This is due to the fact that Christians believe in a further afterlife with God. Many citizens do not know how to properly perform a funeral service for 1 year. The rules are quite simple; they help the deceased find peace in the next world.

Commemoration is the oldest ritual that was carried out back in Ancient Rus'. The main purpose of this ritual is to honor the memory of the deceased and facilitate his stay in heaven.. The basis of the wake is a meal, which the relatives of the deceased spend in his apartment, cafe, or directly at the cemetery. When the anniversary of death is commemorated, and how to honor it, you can find out in the temple.

Memorials are celebrated on the following days:

on the day of death or the next day;
on the 3rd day after death. Most often this day is the day of the funeral;
on day 9;
on day 40;
in the future, the meal is carried out on the sixth month from the date of death, and all subsequent anniversaries.

The most important is the commemoration on the 3rd, 9th and 40th day after repose. In Christianity, they are of the opinion that for the first 2 days after leaving for another world, the human soul is still on earth and goes around all its native places. On the third day the soul goes to bow to God.

Informative! What is it needed on the wrist for: meaning in Christianity.

For the next 7 days, angels will show the soul life in heaven and the beauty of paradise. On the 9th day, the soul is again sent to worship God, after which it is led to the kingdom of darkness - hell - for 30 days.

For a month, the soul of the deceased is shown the eternal torment of sinners. At the end, on the 40th day, the soul is again taken to bow to God, where a decision is made in which exact place the soul will be until the Last Judgment.

In addition, you can remember a deceased relative on the following days:

second Tuesday after Easter. On the holiday itself, it is not worth remembering the dead, since Easter is a holiday of living people;
the next Saturday before Lent;
2, 3, 4 Saturdays of Great Lent.

Since a baptized deceased person is a member Orthodox Church, you can order a memorial service and magpie for him at almost any time.

It is important to know! If the anniversary coincides with an important church holiday, it is recommended to postpone it to the next day.

Commemoration in church

The most important thing for remembering the deceased is not the meal, but prayer. If the deceased was a Christian, there is nothing more valuable to him than prayer on the anniversary of death. In addition, clergy advise relatives to refrain from a luxurious dinner and alcohol on the anniversary of death.

Lunch should be quite simple and modest. Funerals for 1 year and all subsequent times should absolutely not turn into a cheerful feast, since such a pastime is not welcomed by Christian traditions.

In addition to personal prayer, you must order a commemoration in the church for the year:

remembrance at the proskomedia. This rite represents the first part of the liturgy, during which the priest takes out small pieces from the prosphora for peace and health.
most often the “sorokoust” is ordered, then the deceased will be commemorated at 40 services in a row;
memorial service. Usually held in churches on Saturdays or Sundays, but if necessary, you can arrange with the priest to hold it on another day;
lithium. Another common type of funeral service. It can be done at any time. It is also possible for a priest to visit the cemetery.

The most important condition is that the deceased is remembered by all his relatives. The priest does not always know the deceased personally, so he cannot express the emotions that friends and relatives experience.

The priest, in fact, is only the performer of the ritual. The rules of the event allow for ordering the reading of the Psalter. This service is more often carried out in monasteries, since it is designed for long time. Depending on the size of the donation, the service will be held for a month, six months or even a year.

It is important to know! When ordering a service in a church, you can include in the note not only the name of the deceased, but also other deceased relatives.

Basic Rules

The rules for holding a memorial service in 1 year are such that the event must first begin with a visit to the church. Only after relatives have ordered a special service can they go to the cemetery and perform a civil memorial service.

After this, the relatives must clean up the grave, mention how good the person was, what good deeds he did. It would also be a good idea to bring fresh flowers. It is very important to remember that you are allowed to go to the cemetery only in the first half of the day.

After completing these steps, you can start eating. It is permissible to carry it out not only in the house of the deceased, but also in a cafe. The clergy do not advise having a luxurious dinner; the dishes should be quite simple. As for alcohol, only red wine is allowed to drink; vodka cannot be placed on the table.

Funeral dinner

How to remember the deceased on the anniversary of death should be decided only by relatives. But clergy advise paying attention to the oldest traditions. Often loved ones ask the question not only how to commemorate, but also with what. Lunch dishes should be modest. Be sure to prepare not only the first and second, but also kutya (wheat porridge with raisins, candied fruits and honey). It is recommended to make snacks on this day (especially if you decided to put wine on the table). Among alcoholic drinks, cognac and Cahors are allowed. Sparkling wines are not suitable for this occasion.

Often parishioners ask priests what they order in the church on the anniversary of a death, if it falls on a fast. In this case, there should be mainly Lenten dishes and lots of baked goods.

If the commemoration takes place in a cafe, you need to ask the employees to turn off the music and TV. Entertainment is not permitted in the adjacent room. You should not make toasts, as it is inappropriate.

It would be better to just say good words about a person, remember his good deeds or read poetry on the anniversary of his death. You can also share warm memories with relatives.

Reference! What is forbidden to do on the anniversary of death is to say words that denigrate the deceased.

Remember at home

If relatives do not have the opportunity to go to the cemetery, how to remember the deceased and what to do in this case. In such a situation, you need to invite everyone home and prepare a special lunch. Many people mistakenly believe that in 1 year the rules imply covering mirrors in the apartment and placing a cutlery for the deceased on the table. The clergy claim that these traditions exist, but they do not apply to the Orthodox, so it is not necessary to adhere to them.

Every person who comes to the house must pray before sitting down to the table. It is advisable that the apartment be lit at this time. church candles. After reading the prayer, you can start eating. Relatives are allowed to talk at the table. The main thing is that there is no gossip, jokes or bad language, as this is inappropriate.

According to Christian traditions, dishes that are served to the table must be blessed. In addition to the first and second meals, lunch also includes dessert. Sweets must be present on the table, as they symbolize the joy that awaits all righteous Christians in heaven.

When preparing the table, you can consider the following tips:

One of traditional dishes Pancakes count at funerals. Usually they are washed down with fresh jelly or full jelly (honey dissolved in water).
It is recommended to place several fir branches on the table, and black ribbons can be attached to the tablecloth.
During the change of dishes, it is necessary to read a prayer for repose. Also, prayers on the death anniversary of 1 year (and all subsequent ones) are read after the meal.
When leaving, the owners do not need to say words of gratitude. This is not accepted at funerals.

Independent mention

If a person does not have the opportunity to go to a funeral, you can remember the deceased at home. There is no need to host a lunch for this. As you know, celebrating the anniversary of death involves reading a prayer.

This option will be optimal. Most clergy advise reading the Psalter. How to do this correctly is usually described in detail in the appendix to the book. Between psalms it is necessary to read special prayers and mention in them the names of deceased relatives. This type of remembrance is the best.

There are some exceptions in which the church does not allow commemoration of the deceased during the Liturgy. This applies to people who were baptized but never went to church. It is believed that this indicates that the person was an unbeliever during his lifetime. The clergy call such people parishioners.

Also, the church never remembers those who have committed suicide, since this is voluntary refusal from God's main gift - life. This rule also applies to those people who died from a drug overdose, since such a death is also considered suicide.

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Let's sum it up

Today, more and more people prefer to order a service in a church and believe that this is enough. Despite the fact that clergy can also turn to the Almighty with a request for forgiveness of earthly sins, relatives should also pray for the deceased.

Appeals from priests, as mediators and executors of God’s will on earth, reach the Savior faster, but reading prayers at home is also mandatory. First of all, the soul of the deceased hears precisely the words of relatives, and not church ministers, so family and friends definitely need to pray.

In our country it is customary to honor significant dates: for living people these are name days and birthdays, and after death - wakes. This date is extremely important for Orthodox Christians because they sincerely believe in eternal life and a meeting with the Creator. Therefore, for believers, the soul has no ending. Let’s talk in more detail about how one should remember a person who has left this world on their anniversary.

Orthodox traditions

The ancient Slavs also commemorated the dead. This action is performed at the time of burial, and then on the 9th and 40th days. It is also customary to organize a corresponding meal for a year after death. How should a deceased Christian be remembered? The main “attribute” is, of course, prayer. It is recommended to refrain from drinking alcoholic beverages. An event such as a funeral should never turn into a noisy feast, as this does not correspond to Orthodox traditions.

What do they order in church on the anniversary of death?

In addition to a private prayer service, for one year after death in the Temple of the Lord they order:

At any church ceremony, all friends and relatives of the deceased must pray. Because the priest does not have the opportunity to put into prayer those experiences that are this moment loved ones feel. The priest is only the performer of the service. Of course, his words are strong, but everything cannot be entrusted to someone else, because in this case we mean the posthumous fate of a person who was very dear during his lifetime.

In addition, the church often orders a psalter for 1 year. It is done on long term. It all depends on the donation.

You can also buy small books in church shops: people who need to be remembered are written in them. You can take this thing with you to the temple so that you don’t miss anything when providing notes. While the note is being read by a priest or deacon, you need to pray yourself.

There are both generally accepted church holidays on which cemeteries should be visited, and ordinary private funerals. As for generally accepted events, they include “parents’ day.” The deceased should also be remembered at this time, regardless of the date of their death.

Second Tuesday of Easter - transition day. In many regions of the Russian Federation, there is a tradition of going to the cemetery directly on the Resurrection of Christ, but this is not officially approved - Easter is considered such a bright and pure day that there are no dead at this time.

Even if this is not a memorable date from the moment of death, any deceased must definitely hear the joyful “Christ is Risen.” This day even has an appropriate name- Radonitsa. For every person there is hope for eternal life with the Lord, therefore absolutely everyone should rejoice on this day - both on earth and in heaven. On graves on this day it is customary to bring painted chicken eggs and delicious pancakes, and the remaining food should be distributed to the poor.

Dignified repose is a kind of crown of the entire existence of a true Christian. In prayers for every day there are petitions for the Almighty to ensure a shameless death. People of the Orthodox faith want to take communion and confess before meeting God. There are special rituals performed over the dying person, which are not repeated after his death.

To commemorate the anniversary of his death with dignity, commemoration must begin in church. Then you should go to the cemetery to the grave and perform a civil funeral service over it. Only after this should you turn to the meal, clean up the grave and remember things to do dead person. It is not customary to pour vodka and drink it.

It's better to bring fresh flowers to the grave. At one time, the church planned to limit the decoration of coffins with artificial wreaths, but coping with this tradition turned out to be not so easy. This custom is aimed at avoiding vandalism, which is often found in cemeteries in our state.

But from drinking alcoholic beverages It is recommended to abstain completely. The pain and sadness of the loss is enormous, but other options should be found to solve this problem. After all, such behavior will not please the deceased at all. It is better not to spend money on alcohol, but to give it to the needy poor.

What to do on the anniversary of a death at home

It also happens that there is no way to go to the cemetery according to various reasons. In this case, you need to invite to your home all the people who wish to participate in this event. The customs associated with curtaining mirrors and displaying utensils for the deceased have nothing in common with Orthodoxy.

Before eating you need to pray. One of the close friends or relatives of the deceased needs to read the 17th kathisma or one of the rites of the memorial service. In this case, you should light the blessed candles. After this, the meal itself begins, during which only decent conversations should be conducted; laughter and jokes are completely inappropriate.

Meals of pagan peoples for the dead were carried out extremely pompously. Then they thought that the more magnificent and colorful the funeral feast was organized, the more beneficial it would be for the deceased person in another world. Meals were characterized not only by the abundant consumption of a wide variety of dishes, but also by songs and dances. The essence of Christian funerals and burials is completely different. These rituals should maintain the bright memory of the deceased, who is considered to have passed on to another world, and not even deceased.

Guests are given special dishes. It is mandatory to put kutia on the table, which is a sweet wheat porridge seasoned with honey, dried fruits and raisins.

The traditional food for funerals is pancakes covered in jelly.
The table should be set as usual. You can place fresh spruce branches on it, and trim the edges of the tablecloth with black lace.
At each change of treats, it is necessary to read a prayer. You need to pray after finishing every meal.

After reading the prayers, you can read poems on the anniversary of death. There are no restrictions in this regard. At the same time, some merits of the deceased may be mentioned, his positive features character, etc. It is clear that any person has shortcomings, but it is not customary to talk about them at funerals.

Anniversary of death celebrated in other countries. China, Korea and Japan have their own traditions. They also fast and avoid wine and meat for a while.

How to honor the deceased yourself

To honor the memory The Psalter is often used for the deceased. Between individual psalms, special prayers are read in which the deceased are mentioned. Akathists can also be read, but the Psalms were created much earlier.

It also happens that the charter of the Church prohibits honoring the deceased at the Liturgy and holding funeral services and requiem services for them. This applies to the deceased who were baptized, but did not attend church regularly, that is, they were not churchgoers. Only the person who participates in Communion and Confession can be considered this way. The rest of the people are called “parishioners”.

But in reality, some deviations from this rule are often made. Here everything depends on the bishop. One way or another, this point should be discussed with the clergy.

The Church definitely does not commemorate the deceased who took their own lives. If the deceased died in war, providing protection to other people, then this is not suicide. In fact, death in war is considered one of the most honorable. But death from a drug overdose is a type of suicide.

But the church teaches people hope for God's mercy and grace. Therefore, there is even a special akathist for suicides, which was developed back in the last century.

If a person has completed his journey on Earth, then he has no need for a golden coffin, a grand funeral, or a monument made of marble or bronze. The most important help that loved ones and relatives can provide is sincere prayer and warm words on the anniversary of death. This is not an ordinary tradition, it is a lifeline leading the deceased to the Kingdom of God.

Many people are concerned about the question: is it possible to celebrate the anniversary of death earlier, when it is not possible to do so on the day of death? There are a number of rules and recommendations that must be adhered to and observed during the funeral of the deceased. After all, different situations happen, and it is not always possible to arrange a wake on time. How to do this correctly so that the newly deceased does not feel bad in the next world?

What is pomina?

A memorial is a ritual that is performed to honor the memory of a deceased person. Social event, that is, a meal, turns out to be a kind of basis for the wake, which the relatives of the deceased arrange in his home, in a cemetery or in another place (cafes, canteens, restaurants).

Funerals are held several times:

on the day of death or the next day;
on the third day after death - usually the day of the funeral;
on the ninth day;
on the fortieth day;
in the future, memorial dinners are held on the sixth month from the moment of death (although the Panikhida is not celebrated in the church during this period), and then on all subsequent anniversaries.

When it comes to memorial tables, devout Christians adhere to anniversaries. Commemoration in the church on days 3, 9 and 40 is based on centuries-old temple practice. For two days after death, the human soul is present on Earth and visits the places where it liked to stay during life. On the third, the soul goes to God for worship. The next week, angels show the soul the abode of saints and the splendor of heaven; on the ninth day, the soul is again led to worship God, after which it is sent to hell for 30 days.

During this time, being in the underworld shows all 9 circles and places of torment of sinners. On the fortieth day, the soul ascends to heaven to worship God, and then the Lord decides where the soul will live until the Last Judgment.

How to remember the newly deceased?

Before burial, from the moment of repose, the Psalter is read over the body of the deceased. They continue to read it even after the funeral, until the fortieth day.

The deceased is also mentioned during the funeral service, which is supposed to be held on the third day after death. It must necessarily pass over the body of the deceased, and not in absentia, since all relatives come to the funeral: relatives, acquaintances, friends, neighbors, and their prayer is very important, it is conciliar.

You can remember the deceased not only through prayers, but also through good deeds and sacrifices.

During this period, it is possible (even necessary) to distribute clothes, shoes, and other household items of the deceased to all the needy and beggars, so that they serve a good purpose. Things must be in good condition. This can be done from the first day after the death of a person.

It often happens that the anniversary of the death of a loved one falls on a working day, when relatives are tied up with work and there is no way to prepare everything. This day may coincide with a spiritual festival; in this case, clergy necessarily recommend postponing the anniversary of the deceased a little earlier or later.

Church ministers believe that it is not at all necessary to hold a memorial dinner on the anniversary of his death. If there are any good reasons If you don't do this, you must first rely on them.

It is not recommended to celebrate the anniversary of death during the week Happy Easter and during Passion Week of Great Lent. During this period, all thoughts and actions should be directed towards the sacrifice of Jesus Christ for Holy Week, on the week of Easter we should rejoice at the news of the resurrection of Christ. So if the anniversary falls during these weeks, it is best to move the event to Radonitsa - the day of remembrance of the dead.

If the anniversary of death falls on Christmas Day or Christmas Eve, then the memorial should be moved to the 8th or a little later. If the fortieth day falls on Christmas, then you should order a memorial service the day before, pray for the deceased on the day itself, and then hold a wake with relatives. It’s even better that after the holiday, everyone will be in high spirits, since the wake is also dedicated to the birth, only the birth of a person into eternal life.

For this reason, it is initially necessary to order a Liturgy for the repose of the Soul of the deceased and a Memorial Service for the Day of Remembrance in the church. You should also pray for the deceased yourself. The funeral lunch or dinner can be postponed until late date, on the weekend following the anniversary of his death. Church prayer mentioning the deceased on the third, ninth and fortieth days after death is very important. It has great importance for him, this will ease suffering after the separation of the soul from the body, this will appease the Lord, who determines the place of the soul beyond the grave according to a person’s earthly deeds.

If the anniversary falls on significant church holidays, then it is allowed to postpone it to the next weekend.

But on this day you must go to church for prayer, light a candle for the repose of your soul, donate to the needs of the temple, and give to those in need at the church gates.

In order for the funeral at the table to benefit the deceased person, it is better to do as the Savior commanded: do not invite friends, neighbors, or relatives to the meal. But when you prepare it, you should invite all those in need: the poor, the lame, the blind, the crippled. Or simply distribute a funeral dinner to socially vulnerable segments of the population on behalf of the deceased.

Not welcome in Orthodox Christianity moving the date of commemoration on the fortieth day to an earlier date.

It is necessary to order the Liturgy and Panikhida in the church at this time, and pray a little on your own for the newly deceased. And then, if possible, remember the deceased at home, at the funeral meal.

When changing the date of the anniversary of death, it is better to consult with a clergyman and explain the reason for the postponement. Of course, it is advisable to commemorate on the day of death, since the day before that the person was still alive, rejoicing, and happy. You can't remember him.

If it is not possible to celebrate the anniversary of death on the stated date, then it is worth moving it a few days ahead. It is not advisable to remember earlier.

On the first anniversary of the date of death, the deceased is commemorated on the same date.

The most important thing on the anniversary of death is to pray for the deceased, go to church, try to do good deeds on behalf of the deceased, mention him in notes, light candles for the repose of the soul. A memorial meal for relatives can be arranged on any day of the month convenient for everyone, a little later or earlier in the day of death.