Energy of anger. How to control your anger - advice from an experienced psychologist

There is probably no person in the world who has never experienced anger. This feeling always has an extremely negative connotation, and by the strength of its manifestation we often judge people’s ability to control themselves. Of course, experiencing anger is bad, because it leads to anger and aggression. And in this combination, both emotions make a person completely uncontrollable.

But few people know that holding back anger is very dangerous; this action can be destructive to the psyche. Therefore, psychologists pay great importance manifestation of anger and its influence on personality development. This difficult topic is the subject of today’s article.

Definition of Anger

Human emotions have always been a special subject of study for psychologists and philosophers. It's amazing how differently people express their feelings and react to these bright emotional outbursts. Perhaps the most significant emotion that seriously affects relationships between people is anger. It is sometimes also called resentment, although many experts deny their identity.

Having collected information from various dictionaries, we can say with confidence that anger is a negatively colored emotion caused by the actions of an object or a situation that has arisen, accompanied by a feeling of ongoing injustice and an irresistible desire to eliminate it. Most often, anger is a flash, a short-term clouding of the mind that can cause a person to cause pain and create destruction.

Many psychologists characterize this range of emotions as negative affect. This is a very common term in psychology, meaning a special explosive process. It is quite short-term and intense, usually accompanied by an increase in blood pressure, changes in the functioning of all internal organs and erratic motor activity.

After these definitions, it becomes clear that anger is not a simple emotion. It can be destructive and creative. Sometimes anger helps to cope with a problem, but in other situations it only complicates everything that happens. Such ambiguity in the assessment of the same emotion has led to the emergence of a special direction in science - the psychology of anger. This not only helps to correctly assess the very nature of the emotion, but also to classify it.

Stages of Anger

Emotions in psychology play a key role when it comes to applying techniques for self-analysis and behavior correction. Usually at such moments, a specialist tries to find out the causes of the problem that is preventing the person who has turned to a psychologist from living normally. Most often, the root of the problem lies in holding back emotions, primarily anger. To understand what we are talking about, it is necessary to define the stages of anger.

Since we have clarified that anger can be understood as a negatively colored affect, this in psychology makes it possible to identify its four stages:

• hidden manifestation - an internal growing feeling that cannot be determined externally;
• excitement, noticeable by facial expressions;
• active actions are the peak stage;
• fading of emotion.

Each stage is worth considering and describing in detail.

Hidden Anger

Sometimes at this stage anger is characterized as a growing feeling of resentment. At this moment, a person hides his true emotions in every possible way and does not allow even a fleeting manifestation on his face. They say about such people that they control themselves well. But for the individual himself, such suppression of anger can be disastrous.

Emotions in psychology are represented as a substance that must be manifested. But the degree of personality development can be determined by how constructively a person shows his emotions. Those who successfully hide their anger run the risk of a large number of diseases. In addition, one day all emotions will result in a flash of incredible power that can harm the person who is angry and all the people around him at that moment. Therefore, it is natural when hidden anger smoothly passes into the next stage.

Emotional excitement

At this stage, the feeling of anger gains strength and can already be seen in facial expressions. facial muscles. Usually it is at this stage that a person begins to defend his point of view and try to eliminate the obstacle that caused his anger. Psychologists believe that this stage is optimal for a person to express his emotions in a civilized manner and not cross any boundaries. At this stage, many problems are solved, and the splashed out anger has not yet been transformed into vivid affect. In psychology this is already referred to as the third stage.

Uncontrollable anger

At this stage, a person can commit absolutely any crazy act. He is capable of destroying everything, causing physical harm, screaming loudly and gesticulating. Such outbursts are typical for those who have hidden their emotions for a long time, or people with an unstable psyche. The latter need serious treatment, because if anger reaches this stage, then the personality has already undergone certain transformations that require urgent correction. Otherwise, a normal life becomes impossible for a person.

Fading Anger

At this stage, the flash goes out, and the person often repents of everything he has done. In some cases, it is no longer possible to correct the consequences of the previous stage. Psychologists often observe a pattern in which remorse and the lack of options for correcting mistakes already made causes a new attack of anger at the third stage.

Types of Anger

Psychologists identify quite a few types of anger, but three are considered the main ones:

1. Righteous.

It is caused by outright injustice against the individual. The person understands that the situation needs to be corrected immediately and righteous anger begins to boil within him. Moreover, depending on the individual’s psychotype, anger can arise at any of the previously described stages.

2. Provoked.

Anger is directed toward a situation, a specific person, or a group of people. Usually this emotion is caused by some actions, most often insults or anger that has already been splashed out on the person. In the latter case, he is reciprocal and can transform into a righteous one.

3. Random.

It is caused by anything; a person can “flare up” with or without cause. Psychologists consider this anger a disease and declare the need for its treatment.

Psychologists pay great attention to the manifestation of anger in their work. They identified them into certain models that influence the personality or are used by it for some purpose.

Manifestations of anger: models

First of all, you need to understand that anger almost always manifests itself in a combination of other emotions. For example, the anger-aggression pair always carries an extremely negative message. Aggression always results in an uncontrollable form and is often accompanied by material or physical damage. In the case where anger manifests itself along with fear, these two emotions can feed each other and help mobilize the body's forces.

Psychology has six main models for the manifestation of anger:

1. Family anger.

This model always has a very bad effect on children, because from early childhood they find themselves in an atmosphere of quarrels and scandals. Usually this dysfunctional families, where parents drink alcohol and do not raise children. Initially, the child is frightened by angry manifestations, and then adapts to them and adopts them as a model of behavior for himself. Subsequently, the personality acquires explosive traits and reacts to any irritants with outbursts of uncontrollable anger.

2. Achieving the goal.

In this model, anger is a tool that a person successfully uses to achieve what he wants. With the help of anger, a person achieves obedience and transfers the feeling of guilt for this outburst to the opponent. For a short period this model can be very effective, but over time people stop reacting to manifestations of anger and the effectiveness of this method decreases significantly.

3. Denial.

When a person acts according to this model, he replaces the fear of everything new and unknown with anger. Any innovative proposal causes a flash of anger in such a person.

4. Catalyst.

A person acting according to this scheme brings himself to an uncontrollable state with anger and only then can he express his opinion on the situation to people or feel capable of solving the problem. That is, the feeling of anger becomes a catalyst that gives vent to true emotions.

5. Suffered anger.

This model can be well illustrated using the example of nationality. Let's imagine that a person was once offended by a representative of a nation. In the future, everyone who belongs to this nationality becomes an object of anger. Such a manifestation of anger can cause serious ethnic conflicts. In any case, transference of anger is a very catastrophic pattern of manifestation.

6. Protection.

Many complex individuals often show anger as a shield from any influences environment. Typically, this model of expressing anger does not bring results, because it drives the person even deeper into the vicious circle of action-anger.

In addition to the described manifestations of anger, there are also physical ones that need to be described.

How does anger manifest itself on the physical level?

Physical manifestations of anger cannot be controlled by a person and are expressed in the following actions:

• flared nostrils;
• vertical folds on the bridge of the nose;
• bringing together eyebrows;
• rapid breathing;
• open mouth and clenched teeth;
• dilated pupils;
• focusing the gaze on the object of anger.

All this is accompanied by active gestures and often incoherent speech.

Anger is a fairly strong emotion and, according to psychologists, it can completely subjugate a person. Therefore, learn to control your anger, let its manifestations be a civilized response to an insult or provocation from the outside.

How to deal with anger? What to do with outbursts of aggression and irritation? How to learn to control your emotions? How many times in our lives have we asked ourselves this question... “I feel rage throughout my body, I need to learn how to deal with this anger and anger, but I don’t know how.” “I physically feel how in certain situations everything seems to explode inside me.”This is what people say when they are asked what exactly is going on in their head (or body) during an attack of anger. In this article, psychologist Mairena Vazquez will give you 11 practical advice every day about how to deal with your anger.

How to deal with anger. Tips for every day

We have all experienced anger in our lives as a result of something situations out of control, personal problems that upset us, due to fatigue, uncertainty, envy, unpleasant memories, because of situations that we cannot accept, and even because of some people whose behavior we do not like or irritate us... Sometimes failures and collapse life plans can also cause frustration, anger and aggression. What is anger?

Anger - This is a negative emotional reaction of a violent nature (emotion), which can be accompanied by both biological and psychological changes. The intensity of anger varies from a feeling of dissatisfaction to rage or rage.

When we experience anger, our cardiovascular system suffers, our blood pressure rises, we sweat, our heart rate and breathing become faster, our muscles tense, we blush, we experience problems with sleep and digestion, we cannot think and reason rationally...

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At the physiological level anger is associated with chemical reactions happening in our brain. To summarize:

When something makes us angry or irritates us, amygdala(the part of the brain responsible for processing and storing emotions) turns to (which is also responsible for our mood) for help. At this moment it begins to release adrenalin to prepare our body for a possible threat. Therefore, when we are irritated or angry, our heart rate increases and our senses become heightened.

All emotions are necessary, useful and play a certain role in our lives. Yes, anger is necessary and useful because it helps us respond to any situation that we perceive as a threat, and also gives us the ability to resist any circumstance that disrupts our plans. It gives the necessary courage and energy and reduces the feeling of fear, which allows us to better cope with troubles and injustice.

Very often anger hides behind other emotions (sadness, pain, fear...) and manifests itself as a kind of defense mechanism. Anger is a very strong emotion that becomes a problem when we are unable to control it. Uncontrolled anger can destroy a person or even his environment, preventing him from thinking rationally and encouraging aggressive and violent behavior. Excessive anger can be detrimental to both physical and mental health, disrupt a person's social relationships, and generally significantly reduce their quality of life.

Types of Anger

Anger can manifest itself in three different ways:

1. ANGER AS A TOOL: sometimes when we cannot achieve a goal, we use violence as “ easy way” achieve what you want. In other words, we use rage and violence as a tool to achieve our goals. Anger as a tool is typically used by people with poor self-control and poor communication skills. However, we must remember that there are other methods of persuasion.
2. ANGER AS DEFENSE: We experience anger in situations where we intuitively interpret other people's comments or behavior as an attack, insult, or complaint against us. We become offended (often for no apparent reason) and feel an uncontrollable urge to attack. How? Using anger, which is a big mistake. IN difficult situations It's better to stay calm.
3. EXPLOSION OF ANGER: if we endure for a long time some situations that we consider unfair, we suppress our emotions, trying to restrain ourselves further, we find ourselves in a dangerous vicious circle, from which we get out only when we can no longer endure it. In this case, that very “last drop” is enough to “fill the cup.” In other words, in a situation where we have been patient for too long, even the smallest event can trigger an outburst of anger. Our patience “bursts”, forcing us to anger and violence, we boil... like a kettle.

People who experience anger frequently tend to have specific personal qualities , such as: (they cannot understand that their desires cannot always be satisfied at their first request, these are very self-centered people), because of which they are not confident in themselves and do not control their emotions, lack of empathy(they cannot put themselves in the shoes of another person) and high (they do not think before they act), etc.

The way children are raised also influences how they manage their anger as adults. It is important to teach children to express their emotions from a very young age so that they learn to cope with them as best they can. In addition, teach children not to react aggressively to certain situations, and prevent the child from developing “emperor syndrome.” Family environment also matters: it has been noted that people who are less able to control their anger come from problematic families in which there is a lack of emotional closeness. .

How to control anger. Anger is an emotional reaction that can be accompanied by biological and psychological changes

How to get rid of anger and learn to control it? How to overcome irritation and attacks of aggression? The natural intuitive reaction to anger and anger is some kind of aggressive violent action - we can start screaming, break something or throw something... However, this is NOT The best decision. Read on! 11 tips to calm your anger.

1. Be aware of the situation or circumstances that may trigger your anger.

You may experience feelings of anger or rage in some extreme situation, but it is important to learn how to manage it. To learn how to manage anger, you need to understand in general what problems/situations irritate you the most, how you can avoid them (i.e. these very specific circumstances), how to do it the best way, etc. In other words, learn to work with your own reactions.

Carefully! When I talk about avoiding situations and people, I mean very specific examples. We cannot spend our entire lives avoiding absolutely all people and situations that make us feel uncomfortable. If we completely avoid such moments, we will not be able to resist them.

How to deal with anger: It is vital to understand that violence and aggression will get you nowhere, in fact, it can make the situation worse and even make you feel worse. Please pay Special attention to your reactions (you begin to feel anxious, your heart feels like it’s about to jump out of your chest and you are unable to control your breathing) in order to take action in time.

2. Be careful with your words when you are angry. Cross out the words “never” and “always” from your speech.

When we are angry, we may say things that would not even occur to us in the first place. in good condition. Once you calm down, you won't feel the same way, so be careful what you say. Each of us is the master of our silence and the slave of our words.

How to deal with anger: you need to learn to reflect on the situation, look at it as objectively as possible. Try not to use these two words: "never" And "Always". When you become angry and start thinking, “I always get angry when this happens,” or “I never succeed,” you are making a mistake. Try by all means to be objective and look at things optimistically. Life is a mirror that reflects our thoughts. If you look at life with a smile, it will smile back at you.

3. When you feel like you're on edge, take a deep breath.

We all need to be aware of our limits. Nobody knows you better than yourself. Obviously, every day we can encounter situations, people, events that can throw us off track...

How to deal with anger: when you feel like you can’t take it anymore, that you’re on the edge, take a deep breath. Try to distance yourself from the situation. For example, if you are at work, go to the toilet, if at home, take a relaxing shower to calm your thoughts... Take the so-called "time-out". This really helps in stressful moments. If you can get out of town, allow yourself to do so, escape from daily routine and try not to think about what makes you angry. Find a way to calm down. Great option- going out into nature. You will see how nature and Fresh air affect your brain.

The most important thing is to distract yourself, abstract yourself from the situation until it calms down, in order to avoid aggressive reactions and not do something that you may later regret. If you feel like crying, cry. Crying pacifies anger and sadness. You'll understand why crying can be good for your mental health.

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Neuropsychological

4. Do you know what cognitive restructuring is?

The method is widely used in psychology cognitive restructuring. It's about replacing our inappropriate thoughts (such as our interpretations of other people's intentions) with more useful ones. In other words, you need replace with a positive one. This way we can quickly eliminate the discomfort caused by different situations or circumstances, and the anger will quickly pass.

Example: you need to meet with a work colleague whom you don’t really like. You waited for an hour before he finally showed up. Since this person is unpleasant to you, you begin to think about how irresponsible he is, and that he was late on purpose to “annoy” you, and you notice that you are filled with anger.

How to deal with anger: you need to learn not to think that others are doing things to harm you. Give them a chance, put yourself in their shoes. If you allow the person to explain himself, you will understand that the reason for his lateness was valid (in this case). specific example). Try to act intelligently and objectively.

5. Learn relaxation and breathing techniques to better manage your anger.

It is important to once again remind you how important breathing is in moments of tension, anxiety, anger...

How to deal with anger: correct breathing will help relieve stress and put your thoughts in order. Close your eyes, slowly count to 10, and don't open them until you feel yourself starting to calm down. Breathe deeply and slowly, try to clear your mind, free it of negative thoughts... little by little. The most common breathing techniques are abdominal breathing and progressive muscle relaxation according to Jacobson.

If you still find it difficult to relax, imagine some pleasant, calm picture, landscape in your mind, or listen to music that relaxes you. How to stay calm?

Besides, try to get enough sleep at night (at least 7-8 hours), since rest and sleep contribute to better control of emotions, improve our mood and reduce irritability.

6. Social skills will help you deal with anger. You control your anger, not the other way around.

The daily situations we encounter require us to be able to behave appropriately with other people. It is important to be able not only to listen to others, but also to be able to carry on a conversation, to thank if they helped us, to help ourselves and to give others the opportunity to give us help and support when we need it, to be able to respond correctly to criticism, no matter how unpleasant it may be...

How to deal with anger: To manage anger and better control it, it is important to be able to correctly interpret the information around us, to be able to listen to other people, to act under different circumstances, to accept criticism and not to let frustration take over us. In addition, you need to be careful with unjustified accusations against others. Treat others the way you would like to be treated.

7. How to control anger if it is caused by another person

Often our anger is provoked not by events, but by people. Avoid toxic people!

In this case, it is recommended to move away from such a person until you cool down if you feel that the situation is heating up. Remember that when you harm others, you first of all harm yourself, and this is exactly what you need to avoid.

How to deal with anger: express your dissatisfaction quietly and calmly. The most convincing is not the one who screams loudest, but the one who is able to express his feelings adequately, calmly and reasonably, identifying problems and possible ways their decisions. It is very important to behave like an adult and be able to listen to the other person’s opinion and even find a compromise (whenever possible).

8. Exercise will help you “reset” negative energy and get rid of bad thoughts.

When we move or do something physical activity, thereby releasing endorphins that help calm us down. This is another way to manage anger.

How to control anger: Move, do any exercise... Go up and down the stairs, clean the house, go outside for a run, take a bike and ride around the city... anything that can somehow increase adrenaline.

There are people who, in a fit of anger, begin to rush and hit whatever they can get their hands on. If you feel an overwhelming urge to hit something to quickly release energy, try purchasing a punching bag or something similar.

9. A good way to “let go of your thoughts” is writing.

It would seem that, How can it help if you start writing things down? Especially if you just had a serious fight with your loved one?

How to deal with anger: at the moment of anger, our thoughts are chaotic, and we are not able to concentrate on the situation that irritates us. Perhaps keeping a diary will help you figure out what angers you the most, how exactly you feel it, in what situations you are most vulnerable, how you should and should not act in response, how you felt after... As time passes, you will be able compare your experiences and memories to understand what all these events have in common.

Example: “I can’t do this anymore. I just had a fight with my boyfriend because I can't stand it when he calls me rude. Now I feel very bad because I yelled at him and slammed the door and left the room. I am ashamed of my behavior.” In this particular case, the girl, after reading her entry, will understand that she reacts incorrectly every time she is called “ill-mannered,” and will eventually learn not to respond with anger and violence because she later regrets her behavior. she's ashamed.

You can even give yourself some encouragement or advice that may be helpful and reassuring. For example: “If I take a deep breath and count to 10, I will calm down and look at the situation differently,” “I know that I can control myself”, “I am strong, I value myself highly and will not do anything that I will regret later.”

You can also burn off your energy by drawing, solving puzzles and crosswords, etc.

10. Laugh!

What better way to relieve stress and lift your spirits than with a good dose of laughter? It's true that when we're angry, the last thing we want to do is laugh. At this moment we think that the whole world and all the people in it are against us (which is far from reality).

How to deal with anger: although it’s not easy, problems still look different if you approach them humorous, positive. Therefore, laugh as much as possible and at absolutely everything that comes to mind! Once you calm down, look at the situation from the other side. Imagine the person you were angry with in some funny or amusing situation, remember when you last time laughed together. This will make it much easier for you to deal with anger. Don't forget, laughter is very useful. Laugh at life!

11. If you think you have serious anger management problems, see a professional.

If you replace other emotions with anger, if you notice that anger ruins your life, that you get irritated by even the most insignificant things, if you cannot stop screaming or the urge to hit something when you are angry, if you are unable to control yourself in your hands and no longer know what to do, how to act in certain situations, with people, etc. … O seek help from a specialist.

How to cope with anger: a psychologist specializing in this problem will study the problem from the very beginning and will determine how best to help you. He or she may suggest that you learn to control your anger through behaviors (such as social skills training) and techniques (such as relaxation techniques) so that you can cope with situations that irritate you. You can even attend a group therapy class where you can meet people experiencing the same difficulties. This can be very helpful as you will find understanding and support among similar people.

To summarize, I would like to note that we need to learn to control our emotions, especially anger. Remember that anger, in whatever form it is expressed, physical or verbal, can never be an excuse for bad behavior towards others.

You already know that it is not the one who shouts the loudest who is brave, and the one who is silent is not the one who is cowardly and cowardly. Unreasonable words or stupid insults should not be listened to. Always remember that by harming others, you harm, first of all, yourself.

Translation by Anna Inozemtseva

Psicóloga especializada en psicología clínica infanto-juvenil. En continua formación para ser psicóloga sanitaria y neuropsicóloga clínica. Apasionada de la neurociencia e investigación del cerebro humano. Miembro activo de diferentes asociaciones e interesada en labores humanitarias y emergencias. A Mairena le encanta escribir artículos que puedan ayudar o inspirar.
“Magia es creer en ti mismo.”

There are times when one sarcastic or offensive word, phrase, action or incident is enough for a person to burst into anger and say a lot of unnecessary things. Then he himself will be surprised at his temper and begin to ask for forgiveness for what he said, but it is often impossible to regain former trust.

Psychologists have long noticed that the subconscious causes of anger can be completely different, but in any case they do not bring anything good to the relationship, destroying what was achieved with great difficulty. So what are they and what exactly causes attacks of rage, anger and sudden anger. Here are some of the main subconscious causes of anger.

Background voltage

It is rarely noticed by the person himself, but at the same time it prevents him from rejoicing, feeling relaxed and free. It may be associated with anticipation, the uncertainty of the situation, which often does not have clear time boundaries or requires quickly mobilizing one’s strength to resolve a stressful situation.

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For example, a student subconsciously feels that he is “floating” in some issues. He cannot remember information on the eve of an exam and any call or assignment can make him furious and angry, although in another situation he is friendly and calm. Background voltage requires discharge. The more pronounced it is, the greater the likelihood of flaring up and getting angry. Therefore, if a person is expecting an unpleasant but necessary situation, he may burst into unjustified anger.

Law of Three Troubles

Psychologists have noticed that in order to flare up and get angry, only 3 troubles are enough, no matter how big or small. At the same time, they all must demand a quick solution. Anger arises in a person when he subconsciously feels that he can quickly resolve the situation, but does not know how best to do it. Otherwise, there is a feeling of pain and powerlessness.

For example, someone is waiting in line for an important question, a negative answer to which can lead to great difficulties (one possible problem). A person’s time is limited, the queue is long (the second possible nuisance) and then someone blatantly skips the queue and sits in the office for a long time (the third nuisance).

These reasons are enough to erupt in anger, which can be directed both at the one who prevented the issue from being quickly resolved, and at the authorities, the government, etc. Therefore, only 3 reasons are enough to cause an attack of unexpected anger and rage. It has also been noticed that the bosses lose their temper the third time they are faced with a failure to fulfill an order or the same mistake of their subordinates.

Disturbed balance between positive and negative emotions

For a normal mood, an emotional ratio of negative to positive emotions of 7:1 is sufficient. More often it happens the other way around, and a person who has not received anything positive for a long time begins to shout about little things in order to relieve tension.

Therefore, you need to dilute negative stimuli with positive ones in order to neutralize internal anger. With the inverse ratio of 1 positive emotion to 7 negative emotions, feelings of anger, malice and irritation arise.

Undischarged Anger

When something causes protest, but it cannot be expressed, there is a possibility of strong anger over trifles. At this time, he throws out everything that is in his soul on a child who spilled cherry juice on a white suit or on his wife, who, in his opinion, cooked scrambled eggs poorly.

Attempt No. 5

If a person is 5 times unlucky in resolving an important issue and again finds himself in a vicious circle of troubles, anger arises in response to any trifle. Especially if he himself cannot figure out how to cope with a trifling and annoying task.

Lack of attention

This reason may have deep roots from childhood, when they do not pay attention to a person and value only success in him and, not without reason, believe that their child is “the best and most correct, healthy and beautiful.” Then he begins to notice early the shortcomings of others and gets irritated when they do wrong, contrary to expectations. As a result, he begins to believe in his infallibility and gets angry every time someone turns out to be worse than him, as he thinks.

These are the main causes of subconscious anger and irritation that lead to quarrels over minor reasons. Very often there are several of them in each conflict, so it is worth paying attention to their source and trying to neutralize it.

Source -

Everyone knows how scary a person is in a state of anger, so we’ll look at what anger is and everything you wanted to know about anger in this article. Anger is a short burst of aggression aimed at eliminating the source of his irritation. First of all, anger is emotional condition outward-directed rather than specific action.

Such an emotional state can push a person to various types actions, for example, to punish the offender. By holding anger inside themselves, people often turn it against themselves. Depending on the individual characteristics People experience anger differently depending on the person and the situation.

Examples of types of anger:

1. Immediate anger.

Natalya, 29 years old (economist), complained that her husband was very hot-tempered. He expressed his anger in the form of curses and threats, she was afraid of his anger, fearing for her safety. To protect herself, she also began to scream, which only intensified her husband’s anger. Subsequently, Elena realized that her husband’s condition was quite safe if he did not actively resist him. She learned not to respond with anger to her husband’s aggression, realizing that these were just emotions. As a result, my husband's expressions of anger became less frequent. The situation was finally resolved when both realized that anger is an emotional release.

Advice: there is no need to deny anger, but do not forget, take responsibility for it and try not to feel an immense sense of guilt, it will only increase anger.

2. Displaced anger.

Such anger manifests itself in the form of a shift of one’s rage from the offended person to inanimate objects. Broken dishes, broken handles or mobile phone, which shattered into smithereens against the wall, this happened to Svetlana for 35 years (manager). All because she was afraid of harming another person. When Svetlana realized that she was small material damage- this is the price for the calm state of her loved ones and business partners. Over time, she was able to move from active actions to imaginary ones, which saved her from financial losses.

Advice: When you meet a person who breaks dishes or breaks his mobile phone, remember that in this way he protects those around him from his own anger. If in Once again you broke something, analyze what this action symbolized and next time try to imagine the act of breaking objects, for example, by drawing something.

3. Delayed anger.

Vasily, 40 years old (entrepreneur) became a victim of such anger. Having got married, he later found out that his wife gets angry not at the moment when a problem arose, but afterwards when she is safe, for example, at home. She was afraid that because of her anger she would be punished. Subsequently, Alexander talked with his wife in a calm atmosphere and found out that she had conflicts with her superiors, and she was simply taking it out on him, because for fear of being fired she was holding back her emotions at work. The spouses began to discuss and analyze conflicts that had occurred at work, which significantly reduced outbursts of anger and improved their family life.

Advice: when you feel angry, try to find out what caused it, what really made you angry and prevented you from reacting to it immediately.

4. Revenge.

Valentina, 34 years old (an accountant), was tormented by remorse from her vindictiveness. Her upbringing did not allow her to react violently to insults, and she did not want to burden her loved ones with her problems. Taking out anger on inanimate objects did not bring a positive result. And the only way to find peace was revenge. However, when the revenge was fulfilled, Valentina began to feel guilty. Later, she learned to imagine revenge without harming another person.

Advice: If you have a burning desire to take revenge on someone, imagine this, mainly mental reprisals free you from feelings of anger.

5. When anger turns on oneself.

When Ekaterina, 35 years old (an economist), was offended by someone, instead of fighting back, she turned her anger onto herself, punishing and blaming herself for what happened. At the same time, anger had no outlet and subsequently took the form of depression. Catherine felt much better when she allowed herself to show at least some of her anger outwardly.

Advice: learn to express feelings of anger; often the absence of any reaction does not allow other people to understand what a person really feels and what he does not like.

6. Inhibition of anger.

Ekaterina, 50 years old (an accountant), showed her anger in the form of self-isolation. The most destructive form. When faced with someone's aggression, she immediately stopped her communication, thinking that she was absolutely calm; the anger that arose remained unconscious. Catherine simply slowed down her rage. Since anger was not expressed and was not recognized, it began to come out in the form of headaches and bodily ailments. Subsequently, Catherine learned to understand own feelings at the moment when the conflict occurred - this significantly reduced the pain in the head and back, and after finding a form for expressing one’s emotions outside, they almost disappeared.

Advice: Know that the presence of anger is normal and should be expressed in moderation.

Anger: everything you wanted to know about anger We tried to consider, for example, what types there are and how best to deal with them.