Everyone experiences a loss of motivation. Previously, my eyes were burning, but now my hands give up. Sound familiar? It's as if the whole world has turned against your goal. Then the meaning of what you have done is lost and you think: “Why am I doing all this?”

You shouldn't run away from such circumstances. We must fight them!

But first, let's find out why we love to give up so much. It happens:

• Due to the uncertainty of its goal. A person does not know what he really wants. What is the end result of his work. So first you need to decide what you want and how you will get there.
• Due to lack of self-confidence and strength.

It happens that you meet people who constantly repeat: “You won’t succeed, it’s pointless, nothing will work out, it’s all in vain.” It is better not to communicate with such people and not to pay attention to their words.

• Because of past failures. If it was not possible to achieve success before, then why should it be possible now? Thoughts appear that the goal cannot be achieved. Here you need to understand that it is not easy the first time. And perceive every mistake as an experience through which you have become wiser.
• Because they don't feel the result. Efforts are made, but the results are imperceptible. This is a misconception. The material result is the final goal. At the beginning or middle of the journey there is no way to see it.
• Because of disappointments. A typical situation where expectations do not coincide with reality. Be skeptical and think about real things that will actually happen, not what would ideally happen. -AND
• Because of failures. Every refusal is not a tragedy.

For every 100 “no” there is one “yes”. And with each refusal you are closer to the cherished “yes”.

• Due to improper concentration. Don't focus on the problem, focus on the solution. If you just walk around and complain, nothing will be solved.

So why, after all, should you not give up? We found 20 reasons why you should continue to do what you do in spite of everything.

You are alive

Life is the most important and valuable thing you have. And throughout your life you can achieve whatever you want. The main thing is to find funds and resources. This will work out great if you communicate with many people, go to exhibitions, and visit new places in the city. Then there will be either like-minded people of the idea or its sponsors.

Live life to the fullest and interact with society, communication will help you overcome any difficulties.

Cities were not built on the first try

Therefore, you need to be realistic and understand that the goal will require a lot of time and effort. There will obviously be failures here. You need to follow a couple of simple tips:

• Be prepared for problems. Don't put on rose-colored glasses and think that everything will magically work out. There will be big losses and difficult decisions.
• Take responsibility for your actions and words. Serious goals require complete control of what happens and what is said. You can’t afford too much if the position of other people depends on your decision. This often happens with business ideas.
• Analyze past mistakes. Especially in order to avoid stepping on the same rake several times. Otherwise, you will waste energy, but there will be no results.
• Don't expect to get everything you dreamed of right away. Break the path to your goal into several stages that you can turn into reality. And most importantly, set yourself deadlines and specify the results. You cannot write on a piece of paper: “Have a slim figure.” It is necessary to formulate more specifically: “Have a slim figure minus 55 kg by May 20”

The ability to stand your ground and not betray your intentions opens up great horizons for a person. You just need to push a little and you can see for yourself. Has it often happened that in a situation where it would be worth defending your position, you simply give in? We don't do this on purpose, it just happens, right? To prevent this from happening, you need to fight with yourself. For example, you are arguing with someone about important things, and then the person begins to put psychological pressure on you. The body's first reaction is self-defense. I would like to end this situation quickly. I need to overcome this desire within myself and clearly stand my ground. At the same time, not paying attention to the increase in the interlocutor’s tone. In the end, you will be the person who wins the argument or ends it altogether, because a compromise will never be found.

Are you worse than others?

Remember the film “The Pursuit of Happiness”, which was filmed based on real events, where the main character, without work, housing and food, rose to a million-dollar income.

We often think that if you were born into the middle class of society in a family with an average income, then you will remain there. It happens differently. Such examples are meant to inspire. Sometimes they seem unreal. But real stories confirm that they do happen, isn’t that motivating?

The world consumes you if you don’t resist it and give up. People who try to resist systemic thinking achieve success.

It’s difficult for everyone, sometimes even incredibly difficult. Remember the story of cyclist Lance Armstrong, who got cancer and still worked his ass off and finished the Tour de France six times in a row.

Desires are material, and real strength comes from within. Have you noticed how you can spend days doing what you love, forgetting to sleep/eat? This state gives an incredible amount of energy. This is a good filter for whether you are doing something you love or just something ordinary. Therefore, you should approach the choice of goal carefully, based on your own desires and interests.

If others can, then why can't you? Everyone can build their worthy place in society. This is a matter of your self-esteem. It should not be underestimated under any circumstances.

To achieve your goal, you must:

• be confident in yourself and your abilities;
• constantly develop professional skills in order to be a worthy specialist;
• be at the center of all events related to your business;
• sensibly assess your competitiveness and competitors, if any.

You are stronger than you think

A few failures cannot break your spirit. The main thing is to find the desire to fight. To do this, motivate yourself, be inspired by examples from the lives of successful people and be patient.

Every time you want to give up, remember what you can lose. And repeat that you are stronger than circumstances and everything that has come your way now.

Often we try to prove something to others and for the sake of this we can even go against our own desires. Prove to yourself that you are not a weak person, because the only weakness is to give up. Self-organization and self-discipline give strength. This will help develop willpower. For example, plan everything that is going to happen. and stick to the plan.

• Firstly, you will know what you expect from today and what specific results you should achieve.
• Secondly, at the end of the day you will be able to analyze all the mistakes using specific examples of situations and develop a strategy for action in certain situations.

There are those for whom you cannot give up

Family and friends believe in you and they are your source of inspiration and motivation. It happens that you lose faith in yourself and think that this goal will not bring you any joy personally, but it will bring it to those close to you. Believe me, you're just exhausted and tired. You need to rest physically and psychologically, and friends and family will help with this. They will calm you down and give you new strength to move forward. Don't be shy to ask for help.

It's not all bad

There are people in whose lives there are many more bad situations. You're upset about a business failure, and someone else is battling a terminal illness. You recovered, but someone lost a loved one. Think about it carefully. You have the opportunity to realize yourself, but another person may not have it.

You are not sick with a fatal disease, you have two arms and two legs - that’s not bad. You think normally and know how to interact with people and circumstances - generally wonderful.

These are those things that we do not value and do not attach significant importance to them, but we should. So while you can, you need to achieve heights!

The greater the success, the more evil the enemies

If you have envious people or ill-wishers, it means you are ahead of the rest.

Don't worry about what others think. Someone else's opinion can be subjectively bad due to human envy. Accept only objective criticism and only from people you really trust. You must be sure that these people do not want to cause harm or set you up for another mistake.

Regard anger and hypocrisy towards yourself as a small success, because they will not envy a person without ambition.

You deserve to be happy

Every person has the right to happiness. And if for you it is about achieving a goal, then why not? You deserve to be successful. Make an effort and success will come closer. Don't let someone decide for you. Otherwise, your whole life will seem like another person’s story, not your own.

Believe in dreams. This faith will inspire you. The more dreams you make into reality, the more fulfilling your life will be. Because a person lives from goal to goal. Having embodied one, he moves on to the other.

You will constantly strive for something and want something, such is human nature. Therefore, there simply shouldn’t be time to give up and get upset!

We need to take the bull by the horns and rush towards our dreams, because it is by embodying them that we become happy.

There are people who need your help

We often receive twice as much as we give. Caring for other people fills you with energy. Although the paradox is obvious, because we give our energy and time, and we have more resources. The point here is emotional fullness.

It is positive emotions that make life energy flow in full swing, which gives strength to carry out even mundane work with enthusiasm.

If it's hard, it means you're on the right track.

You never know how close you are to success. Imagine that now is the last effort before success, and you are thinking about giving up.

Always keep the intrigue of victory. She comes at the most unexpected moment.

If you feel that it’s hard for you, rest. And then get back to achieving your goals. Reassure yourself that easy goals are not at all interesting. Therefore, around the next corner of your great dream, a golden cup shines.

3 remedies for helplessness

Fifty years ago, American psychologist Martin Seligman revolutionized all ideas about our free will.

Seligman conducted an experiment over dogs according to Pavlov's conditioned reflex scheme. The goal is to form a fear reflex to the sound of the signal. If a Russian scientist’s animals received meat on a call, then his American colleague received an electric shock. To prevent the dogs from escaping prematurely, they were secured in a special harness.

Seligman was sure that when the animals are transferred to an enclosure with a low partition, they will run away as soon as they hear the signal. After all, a living being will do anything to avoid pain, right? But in the new cage, the dogs sat on the floor and whined. Not a single dog jumped over the easiest obstacle - not even tried. When a dog that was not involved in the experiment was placed under the same conditions, it easily escaped.

Seligman concluded: When it is impossible to control or influence unpleasant events, a strong feeling of helplessness develops. In 1976, the scientist received a prize from the American Psychological Association for his discovery of learned helplessness.

What about people?

Seligman's theory has been tested many times by scientists from different countries. It has been proven that if a person systematically:

Experiences defeat despite all efforts;

Experiences difficult situations in which his actions have no effect;

Finds yourself in the midst of chaos, where the rules are constantly changing and any movement can lead to punishment -

His will and desire to do anything at all atrophies. Apathy comes, followed by depression. The man gives up. Learned helplessness sounds like Marya the Artisan from the old movie: “Whether you will or not, it’s all the same.”

I was told:

About unsuccessful attempts to get a job: refusal after refusal without explanation,

About a husband who could be greeted in the evening with expensive gifts, or with aggression for no apparent reason, depending on his mood. (Next to it is almost the same story about his wife),

About a tyrant boss who handed out fines every month according to some new and illogical criteria.

From the outside it seems that there is a way out. Rewrite your resume! File for divorce! Complain about your boss! Do this and do that! But like Seligman's dog, a man driven into helplessness cannot even jump over a low fence. He doesn't believe in a way out. He lies on the floor and whines.

Sometimes you don’t even need an abusive partner or a tyrant boss. Gelya Demina, a student on an internship in Korea, tells how during one lesson the professor gave the class an assignment. From the letters on the pieces of paper you need to add up the names of the countries. When time runs out, the professor asks those who are confident in their answer to raise their hands. And so time after time. By the last task, half of the students had turned sour.

“After we solved all the points, we started checking the answers,” says Gelya. - The right side had almost everything right. And the guys on the left had no correct answers at all. The last task (D E W E N S - Sweden) was solved by only two out of ten people on the left side. And then the professor says: “Here is a confirmation of the hypothesis.” Two versions of the test we had appear on the screen. While the right group received a completely normal test, the left group had one letter mixed up in all tasks. It was impossible to get the correct answer in their case. The whole point was in the last question, about Sweden. It is the same for both teams. Everyone had the opportunity to get the correct answer. But over the past five questions, the guys completely convinced themselves that they could not solve the task. By the time it was time for the correct answer, they simply gave up.”

How to resist chaos? What to do if learned helplessness is already gaining internal territory? Is it possible not to give up and not give in to apathy?

Remedy 1: Do something.

Seriously: anything. Psychologist Bruno Bettelheim survived a concentration camp with a policy of constant chaos. The camp leadership, he said, established new prohibitions, often meaningless and contradictory. The guards put prisoners in situations where any action could result in severe punishment. In this mode, people quickly lost their will and broke down. Bettelheim proposed an antidote: do everything that is not prohibited. Could you go to bed instead of discussing camp rumors? Lie down. Can you brush your teeth? Clean. Not because you want to sleep or care about hygiene. But because in this way a person returns subjective control into his own hands. Firstly, he has a choice: to do this or that. Secondly, in a situation of choice, he can make a decision and immediately implement it. What is important is your own, personal decision made independently. Even a small action becomes a vaccine against becoming a vegetable.

The effectiveness of this method was confirmed by Bettelheim's American colleagues in the 70s. Ellen Langer and Judith Rhoden conducted an experiment in places where a person's freedom is most limited: a prison, a nursing home and a homeless shelter. What did the results show? Prisoners who were allowed to arrange their cell furniture and choose TV programs were less likely to suffer from health problems and violent outbursts. Older people who could furnish a room to their liking, plant a plant, and choose a movie to watch in the evening had increased vitality and slowed down the process of memory loss. And homeless people who could choose a dorm bed and a lunch menu were more likely to start looking for work—and find it.

Way to cope: Do something because you can. Choose what to do with your free hour before bed, what to cook for dinner and how to spend the weekend. Rearrange the furniture in the room to make it more comfortable for you. Find as many points of control as possible where you can make your own decision and implement it.

What can this do? Remember about Seligman's dogs? The problem isn't that they couldn't jump over the barrier. It’s the same with people: sometimes the problem is not the situation, but the loss of will and faith in the significance of one’s actions. The “I do it because I chose to do it” approach allows me to maintain or regain a subjective sense of control. This means that the will does not move towards the cemetery, covered with a sheet, but the person continues to move towards a way out of a difficult situation.

Remedy 2: Away from helplessness - in small steps.

Ideas about yourself “I can’t do anything”, “I’m worthless”, “my attempts won’t change anything” are made up of special cases. We, like in the children's game “connect the dots,” select some stories and connect them with one line. It turns out to be a belief about yourself. Over time, a person pays more and more attention to experiences that confirm this belief. And stops seeing exceptions. The good news is that beliefs about yourself can be changed in the same way. Narrative therapy, for example, does this: together with a helping practitioner, a person learns to see alternative stories, which over time he combines into a new idea. Where there used to be a story about helplessness, you can find another: a story about your value and importance, about the significance of your actions, about the ability to influence what is happening.

It is important to find special cases in the past: when did I succeed? When was I able to influence something? when did you change the situation with your actions? It is also important to pay attention to the present - this is where small achievable goals will help. For example, cleaning out the kitchen cabinet or making an important call that you have been putting off for a long time. No goal is too small - all are important. Did you manage? Happened? Wonderful! We need to celebrate the victory! It is known that where there is attention, there is energy. The more attention to achievements, the more fuel for a new preferred story. The higher the chance of not giving up.

Way to cope: set small, realistic goals and be sure to celebrate when you achieve them. Keep a list and re-read it at least twice a month. Over time, you will notice that your goals and achievements become larger. Find an opportunity to reward yourself with some joy for each completed item.

What can this do? Small achievements help you gain resources for larger-scale actions. Increase confidence in your abilities. String new experiences like beads on a fishing line. Over time, individual details will form a necklace - a new story about yourself: “I am important,” “My actions matter,” “I can influence my life.”

Remedy 3: Another look.

Seligman discovered the problem, and devoted the rest of his life and career to finding a solution. The scientist found that animals can learn to resist helplessness if they have previous experience of successful actions. Dogs that were initially able to turn off the current by pressing their head against a panel in the enclosure continued to look for a way out even when they were restrained.

In collaboration with famous psychotherapists, Seligman began to study people's behavior and their reactions to external circumstances. Twenty years of research led him to the conclusion that our tendency to explain things one way or another influences whether we seek opportunities to act or give up. People with the belief, “Bad things happen because of me,” are more likely to develop depression and helplessness. And those who believe, “Bad things can happen, but it’s not always my fault and someday it will stop,” cope faster and come to their senses under unfavorable circumstances.

Seligman proposed a scheme rethinking experience and restructuring perception. It's called the ABCDE Scheme:

A - Adversity, unfavorable factor. Think about an unpleasant situation that causes pessimistic thoughts and feelings of helplessness. It is important to start by choosing situations that, on a scale of 1 to 10, you rate no higher than 5: this will make the learning experience safer.

B - Belief, belief. Write down your interpretation of the event: everything you think about what happened.

C - Consequence, consequences. How did you react to this event? How did you feel during the process?

D - Disputation, another look. Write down evidence that challenges and challenges your negative beliefs.

E - Energizing, activation. What feelings (and perhaps actions) led to new arguments and more optimistic thoughts?

Way to cope: Try challenging pessimistic beliefs in writing. Keep a diary to record unpleasant events and work through them according to the ABCDE scheme. Re-read your notes every few days.

What can this do? Stressful situations will always arise. But with time and practice, you can learn to cope more effectively with anxiety, not give in to helplessness, and develop your own successful strategies for reaction and behavior. The energy that previously served pessimistic beliefs will be freed up and can be invested in other important areas of life.

P.S. Safety precautions

I am glad if you are now finishing reading the article, and the desire to act is already born inside. Please take care of yourself in your future actions. It is important to remember that there is no single solution that will definitely suit everyone. A person and his life situation are more complex than the most thoughtful and detailed diagram. Sometimes independent work gives the desired result. And sometimes you need to enlist external support and/or seek help from a specialist.

Please trust your feelings and take care of yourself and your condition.

I believe that in difficult circumstances we also face our own strength. The choice to read this article and try the methods described in it already means that within you there is faith in change and the possibility of moving to where it is better. The possibility of a good future beyond today's circumstances.

Seligman's dogs had no choice. We have it. Let's choose will.

Everyone has difficult times in life. Especially when you are at a crossroads and you need to make the most difficult choice - to continue to fight or succumb to external circumstances and the general mood.

It’s quite difficult to insist on your own when things are not going well at all, and those around you are twirling their fingers at your temple behind your back. When no one but you believes in the success of the business, and it seems that the whole world is against you.

However, this is not at all a reason to give up and abandon what was created and grown with such diligence. A few tips from Anne-Sophie Reinhardt, a self-employed entrepreneur, blogger and podcaster, reminded me that if you miss the ball once, you'll know how to prevent it the second time.

I decided to touch on this topic because I think that each of us has had such moments in our lives. Some resisted, while others gave in and quit. And now, perhaps, he’s biting his elbows because he didn’t endure it, didn’t push through, didn’t prove it.

According to inexorable statistics, which do not take into account miracles, the percentage of successful startups is negligible compared to failures. So we will consider that this is a reminder to those who are desperate and ready to give up;)

Way of thinking

Even small children know this - if you think that everything around you is bad, then it will be so. If you want to feel like a failure and good for nothing, then so be it. Moreover, if you especially diligently get used to the role, then those around you will believe it. And who wants to have serious affairs with losers?

Positive thinking is one of the components of success. Or at least faith in him. You build your own attitude towards yourself and what you do. In your head you create a whole world, which is then reflected by your own actions in reality.

What kind of world do you want to see around you?

People

The people around you are also of great importance. And they are inextricably linked with your inner sense of yourself and your business. At such critical moments, try to surround yourself with optimistic and active people with a lively mind and wild imagination. Because sometimes even the craziest ideas eventually turn out to be quite tenacious and produce unexpected results.

Limited people, closed to dialogue with the world, put pressure on you, criticize you and do not let you go.

Look for mentors for yourself among those you would like to be like. Learn from them, collect the optimism you need bit by bit, and then, perhaps, you yourself will become an example for someone. And this charges you with optimism and energy even more!

Inspiration

Inspiration is another important and powerful factor. When we fade away, lose interest in the business, then the business fades away and those around you stop believing in it along with you. How can investors believe in the success of a business if you talk about it with a dull look? How can you believe in something that the creator himself does not believe in?!

Perhaps you need a little break. Read books, watch movies, attend conferences and interact with people who inspire you.

You never know where a new brilliant idea for your business will come to you - at the next smart conference or while contemplating the sunset.

Goals

A clear goal or at least a clear direction is already half the success. You can't create anything if you don't have the whole picture. One common, big goal is good, but you must work out ways to achieve it, lay out steps to it. Gradually overcoming step by step, you can achieve results. Only the goal must be real. You must understand what you really want and what failure will cost you.

Anne struggled with anorexia for 14 years. Her main goal was to survive at any cost and start living a full life. Of course, my own life cannot be compared with “I want to build a successful business,” “move my business to another country with better conditions,” or “provide for myself in old age.”

You must really believe in your endeavors and clearly know what you want to achieve as a result. Even creating a simple application for photography or video shooting can help you earn enough money not only to provide a reliable rear in your old age or the ability to finance other projects, but also to serve greater goals - helping children, the disabled, etc.

Durability

Fortitude is the fifth and final element. You should not give up, even if everything is against you, and in the short term you will be sucking paws for several months, or even more. At this time, it is difficult to do without the support of those closest to you and without their faith in your success. But if you insist on yours and believe, then they will believe too.

If you know that everything should work out, you must defend your point of view and your creation. Even if you have to slow down, don’t give up or retreat, but continue moving with smaller but confident steps.

These are five tips from a person who was on the verge of death (even if because of her stupidity), but she had the strength not only to overcome it, but also to move on, proving with her own example that the impossible only happens in our heads .

And a small note from my inner skeptic - sometimes a more sober look at things still won’t hurt, because if you lose your head, you’ll lose everything.