Developing self-control. Ignore external stimuli

Learn to perceive yourself adequately. Self-control is impossible without self-confidence; these are two sides of the same coin. Self-acceptance increases self-esteem and also helps build self-confidence and develop self-control.

Believe in yourself. Your self-image influences your actions and self-control. You must believe in yourself to develop self-confidence. You must assume that you are a positive person interesting to talk to. It is also necessary to do things that will strengthen your self-confidence.

Self-control, how often have you lost it and then regretted it? This is especially true for impressionable and unbalanced people, from whom you hear every now and then: “I lost my temper” or “I lost my temper.” But how can you learn to cope with a stressful situation without causing much shock to your nervous system?

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Self-control and education

Losing control of your emotions is the answer endocrine system and the brain to stress, which provokes complex chemical processes in the body. Simply put, it's all about hormones. But why are some people able to control their behavior during a quarrel, while for others conflicts end in swearing, breaking dishes, or worse, slaps and fists?

Self-control is the ability to think clearly during a peak emotional stress, and this ability is purely individual. In many ways, it depends on behavioral stereotypes - social and cultural attitudes that were instilled from an early age. And what is a sign of bad taste for the former, is the norm for the latter. That is why we observe completely different reactions in similar situations.

The ability to maintain self-control is also influenced by other equally significant factors: characteristics of the psyche and nervous system, the strength of the stimulus (how serious the stressful situation is), physical condition. If you are hungry, overly tired, have a headache or aching tooth, something is wrong at home or has happened... it is quite natural that it will be very difficult to restrain yourself.

Pros and cons of developed self-control

A person who knows how to control his emotions will not subsequently be ashamed of his unbalanced behavior. And this is a big plus. However, does he win so much in the end?

The connection between negative emotions and overall health has long been proven. Carefully hidden spiritual passions, gradually accumulating, lead to exhaustion of the nervous system. Unexpressed aggression will sooner or later make itself felt, taking the form of increased irritability or some kind of disease.

IN developed self-control The principle applies: everything is good in moderation. Therefore, there is no need to always keep a tight rein on yourself; you need to give free rein to your emotions from time to time. Hypercontrol is also dangerous because it forces a person to constantly raise the bar of demands on himself and others, and splash out the accumulated negativity on the weaker. Psychologists also say that ignorance leads to muscle pain and spasms in the neck, shoulders and back. And sometimes the inability to relieve stress leads to the development of alcoholism.

Losing control

IN certain cases When a person completely loses self-control, a special psychological reaction is observed. The peak of emotional stress is accompanied by a rapid heart rate, dizziness, darkening of the eyes, a feeling that your head is about to explode, followed by a feeling of weakness. If you fall into this state regularly, it means that your nervous system is not ready for the stress to which you subject it and is malfunctioning. As a rule, in such cases, professional help from a psychotherapist is necessary.

How to maintain composure and let off steam

To be able to control negative emotions, you need to be able to spend them. The nervous system “relieves” tension during sleep, active recreation, sex or sports. For some, adrenaline rushes from watching horror films, bungee jumping or riding roller coasters help them relax. To avoid falling into a state constant stress, you need to find effective method a release of accumulated negativity.

Try not to build up situations in which you have to suppress your anger, convincing yourself that everything is fine and nothing happened. It is necessary to develop a physiological response to stress, “letting off steam” not by screaming, but by means of a civilized form of expressing aggression. Try to beat your opponent at sports or intellectual game, or respond to his attacks with caustic phrases, but in a calm tone. If you feel that negative energy too much, direct it to achieve peaceful goals: in the heat of rage, solve those issues that you normally lack the courage to answer.

In cases where there is no opportunity to adequately respond to the offender, a fitness club, swimming pool, jogging in the park, or a spa will help get rid of emotional stress. In extreme cases, an ordinary pillow is also suitable, which you can beat to your heart's content at home.

However, all these actions will only help you gain self-control for a short period of time. They are unable to rid the body of the effects of stress. In addition, controlling one’s own emotions often requires a lot of energy, which is sometimes not enough. All popular methods that help maintain self-control are just auxiliary means. Bring the cranky one nervous system a specialist should take care of it.

...not to be confused with affect

People tend to confuse the concept of loss of self-control with a state of passion. Affect is an absolute loss of control, a fast-moving defensive reaction, accompanied by intense feelings. Falling into a state of passion, a person is capable of actions that are completely unusual for him: to pull a hundred-kilogram neighbor out of a burning house, to defeat an opponent who is much superior physically... After which prostration sets in, and the person who has experienced the affect completely or partially forgets about the events that happened to him at that moment .

Several ways to regain composure

What to do when you feel like emotions are overwhelming you in a rapid flurry and are about to spill out? Both a short time regain control over yourself and not do anything stupid? To do this, psychologists have come up with simple techniques:

— Visualization. Try to suppress unpleasant emotions with pleasant memories or fantasies. Imagine that you are on the azure shore of the ocean and the breeze brings salty drops to you sea ​​water. Even sexual fantasies can come into play.

- Imaginary image. Use your imagination and imagine your offender (boss or disgruntled client) in the image of a funny comic book hero in a Superman costume, give him Cheburashka ears, dress him in yellow socks and flowered panties or a tutu.

- Relaxation. Even if you are very tense, still try to completely relax your entire body, especially the muscles of your face, neck and shoulders. Imagine yourself swinging in a hammock or simply flying. Concentrate on how you feel.

The ability to be patient with others (especially with loved ones) is considered a human virtue that one should strive for.

Self-control and self-control are the ability and habit to control one’s behavior, to control oneself, one’s movements, one’s speech, and to refrain from actions that are perceived as unnecessary or harmful in given conditions. A. S. Makarenko wrote: “Great will is not only the ability to wish for something and achieve something, but also the ability to force oneself to give up something when necessary... Without a brake there cannot be a car, and without a brake there cannot be no will." A self-controlled person knows how to restrain his feelings, controls his mood, and does not allow impulsive actions. Even in difficult conditions, he does not lose his presence of mind, maintains composure, and knows how to pull himself together.

A self-possessed person is resilient and patient both in relation to short-term irritants (for example, sharp pain) and long-term ones (aching pain, boring work, tedious waiting). If necessary, he knows how to endure hardships and hardships that cause him physical suffering, and to restrain his needs when necessary (hunger, thirst, need for rest, etc.).

Will is a manifestation of mental activity to achieve a set goal. The will carries out conscious regulation of behavior in conditions of a constant balance between a person’s interests (his life goals) and the restrictions imposed by intellectual forecasts of the consequences of this activity, as well as moral and social norms. We can say that will is a tool used by higher-order motivations in the process of intellectual planning and implementation of a person’s life goals.

The will is involved in the regulation of almost all major mental functions- sensations, perception, imagination, memory, thinking and speech. The development of these processes from lower to higher indicates that a person has acquired volitional control over them.

The task of the will is to control human behavior, conscious self-regulation of his activity, especially in cases where obstacles to a normal life arise.
The main psychological function of the will is to strengthen motivation and improve, on this basis, the conscious regulation of actions. The real mechanism for generating an additional incentive to action is a conscious change in the meaning of the action by the person performing it.

The meaning of an action is usually associated with a struggle of motives and is changed through deliberate mental effort. The need for volitional action arises when an obstacle appears in the path of motivated activity. An act of will is associated with overcoming it. However, you first need to understand and comprehend the essence of the problem that has arisen.

The following can be distinguished stages of will formation, or acts of will:

• awareness of a specific need;
• awareness of the possibilities of satisfying a certain need;
• manifestation of motives for activity (motive is a driving force);
• the struggle of motives for activity on the path to choosing decisions;
• choosing a specific solution;
• determining the implementation plan for the selected solution, including a list of methods, means and methods;
• execution and control of certain activities;
• assessment of the obtained performance results.

At volitional regulation behavior generated by actual needs, special relationships develop between these needs and human consciousness. S.L. Rubinstein characterized them as follows: will in in its own sense arises when a person is capable of reflecting his drives in order to be able to rise above his drives and, abstracting from them, realize himself as a subject and make a choice between them. The development of volitional regulation of behavior in humans is carried out in the following directions:

• transformation of involuntary mental processes into voluntary ones;
• a person gaining control over his behavior;
• development of volitional personality traits.

In each of these directions of development of the will, as it strengthens, its own specific transformations occur, gradually raising the process and mechanisms of volitional regulation to a higher level. For example, inside cognitive processes the will first appears in the form of external speech regulation, and then in terms of the intra-speech process. In the behavioral aspect, volitional control first concerns voluntary movements of individual parts of the body, and subsequently - planning and control of complex sets of movements, including inhibition of some muscle complexes and activation of others. In the field of formation of volitional qualities of a person, the development of will can be represented as a movement from primary volitional qualities to secondary ones and further to tertiary ones.

The development of volitional qualities is manifested in the fact that a person consciously sets himself more and more difficult tasks and pursues more and more distant goals that require the application of significant volitional efforts for quite a long time.

Based on this, an act of will always includes a struggle of multidirectional motivations, an intellectual assessment of these motivations from the point of view of their compliance with moral and social norms. Volitional signals, generally speaking, can inhibit behavior “recommended” by positive emotions, for example, if this behavior contradicts moral and social norms and values, although it is pleasant for the subject, since it satisfies some motivations. A typical example is a person’s struggle with bad habits- from smoking to using drugs and alcohol, etc.

Volitional acts are manifested in the implementation of behavior associated with overcoming negative emotions in cases of feeling pain, fatigue, or real danger to life. Intellectually formed goals require a person to take actions that inevitably entail negative emotions in situations such as the need to undergo surgery or unpleasant treatment, communicate with an unpleasant partner, etc. An act of will is a thinking tool that allows one to consciously overcome the barrier of negative emotions.

Since the volitional actions of an individual mainly take place at a conscious level, these actions are determined not only by innate, but also to a very strong extent by consciously developed character traits of a person. The process of volitional behavior control is characterized by two groups of volitional qualities. The first group is willpower, perseverance, endurance. Strength of will - this is the maximum value of volitional influence that a person can develop to achieve the goal. Speaking about willpower, we mean an assessment of a person’s efforts to perform actions that are unpleasant for him, for example, external actions related to communication or physically difficult work in an uncomfortable environment, or internal actions to overcome difficult to understand or simply uninteresting places in his life. learning process.

Perseverance - The ability to make long-term efforts to overcome difficulties in the process of achieving a goal, unlike willpower, is not necessarily associated with overcoming “exorbitant” difficulties. A persistent person can simply long time do not forget to track progress towards the goal and take at the same time, albeit small, but necessary steps in the direction predetermined by him.

Excerpt, directly related to persistence, is defined as the ability to exclude from the sphere of attention actions, feelings and thoughts that interfere with progress towards a given goal. This quality is directly related to the ability to organize thinking, the ability to plan, organization and the ability to switch attention from one thing to another in a timely manner.

A striking example of self-perseverance, or self-education, is the “complex of virtues” compiled by the outstanding American educator and statesman B. Franklin.

Abstinence: you should not eat to the point of satiety and drink not to the point of intoxication.

Silence: one should say only what can benefit oneself or another; avoid empty talk.

Order: you should keep all your things in their places; each activity has its own place and time.

Decisiveness: one must decide to do what must be done; strictly carry out what is decided.

Hard work: no time to waste; you should always be busy with something useful; you should refuse all unnecessary actions and contacts.

Sincerity: you cannot deceive; one must have pure and fair thoughts and intentions.

Justice: no one should be harmed; you cannot avoid good deeds that are among your duties.

Moderation: extremes should be avoided; restrain, as far as you consider appropriate, feelings of resentment from injustice.

Cleanliness: bodily dirt must be avoided; Maintain neatness in clothing and home.

Calmness: you should not worry about trifles.

Modesty, etc.

The second group of volitional qualities is closely related to character traits. This group includes such qualities of will or character traits as determination, self-control, and self-confidence.

Decisiveness - a person’s ability to choose a line of behavior without hesitation, quickly, confidently, without endless revisions and just as clearly implement the decisions made. Naturally, decisiveness is useful only if a person is able to correctly assess the situation and, therefore, correctly formulate the goals and objectives of behavior, and decisive, but incorrect actions in terms of consequences are much worse than the manifestation of indecisiveness.

Self-control And self confidence - qualities that determine a person’s ability to subordinate his behavior to achieving a goal, regardless of the appearance of distracting circumstances, even if these circumstances represent serious obstacles.

If unsatisfactory results are obtained, a conscious correction (change) of previously selected needs and drives is carried out. A person again forms and demonstrates acts of will, changing the content of subsequent stages of his activity to satisfy a specific need.

Formation of will- the process is long, and it begins in early childhood.

The entire personality makeup influences the manifestation and development of abilities, at the same time, abilities and their awareness influence the formation of the psychological appearance and its manifestation in human behavior and activity.

An exclusive passion for one thing, under certain conditions, can lead to negative results - one-sided and even limited personality development. At the same time, if you realize the importance of knowledge in time, you can fill in the gaps through self-education and achieve a high cultural level. It is important not only to support the emerging inclination and create appropriate conditions for the development of abilities, but also to influence the formation of an active attitude towards life, knowledge, and one’s responsibilities. When an individual feels drawn to some activity and begins to realize his abilities, under certain conditions he experiences a sense of responsibility to society, the team and demands more from himself. On the contrary, without the formation of diligence, a false consciousness is formed that with great abilities there is no need to work, strain strength, that everything will come by itself. If a person has formed positive features character, if he has realized his abilities and their significance for his own development, then he will overcome unfavorable conditions and realize his plans, master the profession for which he feels drawn and for which he has the prerequisites.

Development of will

And now - more about development of will, which is expressed by the following differentiating characteristics:

• the scope of goals changes and expands (determination);
• the individual overcomes ever-increasing external and internal difficulties (willpower is formed);

• the individual achieves an increasingly longer duration of volitional effort (willpower increases);
• the ability to voluntarily inhibit one’s impulses increases (display of self-control, endurance);
• the individual acquires the ability to set distant goals and direct his efforts to achieve them;
• goals and ways to achieve them are set and determined by the individual himself.

So, doing different kinds activity, while overcoming external and internal obstacles, a person develops in himself strong-willed qualities, which characterize him as a person and are of great importance for study and work.

Volitional qualities include:

Determination- a volitional property of a person, manifested in a person’s subordination of his behavior to a sustainable life goal, readiness to give all his strength and abilities to achieve it. This promising whole determines particular goals as necessary steps on the way to achieving the main goal; everything superfluous and unnecessary is discarded. It must be remembered, however, that for some people, determination takes an individualized direction. They also set clear goals, however, their content reflects only personal needs and interests.

Determination- a volitional property of a person, which manifests itself in a quick and thoughtful choice of a goal, determining ways to achieve it. Determination is especially evident in difficult situations of choice associated with risk. The opposite of this quality is indecision - can manifest itself in an endless struggle of motives, in constant revisions of an already made decision.

Courage is a person’s ability to overcome feelings of fear and confusion. Courage is manifested not only in actions when a person’s life is in danger; the brave will not be afraid of difficult work, great responsibility, and will not be afraid of failure. Courage requires a reasonable, healthy attitude to reality. True courage of a strong-willed person is overcoming fear and taking into account threatening dangers. A brave person is aware of his capabilities and thinks through his actions sufficiently.

Courage- this is a complex personality quality that presupposes not only courage, but also perseverance, endurance, self-confidence, and the rightness of one’s cause. Courage is manifested in a person’s ability to achieve a goal, despite the danger to life and personal well-being, overcoming adversity, suffering and deprivation.

Initiative- this is a strong-willed quality thanks to which a person acts creatively. This is an active and courageous flexibility of a person’s actions and actions that meets the times and conditions.

Perseverance- a volitional property of a person, which manifests itself in the ability to carry through decisions made, achieve a set goal, overcoming any obstacles on the way to it. One should distinguish from persistence the negative quality of will - stubbornness. A stubborn person recognizes only his own opinion, his own arguments and strives to be guided by them in his actions and actions, although these arguments may be erroneous.

Independence- a strong-willed personality trait, manifested in the ability to set goals on one’s own initiative, find ways to achieve them and practically implement decisions made. An independent person does not give in to attempts to persuade him to take actions that are not consistent with his beliefs. The opposite quality of independence is suggestibility. A suggestible person easily succumbs to the influence of others, he does not know how to think critically about other people's advice, resist them, he accepts any other people's advice, even obviously untenable ones.

With endurance, or self-control, is a volitional property of a person, which manifests itself in the ability to restrain mental and physical manifestations that interfere with achieving a goal. The opposite negative quality is impulsiveness, the tendency to act on the first impulse, hastily, without thinking about one’s actions.

Discipline- this is a volitional property of a person, manifested in the conscious submission of one’s behavior social rules and standards. Conscious discipline is manifested in the fact that a person, without coercion, recognizes that it is obligatory for himself to follow the rules of labor, educational discipline, and socialist community life and fights for others to comply with them.

And now you can imagine the image by the will of man, possessing such qualities as determination, perseverance, patience, endurance, self-control, determination, and diligence. discipline, firmness of will, fortitude, caution, reasonable passion, courage, bravery, bravery, courage and its opposite - a state of lack of will, manifested in such qualities as stubbornness, pliability, suggestibility. indecision, cowardice, timidity, daring.

How are the volitional qualities of a person formed and developed?

Before answering this question, let us reformulate it as follows: how does the will of a person as a whole develop and, along with it, his individual volitional qualities?

Observations of the behavior of children show that the first clear signs of the manifestation of volitional behavior in them can be found between the second and third years of life. This means that it is during this period that children already have a will, and they can demonstrate it. But the question remains unanswered. when the corresponding personality traits are just beginning to form in a child: after all, before the age of one they are definitely not there, but between two and three years they already exist and manifest themselves. It is not possible to answer this question unambiguously and convincingly, based on precisely established facts, due to the above-mentioned difficulties in the psychological study of will. However, it can be assumed that the beginning of the formation of will refers to the time when the child begins to take the first persistent actions aimed at overcoming obstacles, reinforced by adults watching the children. This usually happens between the first and second years of a child's life. Strictly speaking, these earliest in the time of their appearance actions of the child cannot yet be called completely volitional. They may represent a purely mechanical repetition by the child of some initially not entirely successful actions. However, they are also part of the volitional actions independently carried out by a person, since any such action, if it is not performed or performed unsuccessfully, a person must repeat. When the incentives for repeating unsuccessful actions become no longer external (encouragement or support from people around), but internal (the pleasure received from the fact that one was able to overcome the obstacles that arose and achieve the goal on one’s own), we are already dealing with a volitional action. A sign that the child is beginning to develop his own will and the associated pleasure appears in connection with successfully overcoming an obstacle is the child’s independent repetition of actions that were not entirely successful in achieving the goal. This behavior can be observed in some children starting around 6-8 months. For example, a baby is trying to reach an object or toy. He does not immediately succeed in this, but he persistently repeats the corresponding action until it leads to success, and after that he experiences obvious pleasure.

The first signs of volitional behavior observed in children, dating back to the second or third year of life, indicate that the children have formed the so-called primary volitional qualities. In this case we are talking, for example, about such qualities as perseverance and stubbornness, i.e. characterizing a relatively low level of human volitional development. We can probably talk about the beginning of the formation of secondary volitional personality traits only from the time when the child’s volitional behavior acquires reasonable and conscientious character. This usually occurs between 5 and 6 years of age or earlier, in preschool age. Many children at this time, in the types of activities available to them - games, and also, partly, in communication, study and work, begin to show persistence, determination, responsibility, i.e. actually secondary volitional qualities of the individual.

The human will actively continues to develop further during childhood. The teenage period is especially important in this regard, since for many teenagers willpower becomes one of the most valuable personality traits and almost all children of this age begin to purposefully and actively develop their will.

By the end of adolescence and the beginning of adolescence, the basic volitional qualities of a person can be considered formed. In practice this means the following:

• If by this age a person’s will has been developed, then he can independently manifest it in all matters that he undertakes:
• if a person lacks will, then after this age it is already difficult to fight this deficiency;
• Teenagers who have a will usually begin at this age to develop personally faster than teenagers who grew up weak-willed.

Beyond adolescence, i.e. after 25-30 years, the will, apparently, no longer develops in a person. If by this age a person has already become strong-willed, then he will most likely remain so. if by this age he turned out to be weak-willed, then, most likely, he will remain so in the future.

What has been said, however, does not mean that the will of a person after the specified age and as it psychological development(it undoubtedly continues) does not change at all. Those changes of a volitional nature that can occur, and sometimes actually occur, after 25-30 years, are manifested in the fact that a person’s volitional behavior becomes more and more reasonable, conscious and balanced. Before putting volitional effort into something, a person thinks, weighs his chances, decides for himself whether it is worth doing something that requires volitional effort from him or not, and if after much thought he comes to the conclusion that it is It’s worth doing, only then does it begin to show its will. In other words, the will of a person, as he develops psychologically, ceases to be a blind, unreasonable force and becomes a conscious aid to his reason.

Let us summarize: the practical side of consciousness is expressed in will as a synthetic characteristic of personality, its systemic property. One cannot but agree with those who believe that if there is a will, there is a person, if there is no will, there is no person, and as much will as there is a person.

The real nature of the will allows us to reveal the idea of ​​I.P. Pavlova about man as a system, the only "according to the highest self-regulation." This idea is realized in the idea of ​​the regulatory function of the psyche, revealed in many fundamental works of the founders of Soviet psychology. Its concretization was facilitated by many years of research by V.I. Selivanov and his colleagues, the concept of conscious self-regulation of activity, developed by O.A. Konopkin and others.

The available data make it possible to interpret will as a systemic quality in which the entire personality is expressed in an aspect that reveals the mechanisms of its independent, proactive activity. According to this criterion, all human actions can be considered as a successively more complex series from involuntary (impulsive) to voluntary and actually volitional actions. In voluntary actions it manifests itself, as I.M. puts it. Sechenov, a person’s ability to lead the challenge, cessation, strengthening or weakening of activity aimed at achieving consciously set goals. In other words, action according to instructions and self-instruction always takes place here.

Actually, volitional actions cannot be voluntary at the same time, since they, too, always represent actions according to self-instruction. However, their characteristics do not end there. Volitional actions (will as a generalized designation of something specific, differentiating for a person top level management of all his psychophysical data) assume the ability of the individual to subordinate the satisfaction of lower needs to higher, more significant, although less attractive from the point of view actor. The presence of will in this sense reliably indicates the predominance in a person of higher, socially conditioned needs and the corresponding higher (normative) feelings. At the heart of volitional behavior, driven by higher feelings, thus lie, internalized by the individual social norms. A person’s code of norms, which determines what line of behavior he will choose in a particular situation, is one of the most eloquent characteristics of a person, especially from the point of view of the degree to which he takes into account (or ignores) the rights, legitimate claims and aspirations of other people.

If "I" bodily stronger than the spirit in the intensity of its needs, and in a volitional conflict the body defeats the spirit, then the spirit shows its weakness through its illnesses. What does “body conquering spirit” mean? This means that a person is not able to realize his claims to an appropriate social position and well-being, since momentary bodily desires do not give him the opportunity to concentrate on achieving social goals.

Will as a manifestation of the conflict between spirit and body is only one form of struggle of motives within a person.

It should be noted that we observe the absence of conflict with the predominance of the bodily “I” where social and spiritual motives are less developed than bodily ones, such as, for example, in a biological leader or simply in an undeveloped personality.

The Eastern tradition forms the internal relationships of bodily, social and spiritual motives as a community only if all three types of “I” are harmoniously developed and have the experience of mutual enrichment. Ancient Eastern cultures long ago realized the importance of cosmic intelligence. Ideas about the cosmic nature of the mind, its function of self-improvement of religion oriental cultures- Buddhism and Hinduism - reflected in ideas about the Absolute and the unusually developed, diverse practice of physical, intellectual and spiritual self-improvement. What is the way of manifestation of will as a community of three basic motives of personality? This community corresponds to the formula: “If the consciousness says: “This is necessary,” the body responds: “I will do it with pleasure.”

The work of the mind is always a creative process, and it manifests itself only in a creative assessment of the situation, setting a goal, and finding ways to realize this goal. In other words, reason in human consciousness manifests itself only when it is necessary to resolve simple or complex problematic problems or situations. However great amount a person carries out mental actions with the help of so-called stereotypes, automatic installations etc. The mind does not participate in all these manifestations of mental activity. If you conduct an experiment in which you record manifestations of both creativity and automaticity during 24 hours in solving your everyday problems, with the goal of calculating how much of your waking time is occupied by intelligent activity and how much by automatic activity, then you will get the ratio of your intellectual potential and the stereotypes you have, i.e. coefficient of the degree of intelligence of your being.

Thus, will is an active continuation of the mind, consciousness.

In the life of an individual, the position he occupies plays a huge role. Active or passive?

Passive- the less the will, the stronger the involvement in the elements of the environment, the inability to go beyond its limits and from one’s own circle, the less the right of personal choice, the lower the energy level of the individual, his field, the weaker he is and the more dependent on external factors.

Active- this is a chance, and the higher the activity and will, the higher the gradations, the more energy, the greater the variability of choices and opportunities, the more corrective factors (limiting, checking and controlling).

When applying for a job, you can often encounter such a selection criterion as “stress resistance.” Its synonyms include the presence of self-control, the ability to show restraint in a tense situation. Why does a person need such qualities? In fact, problems and stressful situations arise not only in the work sphere, but also in other areas of life. And the art of self-control needs to be learned by everyone who wants to develop and live happily.

In simple words, the online magazine site calls it the ability to control one’s own experiences and emotions at the moment when pressure is applied to a person. This situation is often faced by people who have jobs that involve communicating with clients, as well as public figures. Criticism, dissatisfaction, anger - all this provokes people to start conflicts. And often a person needs to forget about what he can manifest, since it is not included in his list of work responsibilities.

If we take the sphere of interpersonal relationships, then the ability to withstand a stressful situation also plays a big role. For example, a man finds out about his wife’s infidelity, so to speak, catching everyone in the act. In order not to commit a criminal act, when you want to beat or even kill traitors, a man must pull himself together.

A person periodically encounters situations that instantly throw him off track. Emotions begin to boil over. However, quite often emotions prevent a person from making decisions that would help him solve a problem. Moreover, in order not to fall on his face, to show willpower and endurance, a person has to restrain his emotions, while others can show them and commit irreparable acts.

Emotions interfere with calm and constructive communication. This is why self-control is required, which in some areas and circles is considered important quality. What it is and how to develop it, we will consider further.

What is self-control?

Self-control is the ability of a person to remain calm in any difficult situation. In this way, self-control is developed, you are not born with it. Its development can be done at any age. Although most the easy way To become a stress-resistant person will be the cultivation of this quality from childhood.

Self-control is the ability to pull yourself together, as well as:

1. Control your own and others' emotions.
2. Make informed decisions.
3. React quickly and adequately assess the situation.
4. Stay calm and confident.
5. Maintain stability despite the pressure that is placed on the person.

Self-control can be compared to the strength of a tree that sways, but continues to stand in its place, despite the force of the wind that is exerted on it. The wind uproots weak trees and carries them wherever it is convenient for them. And strong, strong trees continue to stand in place, despite the fact that they are shaken very strongly.

A person, if he has self-control, can also hesitate, worry, experience inside negative emotions and impulses. However, he remembers at the most critical moment that he has a goal. And to achieve it, you need to take specific actions and solve problems, and not aggravate the situation.

It can be said that one of the ways to develop self-control is to set goals. Moreover, this goal should be very important and meaningful for a person. At the most difficult moment, a person is asked to remember what goal he is striving for. And this will allow him to moderate his ardor in order to pick up the right words and take exactly those actions that are needed in his situation.

Endurance and self-control

Although self-control and restraint are synonymous, they still have different meanings:

• Endurance is a person’s ability to insist on one’s own and overcome any external pressure.
• Self-control is a quality in which a person is able to restrain his emotions. stressful situation.

Both qualities develop in a person at any age, which also depends on the person’s desire to achieve his goal. Both qualities help an individual become successful person, because they allow him to manifest:

1. The ability to control your actions, that is, not to act impulsively. This means that a person commits those actions that will lead him to the desired result, and he will never be ashamed of them.
2. The ability to control your speech, which is modern world becomes one of the ways to achieve success. A person can convince, insist, persuade others who may be emotional.
3. Ability to remain calm. Moreover, with self-control, a person’s mood does not deteriorate just because someone yelled at him or called him names. He knows how to be cool-headed to temporary circumstances.
4. The ability to agree or refuse. A person decides for himself what he needs and what he should refuse. It is not the emotions of fear that dictate him to run away and refuse, it is not the feeling of guilt that prompts him to perform certain actions, but the person himself decides what to agree with and what to refuse.
5. The ability to be patient and resilient. It often takes a long time to achieve a goal. Often you have to do work that you don't like. All this does not cause moral labor for a person who understands why he “got into bondage” and is gradually moving towards it.
6. The ability to endure adversity and hardship. And without them, not a single process occurs. A person cannot avoid difficulties when he is deprived of something or encounters troubles.

Self-control depends on the intellectual development of a person who knows how to set priorities, remembers his desires, and also constantly trains his skills to restrain emotions when they interfere with achieving what he wants.

The Art of Self-Control

Why does a person need self-control? This art should be learned only because man is a social being who is constantly in contact with other people. Self-control is maintaining inner calm in a situation where a person is being pressured, attacked or insulted by other people. And such situations happen quite a lot in everyone’s life.

A successful person is one who is able not to react to the attacks of others, but to continue to feel calm and act in accordance with his desires. Quite often, those around you are in a bad mood, overly self-confident, consider others entitled, demand something, give unnecessary advice, limit personal freedom and interfere in a person’s personal affairs. In other words, those around you can be called “enemies” of your life, in which you are always in good mood, act the way you want, and live in accordance with your desires. People around you are constantly trying to tell you how to live and what to think.

If we take the sphere of work, then people working with clients are often faced with a misunderstanding of the essence of the company’s work, dissatisfaction with the quality of services or goods. Thus, self-control is remaining calm in a moment of conflict with another person. Here you can:

1. Listen to other people's opinions and find constructive solution, which requires endurance.
2. Insist on your own, without hearing someone else’s opinion, which does not require self-control. However, often in this case the conflict remains, continues for a long time and leaves each party to their own opinion.

Self-control is an art that is expressed in the following forms:

• Patience - calmly enduring all adversity and difficulties.
• Equanimity.
• Self-discipline.
• Calm is an inner feeling of peace.
• Abstinence is the ability to refuse harmful things.
• Perseverance is maintaining one’s position despite emerging obstacles and difficulties, temptations and weaknesses.

How to maintain composure?

To maintain composure, you need several factors that contribute to this:

1. Be rested. It is difficult for a person to maintain composure if he is tired, irritated or worried.
2. Be healthy. Often, diseases physically deplete the body, which is why a person also becomes psychologically weak.
3. Be able to let go of negativity. Negative emotions arise in a situation that forces a person to maintain self-control. If you cannot respond to the offender in such a way as to achieve the goal and throw out the negativity, then you need to find other ways to relieve negative emotions when the situation no longer exists.

To maintain self-control, a person needs to begin to focus on the situation that is happening to him, and not on the emotions that arise in him. Self-control is lost when a person concentrates on his own outrage. He then begins to behave in such a way that the interlocutor understands that he should not be communicated or treated that way. However, this tactic leads to the fact that the interlocutor also begins to stand his ground: “Don’t tell me how to communicate!”

Self-control is concentration on the problem. We push emotions aside, let them rage, and you concentrate on the motives of your opponent’s behavior, your goal that you want to achieve, the desires of both parties, ways to get out of the situation in such a way as to help yourself and not offend your opponent.

In other words, ask yourself in a stressful situation the question: “Why do I need this?”:

1. Why do you need to worry?
2. Why do you need to argue with a person?
3. What will your actions, whatever you decide to do, lead to?
4. Why would you waste time and energy arguing? Etc.

How to develop self-control?

Self-control needs to be developed; you are not born with it. And several exercises will help with this:

• Ignore external stimuli. Imagine that there is transparent glass between you and the outside world. You are not in danger. All noises, screams and indignation are very hard to hear. Through the glass nothing touches or touches you. Now it's up to you to decide what to pay attention to.
• Relax. When a quarrel or conflict develops, try to concentrate on calming down and relaxing. You're really not in any danger (unless a brick falls on you or you drown). This means that you should concentrate on your own calm while conflicts are occurring around you.
• Take your time before you react. Play the so-called idiot when you react late to the fact that threats, negative emotions, etc. are sent to you. You have been insulted, but you look at the person blankly, do not react. Allow yourself to think about how you should respond to what is said.

How to ultimately maintain composure?

In a stressful situation, remember that your actions will lead to certain results. What do you want to achieve in the end when you complete all the actions? Do what suits your desires. At the same time, accept your feelings that are raging within you. Accepting does not mean manifesting. Understand that you are angry, resentful, or hateful. There is nothing wrong. Allow your emotions to be present in order to maintain composure, which will facilitate taking the actions you need.