General characteristics of effective communication. Effective communication: principles, rules, skills, techniques

Communication is an integral part of our life. We communicate constantly, even when we are silent (through our gestures, movements, facial expressions).

Effective communication is more than just conveying information. For effective communication, it is important not only to be able to speak, but also to be able to listen, hear and understand what the interlocutor is saying. Everyone develops these abilities of effective communication independently, learning from the people who surround us (primarily parents). It is quite possible that the parental communication style adopted in childhood will not be effective.

We can highlight the most basic rules that help make communication with absolutely different people and in various areas of life more effective:

It must be remembered that for effective communication, contact must be established between the interlocutors.

You should not use long ornate phrases in a conversation, using only general words, because in this case there is a risk of being misunderstood. It is still important to speak specifically and to the point, so that the interlocutor can easily understand everything and understand exactly as it was intended.

Nonverbal communication is a very important component of effective communication. Only 7% of communication consists of words. This means that 93% of communication consists of facial expressions and gestures. Nonverbal communication is also used to show a response to what is being communicated to us.

After the conversation is over, you need to provide certain information, making sure that you were understood correctly.

You should not passively perceive the information of your interlocutor. During the conversation, it is recommended to make it clear through gestures, facial expressions and words that you are listening and hearing the interlocutor, you understand what he is reporting.

Empathy- understanding emotional state another person through empathy, penetration into his subjective world. Some level of empathy is professional required quality for all specialists whose work is directly related to people (officials, managers, salespeople, personnel managers, teachers, psychologists, psychotherapists, etc.).

Empathy is a basic technique in social work. But such a statement does not mean that this is a panacea for all ills. Empathy plays important role in ensuring effectiveness in social work, but it does not replace other professional skills necessary for a specialist. Most often, a specialist uses the empathy technique to achieve specific goals in order to:

Build the right relationship with the client. In interpersonal communication, empathy is a sign of civilized communication. Making an effort to be aware of the events around your interlocutor, to see them through his eyes, is a tribute to him. Therefore, in social work, empathy plays a big role in establishing a working relationship with a client.

Encourage the client to self-reflect. With the help of empathy, the specialist helps the client to delve deeper into his problem. The client will begin to act only when he is aware of his situation, his actions and feelings.

Check that the client's perception is correct. The specialist can be sure that he understood the client only when he shared his thoughts with the client and received an affirmative answer from him. Thus, empathy is a tool for controlling perceptions.

Provide customer support. In addition to the fact that empathy plays an important role in ensuring mutual understanding, it can also be effective means to maintain client morale. In progress social work It will never be superfluous to show the client that the specialist is trying to understand the client’s situation, as if standing in his place, to see the world through the eyes of the client.

Make communication easier. Empathy promotes dialogue and a spirit of cooperation in the process of providing assistance.

Attract attention. Empathy helps the client and specialist keep in focus the most important aspects of the communication process, including the main events, actions, feelings and emotions.

Discipline a specialist. Empathy helps a specialist avoid such ill-considered actions as unnecessary questions, untimely and useless advice. Empathy simultaneously makes the client react and thereby motivates him to action.

Strengthen the position of a specialist. Empathy helps pave the way for more rigorous forms of the social work process, such as challenging the client's perceptions and positions, defining goals, formulating strategies, and taking decisive action.

Introduction

“The ability to communicate with people is a commodity, and I will pay more for such a skill than for anything else in the world.”

(J. Rockefeller)

Man is a “social being”. This means that he lives among people and carries out his life activities (achieves goals, satisfies needs, works) only through interaction, communication - contact, indirect or imaginary.

In communication as a process of successive mutually oriented actions, reactions, and behavioral acts in time and space, information is exchanged and interpreted, mutual perception, mutual understanding, mutual assessment, empathy, the formation of likes or dislikes, the nature of relationships, beliefs, views, psychological impact, conflict resolution, implementation joint activities. Thus, each of us in our lives, interacting with other people, acquires practical skills and abilities in the field of communication.

Considering the process of human cognition of a person in communication, one of the founders of Soviet psychology, S.L. Rubinstein wrote: “In everyday life, when communicating with people, we are guided by their behavior, since we seem to “read” it, that is, we decipher the meaning of its external data and reveal the meaning of the resulting text in a context that has its own internal psychological plan. This “reading” occurs fluently, since in the process of communicating with those around us, a certain research is developed, a more or less automatically functioning subtext to their behavior.”

Effective communication is the only thing that can be truly important for all people living in a society. Not thinking about effective communication while you are communicating is like crossing the road in a busy place without looking both ways.

Effective Communication:

· promotes mutual understanding;

· directs the flow of information in the right direction;

Helps people overcome barriers to open discussion;

· stimulates interlocutors to take actions to achieve their goals;

· communicates information, encouraging employees to think differently and act more effectively.

This paper describes the most significant techniques and technologies for effective communication.

Effective Communication

Communication plays a huge role in the life of society. Without it, the process of education, formation, personality development, interpersonal contacts, as well as management, service, scientific work and other activities in all areas where the transmission, assimilation and exchange of information are necessary.

Communication plays an important role in a person’s mastery of cultural and universal human values, social experience. In the process of communication, this specific form of human interaction with other people, there is a mutual exchange of ideas, ideas, interests, moods, attitudes, etc.

Increasing the importance of communication in modern world requires communication skills. This means that communication needs to be taught, communication needs to be learned, which presupposes the need for deep knowledge of this phenomenon, its patterns and characteristics that manifest themselves in people’s activities.

It is proposed to base the theory of speech culture as a special linguistic discipline on the following definition of this discipline. Speech culture is such a set and such an organization of linguistic means that, in a certain communication situation, while observing modern language norms and communication ethics, make it possible to ensure the greatest effect in achieving the set communicative tasks.

The effectiveness of communication is the “final product”, the creation of which should be facilitated by the theory of speech culture in its practical application. By effective communication we mean the best way achieving the set communication goals. The communicative goals of communication are closely related to the basic functions of language.

Effective communication technologies are those methods, techniques and means of communication that fully ensure mutual understanding and mutual empathy (empathy is the ability to put oneself in the place of another person (or object), the ability to empathize) of communication partners.

Communication itself, as a complex socio-psychological process, is characterized by three main content aspects: communicative, interactive and perceptual. Each of them has relative independence and provides certain goals for the subjects of communication:

The communicative aspect reflects the desire of communication partners to exchange information;

The interactive aspect is manifested in the need for them to comply established standards communication, as well as in their desire to actively influence each other in a certain direction;

The perceptual aspect expresses the need of the subjects of communication for mutual empathy, sympathy, and compassion.

A special place in the content of technologies for effective communication in conflict is occupied by the goals of the conflict participants. First of all, this is due to a significant contradiction in the very process of such communication. On the one hand, rivals especially need to understand each other correctly. On the other hand, such mutual understanding is hampered by the lack of proper trust between them, their “closedness” towards each other, due to conscious or unconscious self-defense in a conflict. Therefore, to ensure constructive communication in a conflict, it is desirable (if possible) to create an atmosphere of mutual trust in this process and to form a goal for cooperation.

The main content of effective communication technologies ultimately comes down to compliance certain rules and communication standards.

Basic rules for effective communication:

· Concentrate on the speaker and his message.

· Check whether you correctly understood both the general content of the received information and its details.

· Communicate the meaning to the other party in paraphrased form. received information.

· While receiving information, do not interrupt the speaker, do not give advice, do not criticize, do not summarize, and do not be distracted by preparing an answer. This can be done after receiving information and clarifying it.

· Make sure you are heard and understood. Follow the sequence of information delivery. Without making sure that the information received by your partner is accurate, do not proceed to new messages.

· Maintain an atmosphere of trust, mutual respect, and show empathy for your interlocutor.

· Use non-verbal means communication: frequent eye contact; nodding the head as a sign of understanding and other techniques conducive to constructive dialogue.

To communicate effectively, you need to know some techniques, because... many of them operate at the subconscious level.

A few tips for effective communication:

- "Rule of three twenty":

· 20 sec. you are being evaluated.

· 20 sec. how and what you started saying.

· 20 cm of smile and charm.

6 rules of Gleb Zheglov:

· Show sincere interest in the interlocutor.

· Smile.

· Remember the person’s name and remember to repeat it in conversation from time to time.

· Be able to listen.

· Conduct a conversation in the circle of interests of your interlocutor.

· Treat him with respect.

How to increase the usefulness of a contact:

· Be observant;

· Make a compliment;

· Talk about your interlocutor’s problems.

Rules for effective communication according to Black:

· Always insist on the truth.

· Construct messages simply and clearly.

· Do not embellish, do not overcharge.

· Remember that 1/2 of the audience are women.

· Make communication exciting, avoid boredom and routine.

· Control the form of communication, avoid extravagance.

· Take the time to find out the general opinion.

· Remember the need for continuous communication and finding out common opinion.

· Try to be convincing at every stage of communication.

As a result you will get:

· Formal contact develops into normal contact human communication.

· You will win over your interlocutor.

· You will increase your self-esteem.

Let's look at some of the effective communication techniques and the importance of using them in more detail.

First impression (first 20 seconds)

The first impression of a person depends 38% on the sound of the voice, 55% on visual sensations (body language) and only 7% on the verbal component. Of course, the first impression is not always the final verdict, but it is important that from the very beginning communication is built on its basis. Therefore, it is important to be able to produce good impression on others.

To safely get through the “minefield” of the first 20 seconds, you need to use the “Rule of Three Pluses.”

Experts have noticed: in order to win over your interlocutor from the very beginning of an acquaintance or conversation, you need to give him at least three psychological “pluses”, in other words, give pleasant “gifts” to his Child three times (The same applies to the end of a conversation or meeting).

There are, of course, many possible “pluses”, but the most universal of them are: a compliment, a smile, the name of the interlocutor and raising his importance.

Compliment

At first glance, a compliment is the simplest thing in communication. But to do it masterfully - highest art.

There are three types of compliments:

1. Indirect compliment. We praise not the person himself, but what is dear to him: a hunter - a gun, a “mad” on dogs - his pet, a parent - a child, etc. It is enough, when you go to a female boss’s office, to casually notice how tastefully the furnishings are chosen and how comfortable you feel here, in order to earn some favor with yourself.

2. Compliment “minus-plus”. We first give the interlocutor a small “minus”. For example, “Perhaps I cannot say that you good worker...You are an indispensable specialist for us!” After the “minus”, a person is lost and is ready to be indignant, and then, in contrast, something very flattering is said to him. The psychological state is reminiscent of the feelings of a person balancing on the edge of an abyss: first - horror from the thought of death, and then - indescribable joy: “Alive!” Psychologists consider such a compliment to be the most emotional and memorable, but, like everything powerful, it is risky. If the “minus” turns out to be stronger than the “plus”, the consequences could be disastrous for us.

3. The person is compared to something most precious to the person giving the compliment. “I would like to have a son as responsible as you!” This compliment is the subtlest and most pleasant for the interlocutor. But the scope of its application is limited:

· In order not to look artificial, it is necessary to have close and trusting relationships between the interlocutors.

· The partner must know how important for us is what we are comparing with.

The hardest thing about a compliment is to respond to it appropriately. This cannot be done right away, otherwise the person, even if he is not offended, will not want to compliment us another time. General scheme may be as follows: “It’s thanks to you!” All art consists in the ability to vary it gracefully. In other words, it is necessary to return the psychological “plus” to the person who gave it to us. At the same time, it is important to praise the interlocutor for his positive traits, and not because he was so good: he praised us, noticed the good in us.

A smile is an expression good attitude towards the interlocutor, a psychological “plus”, the answer to which is the interlocutor’s disposition towards us. A sincere, friendly smile cannot spoil a single face, and the vast majority of them make them more attractive.

It is advisable to accustom yourself to having a warm, friendly smile, or at least a readiness for it, become the usual expression on your face. This is exactly what your smile should be – open and sincere.

Remember the name of the interlocutor

The very sound of a name has a great impact on a person. During conflicts, wanting to relieve their severity, people subconsciously begin to use the names of their interlocutors more often. Often we need not so much to insist on our own, but to see that people are listening to us, and to hear our name at the same time. Often a name is the decisive straw for things to turn out in our favor. A manager who wants to make a good impression can use the following technique: keep a notebook and write down the names of all his business partners and subordinates and sometimes look at it so that he can address him by name when meeting. It leaves a lasting impression on people that a person much higher in the ranks remembers them by name.

A person's name is the most important sound for him in any language.

Raising the importance of the interlocutor

We all want to feel significant, so that at least something depends on us.

The need to feel important is one of the most natural and characteristic human weaknesses, characteristic of these people to one degree or another. And sometimes it is enough to give a person the opportunity to realize his own significance so that he will happily agree to do what we ask.

Any employee wants others to value his work, recognize his employment, usefulness and indispensability. Therefore, it never hurts us, turning to him, to apologize for the “disturbance caused,” although fulfilling our request is included in the scope of his “official duties.”

Of course, there are thousands of means of raising the importance of an interlocutor; everyone chooses the most suitable one for a given situation. But there is also universal means which can truly be called magic words.

For example, the phrase “I would like to consult with you!” People read them like this: “They want to consult with me. I am needed! I am significant! Well, why not help this person? Of course, this phrase is a general formula; the whole art lies in the ability to vary it, to look for the most appropriate words for the situation.

The main thing is to sincerely ask the person for one or another help.

Raising the importance of the interlocutor can become universal key to his soul only if it is done sincerely.

Listening skills

Rule 1: “The best conversationalist is not the one who knows how to speak well, but the one who knows how to listen well.”

Rule 2: “People tend to listen to others only after they have listened to them.”

So, if we want to be listened to, we must first listen to the other person.

There are special techniques for understanding listening that everyone can learn:

unreflective listening.

Non-reflective listening is listening without analysis (reflection), giving the interlocutor the opportunity to speak out. It consists of the ability to be silent attentively. All you need to do is maintain the flow of your interlocutor’s speech, trying to get him to speak out completely.

· clarification

Clarification is an appeal to the speaker for some clarification. The essence of this technique is that the listener, when a misunderstanding arises, a phrase is unclear, or a word is ambiguous, asks “clarifying” questions. This technique allows you to eliminate misunderstanding, as they say, “in the bud.” Clarification is useful in cases where we need to accurately understand the position of the interlocutor, when the slightest inaccuracy can lead to negative consequences; when a person speaks confusedly, does not necessary explanations, jumps from one to another, because clarification helps in this case to understand the essence of the story. Clarification also helps the speaker. “Clarifying” questions show the speaker that he is being listened to (which naturally gives confidence), and after the necessary explanations, he can be sure that he is understood.

· paraphrasing

To paraphrase means to say the same idea, but slightly differently. This technique helps us make sure how accurately we have “deciphered” the interlocutor’s words, and move on with the confidence that everything has still been understood correctly. Paraphrasing is an almost universal technique. It can also be used in business conversation, and in personal communication.

· summary

Summarizing is summing up the results. The essence of this listening technique is that we summarize the main thoughts of the interlocutor in our own words. A summary phrase is the speech of the interlocutor in a “collapsed” form, its main idea. Summarizing is fundamentally different from paraphrasing, the essence of which is to repeat every thought of the interlocutor, but in our own words, which shows him our attentiveness and understanding. When summarizing, from the whole part of the conversation, only the main idea.

· reflection of feelings

Reflection of feelings is the desire to show the interlocutor that we understand his feelings. How pleasant it can be to talk with a sensitive interlocutor who shares our emotions and experiences, not paying attention to the content of the speech, the essence of which sometimes has no special significance and for ourselves.

Understanding Nonverbal Messages

Nonverbal communication is a non-verbal form of communication that includes gestures, facial expressions, postures, visual contact, timbre of voice, touch and conveys figurative and emotional content. Nonverbal communication is a type of communication without the use of words.

Observations have shown that in communication processes 60%-95% of information is transmitted through non-verbal communication.

Friendly Eyes: Even when you're just making casual conversation, someone who's close to you will often look at you, especially when you're talking. Psychologists use the expression “eating with your eyes” to denote this - it means looking continuously at another person, especially in his face, but not always making eye contact.

It is worth considering that, for example, women not only tend to “eat with the eyes” of their interlocutor more, but also have a more positive attitude towards the fact that they are looked at a lot. Men in general are relatively less likely to allow themselves to be looked at frequently, even as a sign of warmth and friendship.

Warm intonations: we always monitor the timbre and intonation of the voice as a means of expressing the emotional content of the words we hear, and in a conversation we can distinguish them from the meaning of the words themselves. Your voice is better at expressing positive than negative emotions, and you've probably found out that someone likes you based on intonation alone. By the way, scientists say that this is the easiest way to determine whether they are trying to mislead you or whether they are speaking directly and frankly.

Warmth of touch. Touching another person in a non-sexual way, say on the arm or shoulder, is a powerful means of conveying warmth and affection. When there is no reason that it will be perceived negatively, do not be shy about touching if it comes naturally to you. Those who know how to touch their interlocutor in conversation are usually perceived as sweet and attractive, but you need to be very attentive to the possible reaction of the other person.

Mirror reflection(positional echo) is another sign by which we can confidently say that two people get along well with each other. Having observed how people stand, sit, and move, you can notice their tendency to imitate each other so much that it seems as if they are one person reflected in the mirror. This process occurs at the subconscious level; it is based on a non-verbal message: “Look, I’m just like you.” By unobtrusively copying some of a person’s gestures, it is easier to win him over, calm him down and relax him.

Gestures and postures: it is very important for a person to properly control his body and convey, with the help of facial expressions and gestures, exactly the information that is required in a given situation. Posture during a conversation means a lot: interest in the conversation, subordination, desire for joint activities, etc.

Table 1. The meaning of some gestures and postures

No.	Gestures, postures	Interlocutor's state
1	Open hands palms up	Sincerity, openness
2	Jacket unbuttoned (or removed)	Openness, friendly disposition
3	Hands hidden (behind back, in pockets)	Feeling guilty or stressed about the situation
4	Arms crossed on chest	Defense, defense
5	Fists clenched (or fingers grasping an object)	Defense, defense
6	Hands are relaxed	Calm
7	A man sits on the edge of a chair, leaning forward, head slightly tilted and resting on his hand	Interest
8	Head tilted slightly to one side	Careful Listening
9	A person rests his chin on his palm, his index finger along his cheek, the rest of his fingers below his mouth	Critical Assessment
10	Scratching the chin (often accompanied by slight squinting of the eyes)	Thinking about a decision
11	Palm grips chin	Thinking about a decision
12	A man slowly takes off his glasses, carefully wipes the glasses	The desire to gain time, preparation for decisive resistance
13	A man walks around the room	Contemplating a Difficult Decision
14	Pinching the bridge of the nose	Tension resistance
15	A man covers his mouth with his hand while speaking	Deception
16	Man covers his mouth with his hand while listening	Doubt, distrust of the speaker
17	The person tries not to look at you	Secrecy, hiding one's position
18	Looking away from you	Suspicion, doubt
19	The speaker lightly touches his nose or eyelid (usually index finger)	Deception
20	Listeners lightly touch their eyelid, nose or ear	Distrust of the speaker
21	When shaking hands, a person holds his hand on top	Excellence, confidence
22	When shaking hands, a person holds his hand from below	Subordination
23	The owner of the office begins to collect papers on the table	The conversation is over
24	The person's legs or entire body are facing the exit	Desire to leave
25	The man's hand is in his pocket, his thumb is outside	Excellence, confidence
26	The speaker gestures with a clenched fist	Show of power, threat
27	The jacket is buttoned up	Formality, emphasizing distance
28	Man sitting astride a chair	Aggressive state
29	Pupils dilated	Interest or excitement
30	Pupils constricted	Stealth, hiding a position

In many cases, body language can be called the language of friendship. However, there are situations in our lives when people’s gestures begin to mean the exact opposite. But many of us are not brave enough to say directly to another person's face that we are not happy to meet and want to be left alone. Therefore, it is worth learning to recognize negative signals.

What do we mean by the word “effective communication”? Effective communication is more than just conveying information. In order for communication to be effective, it is important not only to be able to speak, but also to be able to listen, hear and understand what the interlocutor is saying. Unfortunately, no one probably taught us the art of communication. Yes, of course, they explained to us how to write and read, but they did not teach us how to listen and speak. Everyone develops these abilities independently, learning from the people who surround us (primarily parents). It is quite possible that you adopted the communication style of your parents as a child, but this manner or form of communication may not always be effective.

So how can you improve your communication with others?

In order for communication to be effective, contact must be established between us and our interlocutor. During communication, each of us wants to be heard and understood, for this reason, during the conversation, show respect for the point of view of the speaker. For effective communication, it is also recommended to speak at the same pace and volume, and using a similar position (standing or sitting) as your interlocutor. Remember that people love to be imitated.

Non-verbal communication

Nonverbal communication is a very important component of communication. Only a small part of communication consists of actual words. This means that communication mainly consists of facial expressions and gestures. We also use nonverbal communication to show our response to what is being communicated to us.

Make sure you are understood correctly

After you have finished the conversation and provided certain information, be sure to make sure that you were understood correctly. To do this, just ask a few questions like “Do you understand what I actually wanted to say?” or a similar question.

React to information from your interlocutor

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What's happened effective communication? In short, effective communication is the ability to listen actively (that is, understand what the other person has to say) and speak assertively (that is, speak confidently, persuasively, in a friendly and direct manner). Effective Communication Skills every person needs: People who know how to communicate achieve success both in their careers and in personal life. Find out, how to learn to communicate with people

Communication has two sides: relationships with yourself and relationships with other people.

The most important relationship in a person's life is the relationship with himself. How you treat yourself determines how you communicate with others. Treat yourself with respect and love, and you will be perceived as a positive person.

The main cause of problems between people is the inability to communicate, the inability to achieve mutual understanding. Neither in school nor in college are we taught how to communicate effectively. Most people behave in communication either aggressively, passively unconvincing, or assertively (persuasively).

Effective communication: the main causes of problems between people

Inability to actively listen to the interlocutor.
Quickly conclusions. We often think that we already know what the other person is going to say. We can interrupt the interlocutor, finish his sentence for him, stop listening carefully. All this negatively affects the effectiveness of interaction with people.
Nonverbal signs. Research shows that words make up only 7% of communication, the rest is non-verbal communication (facial expressions, gestures, tone of voice, etc.) So, if your nonverbal cues disagree with your words, people will pay attention to how you express yourself nonverbally.
Bias. If you have a negative attitude towards the conversation or the interlocutor in advance, then most likely you will not be able to achieve mutual understanding. It is always better to set yourself up for a successful interaction.
Incorrect use of questions. Some people think that by asking a lot of questions they communicate effectively. It is not always so. You need to ask the right questions at the right time. It is better to ask questions that require a detailed answer (what, when, where, who, why, how), rather than short yes or no answers.

Important rules for achieving mutual understanding

Structure your thoughts, ideas in your head before sharing them with others. If you express your thoughts chaotically, it will be difficult for your interlocutors to follow what you are trying to convey to them.
Effective communication is about collaboration, not competition. Communication is like a dance, where partners coordinate their steps to create a beautiful dance. Communication is a two-way process that involves the exchange of ideas. If you try to make communication one-way, it will not lead to anything good.
assumes that all parties involved express their attitude to what is being said (not remain silent), constructively criticizing if necessary and accepting such criticism without offense.

The communication process can be assessed according to several criteria, primarily the effectiveness of communication and the degree to which the need to express one’s feelings is satisfied.

A measure of communication effectiveness is the coincidence of what one of the partners wanted to convey to the other with what the other understood. To understand someone correctly is to feel what he “meant,” to decipher what he “wanted to say.” Such mutual understanding depends on both partners in communication.

In everyday life, the level of mutual understanding is not very high. People not only misinterpret the statements they hear, but also often attribute intentions to their interlocutors that they did not have.

The reasons for misunderstandings are very diverse; often we do not say what we really think about and what we really want. Often people formulate their thoughts in such a way that they can refuse them. Another form of inadequate communication of thoughts and feelings is the inconsistency or contradictory nature of messages.

Especially often our thoughts and feelings contradict what we say through various rituals and conventions. Guided by the norms accepted in a certain environment or group, people say only what they think they should say, and not what they would actually like to say to others.

When receiving and decoding information, there are also possible distortions: people may be doing other things and not hear their partner; one's own need to speak out may be stronger than the need to listen to another; adequate perception of information is often hampered by attitudes and expectations; Often people listen to others with the primary goal of evaluating them; The subtext of a statement and the like often remains unclear.

The main source of misunderstandings in communication is the lack of mutual trust between partners, which leads to a limitation in the quantity and quality of information that is transmitted.

For successful communication According to psychologists, three factors matter:

Speaker reliability;

The clarity of his messages;

Taking into account feedback regarding how correctly it was understood.

The reliability of a communication partner is increased by such actions.

Open demonstration of your intentions;

Displaying a warm and friendly attitude;

Demonstration of your competence in the issue under discussion;

The ability to convincingly express an idea and take responsibility for it is achieved by formulating phrases in the first person.

Many unwritten but rigid rules of everyday life force us to refrain from using feedback and not showing our partner how we perceived his words and what consequences they caused. We are embarrassed to show our real feelings, we put on an “impenetrable mask”, observing forms of polite behavior, deliberately hiding from our partner what reaction his behavior causes, or how we perceive him. If someone decides to talk about it, it is most often in the form of praise or blame, assessments or instructions, good advice or complaints.

Without reliable information about how we are perceived, we ourselves form some ideas about our image in the eyes of other people. These ideas, as a rule, do not coincide with reality and reflect what we previously learned about others in some situations. Interpersonal communication with feedback, adequate expression of one’s feelings helps to increase the effectiveness of communication.

Depth and sincerity in relationships between people who are bound by friendship, love or collegiality, depend largely on the extent to which they can show their feelings in the presence of each other.

Expression of feelings in communication can be either indirect or direct.

Indirect means of detecting feelings are rhetorical questions, orders and prohibitions, quarrels and curses, reprimands and complaints, irony and sarcasm, praise and blame, attribution to others imaginary qualities.

The most common means of influencing others is positive and negative assessments addressed to them. And although most value judgments are actually used for the purpose of identifying feelings, they do not have a clear indication of the feelings of the speaker. Often using these forms of emotional expression, we finally cease to clearly understand what we really feel, since in our assessments we concentrate mainly on the characteristics of the people who evoke these feelings in us.

Direct forms of manifestation of feelings allow us to speak openly about our experiences, to understand what people feel when communicating. Examples of such forms are names own feelings, the use of comparisons, descriptions of one’s physical state, determination of possible actions that relate to these feelings.

The ability to communicate with people can be likened to an art rather than a technology. This means that everyone can and should find their own style of communication, which would suit both their personality, as well as the characteristics of the people who surround them.

Effective Communication

Communication plays a huge role in the life of society. Without it, the process of education, formation, personality development, interpersonal contacts, as well as management, service, scientific work and other activities in all areas where the transfer, assimilation and exchange of information are necessary are unthinkable.

Communication plays an important role in a person’s mastery of cultural and universal values and social experience. In the process of communication, this specific form of human interaction with other people, there is a mutual exchange of ideas, ideas, interests, moods, attitudes, etc.

Increasing the importance of communication in the modern world requires the ability to communicate. This means that communication needs to be taught, communication needs to be learned, which presupposes the need for deep knowledge of this phenomenon, its patterns and characteristics that manifest themselves in people’s activities.

The effectiveness of communication is the “final product”, the creation of which should be facilitated by the theory of speech culture in its practical application. By effective communication we understand the optimal way to achieve set communication goals. The communicative goals of communication are closely related to the basic functions of language.

The communicative aspect reflects the desire of communication partners to exchange information;

The interactive aspect is manifested in the need for them to comply with established norms of communication, as well as in their desire to actively influence each other in a certain direction;

The perceptual aspect expresses the need of the subjects of communication for mutual empathy, sympathy, and compassion.

The main content of effective communication technologies ultimately comes down to compliance with certain rules and norms of communication.

Basic rules for effective communication:

Concentrate on the speaker and his message.

Check whether you correctly understood both the general content of the received information and its details.

Tell the other party in paraphrased form the meaning of the information received.

While receiving information, do not interrupt the speaker, do not give advice, do not criticize, do not summarize, and do not be distracted by preparing an answer. This can be done after receiving information and clarifying it.

Make sure you are heard and understood. Follow the sequence of information delivery. Without making sure that the information received by your partner is accurate, do not proceed to new messages.

Maintain an atmosphere of trust, mutual respect, and show empathy for your interlocutor.

Use non-verbal means of communication: frequent eye contact; nodding the head as a sign of understanding and other techniques conducive to constructive dialogue.

To communicate effectively, you need to know some techniques, because... many of them operate at the subconscious level.

A few tips for effective communication:

- "Rule of three twenty":

20 sec. you are being evaluated.

20 sec. how and what you started saying.

20 cm of smile and charm.

6 rules of Gleb Zheglov:

Show sincere interest in the interlocutor.

Smile.

Remember the person’s name and don’t forget to repeat it in conversation from time to time.

Be able to listen.

Conduct a conversation in the circle of interests of your interlocutor.

Treat him with respect.

How to increase the usefulness of a contact:

Be observant;

Make a compliment;

Talk about your interlocutor's problems.

Rules for effective communication according to Black:

Always insist on the truth.

Building messages is simple and clear.

Don't embellish, don't overcharge.

Remember that 1/2 of the audience are women.

Make communication fun and avoid boredom and routine.

Control the form of communication and avoid extravagance.

Take the time to find out the general opinion.

Remember the need for continuous communication and finding out common opinion.

Try to be convincing at every stage of communication.

As a result you will get:

Formal contact develops into normal human communication.

You will win over your interlocutor.

You will increase your self-esteem.

Let's look at some of the effective communication techniques and the importance of using them in more detail.

First impression (first 20 seconds)

To safely get through the “minefield” of the first 20 seconds, you need to use the “Rule of Three Pluses.”

There are, of course, many possible “pluses”, but the most universal of them are: a compliment, a smile, the name of the interlocutor and raising his importance.

Compliment

At first glance, a compliment is the simplest thing in communication. But to do it masterfully is the highest art.

There are three types of compliments:

2. Compliment “minus-plus”. We first give the interlocutor a small “minus”. For example, “Perhaps I cannot say that you are a good worker... You are an indispensable specialist for us!” After the “minus”, a person is lost and is ready to be indignant, and then, in contrast, something very flattering is said to him. The psychological state is reminiscent of the feelings of a person balancing on the edge of an abyss: first - horror from the thought of death, and then - indescribable joy: “Alive!” Psychologists consider such a compliment to be the most emotional and memorable, but, like everything powerful, it is risky. If the “minus” turns out to be stronger than the “plus”, the consequences could be disastrous for us.

In order not to look artificial, it is necessary to have close and trusting relationships between the interlocutors.

A partner should know how important to us is what we are comparing with.

The hardest thing about a compliment is to respond to it appropriately. This cannot be done right away, otherwise the person, even if he is not offended, will not want to compliment us another time. The general scheme may be as follows: “It’s thanks to you!” All art consists in the ability to vary it gracefully. In other words, it is necessary to return the psychological “plus” to the person who gave it to us. At the same time, it is important to praise the interlocutor for his positive qualities, and not because he is so good: he praised us, noticed the good in us.

A smile is an expression of a good attitude towards the interlocutor, a psychological “plus”, the answer to which is the interlocutor’s disposition towards us. A sincere, friendly smile cannot spoil a single face, and the vast majority of them make them more attractive.

Remember the name of the interlocutor

A person's name is the most important sound for him in any language.

Raising the importance of the interlocutor

We all want to feel significant, so that at least something depends on us.

Of course, there are thousands of means of raising the importance of an interlocutor; everyone chooses the most suitable one for a given situation. But there are also universal remedies that can be called truly magical words.

The main thing is to sincerely ask the person for one or another help.

Raising the importance of your interlocutor can become a universal key to his soul only if this is done sincerely.

Listening skills

Rule 1: “The best conversationalist is not the one who knows how to speak well, but the one who knows how to listen well.”

Rule 2: “People tend to listen to others only after they have listened to them.”

So, if we want to be listened to, we must first listen to the other person.

There are special techniques for understanding listening that everyone can learn:

unreflective listening.

clarification

Clarification is an appeal to the speaker for some clarification. The essence of this technique is that the listener, when a misunderstanding arises, a phrase is unclear, or a word is ambiguous, asks “clarifying” questions. This technique allows you to eliminate misunderstanding, as they say, “in the bud.” Clarification is useful in cases where we need to accurately understand the position of the interlocutor, when the slightest inaccuracy can lead to negative consequences; when a person speaks confusingly, does not make the necessary explanations, jumps from one thing to another, because clarification helps in this case to understand the essence of the story. Clarification also helps the speaker. “Clarifying” questions show the speaker that he is being listened to (which naturally gives confidence), and after the necessary explanations, he can be sure that he is understood.

paraphrasing

To paraphrase means to say the same idea, but slightly differently. This technique helps us make sure how accurately we have “deciphered” the interlocutor’s words, and move on with the confidence that everything has still been understood correctly. Paraphrasing is an almost universal technique. It can be used both in business conversation and in personal communication.

summarizing

Summarizing is summing up the results. The essence of this listening technique is that we summarize the main thoughts of the interlocutor in our own words. A summary phrase is the interlocutor’s speech in a “collapsed” form, its main idea. Summarizing is fundamentally different from paraphrasing, the essence of which is to repeat every thought of the interlocutor, but in our own words, which shows him our attentiveness and understanding. When summarizing, only the main idea stands out from an entire part of the conversation.

reflection of feelings

Understanding Nonverbal Messages

Observations have shown that in communication processes 60%-95% of information is transmitted through non-verbal communication.

Mirror reflection (positional echo) is another sign by which we can confidently say that two people get along well with each other. Having observed how people stand, sit, and move, you can notice their tendency to imitate each other so much that it seems as if they are one person reflected in the mirror. This process occurs at the subconscious level; it is based on a non-verbal message: “Look, I’m just like you.” By unobtrusively copying some of a person’s gestures, it is easier to win him over, calm him down and relax him.

Table 1. The meaning of some gestures and postures

	Gestures, postures	Interlocutor's state
	Open hands, palms up	Sincerity, openness
	Jacket unbuttoned (or removed)	Openness, friendly disposition
	Hands hidden (behind back, in pockets)	Feeling guilty or stressed about the situation
	Arms crossed on chest	Defense, defense
	Fists clenched (or fingers grasping an object)	Defense, defense
	Hands are relaxed	Calm
	A man sits on the edge of a chair, leaning forward, head slightly tilted and resting on his hand	Interest
	Head tilted slightly to one side	Careful Listening
	A person rests his chin on his palm, his index finger along his cheek, the rest of his fingers below his mouth	Critical Assessment
	Scratching the chin (often accompanied by slight squinting of the eyes)	Thinking about a decision
	Palm grips chin	Thinking about a decision
	A man slowly takes off his glasses, carefully wipes the glasses	The desire to gain time, preparation for decisive resistance
	A man walks around the room	Contemplating a Difficult Decision
	Pinching the bridge of the nose	Tension resistance
	A man covers his mouth with his hand while speaking
	Man covers his mouth with his hand while listening	Doubt, distrust of the speaker
	The person tries not to look at you	Secrecy, hiding one's position
	Looking away from you	Suspicion, doubt
	The speaker lightly touches the nose or eyelid (usually with the index finger)
	Listeners lightly touch their eyelid, nose or ear	Distrust of the speaker
	When shaking hands, a person holds his hand on top	Excellence, confidence
	When shaking hands, a person holds his hand from below	Subordination
	The owner of the office begins to collect papers on the table	The conversation is over
	The person's legs or entire body are facing the exit	Desire to leave
	The man's hand is in his pocket, his thumb is outside	Excellence, confidence
	The speaker gestures with a clenched fist	Show of power, threat
	The jacket is buttoned up	Formality, emphasizing distance
	Man sitting astride a chair	Aggressive state
	Pupils dilated	Interest or excitement
	Pupils constricted	Stealth, hiding a position

Conclusion

So how can you improve your communication with others?

Non-verbal communication

Make sure you are understood correctly

React to information from your interlocutor

General characteristics of effective communication. Effective communication: principles, rules, skills, techniques

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