Comic alcoholic horoscope for the holiday. Congratulations according to zodiac signs

Leading:

Dear guests, today an astronomer and predictor came to us, who made a forecast for the next year, intended for our hero of the day, based on the stars.

Details, attributes: a white robe, a folder of books under the arm, a telescope in hand and a poster-congratulation-prediction for the coming year for the hero of the day. The prediction and poster are printed, and you don’t have to memorize the text, but simply read it from the sheet.
Astronomer:

Hello dear guests and our unrivaled hero of the day.
In the previous month, I worked on (NAME's) horoscope.
I was inspired by the location of the nearby planets Mars and Venus, and the unusual cycle of our sun.
After carefully determining the degrees between the Moon and other planets solar system, according to the existing pattern, spiral cyclicity, an accurate and individual prediction has been made for our (NAME).

A busy work schedule will bring a little discord in family relationships. Virgos' behavior has not satisfied their partners for some time. Virgos are used to controlling their loved ones, constantly teaching and being jealous. On this basis, relationships will cool, which can lead to separation....

This cheerful one comic horoscope for today, according to the zodiac signs, you can use it every day. Open this page every morning and good mood for the whole day guaranteed in full!

And for everyone who believes in happiness, we recommend reading our happy eastern horoscope by year of birth with recommendations from astrologers and poets. All our serious and cheerful horoscopes were written specifically for the “Favorite Holiday” website. Share them with friends, put links, but respect our authors - do not reprint our horoscopes. Thank you.

Cool, fun horoscope for today for Aries

Be active and decisive.

First, try doing some exercise.

So that your work does not go in vain, remember: if people are valued by their work, then a horse is better than any person.

Cool, fun horoscope for today for Taurus

Be careful. Before you do anything, think it through.

Measure seven times and only then cut eight times.

The seventy-first time you will succeed.

The stars do not advise kissing your secretary in the presence of your wife.

DID YOU LIKE THE HOROSCOPE? DO YOU WANT A GOOD MOOD EVERY DAY?! PUT ON YOUR PAGE ON SOCIAL NETWORKS!

Cool, fun horoscope for today for Gemini

New things await you.

Remember: even the stupidest idea can be executed masterfully.

And don't be afraid to do what you don't know how to do.

After all, the ark was built by amateurs. Professionals built the Titanic.

DID YOU LIKE THE HOROSCOPE? DO YOU WANT A GOOD MOOD EVERY DAY?! PUT ON YOUR PAGE ON SOCIAL NETWORKS!

Cool, fun horoscope for today for Cancer

Life is good... hic... Repeat this, spreading red caviar on the bread in a thick layer. Or black.

But don’t rush to pour vodka.

Remember: alcohol is a time machine.

I drank and it's tomorrow.

DID YOU LIKE THE HOROSCOPE? DO YOU WANT A GOOD MOOD EVERY DAY?! PUT ON YOUR PAGE ON SOCIAL NETWORKS!

Cool, fun horoscope for today for Leo

Talk less, listen more.

It’s better to remain silent and grunt with pleasure.

Your income will be higher than your expenses. Because there will be no expenses at all.

Get a piggy bank and grunt together.

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Cool, non-boring horoscope for today for Virgo

You will be thrown from one extreme to another.

First, the boss will call you on the carpet and scream like a pack of crocodiles.

In five minutes, he will offer you the position that you have been seeking for a long time.

Agree!

DID YOU LIKE THE HOROSCOPE? DO YOU WANT A GOOD MOOD EVERY DAY?! PUT ON YOUR PAGE ON SOCIAL NETWORKS!

Cool, non-boring horoscope for today for Libra

You will be on horseback.

Everyone else will probably have to travel on foot.

You may feel out of place.

The stars advise you to break the plate, get off the horse, break the plate, get off the horse and finally exchange it... for a bicycle.

DID YOU LIKE THE HOROSCOPE? DO YOU WANT A GOOD MOOD EVERY DAY?! PUT ON YOUR PAGE ON SOCIAL NETWORKS!

Cool, fun horoscope for today for Scorpio

You will have a romantic date.

Enjoy, forgetting about everything in the world....

When Sveta starts getting ready to go home, pretend to be asleep.

DID YOU LIKE THE HOROSCOPE? DO YOU WANT A GOOD MOOD EVERY DAY?! PUT ON YOUR PAGE ON SOCIAL NETWORKS!

Cool, fun horoscope for today for Sagittarius

Your mood will jump.

From TV to cabinet, from cabinet to table.

Try to catch him anyway.

Stand somewhere in the corner and ask: “Kolis! Who are you working for?!”

DID YOU LIKE THE HOROSCOPE? DO YOU WANT A GOOD MOOD EVERY DAY?! PUT ON YOUR PAGE ON SOCIAL NETWORKS!

Cool, fun horoscope for today for Capricorn

Your sixth sense will not let you down. It will say: "Enough!"

The other five senses will fail.

They will say something absurd, but you will understand them.

Because after the fifth glass a Russian person is able not only to understand Chinese, but also forgive him.

DID YOU LIKE THE HOROSCOPE? DO YOU WANT A GOOD MOOD EVERY DAY?! PUT ON YOUR PAGE ON SOCIAL NETWORKS!

Cool, not boring horoscope for today for Aquarius

Everything will be given to you with ease.

Even a visit to the dentist.

At first you will be very afraid. Then it turns out that his drill is broken.

But don’t relax and remember: if you are happy for more than one day, it means they are hiding something from you.

DID YOU LIKE THE HOROSCOPE? DO YOU WANT A GOOD MOOD EVERY DAY?! PUT ON YOUR PAGE ON SOCIAL NETWORKS!

Cool, fun horoscope for today for Pisces

A creative upsurge lies ahead of you.

Stock up on climbing equipment in advance.

Already stocked up?.. Then full speed ahead!

To conquer the next height!... Just don’t shout later” “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!”

DID YOU LIKE THE HOROSCOPE? DO YOU WANT A GOOD MOOD EVERY DAY?! PUT ON YOUR PAGE ON SOCIAL NETWORKS!

ATTENTION! REPRINTING IS PROHIBITED!

An original alternative greeting card may become humorous astrological forecast. My friend and I prepared such a horoscope for our colleague. You can come up with the text of the horoscope yourself or find a suitable one on the Internet. It goes without saying that the forecast must be 100% positive.

We went this way - we found a yearly horoscope for the corresponding zodiac sign, slightly shortened it, embellished it and added our comments in brackets.

Forecast text:

Astrological forecast for 2013
adapted the best astrologers(Company name) (highlighted in color)
especially for (full name)

General characteristics:
Zodiac sign - Pisces
Lucky days - Monday, Thursday, Friday (and also Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday
and Sunday)
Talisman - narcissist (as well as a volleyball, tablet, camera and
Excel reference)

Forecast for 2013:
The Year of the Black Snake will be very successful for Pisces (especially for those who
born March XX).
Pisces horoscope 2013 says that you will be accompanied by grandiose
events, and the world will know about your desires (possibly even secret and indecent :).
The whole Universe will help you make all your dreams come true (dream within
civil and criminal codes of Ukraine).
In the summer, your financial situation will rise (in this period
don't forget about your friends and colleagues). Major acquisitions await you
(and this will definitely need to be washed, see previous comment).
Pisces have always been distinguished by their dreaminess, as well as romance.
(especially when they drink). Love horoscope this year is special for you
favorable (all your teenage and teenage dreams come true).
It is very important that you like yourself. If you, for example,
If you want to get rid of a couple of unnecessary kilos, then don’t skip
volleyball training, and give your share of sweets to your colleagues -
representatives of the fair sex.
IN family life a pleasant surprise awaits you (50% that it is a girl).
Many Pisces will discover their talents and will also engage in
self-development (foreign language courses).
For Pisces, the year will be busy and certainly will not give
reasons for boredom (like your colleagues).

(Name), happy birthday!!!

Sincerely, team of astrologers (company name)

To prepare the gift, I used Photoshop. I printed the resulting forecast on matte A3 paper.

The astrological forecast has been hanging on the wall near our colleague’s workplace for about six months now.

And here is the text of the forecast that was prepared for the teacher (see article). It can also be used when preparing a birthday gift:

The stars foretell success in all your endeavors. Your health will please you more than ever, and your good mood will last for a long time. IN personal life available new round events or refreshing old relationships.

On October 5, expect pleasant surprises that will delight and warm your soul, and on New Year- major acquisitions.

This period will be truly fertile for you. Prosperity, peace and love await you at home, and obedient and diligent students at work.

"October 5" in this case, you need to replace it with the date of birth, and "obedient and diligent students"(unless, of course, you are congratulating a teacher or lecturer) for something else, such as: success, promotion, recognition, etc. depending on the situation.

Free download (psd file for Photoshop)

P.S. Jokes aside, our colleague, to whom we gave a comic horoscope, recently had a boy, on which we congratulate him! 🙂 So, we are already thinking about whether we should open our own little business for making good forecasts?! 🙂 🙂 🙂 If anyone needs it, please contact us!

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We have all heard about predictions. It is known that such work is carried out by people who are, to one degree or another, connected with various forces that are still incomprehensible and unknown to man. Predictions have been in demand always and everywhere, in all countries and in different eras. Of course, in modern world predictions play a huge role, since there are few people who do not want to look into the future. Even the most ardent skeptics sometimes secretly want to know what awaits them next in life. However, predictions are now acquiring not only a strict character, but also their humorous form. And therefore, more and more often you can find comic predictions.

Comic predictions - what are they?

How do cheerful predictions differ from their more strict form? Initially, it is important to note that such predictions can be voiced for different purposes. Many people get tired of reading boring and strict predictions for the day, month, year. I want to defuse the situation, read something funny, but instructive. And therefore, ordinary predictions sometimes turn into a comic form. It can be just humor, a cartoon, and sometimes there is real black humor. While reading funny predictions, you can have a good laugh and take note of a few warnings that will help you avoid various problems in the near future. In addition, when reading comic predictions, the harsh reality is easier to perceive, and it becomes easier to look at life. Whether to believe such predictions is, of course, up to each person. But it would be useful to take warnings into account.

Where are funny predictions used?

However, comic predictions do not always have a strict basis. They can also be used simply to lift your spirits. A person who takes them into service is capable of as soon as possible become the life of the party and be known as an enviable joker. You can use them in the office at work, at a party with friends, in general, anywhere, the main thing is that they are appropriate. Naturally, such a prediction does not need to be taken on faith; it is intended only for entertainment. However, there are also frequent cases when even funny predictions, invented for laughter, came true. So even with them you should be careful. Also, cool and funny predictions are often used at holidays and celebrations. These could be birthdays, anniversaries, corporate and home holidays.

At what events are comic predictions most often used?

The first events where fun but instructive predictions originated were weddings. It's rare to see a wedding where guests don't dress up as gypsies on the second day. And what is a gypsy without predictions? In order to raise holiday spirit for those present and simply to amuse passers-by, the gypsy in a comic form pronounces predictions to the bride and groom, and then to everyone present. Afterwards, funny predictions began to be used on other holidays. The hero of the day is always wished for long years life, health, happiness. Everyone knows this and is accustomed to it. But a humorous prediction made at the height of the holiday, in which humor is mixed with wishes for happiness and longevity, can ignite it with renewed vigor, make guests laugh and please the hero of the day. Often funny predictions are used at children's parties. Of course, their shape should correspond to the children's theme.

Cool predictions form

Comic predictions are used in various forms. If they are pronounced during a feast or wedding, then it is more interesting to use a poetic form. Thus, at the same time, a prediction can become an excellent toast. Also, a fun prediction often becomes part of a game or entertainment. There are many table games in which you can playfully guess who the person was in past life, of course, with the same comic result. If cool predictions are carried out at children's parties, then this usually creates a feeling of mystery. You can even hold a costume masquerade for a similar purpose. Children interested in a riddle always accept jokes with pleasure.

In general, comic predictions can be used anytime, anywhere. The main thing is that it is appropriate, otherwise the joke simply won’t work.

Comic predictions in verse in one line

1. The day was bright and bright, like a sweet gift.
2. A trip to the sea awaits you soon.
3. Let a tear of joy shed soon old friend will be back!
4. Down with both anger and revenge, you will receive good news.
5. Wait for the sunset, wait for the dawn, wait for a sweet greeting.
6. Every day and every hour someone thinks about you.
7. Look ahead more cheerfully, wealth awaits you there.
8. Wait a little, the road is waiting for you.
9. Gingerbread and sweets, there will be a lot of joy.
10. Holidays and fun await you at the end of the week.
11. Suddenly you have a new friend.
12. Wait without crying, luck will come to you.
13. The sun is back and happiness is back - you will meet new love.
14. Expect success at work by next Saturday.
15. You will always have delicious food in your house.
16. Try to vacation in the Bahamas six times a year and then you will certainly, certainly, probably be lucky.
17. If you lie down naked on ice for a long time in winter, no harmful microbe will crawl into you.
18. Someone will be lucky again in the coming year, maybe you or a neighbor - you must always be prepared.
19. Changes await you at the beginning of January, prepare for them gradually - don’t waste your time.
20. Try to run carefully at night in icy conditions, and then you will quite possibly celebrate the New Year.

Funny predictions

1. When giving your beloved a bouquet of daisies, count all the petals. Must be: loves!
2. When expecting a bad event, do not twist the button: it will definitely come off.
3. You are lucky! Therefore, be more modest and do not grab more lucky tickets.
4. When crossing the road, look around - there is a chance of meeting your destiny.
5. Approach your boss with the right foot - and a promotion awaits you.
6. Always smile! And no one will call you a gloomy person. Keep quiet! And no one will call you a bore.
7. Your life is an endless road, so choose reliable means to move around it - a car.
8. Today is the best day for you! As the others!
9. Buy a book that you don't like at all - and you will find the answers to all your questions.
10. During the first week after the New Year, a pleasant surprise awaits you.
11. When leaving the entrance of your house, turn your head to the right. The brand of the car standing there will soon appear in yours too.
12. If your neighbors knock on the battery today, then a fun and unforgettable New Year awaits you.
13. In the New Year you will win a million dollars, but then you will give it all to charity.
14. In the New Year, you will be able to get rid of your bad habit, but you will also acquire a couple of new ones.
15. In the New Year you will be given the most desired gift - goldfish. True, it will be stuffed with rice and herbs.
16. In the New Year, you will learn and discover a lot of new and useful things, but now please open a bottle of champagne.
17. In the New Year, you will have the pleasure of spending a lot of money, as well as the pleasure of earning it.
18. In the New Year, you will get yourself a new pet, and give the old one to a nursing home.
19. If on June 1 you wear your clothes inside out, then many people of the opposite sex will pay attention to you. Maybe you will find love!
20. If you come across a foreign body in bread, know that this is good luck!

Astrological comic predictions

1. The stars are favorable to you. However, you should not catch them in a bowl of salad, otherwise the powerful influence of Mars may contribute to prophetic dreams under the table.
2. Venus in the second house foretells a hearty dinner with excesses and moderate physical activity on the dance floor.
3. Ritual dancing on the table is contraindicated for your zodiac sign, otherwise an unpleasant meeting in a government house is possible.
4. People of your sign are smiling, cheerful, talkative, funny... hey, dear, aren't you drinking too much champagne?
5. Abuse of shouts of “Happy New Year!” is fraught with throat diseases; "Happy New Year!" should be pronounced with just your lips, rolling your eyes meditatively.
6. The stars are not located in the best possible way: The most susceptible to rhythmic twitching will be the knee, hand, elbow and hip joints.
7. Your patron planet Mercury foreshadows an unexpected turn of events after your toast to love.
9. From today you are under the auspices of the planet Venus, which will present you with new unexpected love.
10. This night the stars are positioned in the sky so that everything you have dreamed of getting for so long is shining for you.

New Year Wishes

1. Good luck, happiness, peace to you! You will have your own apartment!
2. I wish you to save the style! You will have a car!
3. Luck will not leave you! There will be a new dacha for you!
4. A toast to your health! There will be career growth for you!
5. I wish you good luck! A new addition to your family is waiting for you!
6. Surround you with comfort! And your income will increase!
7. Let success follow! You are the best to study!
8. There are many different impressions! On wonderful journeys!
9. Don't let worry bother you! A new job is waiting for you!
10. I wish you not to be bored in vain, There will be new friends!

Leading:

Dear guests, today an astronomer and predictor came to us, who made a forecast for the next year, intended for our hero of the day, based on the stars.

Details, attributes: a white robe, a folder of books under the arm, a telescope in hand and a poster-congratulation-prediction for the coming year for the hero of the day. The prediction and poster are printed, and you don’t have to memorize the text, but simply read it from the sheet.
Astronomer:

Hello dear guests and our unrivaled hero of the day.
In the previous month, I worked on (NAME's) horoscope.
I was inspired by the location of the nearby planets Mars and Venus, and the unusual cycle of our sun.
After carefully determining the degrees between the Moon and other planets of the solar system, according to the existing pattern, spiral cyclicity, an accurate and individual prediction was formed for our (NAME).

A busy work schedule will bring a little discord in family relationships. Virgos' behavior has not satisfied their partners for some time. Virgos are used to controlling their loved ones, constantly teaching and being jealous. On this basis, relationships will cool, which can lead to separation....