Feeling of inferiority how to get rid of. Formation of an inferiority complex
An inferiority complex as a source of vital activity
In psychology, various personality complexes are defined and studied. But in everyday usage, the term "complex" is perceived as a synonym for an inferiority complex. In everyday life, they say about a timid, insecure, suspicious person that he is notorious.
It is rare to find a person who is completely satisfied with himself. But how to distinguish dissatisfaction with certain personality traits from a pathological complex? How to get rid of an inferiority complex and love yourself?
Feelings of Inadequacy and Compensation
An inferiority complex - psychological phenomenon, a set of psychological sensations, ideas and attitudes to oneself as a weak, defective, useless person. At the same time, other people are perceived as worthy of respect, superior in everything, ideal. People with an inferiority complex believe that they will not be able to self-actualize, since they are incapable of this and unworthy.
For the first time, the feeling of one's own inferiority is fixed in the subconscious and becomes habitual. It turns into a complex - a psychopathological syndrome leading to neurotic deviations.
There are no impeccably ideal people, but each person is beautiful in their uniqueness. People with complexes exaggerate their imperfection too much, they experience it very sharply and deeply.
The feeling of dissatisfaction with oneself negatively affects the well-being and behavior of the individual. This is undoubtedly a negative feeling, but it is also a stimulus for personal achievement. Psychologist and psychiatrist Alfred Adler, who was the first to describe the concept of this term, defined it as the energy engine of mental activity and behavior.
According to A. Adler, every person in early childhood, being small and helpless, experiences a feeling of inadequacy, insolvency, as he realizes that by himself (without parents) he will not survive. If there are no other factors that additionally provoke the development of sensations, the person gets rid of the feeling of insecurity and helplessness. Experiences are compensated by vigorous activity aimed at achieving success in life.
There may be several reasons for the emergence of a destructive complex:
Perhaps, everyone in life has had situations when it happened to feel like a failure, stupid and incapable of anything. Mistakes are an incentive to get better, to achieve more. It is normal and natural if a person is dissatisfied with himself, when there are real reasons for that.
The problem is that the pathological complex continues to exist despite the successes and achievements of the individual. The next personal victories in life are a way to compensate for your negative feelings, to prove to yourself and show others your success and solvency. But an abnormal feeling of inferiority requires more and more compensation over and over again, and subsequently overcompensation.
A moment may come when the amount of overcompensation will transfer to a new quality, and an inferiority complex will give rise to another opposite defect - a superiority complex. This is not always the case.
A. Adler the best way overcompensation considered power, aspiration and will to it. Thus, the child's feeling of his own weakness and inadequacy, repressed into the subconscious, in best case, becomes a constantly acting stimulus and source of human activity, and in the worst case - the cause of frustration, pessimism, depression and other mental disorders.
A person who is completely satisfied with himself, does not see or does not want to look for ways for development, stops and stops growing as a person. People with complexes see what their flaw is and how they can become better, they strive to achieve the goal, and with it to know success and respect, they try again and again. They achieve a lot in life, but they are rarely happy at the same time.
So that the pursuit of success and self-realization is not a means of compensation chronic feeling own inferiority and insolvency, but manifested itself as a natural social and spiritual need, the complex must be overcome.
Inferiority complex in men and women
Women's psychology is different from men's. Women are more sensitive to their shortcomings, they are more likely to be influenced by other people's opinions, tend to compare themselves with others and criticize, therefore, an inferiority complex in women is observed more often than in men.
In women, it is usually associated with the fact that they:
Sometimes a notorious person tries to escape from himself with the help of various kinds of addictions. Men abuse alcohol when they want to “pour out” their dislike for themselves, and women more often “seize” it with sweets.
How to get rid of the complex on your own
Overcoming the feeling of limitation and inferiority is not always possible on your own. If the complex turns out to be stronger than the will of the individual, you will need the help of a psychologist. When the problem is rooted in childhood psychological trauma, based on strong resentment, anger, guilt, fear or other hard feelings, it is quite difficult to cope with it on your own. Psychological consultations, psychological trainings, psychotherapy will help you understand the reasons for the inferiority complex, regain self-confidence, increase self-esteem, and realize your own uniqueness and value.
Recommendations on how to get rid of an inferiority complex on your own include tips:
1. Get rid of feelings of envy, stop getting angry with yourself and other people for being different.
2. Do not be equal to others, do not compare yourself with anyone.
3. Do not create idols for yourself, do not strive for an ephemeral ideal.
4. Adequately perceive the subjective assessment of one's personality from the outside, subject to internal criticism the unethical statements of other people, and take constructive comments calmly.
5. Notice and realize your own achievements, successes, praise yourself for them.
6. Misses and failures are perceived as normal manifestations. personal growth, the opportunity to better understand life and become wiser.
7. Neither blame ourselves, nor reproach, nor indulge in self-delusion, nor invent punishments for ourselves, nor hang labels.
8. Get rid of negative feelings and memories, forgive yourself and people for mistakes.
9. Set yourself specific, realistic goals for self-development and achieve them.
10. Communicate with confident people and individuals who have overcome the complex.
11. Develop as a person culturally and intellectually.
The most important thing that a notorious person should do is to love and believe in himself, to realize and accept his own characteristics, individuality and uniqueness.
People with an inferiority complex do not necessarily look insecure and overwhelmed. Often, looking at a person, it is even impossible to imagine that he has this problem: an inferiority complex can skillfully "disguise" itself under the guise of self-confidence and even excessive bravado. In any case, people who experience this feeling experience deep suffering, even if they do not show it. This article is devoted to the reasons, manifestations and ways of overcoming the inferiority complex.
Signs of an inferiority complex
No wonder they say: there are no difficulties that we could not create for ourselves, and there is no joy that we could not poison ourselves.
The signs of an inferiority complex are varied, it has many guises. Perhaps you often hear a disgruntled voice inside you, which angrily pronounces: “Just look what you have done! What a muddler! There is no need to even try, such a dumbass will still fail! Don't be smart, men don't like that! Don't argue, you're probably wrong! And don't you dare wear a short skirt, people will think that you are a whore! " If you are constantly dissatisfied with yourself, do not agree to forgive yourself even the slightest shortcomings, are sure that you are solely to blame for all the troubles that have happened and do not deserve a better fate at all, then you are at the mercy of an inferiority complex.
There are other symptoms of an inferiority complex: a person can appear confident, even overconfident. Surely you have met people who, when they meet, begin to excitedly talk about their own successes. At the same time, some do not miss the opportunity to hint that you yourself are not doing very well. At this moment, you, as a rule, experience a manifestation of an inferiority complex: it seems to you that the interlocutor despises you and does not give you a penny. However, if you could read his thoughts, you would be surprised a lot to learn that in fact this person admires you, you seem to him an unattainable ideal and he wants to prove to you at any cost, and most importantly to himself, that he is doing something. it is capable.
Human inferiority complex: how to define the problem
How to determine an inferiority complex in yourself or your loved ones? Be wary if you yourself suddenly begin to mentally look for flaws in others: this, most likely, raises your own inferiority complex. For example, if at work it was not you but your colleague who received the award, you think something like: "Poor thing, she has such an ugly mole on her chin, and in general, her personal life did not work out!" Or something has happened to your rival, and you suppress natural pity and sympathy with the thought: "She herself is to blame for everything."
Don't let feelings of inadequacy control your life. You can't make you work too much, talk too little or too much about yourself, interfere with protecting yourself from injustice, and refuse to allow you to rejoice. successes achieved- in a word, he poisoned the life of you and the people around you.
Why there is a feeling of self-inferiority
We all come from childhood. And the voice that inspires a person that he is a complete insignificance is, as a rule, the voice of his mother or father. Not true, you argue. Father and mother were not always harsh with you, you can recall many situations in which you felt their love and tenderness. But, unfortunately, this is often not enough. If parents fail to instill in their son or daughter an adequately high self-esteem, then gradually in the child's mind the parent-critic displaces the parent-friend. Here are the most common cases in which self-esteem fails.
Most often, the reasons listed below lead to an inferiority complex:
- The child is made a scapegoat and blamed for any troubles that befall the family (“Dad left us because you misbehaved”).
- Parents constantly make unreasonably high demands, expect that the child will be an excellent student, will never cry, ask for help, make mistakes, be naughty, disobey - in a word, behave according to age. At the same time, the father and mother may say that they treat him like an adult and believe that he himself must deal with his own problems, no matter how difficult they seem to him. At the same time, it often happens that parents themselves are not very good at building relationships with people and hope that by some miracle the son or daughter will completely cope on their own, saving them from unpleasant explanations. In such a situation, the child develops a feeling of inferiority: he feels abandoned and comes to the conclusion that he himself is to blame for everything and is not worthy of help and care.
- For one reason or another, the child is constantly ridiculed by his peers, and the parents cannot or do not want to protect him.
- Another reason for the inferiority complex is the "projection" of parental dreams onto their heir. Parents see the child as their continuation, a chance to live life anew in a corrected version, and are outraged when a son or daughter wants to go his own way. In this case, the child gets used to the idea that it is better to hide his needs and desires. When he grows up, it is difficult for him to directly defend his interests, and he resorts to manipulation, which earns himself the fame of a deceitful and two-faced person. This is especially true for girls, who are taught to be "nice" and "conflict-free", but at the same time to achieve their own exclusively with cunning, which for some reason is called "female wisdom".
Overcoming feelings of inferiority: how to deal with a complex
How to get rid of an inferiority complex and start living a fulfilling life? The most sure remedy to be beautiful, healthy and happy - to appreciate yourself. To overcome feelings of inferiority, you need to be able to take care of yourself, your beloved. What does an adequately high self-esteem look like? Something like this: “I am a person capable of achieving everything that is important to me sooner or later. I love my family and my friends and they love me. But sometimes we quarrel because we are real people and very different. In addition, when we get tired, we are unfair to each other. It's sad, but not fatal. The main thing is that then we sincerely repent and ask each other for forgiveness. There are many people who are indifferent to me, there are those who hate me, but this is normal. I hate some people myself, and that's okay too. I try not to make mistakes, but from time to time I am still wrong, and this is also quite normal: the one who does nothing is not wrong. My life has had ups and downs, successes and failures. Sometimes I myself am to blame for the failures, sometimes other people, and sometimes it's just a coincidence. I don’t think that I have any special destiny or that the world is somehow especially unfair to me. I know that I have certain abilities, and I can do a lot, although, probably, not everything I want. The main thing is that I do not interfere with myself and do not offend myself. "
How to overcome an inferiority complex: discriminate between criticism
Another way to overcome an inferiority complex is to calm down your inner critic. Of course, you cannot retroactively change the circumstances of your childhood. However, you are no longer a child who is completely at the mercy of parental attitudes. You are an adult reasonable person who is able to help himself.
First of all, to overcome the inferiority complex, learn to distinguish between criticism - that is, to separate the constructive from the destructive. Listen carefully to your inner critic and weigh all the arguments. For example, if you decide to invest in another investment fund just because your neighbor did the same, and your inner voice warns you against such recklessness, it makes sense to listen to his arguments. However, strictly forbid him to scold you, call you stupid or insignificant, and also start phrases with the words “I knew it…”, “You as always…”, “Don't even hope” - all these are absolutely meaningless and useless statements. It is important to understand what exactly you did wrong and how you intend to act in the future in order to avoid repeating the mistake. But in any case, do not allow one mistake to devalue your entire personality.
How to Overcome an Inferiority Complex: Create a Counterbalance
If you are unsure of how to deal with an inferiority complex, try to counterbalance your inner criticism. It is foolish not to see your own mistakes, but it is even more foolish not to notice your merits. There is a very strong and efficient technique to help you love yourself again. Imagine that you really have a fairy godmother and that she loves you absolutely and unconditionally - in a way that your parents may not have been able to love you. In the evening, before going to bed, when sad thoughts overwhelm you, imagine that a fairy godmother has come to you (she may have the face of a deceased grandmother, or a best friend, or some other person who really loved you), and on her behalf Talk to yourself lovingly and kindly. Tell your goddaughter how you love her, how you admire her, tell her that you constantly observe her and notice how many good deeds she does (try to remember all your good deeds). If you suddenly remember about some unpleasant circumstances, let the sorceress godmother justify you and assure you that any person can be wrong, the main thing is not to repeat mistakes. Have these imaginary meetings two to three times a week and you will soon feel your self-esteem rise adequately.
How to cope with an inferiority complex: "Success Diary"
An effective way to overcome an inferiority complex is to get rid of negative thoughts. Train yourself to add a positive tail to any negative thought. The easiest way to do this is using the union “but”. "Again, I did not have time to submit the report on time, but I carefully analyzed all the data." "I was late again - but I slept well." The word "means" can be no less miraculous. “I didn’t have time to submit the report, which means that too little time was allotted to work on it.” “I’m constantly late for work, which means I need some rest.” Be honest with yourself: very often we present ourselves with openly exaggerated demands, and then we are tormented, because we cannot be complete perfection in all respects.
But it can also happen that the loving sorceress godmother doesn't really know what to praise you for.
Try to remember the past day and praise yourself for all the small good deeds you have done. For example, start like this:
7.00. I woke up and got up, although I really wanted to sleep. - I am a strong and strong-willed woman.
7.30. Prepared breakfast for the whole family. - I am very caring.
8.00. She woke up the children, fed them breakfast and sent them to school. - I am a good mother.
Does “Success Diary” make you smile? Remember the old saying: "You can't praise yourself - no one will praise." There is more wisdom in it than it might seem at first glance. After all, if you yourself do not want to notice your own merits, then why on earth will others notice them?
Now that you know how to deal with an inferiority complex, try putting it into practice to get rid of that feeling.
The feeling of inferiority (inferiority complex) as a personality trait is a tendency to show an exaggerated exaggerated experience of one's own weakness, inferiority and imperfection, to irrationally believe in the superiority of others over oneself.
Remember: you are needed! Nobody is higher and nobody is lower, nobody is superior and nobody is subordinate. Everyone is in place. One samurai, a very arrogant warrior, once came to a Zen master. The samurai was very famous, but looking at the Master, seeing the beauty of the Master, the charm of the moment, he suddenly felt somehow insignificant. He said to the Master: - Why do I feel my insignificance? A moment ago, everything was fine. As soon as I entered your yard, I fell. Never felt this way before. I have met death face to face many times and never felt fear. Why am I scared now? The master said: - Wait. I will answer when everyone is gone. People came to visit the Master all day, and the samurai got tired of waiting. In the evening, when the room was empty, the samurai asked: - Now can you answer me? - Come out. The moon was full and the moon was rising over the horizon. The master said: - Look at these trees, at this, high up to the sky, and this, small, next to him. They both have been growing in front of my window for many years, but they have no problem. it small tree never says to the big one: "Why do I feel humiliated in front of you?" This tree is small, and this one is so big, why have I never heard their murmur? The samurai thought for a moment and replied: - Because they cannot compare. “You see, you don’t have to ask me. You yourself know the answer. When you don't compare, all insignificance and all greatness disappears. You are, you are just here. A small bush or a large tree doesn't matter. You are yourself. A leaf of grass is as necessary as the greatest star. This voice of the cuckoo is as great as any Buddha: the world would be less rich if the cuckoo disappeared. Look around. Everything is necessary and everyone is good together. This is an organic unity, nobody is higher and nobody is lower, nobody is more important, nobody is more insignificant. All are incomparably unique and essential. This is the religion of awareness.
Superiority and inferiority are the flip sides of each other. A bright dual pair. Psychologists define an inferiority complex as a set of psychological and emotional feelings of a person, expressed in a sense of their own inferiority and an irrational belief in the superiority of others over themselves. An inferiority complex arises due to various reasons, such as: discrimination, mental trauma, one's own mistakes and failures, etc. An inferiority complex significantly affects a person's well-being and behavior. He comes from childhood. Comparing oneself with more developed physically peers, name-calling, beating and bullying on their part could form an inferiority complex. Adults have their own problems: excess weight, appearance, low social status, etc.
People with a sense of inferiority can be recognized by the words of the song: "Whatever they do, things are not going ...". Failures follow one another: the coconut does not grow, there is no money, the beloved leaves, their own children are rude. While cherishing their inferiority, they compare themselves with those around them (naturally, richer, healthier and more successful), and then experience their inferiority. An idealization with a minus sign is formed when compared with a sense of superiority. People with an inferiority complex need to understand and accept the truth: no one is given to see the complete objective picture of the world. If a child is told that this color is red, while pointing to green, he will remember and be convinced that green is red. As a child, you may have false, distorted ideas about the world and about yourself. We all live in the kingdom of crooked mirrors. In your distorted view, you are an ugly, bow-legged, gloomy-embittered type that no one likes, including you. The face is bright pronounced complex inferiority. You are convinced that the whole world sees you this way. You feel ashamed of yourself in front of the world. It seems to you that people look at you with pity and condemnation. The girls passed by and laughed sarcastically. They whispered something in each other's ear and burst out laughing again. You heard: "Look, what kind of freak climbed into our garden?" In fact, girls are interested in how you react to them. And they laugh to somehow get your attention.
Sudha Chadran, a modern Indian classical dancer, stopped dancing in the prime of her career as doctors were forced to amputate her right leg. After she got a prosthesis, she returned to dancing, and again became the best among dancers. When asked how she did it, she simply replied: - You don't need legs to dance!
In general, do not flatter yourself that someone there thinks about your person. Everyone has their own concerns. Everyone thinks about their own person. Are you very worried about the appearance of others and acquaintances? Some husbands don't recognize their wives on the street. It turns out that you have inserted lenses that represent the world in a dark light. This is, of course, an allegory. In fact, you see yourself and the outside world through the prism of the beliefs recorded in your subconscious mind. And they may be far from true. So it turns out that “life is a deception with enchanting melancholy. That is why she is so strong, That with her rude hand Fatal writes letters. " Everything that you have in your mind is an illusion and deception. The only trouble is that such thoughts about yourself will form a corresponding image. You, as a talented actor, will play a bow-legged, gloomy, embittered type. What do you want? What's inside is outside. By the way, you and the world you will see "bow-legged" in gloomy, angry tones and you will attribute to him what is characteristic of you.
If you do not like your own inferiority or feelings of superiority, you will unconsciously project these qualities onto others. There is no desire to bombard your soul. It's easier to find a scapegoat and label them inferiority or superiority. Therefore, when you fix that you are accused of qualities that you definitely do not have, be on your guard and take a closer look at the accuser. Surely, as you project "bow-legged" onto the world, he puts together a picture of the world from the puzzles of his inferiority or superiority complex. People themselves, covered with many ulcers, look out for other people's blisters.
I was somehow lucky to hear a curious story. Father had something to do little son, and toys were not at hand. He took the old political map world, tore it to pieces and told his son: "Fold it back." A couple of minutes passed, and the son presented the initial version of the map. The astonished father asked: "How did you manage it?" The kid replied: “There was a portrait of a person on the back of the card. I thought that if everything is all right with the person, then everything will be all right with the world. " Isn't that a wise remark?
What are our illusions about ourselves and the world based on? Maybe you attach too much importance and importance to your appearance? Maybe those around you do not see it at all. They are not interested or important. Take away your sense of self-importance and you become invulnerable. Eskimos use more than eighty words for snow. Snow is so important to them that they come up with dozens of names for it. Appearance is as important to you as snow is to the Eskimos. Importance is the shield of the weak. Beware that life does not consider you so important that you do not come to visit.
The game of our viral programs of the subconscious is not at all harmless. Our false ideas about ourselves and the world give rise to real evidence of this. You don't like your own weight - obesity is gaining momentum; you are oppressed by indecision and shyness - an inferiority complex grows like bamboo. Your crime is only in your head, and this is the punishment. Please get as ordered.
Until you eliminate the unnecessary significance and importance of something for yourself, it will constantly overtake you and grow. Live in a country that "doesn't matter." Removing meaning is even more important to you than forgiveness. We can forgive resentment, anger, aggression, hatred, revenge. But in order to forgive, you first need to be offended, that is, to give it meaning. If this is not important to you, then there is no need to be offended. Live so that you don't have to forgive. Where there is no significance, there is no resentment or anger.
Your task is by no means to fight your shortcomings (this will further strengthen them), but to establish new positive beliefs about yourself and the world around you in your subconscious. Spit on your flaws. There are no people without flaws. Take care of the virtues that you have and that you want to have. Everything remained the same. Only the azimuth of your attention has changed. You are now focusing on your merits. If you want to be lean and decisive, imagine yourself in a freeze frame or clip in the appropriate form. It all depends on how you imagine a decisive person. Usually a decisive person is characterized by open emotional speech without hints and softened statements. He does not whisper or mumble. He boldly expresses his opinion without looking back at how his opponents will perceive him. Speaks specifically and definitely. In his speech, the words "I", "me", "mine" are constantly heard, that is, he takes responsibility. A decisive person does not underestimate his own capabilities, his knowledge and personal qualities, he is able to improvise.
So, you have created an image of a slender and determined person in a freeze frame or in a video. Fill the still frame or clip with your feelings and emotions. With each mental scan, detail them. Periodic viewing is not silly gazing at an imaginary image. You will involuntarily be attracted to the image by your behavior. You will get used to the role of a decisive person. Over time, the role and your present will merge into full conformity. Looking through their real photos and compared to a still frame or clip, you will not find the difference. Just remember about the gradualness of the process of metamorphosis. If, standing on the scales, you see the inscription "one get off", you do not need to immediately draw yourself an ideal picture in which you have become 50 kilograms younger. Everything in moderation and gradually. To get rid of an inferiority complex, you must, first of all, stop comparing yourself with more successful, healthy and wealthy people, and then fall into despondency. You need to live in the "here and now" mode without devaluing everything you have. Set positive goals for yourself. Replace the old negative attitudes of your subconscious with new, life-affirming ones. Hunt for joy in your world.
Another hint: do not worry about your importance and you will have it. All people are busy with proving their importance and significance every day. Everyone does it in their own ways, techniques and methods. The desire to showcase your positive traits, reinforcing your importance - silly vanity. If you deliberately refuse casting of your importance, your loved ones and acquaintances with a sixth sense will understand that your authority does not need confirmation. You will feel respect and sympathy for yourself. As a result, you yourself will be filled with the conviction that you are a worthy person. You will have a similar state with A. Pushkin when he completed work on Boris Godunov. In a letter to Vyazemsky, he wrote: “My tragedy is over; I read it aloud, alone, and clapped my hands and shouted, oh yes Pushkin! Oh yeah Son of a bitch ! " As a result, your self-esteem will grow, and an inferiority complex will order you to live a long time.
Petr Kovalev 2013
An inferiority complex is a set of emotional and psychological sensations, which are expressed in a sense of their own inferiority. A person, contrary to all objective ideas, believes in the superiority of others over himself. This state affects both well-being and behavior, although in some cases it can serve as motivation in achieving life goals.
Classification
In psychology, there are many syndromes in which it is easy to recognize the signs of an inferiority complex. For example, men with King David Syndrome choose a life partner much younger than themselves. People with a Napoleon complex are worried about their short stature. The so-called boss syndrome is associated with a complex about the fact that the life partner earns more. Especially often it manifests itself in men who at work go to the subordinates of a woman. Lost time syndrome is associated with the feeling of a missed chance of success, unrealized opportunities.
Lot Syndrome is an example of how parents view their children's chosen ones as rivals. At unsuccessful attempts to have a child, infertility syndrome occurs, although the reproductive function may be in order. People with Kotovsky syndrome experience their own handicap associated with the fear of baldness. The inferiority complex in men who have become dependent on women is named after Hercules.
The complex is also reflected in Alexander's syndrome, in which a man is afraid that he may be mistaken for a homosexual, and Don Juan's syndrome, the carrier of which is promiscuous in sexual relations and quickly breaks off relations with new partners.
Causes
The Viennese psychoanalyst Alfred Adler, who was the first to investigate and describe the inferiority complex, spoke of three reasons for this condition:
- physical disabilities;
- excessive parental care;
- parental neglect.
The basis of the complex is somehow laid in childhood. Each child is born helpless, and then for many years is dependent on their parents. In fact, everything that people do is designed to help in overcoming the feeling of their own inferiority and gaining superiority. It is natural. But sometimes the feeling of inferiority becomes excessive, the feeling of weakness and inadequacy is exaggerated.
First of all, this situation is observed in children with congenital physical disabilities. This can be short stature, anomaly in weight, inharmonious development of any limb, disproportion or physical deformity.
On the other hand, excessive parental care contributes to the development of the complex. Children who are overly pampered by their parents grow up insecure about their own abilities. They have no skill independent decision problems, because others did everything for them. As adults, they often live with the belief that they are unable to overcome life's obstacles on their own.
The third factor is parental neglect of babies, rejection of them. Such children feel unwanted and have doubts about their own ability to be useful, loved and appreciated.
Further life can go along the path of overcoming the inferiority complex, and in this case, physical disabilities are compensated for by intensive training, the necessary skills and qualities are developed to acquire a status in society. If the complex cannot be overcome, this leads to neurosis in adulthood. Often, internal inferiority is reflected externally in a superiority complex: trying to get rid of the feeling of his own inferiority, a person boasts, behaves arrogantly, acquires things of a high status.
Other factors also play a role in the development of an inferiority complex - demographic, social, political, religious, ethnic, sexual. The reasons are sometimes attributed to failure in personal life and career, criticism of others, low academic performance, addiction to alcohol, but this is more likely a consequence of the complex than its cause.
Symptoms
An inferiority complex causes a feeling of deep all-pervading inferiority in comparison with others. This is accompanied by appropriate attitudes and behavior.
Such people are withdrawn, feel uncomfortable in society, tense in communication and try not to express their opinion. In an effort to get rid of a painful sense of worthlessness, neurotics resort to overcompensation, inadequate domination over loved ones, but ideally over all people.
A person with an inferiority complex strives to fight for his recognition even at the cost of avoiding solving life problems. He tries all his life to be the best, but in principle he does nothing useful. So, it may seem that a lazy child does not have any ambitions and aspirations, but the complex will make such a person say: "If I were not so lazy, I would have become president long ago."
In people with an inferiority complex, development and aspiration are relative. They hold a high opinion of themselves and what they could achieve. But they usually limit themselves to fantasies, do not feel the strength to overcome circumstances and often go around, avoiding difficulties. This strategy of psycho-protection leads to the appearance that the person is stronger and smarter than he really is.
Feelings of inferiority lead people to set goals that far exceed human capabilities. Sometimes neurotics, using the mechanism of hypercompensation, really reach heights - they become great artists, philosophers, politicians, famous personalities.
This phenomenon also has a dark side: there are examples when children began to steal out of a sense of superiority, believing that, remaining not caught, they receive material benefits without much trouble. Criminals, driven by this feeling, see themselves as heroes.
An inferiority complex forces neurotic individuals suffering from insomnia to choose cases with which they lack the strength to cope. They believe that others have no right to demand impeccable work from them, since objective circumstances do not allow them to do this. They often complain that if you could get enough sleep, then everything would be different.
This complex of depressed and sick people pushes to demand attention, to complain of weakness, poor health. They put themselves at the center of the family and suppress healthy people playing on feelings of guilt.
Each of us develops a lifestyle that is most comfortable for coexistence with others. If a person is driven by an inferiority complex, that style provides for compensation for his own inadequacy. This is often expressed in the achievement of bogus goals focused on superiority over others. The state in question may become positive incentive for personal growth and self-improvement. But if it is not overcome, it will lead to the development of a spoiled personality, insecure about own forces or outcast, with such characteristic features like cruelty, envy and hostility.
Inferiority complex in women
The inferiority complex in women has some features associated with the fact that the fair sex is suspicious, emotional, more susceptible to the influence of feelings of their own inferiority.
In order for a woman to get rid of the complex, it is necessary to divide the problems into those with which you can work, and those with which you have to come to terms. The first group includes weight, stoop, inability to speak beautifully, dress, move plastically, ignorance of the rules of etiquette, etc. The second group consists of such features as height, leg size, and genetically determined physical features.
With the first group, you need to work, starting with each flaw separately, in small steps. The figure can be corrected under the supervision of a nutritionist and fitness trainer, plastic can be developed during dance lessons, the image can be chosen with a stylist.
The second group is what you need to realize, accept as an unchanging part of yourself, or make a highlight. For example, Cindy Crawford refused to get rid of the mole above her upper lip, and this later became her calling card.
Inferiority complex in men
An inferiority complex in men is associated with a feeling of powerlessness. The gender role requires achieving a high status, big earnings. The main problems are associated with the fact that a man may feel unloved and unclaimed.
The complex of inferiority in men is more pronounced. The neurosis proceeds brighter, causing autonomic disorders. To overcome this phenomenon, you need to realize your complex and the fears associated with it, come to terms with them, define your strengths... It is also important to change your lifestyle, to pay attention not only to your career, but also to sports, hobbies, hobbies. Achievements in other areas contribute to the harmonization of the personality.
Treatment
To get rid of an inferiority complex, you need to see a psychologist or psychotherapist. Therapy includes several important steps.
- Analysis of the situation, which will help to understand the origins of the complex and to realize the circumstances that provoked the consolidation of defective behavior and attitudes.
- Acceptance of yourself, which includes the ability to tolerate your own shortcomings, not to deny them.
- Developing talents will help you better and more objectively relate to yourself. Sport helps most of all in this, since success in working on one's own body is assessed by objective criteria.
- Ability to accept criticism, rejection of perfectionism. This allows you to neutralize the attitude: "Do not act, so as not to be mistaken."
For further success, it is also important to understand that overcoming the inferiority complex is just a task that can and should be worked on.
Attention!
This article is posted for educational purposes only and does not constitute scientific material or professional medical advice.
Sign up for an appointment with the doctor
A person should not strive to eradicate his complexes, but should come to terms with them: they are legitimately what directs human behavior in the world.Sigmund Freud
Whom do we mean when we talk about a person with a complex? Someone who is not self-confident, timid, shy, is at the mercy of prejudices and, because of this, does not know how to achieve his goal. But a person without complexes is one who confidently walks through life, is not constrained by conventions, knows how to present himself and get along with others. True, "a person without complexes" is a rather disapproving assessment, because too often self-confidence turns into self-confidence, and relaxedness easily flows into swagger that does not paint anyone. Nevertheless, we all strive to get rid of complexes, considering them a heavy burden, almost a shameful stigma. How could it be otherwise in our dynamic age?
Any psychologist will only laugh at this everyday idea, for although it is correct in principle, it is too primitive and superficial. Experts who almost a century ago introduced the word "complex" into scientific use, meant to them not only stiffness and timidity, but a much deeper and more serious phenomenon. At the same time, in the minds of psychologists, complexes are not a disadvantage, not a disease, but a quality that is inherent in all of us to one degree or another. And calls to fight complexes must be taken with caution - it is hardly possible to get rid of them completely. You just have to learn to live with them. And first, of course, it would be good to understand what it is.
- Psychologists call complexes a set of unconscious ideas, emotionally colored memories, associations that arise in a person at the very beginning of his life and then affect his attitude and behavior.
At the origins of their complexes, a person, as a rule, is not aware of himself and considers the behavior dictated by them to be part of his nature. In everyday speech, we are accustomed to refer to our features as complexes that prevent us from living, communicating, and working fully. And we don’t even think about what does not cause us inconvenience. After all, much of what was once deeply and unaccountably felt by us, assimilated, does not interfere with life, on the contrary, it constitutes the set of internal "brakes" that we cannot do without in life.
Problems begin when there is an imbalance in a complex internal mechanism of incentives and constraints. Because of him, we are on our own life path we turn into dead ends, recklessly reckless on bends, or helplessly freeze on the sidelines. And here you cannot do without an adjuster of this mechanism - a psychotherapist who will help prevent a serious accident.
The main component of complexes in the negative sense of the word is fear, which once entered our soul long ago in the face of a real or apparent threat. Because of him, we - seemingly reasonable adults - are sometimes unconsciously afraid of the opposite sex, bosses, public speaking... We are afraid to misbehave, unworthy, and thus deserve condemnation and punishment. So by by and large"everyday psychologists" are not so wrong, considering constraint, "constriction" to be the main manifestations of our complexes. However, not the only ones ...
Who is more likely to feel fear than others? One who unconsciously feels his vulnerability, weakness, in other words - inferiority. In fact, it is the inferiority complex that is most often meant when speaking of complexes in general, especially since in life it can take the most different shapes... It is also a loser complex that interferes with bold creative endeavors. This is the complex of the poor man, forcing to seek out excuses for their impracticality. It is also a sufferer's complex, prompting to revel in full of bumps. This is also the complex of the "ugly duckling", which does not allow the beauty inherent in everyone, regardless of the shape of the nose and the length of the legs ...
The feeling of inferiority itself is not a disease or a deficiency. A person, unlike animals, is born weak, defenseless and helpless, that is, from the moment of birth, he constantly experiences a lack of his strength and limited capabilities. Being burdened by this, he does everything to become more perfect. In such a situation, the feeling of inferiority is not a brake, but a stimulus.
- There are examples from history when the desire to overcome one's inferiority led to outstanding results. So, Demosthenes, who from birth suffered from speech defects, thanks to his desire to cope with the disease, became the greatest orator. Or, for example, legendary commander Suvorov - in childhood he was extremely weak and painful, but at the cost of selfless exercise he managed to achieve exceptional physical stamina and endurance.
A painful experience of one's own inferiority can give rise to a person's self-doubt, which creates numerous problems for him. If feelings of inferiority begin to dominate in mental life a person, painting it in negative emotional tones, he loses the ability to develop his creative powers and talents. Not feeling the possibilities for genuine compensation for inferiority, a person chooses perverse paths.
The flip side of the inferiority complex is often the so-called superiority complex - a person by all means strives to rise above other people in order to thereby compensate for his inferiority. Arrogance, arrogance and self-righteousness prevail in him. The means of achieving superiority are usually all sorts of social symbols - material and status.
To compensate for this complex, a person can strive for enrichment, in every possible way emphasizing the value of money as a yardstick life success, or to the acquisition of all kinds of titles and high positions, allowing him, despite his modest abilities, to assert his superiority over others. So unrestrained careerism, the pursuit of tools and symbols of power (one of which, quite obviously, in human society money appears) - in many cases it is not so much a manifestation of strength as a symptom of weakness.
It is characteristic that all kinds of guides for enriching and achieving success in life, instructions for manipulating people are the favorite reading of many. So both the arrogant nouveau riche, who considers beggars all who are not as rich as he, and the tyrant boss, and the titled narcissist, whose business card neatly speckled with his high-profile titles, and a home tyrant, harassing loved ones with nit-picking - all of them are most often victims of complexes.
Another manifestation of a complex nature may be the desire for one's own exclusivity by opposing oneself to others, leaving a full-fledged social life"into oneself" or into a closed caste of the same notorious persons. For a psychologist, it is obvious that most adherents of all kinds of exotic teachings and delusional theories are weak, helpless people who do not know how to assert themselves in the ways accepted in society. Opposing themselves to the "uninitiated" helps them to feel the illusory feeling of superiority and thereby overcome the oppressive feeling of their worthlessness.
Complexity can also be expressed in exaggeration, accentuation of one's own weakness, up to "flight into illness." Desperate to gain recognition from others, unable to back up his own self-esteem with real successes and achievements, a person sometimes begins, paradoxically, to revel in failures, defeats and even illnesses. Moreover, he can unconsciously provoke the onset of various painful symptoms in order to at least attract attention to himself and arouse the compassion of loved ones.
Having noticed in oneself a tendency to such behavior, it is time to really think about getting rid of complexes. And for this you need to abandon the perverse ways of self-assertion, try to earn the encouragement of your real merits and achievements. Let people say: "You are not nothing! You are worth something!" And for this, of course, you have to be at least something interesting and useful to people. So let's take care of it!
Sergei STEPANOV, psychologist
Health, 10.2004