The language of touch. Magic in everyday life

Sometimes people's words do not correspond to their true beliefs and intentions. Nonverbal gestures will help you figure out what your interlocutor is really thinking about. Be a little more careful when communicating. This will allow you to receive much more information than your opponent would like to convey.

Is it true?

Many people are skeptical about such an issue as Gestures; facial expressions are perceived as something natural and mechanical. But it is precisely taking this fact into account that we can talk about the objectivity of the nonverbal mechanism. Psychologists have devoted many scientific works this issue. But if this is not an argument for skeptics, it is enough to carry out self-observation. So, for example, having learned to decipher the thoughts and feelings of your family and friends, later you will be able to see through strangers.

Of course, we should not forget that there are exceptions to the rules. Thus, a person can take one position or another simply out of habit. In addition, it cannot be ruled out that he is not feeling well or is wearing uncomfortable clothes. Air temperature can have a significant impact on human behavior. Therefore, do not underestimate the role nonverbal communication. However, before drawing final conclusions, it is worth carefully analyzing the conditions in which the conversation takes place.

What do hands in pockets say?

You can often notice how a person keeps his hands in his pockets during a conversation. Some consider this a manifestation of bad manners. Also, one should not reject the possibility that a person simply froze while being in uncomfortable temperature conditions. However, if we consider non-verbal we can come to the following conclusions:

• Hands hidden in pockets can be evidence of intense concentration. A person in a similar position may think about something or build a plan of action. At the same time, he may sway slightly or roll from heel to toe.
• Another interpretation of this gesture - So, for example, at long meetings or social evenings, people often walk around with their hands in their pockets, because you cannot leave the event, but nothing interesting happens at it. Thus, if your interlocutor has adopted a similar position, it may be worth ending the conversation or taking it in a more exciting direction.
• If it is not the listener, but the speaker, who hid his hands in his pockets, this may indicate his insincerity. Usually, it is the hands that give away a lie, and therefore a person instinctively hides them so that you do not guess his intentions.
• Alternatively, hands in your pockets may indicate a passive position of your interlocutor. He most likely isn't interested or willing to do what you tell him to do. But the result, of course, will depend only on the level of your authority.
• If we consider the non-verbal gestures of men, then when communicating with ladies, hands hidden in the pocket of trousers (precisely trousers!) speak of sympathy and sexual desire. But when communicating with representatives of the same sex, they thus demonstrate power and independence.

Demonstration of superiority

Knowing nonverbal gestures can make your life much easier, because from them you can understand the true intentions and attitude of the interlocutor towards you. So, for example, if someone is trying to demonstrate self-confidence, as well as superiority and power over you, this can be understood by the following signs:

• The person puts his hands behind his back, sticking his chest forward. In this way he is trying to show his fearlessness.
• Hands are casually lowered into pockets, and the body is imposingly relaxed. By doing this, the person is trying to show that you are indifferent and uninteresting to him.
• Sometimes a powerful person may become defensive by crossing their arms and holding out their arms. thumbs. The latter means that although he is trying to defend himself, he feels superior to you.

Tactile interaction

When considering nonverbal gestures, it is worth paying attention Special attention tactile interaction with the interlocutor. So, we can talk about the following:

• If you hug when meeting a friend or relative, the short contact should be perceived as nothing more than a tribute to decency.
• A tight hug means that the person misses you and is sincerely glad to see you. However, if the impact is too strong and you are literally suffocating from it, it is quite possible that the person is just trying to play up the joy of meeting you.
• If during a hug a person treats you with respect and you feel comfortable, this indicates respect for you.
• If, when meeting, a person is the first to open his palm for a handshake, this indicates his boundless trust in you.
• If during a handshake a person does not take the palm, but closer to the wrist, this indicates that he is suspicious. This is exactly how during the Roman Empire they checked whether the interlocutor had a dagger in his sleeve.
• If a person shakes your hand firmly or wraps both his palms around you and shakes you vigorously (perhaps even causing you discomfort), this only indicates that he is sincerely happy to meet you.
• If during a handshake you feel that your interlocutor’s hand is limp, then productive communication will not work, because he is not in the mood to contact you.
• If a person has his palm down, he is subconsciously seeking to dominate you.
• A pat on the shoulder means a friendly attitude. In addition, this gesture demonstrates the strength of the interlocutor and his willingness to help.
• Be attentive to people who grab your elbow during a conversation. Sensing your distrust, they try in a similar way to win you over and even convince you that he can become a reliable friend for you. But this gesture is not always sincere, because such a psychological technique is often used by people with selfish intentions.

How to recognize sympathy

One of the main problems in relationships between opposite sexes is mistrust. Sometimes nonverbal communication can tell more than words. Gestures that indicate sympathy are the following:

• - this is not a myth. A person experiencing sympathy actually looks a little differently, and the cornea becomes more hydrated. In addition, the pupils will be slightly dilated.
• A person in love on a subconscious level tries to please. Thus, when meeting, he performs various manipulations with his appearance: straightens his back, pulls in his stomach, straightens his hair.
• Both men and women try to draw attention to external sexual characteristics. This could be putting your fingers in the belt of your trousers, legs spread wide apart, or the top button of your shirt undone.
• Active gestures (sometimes inappropriate) can also serve as a sign of sympathy. The fact is that a person in love often loses control over his actions.
• You can assess the intentions of your interlocutor by the direction of his gaze. If he makes eye contact, there is reason to believe that he is interested in you as a person. And a glance running over the body speaks of nothing more than sexual desire.
• If your interlocutor of the opposite sex is constantly trying to get closer or touch you under any pretext, there is no doubt about his sympathy.

Lack of interest

Sometimes a person continues the story, not suspecting that the interlocutor is absolutely not interested in it. Nonverbal communication will come to the rescue. Gestures indicating indifference are:

• If your interlocutor is on his chest, he instinctively closes himself from you. You are either indifferent to him or unpleasant.
• Pay attention to where the other person's gaze is directed. If he looks anywhere but in your direction, then you should end the conversation.
• If a person wants to end the conversation and leave, constantly looking at his watch will give him away. Also, the toes of his shoes may be pointed towards the door.

Features of facial expressions

His facial expressions can say a lot about a person and his mood. Nonverbal gestures reflected on the face may indicate the following:

• narrowed eyes and pursed lips talk about an angry mood;
• raised eyebrows and wide open eyes mean surprise;
• in a state of fear, the lips are stretched wide and their corners are drawn down;
• happiness is characterized by a calm gaze and slightly raised corners of the mouth;
• a sad man brings his eyebrows together and lowers the corners of his lips.

Voice intonation

The main ways of transmitting information are verbal. Nonverbal gestures can reveal what the other person is trying to hide. No less informative can be intonation, which can tell about the following:

• fast and confused speech in low tones indicates strong excitement;
• confident and loud conversation indicates active enthusiasm;
• if a person speaks sluggishly, lowering his tone towards the end of the phrase, we are talking about fatigue;
• measured and slow speech, which is characterized by a constant tone, indicates the arrogance of the interlocutor;
• constant pauses in speech and unintentional mistakes indicate nervousness and self-doubt.

Signs of a lie

Knowing the meaning of nonverbal gestures, you can recognize the lies of your interlocutors. So, it is worth paying attention to the following points:

• a long pause before the beginning of a phrase or frequent pauses;
• asymmetry in the work of facial muscles;
• facial expression does not change for more than 10 seconds;
• emotions arise late and do not correspond to the content of speech;
• a tight smile that creates not a curved, but a narrow lip line;
• lack of visual contact;
• manipulation of arms and legs (tapping, twitching), as well as lip biting;
• attempts to keep gestures under control;
• heavy breathing and a constant increase in voice pitch;
• closed posture with crossed arms and legs, as well as a hunched back;
• rubbing the nose or eyelid (it can be mechanical and barely noticeable);
• (in terms of gestures and facial expressions) more active than the left;
• exaggerated emotions and gestures;
• frequent blinking.

Distance

Considering non-verbal means of gestures, one cannot help but talk about the distance that is maintained between people under certain conditions. Thus, the following indicators are generally accepted:

• up to half a meter is an intimate distance between close people who are in a trusting relationship;
• from 0.5 to 1.5 m is the interpersonal distance for friendly communication;
• 1.5-3.5 m - social distance, which is comfortable for interaction between unfamiliar people, as well as on business matters;
• 3.7 m is the public distance from which a speech is given to a large audience.

Good to know for everyone

Max Egger has an invaluable contribution to the study of such an issue as non-verbal means of gestures. He developed a system of 75 signals, the main ones of which can be considered the following:

• the movement of the Adam's apple indicates the interlocutor's excitement or that he is telling a lie;
• if hands come into contact with any object, this indicates uncertainty;
• if a person strokes his chin, he is considering the proposal;
• biting your finger, pencil or glasses means that the person is evaluating you;
• stroking back side neck means anger or feeling threatened by you;
• if a person rubs his palms, he expects to receive benefits;
• if the toes of the feet are spread apart, the person feels superior to you.

Conclusion

If you want to know more than what you're told, it's worth learning sign language. Nonverbal communication is difficult to control, and therefore can be considered the most objective. However, you should never forget that certain gestures can be associated with well-being or external influences.

A handshake between two people can truly be much more truthful and informative - even a thousand words.

The habit of shaking hands as a greeting gesture is present in almost all cultures. But if in ancient times the ritual of greeting different nations could differ significantly, but now, in the era of globalization of any processes, including cultural ones, we have received a universal and quite standard way to greet another person - a handshake.

But only at first glance - this simple action is typical and does not contain any individuality. In fact, there are a great variety of handshake options. And depending on the situation, the attitude towards the interlocutor and the nature of the situation, each of us chooses one or another way to shake the hand of another person.

Based on the characteristics of the greeting, one can draw conclusions about how the greeting people actually relate to each other, what emotions they experience, and what they intend to do. Many of these hidden signals are unknown not only to outside observers, but also to the participants in the greeting ritual themselves.

And now we will look at all types and characteristics handshakes, which can be very useful in life - and when you try to understand who is in charge among politicians, how your colleagues, boss or relatives treat you.

Hand position during a handshake

The first thing to start with is the position of your hands during a handshake. With a standard handshake, which is neutral in nature, the hands of the participants in the greeting are in the same position. They are perpendicular to the surface of the earth and the degree of angle in the area of ​​the elbow joint for each will be approximately the same.

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Such a handshake indicates the neutral attitude of those greeting each other. In any case, none bright emotions The greeting participants are not worried. People who shake hands in this way are prone to compromising, rational behavior (unless their handshake is excessively forceful, but more on that later).

The handshake shown in the figure below has a completely different meaning. One person’s hand is turned down, and the other’s hand, on the contrary, looks up with the open part. These are examples of classic opposing types of behavior. Participant A demonstrates his arrogant attitude towards participant B, which in turn demonstrates a willingness to submit.

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On the left is participant B, on the right is participant A

Position participant A often indicates powerful and authoritarian individuals. In this case, we can say that A shows his authority, his higher social status. This does not always correspond to the actual state of affairs. Rather, what you want. After all, people endowed with power and authority do not often demonstrate it - even with such almost unconscious gestures. So their handshake is often neutral.

This type of handshake often indicates a desire to receive something from your interlocutor. Moreover, we are talking mainly about intangible acquisitions. Participant A may be aimed at obtaining confirmation of submission, agreement with some opinion or attitude. Position participant B says otherwise. Such a handshake speaks of demonstrated friendliness, peacefulness, willingness to make concessions, willingness to sacrifice one’s interests and resources for the interests and goals of the interlocutor. People who offer their hand in this way strive to find favor with their partner in greeting and are ready to step on the throat of their pride for this. This type of handshake is called a "sycophant handshake." Natural amplifiers of such a sycophantic position are an outstretched arm, a bent back, an ingratiating smile, and bent knees.

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Sometimes we have to deal with the fact that we offer our hand for a neutral handshake, and our partner demonstrates participant A's position, trying to drive us deeper under the plinth and force us to give a “sycophant’s handshake.” What to do in such a situation?

The answer lies in the realm of nonverbal communication. You need to take half a step towards your unfriendly interlocutor without breaking hands. This will force the other person to rotate their hand to a normal vertical position. Then you can take a step back and only then stop shaking hands. In this way, your interlocutor will receive a rebuff on an unconscious level, and this will make him treat you more carefully and respectfully. The effect can be enhanced by a “friendly” pat on the shoulder or touching the other person’s arm with your left hand. Typically, after such contact, the unfriendly interlocutor appears discouraged and does not show any signs of authoritarian behavior.

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Second hand during a handshake

When shaking hands, it is not only the hand you shake with that matters, but also left hand(if you are right-handed), since it much more accurately expresses the attitude towards the interlocutor.

Let's start from a neutral position. The left arm is relaxed and hangs along the body. There is no point in interpreting anything here. The usual even attitude. You shouldn’t expect anything extraordinary from a person whose left hand is not involved in any way at the moment of the handshake.

If the interlocutor begins to connect his left hand to the handshake process, this indicates that the process begins to carry more emotions and more personal relationships. In such cases, likes and dislikes, hidden and obvious intentions, a desire to show sympathy, provide support, get rid of someone else's presence, or a desire to enter into closer relationships are manifested.

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In ordinary communication, the distance at which communication occurs matters. The farther your interlocutor is from you, the more formal and neutral your relationship is. The closer he comes, the warmer feelings he expects. The exception, of course, is the option with a deliberately extremely negative attitude, when we close the distance not out of a desire to hug, but out of a desire to strangle the interlocutor.

In a handshake, the distance remains the same. Especially when we use the left hand in the ritual.

First, let's look at touching the area of ​​the hand. Long distance.

In this case, touching the hand serves as a sign that the interlocutors do not have the closest relationship. Most likely, they are in the nature of one-time social transactions. The interlocutor, touching the hand of another person with his free hand, is not currently in a close relationship with him, they feel a distance.

Now let's look in more detail at various types touches.

1. During a handshake, your interlocutor clasps your hand with his left hand. This situation is called "grip glove".

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Although such capture is generally perceived negatively, it nevertheless has a positive meaning. In this way the interlocutor expresses his best location. Depending on the strength of the handshake, we can also talk about the delight of the meeting that overwhelms a person. The harder they shake your hand, holding it in a “glove,” the greater the joy they feel from communicating with you. This handshake is often awarded to pop and film stars.

Additional markers confirming this mood are the distance and tilt of the interlocutor’s body.

A long distance speaks of a cautious, one might even say touching, attitude. But if your hand is caught in such a grip, and the interlocutor approaches at a very short distance, this means that some preferences are expected from you: acceptance, relative position, reciprocal signs of attention.

If, after such a handshake, your interlocutor brings his palms folded together to his face, as if covering his lower part, we can say that he is experiencing incredible delight from the meeting.

2. Palm from below

In this case, the interlocutor’s left hand is like a platform on which your hands rest when shaking hands. This situation speaks of an unconscious desire to provide support, help, comfort, and advice. In fact, this gesture demonstrates readiness to help. If you are faced with this position of your hands, you can undoubtedly ask your interlocutor for help - he will help.

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3. Palm on top

The palm of your left hand covering your hand from above at the moment of a handshake means an expression of care and concern.

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This is almost always true when shaking hands between people of different genders or ages. At the same time, if you observe such a position of the hands during a handshake between two men of approximately the same age and social status, then the situation may have a completely opposite meaning.

Also in this case, you need to pay attention to the context of the situation. If a person puts his palm on top immediately during a handshake, then we are probably talking about expressing deep positive feelings towards the interlocutor. If this gesture is formed as a response to any words or movements that arose during the conversation (and the hands do not break contact), then most likely this indicates an attempt to show one’s ego, a desire to show who is in charge here.

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The handshake is done in the manner of equal partners, but there are two nuances that indicate Obama's superiority. 1. With his left hand, Obama pats Yatsenyuk on the shoulder. This is a gesture of invading the personal space of a communication partner. Yatsenyuk is not making similar attempts, which only enhances the effect of Obama's influence. 2. Yatsenyuk’s back is so tense that it seems that he stretched out in front of Obama like a recruit in front of a sergeant. Overall, the photograph demonstrates Yatsenyuk’s tension and his recognition of the higher status of his interlocutor. However, one should not get carried away with interpretations and argue that Yatsenyuk is demonstrating some signs of subordination. There is respect, there is tension in the pose, there is tightness, but there is no subordination in this photo

In addition, such a gesture can also arise as a consequence of a reaction to the unfriendly behavior of the interlocutor or his intrusion into an intimate area.

Is there a difference between the position of the palm from below and from above? Undoubtedly. A person with their palm on the bottom is more likely to provide any help and support you ask for. But the person whose palm is on top usually already understands perfectly well what exactly will be necessary and useful for you at this moment and in this situation. That is, the difference between the placement of the palms reflects the presence or absence of an initiative position. The palm from below is a sign of acceptance of your initiative. The palm on top is a sign of readiness to show your own initiative.

This doesn't always happen. The position of the body can turn this interpretation on its head.

Touching the interlocutor. Close range

A person can touch his interlocutor with his left hand both in the area of ​​the forearm and in the area of ​​the elbow joint. And in some cases, we place our hand on the shoulder or even put our arm around the back of the person we greet.

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This is where the laws of distance come into force. The closer to the body of the body is the place where your interlocutor’s hand is fixed, the greater the need for communication he feels. Touching the forearm and touching the shoulder have different degrees of expression of those feelings. The most extreme level is, of course, hugs. Well, or patting your interlocutor on the back.

Do not forget that hugs can also have the nature of subcultural characteristics. Young people of athletic appearance who greet each other with tight hugs do not always have very warm feelings for each other. Most likely, this type of greeting is a consequence of their own rituals. That's how they do it. In any case, to assess the relationship between people based on their handshake, the context of the situation and the influence of cultural and social characteristics should be taken into account.

Handshake strength and duration

In addition to the handshake itself, several other factors matter.

1. Handshake strength. The harder they shake your hand, the more emotional energy the interlocutor is ready to pour into communication. At the same time, a limp handshake is not yet a sign of hostility. Maybe the person is just not feeling well. And a strong handshake, accordingly, is not always a sign of a good-natured disposition. The force of compression only indicates the willingness to spend a certain amount of muscle energy during communication with you. But what will be the nature of the use of this energy depends on completely different factors.

2. Duration of contact. There is a direct correlation here with the time that the interlocutor is willing to spend communicating with you. The longer he shakes your hand, the longer the conversation he expects. The shorter the handshake, the faster the opponent is ready to “resolve” all issues and move on to others, more important matters. Often a brief handshake indicates the desire of your interlocutor to quickly move on to solving the issue for which you met. In this case, brevity will indicate a reluctance to waste time on formal procedures.

Errors in interpretation

When you analyze nonverbal communication, you understand that not a single gesture or sign is one hundred percent reliable. Moreover, sometimes the same gesture in different situations can have completely opposite meanings.

To allow less mistakes in the interpretation of gestures (and it will not be possible to completely get rid of them), one must always make allowances for the context of the situation, cultural characteristics and social group, a combination of gesture with posture and facial expressions. But the key features of a handshake remain the same in most cases.

Main:

1. A handshake expresses your attitude towards your interlocutor. And if a person can lie in words, then through a handshake the truth has a much greater chance of being correctly interpreted.

2. Handshake distance only means how much contact they intend to make with you. Short distance does not necessarily mean a positive disposition.

3. The stronger the hand shake, the greater the desire to make contact. And the more emotions overwhelm your interlocutor.

4. The main signs of a formal handshake: long distance, limp handshake, short time hand contact. This indicates disinterest in communication.

5. If the left hand is used in a handshake, this is a sign that the interlocutor puts more personal relationship into contact with you than in other cases and with other people.

I also suggest watching and trying to analyze videos of real and interesting handshakes between President Petro Poroshenko and Catherine Ashton, Vladimir Putin, Nursultan Nazarbayev and Alexander Lukashenko in Minsk - using only acquired knowledge.

And now - checking the conclusions made. So, Ashton expresses support for Poroshenko by performing the “glove” handshake gesture, covering the Ukrainian president’s palm on top. Poroshenko shows a positive attitude towards Ashton by smiling, but the time of eye contact with her is very short. Before the handshake with Ashton ends, his gaze already jumps to Putin.

The handshake with Putin is defiantly cold. Too abrupt, theatrical transition from a smile addressed to Ashton to tense walking nodules and a petrified gaze addressed to Putin.

The next second, the tension in Poroshenko’s posture begins to subside and the routine handshake with Nazarbayev already takes place under the auspices of a light smile. And Lukashenko gets all the emotional stash from Poroshenko - a smile, a shoulder-to-shoulder turn, and a caring “glove” when shaking hands.

The conclusion is that Poroshenko’s coldness towards Putin is feigned, emphasized, and somewhat exaggerated. And this was done in contrast to the smiles of other meeting participants specifically to emphasize the negative attitude towards him.

These include hugs, handshakes, pats on the shoulder or back, touching, and kissing.

Embrace.The nature of the hug, its strength, and duration determine the meaning of the feelings expressed by a person. Bosom friends who have been separated for a long time almost strangle each other in a tight embrace when they meet. The lovers linger in a tender embrace for a long time. Hugs between distant relatives, depending on previously maintained contacts, can be either restrained, cold, or passionate. Between close people they have a soft, heartfelt meaning. At wrestling competitions, for example, the participants briefly hug and disperse. Such a means of non-verbal communication as hugs is more common among representatives of the stronger half of humanity; among women they are slightly less common. Nowadays you can see two teenage girls on the streets running towards each other with open arms. At this age, the frequency of such contacts, both between boys and girls, is expressive in nature, when you want to throw out an excess of joy, delight and admiration for the meeting. If you see same-sex couples slowly strolling along the sidewalk in entwined arms, this may involuntarily suggest a gay person.

Handshakes.Handshakes, as one of the means of non-verbal communication, also differ in the way they are performed, strength and duration. A strong, energetic shaking of the interlocutor’s hand, coupled with a joyful exclamation, speaks of the partner’s sincerity and his desire to continue the conversation. Wrapping your hands in the form of a “glove” also speaks of friendliness. But if they hold out a lifeless hand to you, like a dead fish, they don’t want to contact you. Cold hand when squeezed, it can signal that its owner is either cold or very worried. Steamy palms indicate a nervous experience. A hand that is palm down in a handshake indicates a desire to dominate the other person. If, on the contrary, it is turned palm up, its owner unconsciously recognizes himself as subordinate to the interlocutor.

Patting on the back or shoulder. Patting on the back or shoulder is mainly characteristic of men. These nonverbal gestures are often interpreted as signs of friendship, concern, or encouragement. They can be seen in almost all age categories. Patting, as it were, demonstrates masculine strength and the willingness of its owner to come to the rescue. By the way, this gesture should not be confused with that used in medical practice. They slap a newborn child on the back to make him scream and expand his lungs; they slap a choking person from behind. Patting is a type of technique in massage practice. That is, the specific meaning of this gesture depends on the current situation.

Touching.Touch is common in the world of nonverbal communication. IN educational activities it helps to stop a mischievous person, in the case of a deaf person, to attract his attention; in medical practice, this gesture is used to diagnose health conditions; the massage technique is based on a combination of ways of touching the body; in the intimate sphere between spouses, they serve as a prelude to union. Different types of touch are an indicator of the partner’s unexpressed feelings. They can be gentle, affectionate, light, strong, rough, wounding, etc.

Kisses.Kissing, as a type of tactile gesture, is widely used in all aspects of human life. In relation to a specific object, the nature of kissing changes. The mother kisses the child tenderly and lovingly, between loving people they can range from a light touch of lips to a passionate kiss. Here we note that kisses can be both sincere manifestations of feelings and formal, cold, traditional. They kiss when meeting and goodbye, kiss at birth.

Our body language, compared to other verbal (speech) means of communication, is unique. If you imagine that it is he who carries from 60 to 80 percent of the information transmitted to the interlocutor, it is easy to understand the need to interpret this method of contact. If we want to be sure that we accurately understand a person, we must combine information from the body and verbal expressions into one overall picture.

Who among us has not encountered a feeling of vague anxiety when communicating with a person when he claimed one thing, but subconsciously you felt his falsehood. You will say that this is intuition and good for those who have it. In fact, it is easy to develop intuition by observing your interlocutor and, knowing the specific meaning of gestures, draw the right conclusions.

Example of nonverbal communication

At one university, an experiment was conducted in psychology classes. The audience, which consisted of married couples, was divided into two groups by gender and was given video recordings of different versions of babies crying. Then they were asked to explain their meaning. Most women who had children accurately deciphered them (hunger, wet diapers, pain, etc.), while men did not see much difference in the crying options. This led to the conclusion that women, being more sensitive and observant, interpret non-verbal gestures more easily. It’s more difficult for men to do this; they need specifics, and not all sorts of sentimental experiences. Of course, there are exceptions. This case also explains why it can be difficult for the stronger sex to tell a lie to his wife, who seems to read the real state of affairs in her eyes.

Nonverbal means of communication

So, let's look at nonverbal means of communication. To clearly understand their diverse structure, we present their classification: 1. Expressive movements (body posture, facial expressions, gestures, gait). 2. Tactile movements (handshake, pat on the back or shoulder, touching, kissing). 3. Visual contact gaze (direction of gaze, its duration, frequency of contact). 4. Spatial movements (orientation, distance, placement at the table). In this article we will dwell in detail on the first two groups of means of nonverbal communication and try to characterize their meaning. It should be remembered that interpreting a single gesture without the totality of other body signals means misleading yourself. Therefore, before drawing specific conclusions, you need to take into account all the nuances of the interlocutor’s behavior, as well as his physical and psychological state.

Expressive movements

Open gestures and body postures

Openness The interlocutor's hands are turned palms up and spread wide to the sides. The head is straight, the shoulders are straightened. The look is direct. Facial expressions are natural, without tension or stiffness. This pose of friendliness, as a means of non-verbal communication, speaks of openness and sincerity. It is also indicated by shaking hands and clasping them with both hands. Men may unbutton their shirt or jacket while talking. When communicating with such a person, you involuntarily relax and feel trust in him. This technique is recommended to be used when communicating with people who are significant to you. Combined with a sincere tone, you will quickly win your favor. Sympathy In nonverbal communication, there is the concept of mental contact, which is expressed in the involuntary copying of each other’s gestures or entire behavior. A signal is sent to each other: “I understand you perfectly.” And indeed, if you take a look at a couple peacefully talking at a table, you will see similar poses, the same placement of hands, even mirroring. If you want to convince another person to unconditionally share his opinion, simply copy his body position. If you observe the gait of a happy man in love, we will notice a flying gait, which is very noticeable. It is also typical for self-confident, energetic people. It seems that they don’t care about all the problems.

Closed gestures and postures (defense, suspicion, secrecy)

Deception Have you probably seen someone hiding their hands during a conversation? It is likely that he is telling a lie, since the person’s brain subconsciously sends signals to the body and when a lie is told, a strong desire arises to put his hands in his pocket, scratch his nose, and rub his eyes. All these are typical signs, however, as MirSovetov has already said, the meaning of non-verbal gestures must be explained together. A person suffering from a runny nose can scratch their nose, a child who has just woken up can rub their eyes, etc. Defense Arms crossed on the chest, legs crossed in standing and sitting positions - a classic gesture of closedness and inaccessibility. Frequent blinking is a sign of protection and confusion. A person’s emotional status does not allow him to feel free and at ease. If you try to negotiate something with such an interlocutor, it is likely that you will receive a refusal. To “melt the ice,” MirSovetov advises using the means of nonverbal communication already described above, try to take an open pose with your palms up.

Gestures of reflection and evaluation

Concentration Expressed in pinching the bridge of the nose with closed eyes. When the person you are communicating with is deciding what to do or what to do, or generally thinking about solving a certain issue, he may be rubbing his chin at this time. Criticality If a person holds his hand to his chin, with his index finger stretched along his cheek, and with the other hand supports his elbow, his left eyebrow is lowered - you will understand that he has a negative assessment of what is happening. Positivity Interpreted as a slight tilt of the head forward and a light touch of the hand to the cheek. The body is tilted forward. Here is a person who is interested in what is happening and has a positive attitude towards information.

Gestures of doubt and uncertainty

Mistrust Have you probably noticed how some students cover their mouths with their palms while listening to a speaker? This gesture indicates disagreement with the lecturer's opinion. They seem to hold back their statements, suppress true feelings and experiences. If during a conversation your friend unexpectedly made a gesture of distrust, stop and think about what words caused such a reaction? By observing the behavior of the boss, the subordinate will understand what needs to be said and what it is better to remain silent about. Distrust quickly turns into rejection and then into refusal. Uncertainty A nonverbal gesture such as scratching or rubbing the back of the ear or neck may indicate that the person does not fully understand what you want from him or what you mean in the conversation. How to interpret such a gesture if you were told of complete understanding? Here preference should be given to the non-verbal body signal. In this case, the person did not understand anything. A hand clasping another’s elbow from behind also speaks of uncertainty; its owner is probably in unfamiliar company.

Gestures and postures indicating reluctance to listen

Boredom The interlocutor props his head with his hand. It is clear that he is indifferent to what is happening. If he is sitting in the audience, we can say with confidence: the material presented by the lecturer is completely uninteresting. In such cases, MirSovetov recommends changing the topic of conversation to something that worries him or “shake him up” with an unexpected question. Be sure that he will wake up, and this is exactly what you need. Disapproval Shaking off non-existent lint, straightening the folds of clothing, tugging at your skirt in non-verbal communication is a sign of your opponent’s disagreement with the point of view being expressed. You will quickly realize the need to switch to neutral topics. However, if a thread actually sticks to the sleeve of a jacket, or the clothing is wrinkled, this should not be regarded as a gesture of disapproval. Willingness to leave It can be identified by such signs as drooping of the eyelids (loss of interest), scratching the ear (blocking out the flow of speech), pulling on the earlobe (does not want to speak), turning the whole body towards the door or pointing the leg in this direction. The gesture of removing glasses also gives a signal to end the conversation. Irritation When a person tells an obvious lie and realizes that you have seen through him, he will experience irritation from your rightness, which may manifest itself in an involuntary loosening of his tie or collar. In non-verbal communication, this can also manifest itself in rubbing the neck, unnecessary movements of the hands, pinching a lady’s purse, or mechanically drawing on paper.

Gestures of dominance

Superiority The so-called “director pose” or “boss pose” in a sitting position. Hands lie behind the head, one leg on the other. If the eyelids are barely closed or the corners of the eyes are slightly squinted, the gaze is directed downward - you see arrogance, disdain. This body position is often adopted by bosses and people in leadership positions as a means of nonverbal communication. They are confident in themselves and demonstratively express their importance to others. An attempt to copy this gesture threatens immediate dismissal from work. Equality Almost all men use this gesture, much less women. The nature of the handshake can say a lot, first of all it will reveal the intentions of the other person. If, at the moment of joining two hands, one turns out to be higher with the back side, its owner demonstrates his leading position. You can check how firmly he defends his status as a leader in a simple way: turn your hand up. If you feel resistance, it means that you will not be able to convince him to take equality between you. Sexual gestures When a man likes a woman, he shows his thumbs tucked into his belt, places his hands on his hips, or spreads his legs wide apart. The look at a woman is usually intimate, and can linger for a long time on selected parts of the body. A man may involuntarily straighten his tie or collar with his hand. If a woman tries to interest her, she unconsciously raises her head, straightens her hair, straightens her blouse. The more subtle art of seduction through non-verbal communication involves exposing your wrists and spreading your legs while sitting or standing. If a woman shows an intimate look in combination with an accidentally slipped strap on her shoulder, a half-dressed shoe on a crossed leg, be sure of her desire to start flirting. An open mouth and wet lips are typical sexual calls.

Tactile movements

These include hugs, handshakes, pats on the shoulder or back, touching, and kissing. Embrace The nature of the hug, its strength, and duration determine the meaning of the feelings expressed by a person. Bosom friends who have been separated for a long time almost strangle each other in a tight embrace when they meet. Lovers linger in a tender embrace long time. Hugs between distant relatives, depending on previously maintained contacts, can be either restrained, cold, or passionate. Between close people they have a soft, heartfelt meaning. At wrestling competitions, for example, the participants briefly hug and disperse. Such a means of non-verbal communication as hugs is more common among representatives of the stronger half of humanity; among women they are slightly less common. Nowadays you can see two teenage girls on the streets running towards each other with open arms. At this age, the frequency of such contacts, both between boys and girls, is expressive in nature, when you want to throw out an excess of joy, delight and admiration for the meeting. If you see same-sex couples slowly strolling along the sidewalk in entwined arms, this may involuntarily suggest a gay person. Handshakes Handshakes, as one of the means of non-verbal communication, also differ in the way they are performed, strength and duration. A strong, energetic shaking of the interlocutor’s hand, coupled with a joyful exclamation, speaks of the partner’s sincerity and his desire to continue the conversation. Wrapping your hands in the form of a “glove” also speaks of friendliness. But if they hold out a lifeless hand to you, like a dead fish, they don’t want to contact you. A cold hand in a handshake can signal that its owner is either cold or very worried. Steamy palms indicate a nervous experience. A hand that is palm down in a handshake indicates a desire to dominate the other person. If, on the contrary, it is turned palm up, its owner unconsciously recognizes himself as subordinate to the interlocutor. Patting on the back or shoulder Patting on the back or shoulder is mainly characteristic of men. These nonverbal gestures are often interpreted as signs of friendship, concern, or encouragement. They can be seen in almost all age categories. Patting, as it were, demonstrates masculine strength and the willingness of its owner to come to the rescue. By the way, this gesture should not be confused with that used in medical practice. They slap a newborn child on the back to make him scream and expand his lungs; they slap a choking person from behind. Patting is a type of technique in massage practice. That is, the specific meaning of this gesture depends on the current situation. Touch Touch is common in the world of nonverbal communication. In educational activities, it helps to stop a mischievous person, in the case of a deaf person, to attract his attention; in medical practice, this gesture is used to diagnose a health condition; the massage technique is based on a combination of ways of touching the body; in the intimate sphere between spouses, they serve as foreplay to the connection. Different types of touch are an indicator of the partner’s unexpressed feelings. They can be gentle, affectionate, light, strong, rough, wounding, etc. Kisses Kissing, as a type of tactile gesture, is widely used in all aspects of human life. In relation to a specific object, the nature of kissing changes. The mother kisses the child tenderly and lovingly, between loving people they can vary from a light touch of lips to a passionate kiss. MirSovetov, in a separate article, reveals the whole gamut of this type of gesture in courting the opposite sex. Here we note that kisses can be both sincere manifestations of feelings and formal, cold, traditional. They kiss when meeting and goodbye, kiss at birth.

Visual contact gaze

Eye contact is an undeniably important communication process. As you already know, a person receives about 80% of impressions from all senses through vision. With the help of the eyes, we can convey a wide variety of expressions; thanks to them, we can control the course of the conversation and provide feedback on human behavior. The gaze helps in the exchange of remarks, since most statements without the participation of the eyes would be meaningless. Remember how urgently interlocutors on the Internet need a variety of emoticons, which are a replacement for such means of non-verbal communication as the exchange of glances and facial expressions. After all, without seeing each other, it is much more difficult to convey the feelings experienced. Developers of instant messaging programs, improving their software characteristics, are trying to include and expand the function of eye expression, general facial expressions and various hand gestures. And, as practice shows, the demand for such programs like ICQ is very high. People crave meaningful communication on the Internet. And the appearance of the video calling function in cell phones and installing video equipment on a computer that allows you to communicate interactively, contemplating each other, is precisely the answer to the need for live communication at a remote distance.

The gaze also takes part in the expression of intimacy and frankness. With it, you can set the degree of proximity to a person.

In communication, the gaze, as a rule, carries out an information search, for example, the listener looks at the speaker, and if he pauses, silently awaits continuation without breaking eye contact; gives a signal about a free communication channel, for example, the speaker indicates with an eye sign that the conversation is over; helps establish and maintain social relationships when we seek a person's gaze to engage in conversation. In psychology, there are several types of looks, each of which carries very significant information about a person’s thoughts: 1. Business look - when we look at the forehead and eyes of the interlocutor. We often behave this way when meeting unfamiliar people, managers and bosses. 2. Social gaze – when we direct our eyes to the area of ​​a person’s face in the area of ​​the mouth, nose and eyes. It is typical in situations of casual communication with friends and acquaintances. 3. Intimate gaze - passes through the line of the interlocutor’s eyes and drops to a level below the chin, neck and other parts of the body. There may be dilation of the pupils, as an anticipation of pleasure. We have already mentioned the fact that it is more difficult for men to deceive their wives and girlfriends, since women can expose a lie much faster by reading their eyes. How do they do this? First of all, by characteristic changes in the eyes due to contraction of the eye muscles. When trying to deceive, it is difficult for a person to withstand the gaze; he blinks and looks away. These signs may also be present with sadness, shame, and disgust. If he experiences suffering, tears flow from his eyes, but they also appear with laughter and joy. In any case, to correctly interpret nonverbal gestures, we take into account the surrounding environment and the context of circumstances. One thing is definitely certain: the dilation or constriction of the pupils, which occurs as a response to excitement, occurs involuntarily, without taking into account consciousness, and the autonomic nervous system is involved in this. If the direction of gaze can still be controlled somehow, then changing the pupils is beyond our control. When we talk about a person: “he has expressive eyes”, “she has an evil look”, “she cast the evil eye on me”, we mean precisely the information obtained through non-verbal communication when observing a person’s pupils. Children abandoned by their parents have a dry, distant look, filled with the pain of loneliness, which gives them an adult expression. On the contrary, loved and caressed babies look at the world completely differently. The length of the gaze may indicate the degree of interest. A close, persistent person will tell you about his intention to extract some information from you or force you to obey. For couples in love, such a look serves as a signal to begin active courtship. If you look closely at a sleeping person, he may subconsciously experience anxiety and even wake up. It is interesting that in the animal world, a gaze serves as a signal for an impending attack, so it is not surprising when, sensing a similar signal from an unfamiliar person, you experience anxiety and a desire to hide. With peripheral (lateral) vision, we are able to see objects and the situation around us and analyze the degree of danger. Serial killers and maniacs have a very different view from the view of an ordinary person. All previous behavior of a person up to a given point in time, the situations that he solves and the methods he uses to eliminate problems - everything leaves an imprint on the expression of his eyes. Tired mother after a sleepless night with infant, a pensioner living on crumbs, a student who did not receive the scholarship he was counting on - everyone has a peculiar expression in their eyes. If, for example, you are in close relationships with such people, you will definitely understand the reason for this look.

Spatial movements

This or that distance in contacts between individuals is determined by the social status of those communicating, their national characteristics, age, gender, as well as the nature of the relationship between the partners. And this is also one of the forms of non-verbal communication that is useful to know. By the way, this knowledge about spatial orientation according to a specific situation is actively used by psychologists, sociologists, and political scientists. By the location of two people at the table one can judge the nature of their communication. 1. Position angular location- most favorable for communication between a student and a teacher, a leader with subordinates, since both have sufficient scope for exchanging views and gesticulating. The corner of the table serves as a calming barrier, protecting against unexpected attacks. Their views do not cross, and when difficult moments of discussion are touched on, you can always direct your eyes to a stationary object and concentrate on formulating an answer. 2. Competitive-defensive position - used in heated discussions, disputes, discussions. The interlocutors sit opposite each other, which allows them to clearly see their facial expressions and gestures, which can change every second depending on the severity of the issues being discussed. A barrier in the form of a table between them gives a chance of relative safety in case a peaceful discussion suddenly turns into a phase of waving arms and a desire to grab the opponent by the chest. In this case, positioning opposite each other helps not to miss the non-verbal signals of the interlocutor and respond to them in time. 3. Independent position - indicates a reluctance to communicate. The interlocutors sit at different corners of the table, which negatively affects the communication process. If you try to change your position and sit closer, the other person may demonstratively stand up and leave the room. This is the most negative form of communication at the table and a form of nonverbal communication in general. 4. Position of directed cooperation - there are no physical barriers between the participants in the conversation, they sit next to each other. Communication is confidential and intimate. In this position, almost all issues and topics can be discussed, since the interlocutors completely accept each other. Based on the position of two people talking and their degree of proximity to each other, types of personal spaces are distinguished: - public (the distance between them is more than 3.5 meters); - social (from 3.5 to 1.5 meters); - personal (from 1.5 meters to 40 cm); - intimate and super-intimate (from 40 cm and closer). If a stranger tries to cross your personal distance, you will instinctively step back or extend your arms to prevent the invasion of your personal space. You may feel anger, heart rate increase, and adrenaline rush. If you find yourself in a situation where an intrusion is inevitable (elevator, crowded transport), we recommend trying to remain calm, not talking to him, it is better to refuse even non-verbal contact with him (do not look the person in the eyes). Regarding the preservation of its territorial space, a interesting experiment. After the instructions, the girl was asked to sit next to the person studying at a table in the library. She quietly tried to sit as close as possible, and with each attempt her neighbor instinctively moved to the edge. Each of you has experienced a similar desire in such a situation to maintain your territory with the help of various non-verbal gestures, for example, moving your elbow, blocking your shoulder from an annoying neighbor, retracting your head. Maintaining personal distance can also be seen in transport. It has been noticed that people sit in empty vehicles alone in paired seats. If they are not there, they take a place next to a trustworthy neighbor, turning in the other direction.

Another example of nonverbal communication. In the park, people love to take up all the space on the benches. If another person approaches a person sitting alone and asks permission to sit, as a rule, he receives consent. But very soon the first one leaves, looking for a free bench.

In rural areas, the concept of personal space is much broader than in the city. The interlocutors can talk at a distance of 2-5 meters, and this is not a problem or inconvenience. In a city where the population density is quite high, personal territorial space is reduced to a minimum and, again, this does not interfere with free communication. Rural residents experience the greatest discomfort when they are in the city. He will literally physically feel the lack of air and space. There is evidence of how many adaptation problems they had when moving to the city, how they experienced a painful longing for the open spaces of fields and meadows, the silence and freshness of the air, saturated with the peculiar aromas of earth and grass. What can we say about psychological suffering in dealing with a large number of absolutely indifferent people, always rushing about important matters. An intimate distance is secretly established between close people, in which everyone feels comfortable. A change in previously established boundaries of personal space may indicate the emergence of a different type of relationship. A striking example of such nonverbal communication: a guy and a girl who have just met each other establish a social distance. As the relationship deepens and develops, the distance is replaced by personal and intimate. By the spatial arrangement of several people in a room, you can determine who sympathizes with whom, even if they do not advertise their feelings. One’s friendly attitude towards one’s neighbor is expressed by turning the body and head towards him and pointing the toes of shoes at him. If you come across a boring person and want to talk to interesting girl, the toes point in her direction, although the body continues to remain turned towards the bore. Once in a certain room, people often break into small groups and begin their discussions within them. It is interesting to trace the means of non-verbal communication in such a situation. For example, when an outsider tries to join the group. He comes closer first. The group looks back at him and if he has caused antipathy, the circle of those talking imperceptibly closes, so that he finds himself on the sidelines. If he has attracted the attention of his interlocutors, a small passage is formed, into which a new participant wedges. If they lose interest in the newcomer, the circle quietly pushes him out, forming a chain of active group members. Concluding this review, MirSovetov will allow itself to note that the above classification of non-verbal means of communication is by no means holistic and complete. It reflects only one side of the diversity of ways a person enters society. After all, no matter how long a person lives, he constantly introduces new and new communication options that are the most relevant in specific circumstances. The ability to correctly interpret non-verbal signals will greatly facilitate attempts to integrate into any sphere of human relationships and will serve you well more than once in critical situations.